deathdetermineslife

[deathdetermineslife]

ily babe but this haircut is so fucking butt ugly why did they do that to you . also interesting choice of the bandages going up the neck . also idk what they were planning on doing with the eye patch I have theories but I doubt if they're correct.

facially he looks pretty much the same but I would love to know what their thought process was when making his beta design I'm quite curious .

y'all should show me your f/os beta design in the reblogs, if they have one . please . here's mine

[deathdetermineslife]

y'all should show me your f/os beta design in the reblogs, if they have one . please . here's mine

[deathdetermineslife]

art history selfship playlist analysis pt 2 🥀📜

happy gay tuesday , part two to this post ! analyzing more songs on my playlist !! this is 60/163 (still dunno how many songs I'm cutting out of the analysis. you'll find out. eventually.) okay enjoy !!!

vanilla curls - teddy hyde

"if I'm a bitter cold, then you're the remedy."

shockingly. a happy song on this playlist. one of the few. one of the fuckin few. just being hopelessly, irrevocably in love with someone.

kitchen fan lullaby - claire boyer

sad humming with a fan in the background . feels like remembering when times were easier and more simple. goes well for both of us !

I can't live here anymore - daughter

pls do not tell me I'm the only one who puts an insane amount of sad instrumentals on their selfship playlist . I dunno !!! I don't even know what to say about them anymore bc there's just SO many . this one has sexy electric guitar in it too . scrumptious.

13 angels stand guard round the side of your bed - silver mt. zion

yea I mean u know what I'm gonna say about this one . youve probably heard this song in those spooky ooooo scary TikTok videos so spoop but I find this song very comforting and like ? gentle ? like yea. 13 angels standing guard round the side of your bed. they're singing at me. I love them . the strings in the latter half of the song also just feel like . GUESS WHAT . grief. anyways this is one of my favorite songs ever and I think you should listen to it if you can get past the beginning part if the choir of angels unsettles you.

everybody loves somebody - dean martin

"your love made it well worth waiting for someone like you."

honestly exactly that . your love made it well worth waiting for someone like you to come around . I am grateful he is who I found .

heartaches - al bowley

"your kiss was such a sacred thing to me, I can't believe it's just a burning memory"

this is very angsty . so he dies . and I'm . remembering him . in death . see . see . see /silly

I miss your warm hands - I don't like mirrors

sad instrumental number 83926291891 . it reminds me also of his death . missing him, missing holding him, missing having someone near me . missing the companionship and love that he gave me. yearning for that again.

goodnight dad I love you - wishing

another sad instrumental by mitch welling (guy from flatsound, this is his other band) I heavily heavily associate with grief and loss. if you could or could not tell, grief is a big theme in my playlist. this song feels very empty. very lonely.

untitled #9 - sigur ros

similar to 13 angels, a lot of people think this song is scary , and I just don't see it . it's so soft , also reminds me of a choir of angels singing to me as I mourn someone's death .

dawn in the adan - ichiko aoba

"even then, in the end, you'll cradle my head in your arms." (english translation)

other than this song just being very pretty, it again . SHOCKINGLY . reminds of his death . oh how I yearn to have gotten to hold him.

sober to death - car seat headrest

"take your hands off your neck and hold on to the ghost of my body, you know good lives make bad stories."

I was gonna also pick "don't think it'll always be this way, not comforted by anything I say . just the like ,,, your suffering was worth something , and don't think that's all you'll ever be that I interpret this song as . also death . hardy har har .

savior complex - phoebe bridgers

"all the bad dreams that you have, show me yours and I'll show you mine."

"Lachlan why do you have a song called savior complex on your selfship playlist" silence , egg , we can have some angst as a treat (more like a feast since that's all y'all gettin) . this lyric just kinda hits me in the sad bone I dunno . no good explanation for this .

may you never forget me - temachii

"look for no other in your eyes, only I, only I."

this song is very soft and pretty and also very accurate to how I feel about. him . may you never forget me even in YOU GUESSED IT death man we should keep track of how many of these songs on my playlist remind me of death so shocking coming from a man of my username .

in the land - nicole dollanganger

I don't really have a lyric in particular I wanna pull from this bug really just the whole song reminds me of kiyo and I both in separate but the same way that I would rather not Get Into On The Tumblrs . as it is Sad .

only angels have wings - nicole dollanganger

"if I was an angel, I'd be begging them to cut the wings off me, just so I could be here with you, darling. and maybe that's crazy of em, but it's true."

he's evil and I'm not and I'm going to hell with this bastard come hell (haha) or high water . this song is REALLY the me and kiyo song I Think . maybe that crazy of me, but it's true !!! literally !!!!!!! I would cut off my wings and stay with him wherever he goes .

700 club - nicole dollanganger

"dumbfounded by the glow of your gold halo, oh god, I can't believe I'm staring at a living angel."

"Kiyo's going to hell" I say . I say . okay listen in my defense he's like an angel to mmeeee ... lucifer was an angel once . surely . and kiyo is my angel amen !!!!!!!!!!

we will commit wolf murder - of montreal

"now I'm considered ugly from every angle, you're the only beauty I don't wanna strangle."

I have no fucking idea what this song is about nor do I care because I think it reminds me of kiyo . moreso him than us as a couple . ,, , , , , very heavy on the murder imagery. as most of these songs ARE .

mom told me everything will be okay - gab sadie

very soft and sad and . mournful . reminds of like a soft summers night . when you're just kinda laying around reflecting on things which makes me think of kiyo a lot . basically kitchen fan lullaby

punish - ethel cain

"only God knows, only God would believe that I was an angel, but they made me leave. I am punished by love."

I can write you an analysis on why this song reminds me deeply of kiyo . backstory things mainly . and also myself hence why it's on the selfship playlist . Ethel Cain never stop making music that hurts my soul on a deep spiritual level .

puppy princess - hot freaks

"all I want is you."

brief happiness break for one, count em, ONE song ! that's it it's just fun and sillay and upbeat . okay back to the sadness !

cry - cigarettes after sex

"I swear I'll only make you cry."

oh relationship insecurity I love you . no baby dw you're not gonna do that I'm gonna prove you wrong and show you that I love you and you don't need to be afraid of that. is that what this song is actually about ? no not really .

lovers rock - tv girl

"are you sick of me? would you like to be?"

this song is very . like . I feel when I listen to it like I'm hitting on him . god in bad at that . mainly just that first lyric . are you sick of me yet ??? you wanna be ??? :DD YOU WILL BE !!!!! [happy]

blood brothers - nicole dollanganger

"a part of me will always live in you. I'll love all your demons because now, they're my demons too."

did y'all also have the weird experience in the 5th grade of being taught about blood born pathogens and being told what blood brothers were and you were like "why would any like combine their blood with someone else's that's odd" and now you're a Freak . ? no ? Okay . WELL . also the rest of this song just feels very sweet to me .

always forever - cults

"just come here and we can settle down."

domestic goodness with my husband can I get an amen . my husband my husband my husband hehehehehe ..that is all . . ,.

terrarium - robinson's village

this song feels kinda empty and cold and I like that a lot . reminds me of . death what who said that ? anyways ..

comatose - skillet

"I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe, less I feel you next to me, you take the pain I feel."

self explanatory . that and, "I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream, cause my dreams don't comfort me the way you make me feel" because shockingly I barely Ever have Kiyo dreams . GET IN MY HEAD , BOY !!!!!!!!!!!!! auhg .. anyways ...

pink in the night - mitski

"and I know I kissed you before, but, I didn't do it right, can I try again?"

other than the fact I wanna kiss this man a million times . sometimes it like . I wanna . . I wanna just redo the beginning of our relationship over and over because I just wanna love him forever and forever TAHATFAHFGAGAB you know what I Mean . ? not enough mitski on this playlist .

first love late spring - mitski

"please, hurry, leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me."

don't love me !!! don't !!! why do you do it !!! I would do anything for you !!! please, just go away !!! also one time j had a really angsty dream about this song with Kiyo in it and I've just kinda associated it with him since.

(dream) - salvia palth

guess What . yea nothing to add to this you got the drill sad instrumental reminds me of grief blah blah blah .

pain - three days grace

"I know that you're wounded, you know that in here to save you, you know that I'm always here for you, I know that you'll thank me later."

when I added this to the list I was like ? hmm is this too freaky ? no ? I don't think ? it's not meant to be unless I feel like it that day so take this in a non freaky way . he saved me . I will thank him later and forever thank u very much . also it's just fucking angsty in a real edgy way . and I like that a lot it reminds me of them fucking shadow the hedgehog amvs I used to watch as a kid . hashtag nostalgia .

okay more of these soon !!! bye bye now !

[deathdetermineslife]

19 + 20 + 23 from the asks list!! ☆ – possum @/lipsticklens

How does your f/o attempt to impress you? Does it work?

kiyo impresses me by just talking about anthropological facts and yea . I'm impressed LMAO. I just think he's soooooooooooo smart ,,,,,,, oh and weird pick up lines and shit . "if I was a dermestid beetle I would eat all the flesh off of your bones" thank you baby <3 you're so fucking weird <3 freak <3 boy oh boy does that shit work .

kar'niss is similar , he's also interesting because drow men don't really like ? get ? to like court or have relationships of their own will in drow society so he doesn't know what he's doing at all . and just does weird drider things like bringing me dead bodies ← this is also a spider courtship thing . oh and male wolf spiders can sort of ,,, "purr" ? so he purrs at me . I appreciate the gesture . and I am wooed.

How would your f/o react if they found you upset?

kiyo immediately comforts me and makes sure I'm okay . he doesn't push me to ask what's wrong, he just makes sure first that I'm doing alright and seeing if there's anything I need. usually he just holds me for a long time and like reassures me I'm gonna be okay .

kar'niss is the opposite first thing he does is assume someone hurt me and tries to get me to tell him who so he can take care of it . usually it's no one that hurt me and I'm just in my feelings which then I get comfort . he like . picks me up and holds me . get u a spider husband so he can wrap his pedipalps around your back when you're sad it's lovely he has so many appendages to hold me with !

Was your f/o scared of falling in love?

oh Kiyo was absolutely. lore reason, iykyk. less afraid and more... like ? ashamed ? like he was doing something wrong. :( AHSIABGAKA :((( eventually he like allows himself to love me the way he does but for a while there he felt really really shameful and guilty for it .

kar'niss is similar but also he's already an outcast so he kinda doesn't care very much . although he did initially think I was trying to manipulate him . no baby I just wanna give you a good life come home with me !!! please please please !!!

[deathdetermineslife]

3, 9 and 11!!

What made you fall for your f/o?

Ill give specific reasons for both but generally ; I love men with a tragic backstory who are peculiar and also pretty . they both tick this box .

Kiyo ; I really really love anthropology and have always had an interest in history so he's like perfect for me hehe ,,, I dunno we just really mesh well also he's a weirdo as am I . also I relate to him tons. absurdly so .

Kar'niss ; I too was betrayed by someone and that effectively ruined my life so . also he's very like ,,, idk , beguiling ? I would say. something about him idk also . hehe ... spider ......... :]

What is your dynamic with your f/o? As many dynamic descriptions as you want here!

Kiyo ; listens x infodumping , freak4freak , autistic4autistic , giver of little rocks and trinkets , receiver of trinkets , I'm a freak ;) x I'm a FREAK ... :( , creepy ass smile x goofy ass smile . there's more but those are the silly ones hehe

Kar'niss ; u know that one meme that's like big scary figure with little figure holding their hand and the little guy is holding their hand and saying 'im gonna protect you' that's us . he's like minimally 9 feet tall bc of spider legs and I'm 5'6" LMAO . he could stab me with one of his pedipalps and take me out instantly and here I am trying to protect his ass. also that "babe can you not climb the walls you're scaring the guests"

How does your f/o feel about PDA?

kiyo doesn't really care for it, feels sort of inappropriate to him (I'm the same way) . hand holding and the sort is okay tho !

like I said before kar'niss is fuckin all over me bc does pda really matter in the shadow cursed lands ? idk in our lore we still live in the underdark , just not the shadow cursed lands , so ? I mean ??? idk I don't care too much pda still squicks me out tho

[deathdetermineslife]

#4 for the villain selfship questions!

How does your f/o show you that they love you? How does it match up with your preferences? (This is basically asking about love languages with more specifics)

Kiyo ; a lot of quality time . and words of affirmation since he knows I like that :) I love all forms of affection and love so this is good . yaey ! idk I just really enjoy being praised and appreciated for the things I do .

Kar'niss ; acts of service and gift giving . except the gifts are dead fucking bodies and he's asking me to share a meal with him . thanks babe ! like I said I appreciate these also .

[deathdetermineslife]

HELLOOOOO LACHLAN!!! CAN I GET 2, 6, 10, AND 16 FOR MY VILLAIN F/O ASK GAME!! Uhh whichever f/o you feel like answering for okay 🫶

hi lovely lovely krue I'm so happy u made this I've been quite excited

What is your f/o’s most unorthodox act to show love?

Kiyo ; he buys me dead things. taxidermy, the like . oh and dolls that are supposedly haunted. honestly anything peculiar and strange he gives me because he knows I'll like it . also like . weird historical artifacts . like the blade of a guillotine or something .

Kar'niss ; he brings me dead things . as in . like . brings them to me as a cat would a mouse . driders have to drink blood similar to vampires so hell like bring me a whole fucking corpse and ask if I want some LMAO ??? thank you baby no I don't tho <\3

Why is your f/o a villain rather than a “hero”? How do they see themself in this regard?

Kiyo ; see I dunno if he sees himself as like... a villain the way most people do but he's conscious that he is killing people. but in the same vein, he also is more likely than not being manipulated into doing so, so he thinks he's doing something good.

Kar'niss ; kar'niss doesn't see himself as a villain, moreso just an outcast because of his driderness . also, drow tend to be naturally evil (lolth sworn drow, like kar'niss) so hes always viewed himself as righteous in his actions .

What role do you play within your f/o’s villainy? A peer? An onlooker? Perhaps the one to try to stop them? What’ve you got?

I'm takin Kiyo to therapy , baby let's go !!! I don't have an "I can fix him" view on him though because , obviously , I want him to be able to want that for himself.

Kar'niss . yea I mean he can do whatever he wants . I mean like ,,, he needs blood to survive and I would assume living off of animal blood would kinda suck for him . he can have some of mine surely but like I can't give him . all of it . he can kill whoever attacks him first . shadow cursed lands r brutal . shiver

What kinds of compliments does your f/o give? Why these ones? Do you like them?

kiyo is very like . formal in his compliments . that's just the way that he is . he calls me beautiful a lot :] I love compliments hehe ,,, especially from him bc he's very sweet

kar'niss is . idk how to explain ? like ? obsessive ? in his compliments ? like he's very like ,,,, all over me all the time because it's not like people like driders . but also very formal at the same time . he can do whatever he wants tho ofc :] hehe

[deathdetermineslife]

7 and 15 for the villain ask game!!

Are you a “f/o apologist”, a “I can fix them”, a “I’ll pretend that this never happened”, or a “I could make them worse” sort of partner in regards to your f/o and their villainous actions?

as for Kiyo ; I'm a mix of "f/o apologist" and "I'll pretend this never happened". your honor he was probably manipulated into committing those murders ALSO . don't worry about it it's okay he don't kill nobody when he's with me <3

for Kar'niss ; I am simultaneously "I can fix him" and "I can make him worse" . kill whoever u want bbg just do it with caution <3 don't do something stupid !!!

How did you win your f/o’s heart? Was it easy? What’s their favorite thing about you, do you suppose?

for Kiyo ; with my fucking autistic pazazz . I listen to him talk and I'm interested in anthropology and he really loves that about me . also I don't treat him like he's weird . even tho he is HEHEH

for Kar'niss ; I don't look at him badly for being a drider . if you know anything about DND lore, you know that being a drider is one of the worst things you can be turned into . I won him over just by kindness . that's all he wants, really .

[deathdetermineslife]

I BEG OF THEE. /nf

I think I'm gonna answer for both Korekiyo and Kar'niss since idk if I would said Kai and Elliott are really villains lawl

I think we need some more villain f/o representation... so, let's have a

VILLAIN F/O ASK GAME!!

Made with romantic f/os in mind. Pro/darkship DNI, please and thank-you!

What is your favorite personality trait of your f/o? Why is it your favorite? And how does it affect their actions as a villain?

What is your f/o’s most unorthodox act to show love?

What made you fall for your f/o?

How does your f/o show you that they love you? How does it match up with your preferences? (This is basically asking about love languages with more specifics)

Are there any fun facts about your f/o that you want to share?

Why is your f/o a villain rather than a “hero”? How do they see themself in this regard?

Are you a “f/o apologist”, a “I can fix them”, a “I’ll pretend that this never happened”, or a “I could make them worse” sort of partner in regards to your f/o and their villainous actions?

What’s the worst thing that your f/o has done? How do you feel about that? Is it canon to your selfship lore?

What is your dynamic with your f/o? As many dynamic descriptions as you want here!

What role do you play within your f/o’s villainy? A peer? An onlooker? Perhaps the one to try to stop them? What’ve you got?

How does your f/o feel about PDA?

How does your f/o’s past affect the way they approach their relationship with you?

What kinds of dates does your f/o like to go on with you?

What does your f/o visualize for the future with you? How does this align with your view for the future?

How did you win your f/o’s heart? Was it easy? What’s their favorite thing about you, do you suppose?

What kinds of compliments does your f/o give? Why these ones? Do you like them?

Does your f/o encourage you to become actively better, or do they encourage more nefarious behaviors?

Is your f/o good at taking care of things? How are they in a domestic setting?

How does your f/o attempt to impress you? Does it work?

How would your f/o react if they found you upset?

How did your f/o first take to learning about you? Did they ask you questions outright? Observe you when the two of you were together? Word of mouth from others? Or even something else?

Will your f/o do anything for you? What is their limit, if anything?

Was your f/o scared of falling in love?

Free space! Tell us about your f/o in however much detail you wish, and tell us about your favorite aspects of your relationship with them. This is the infodump question.

Feel free to reblog and have people send specific asks, or just fill out all of the questions for yourself!

[deathdetermineslife]

Sorry if this is out of the blue but you seem very nice, i hope you have a good day/evening.

yaey !!! thank u :D !!! I hope u have a good timezone as well nonnie !!!!!!

[deathdetermineslife]

omg I remembered what the fuck I was gonna say initially and then I got distracted bc of my dividers ANYWAYS

when I finish my refs by TOMORROW. IM FINISHING THEM . TOMORROW. do y'all want my artfight yes or yes ?

you don't actually get a choice . also I'm team crystal . and I don't do friendly fire sozzy <\3

[deathdetermineslife]

okay loser I'm gonna Get You How About That Huh. Huh M HUh. HUHyHHHHH ??!?!?! ?!!!!!!

listen if ur wondering wtf is going on with dividers rn just know ming your business I'm figuring it out okay /silly

have a major life event and then I feel the need to change shit on my blogs like Okay Loser Whateva .

I DUNNO I'm not good at making them . WE BALL . we figure it out . amen

[deathdetermineslife]

listen if ur wondering wtf is going on with dividers rn just know ming your business I'm figuring it out okay /silly

have a major life event and then I feel the need to change shit on my blogs like Okay Loser Whateva .

I DUNNO I'm not good at making them . WE BALL . we figure it out . amen

[deathdetermineslife]

your f/o carding their hands through your hair, whispering words of love and affection to you as you drift asleep on their chest. listening to the chirps of crickets outside in the grass, the gentle glow of fireflies flitting through your window. this is peace, perhaps.

[deathdetermineslife]

Childhood f/o?

also now that I'm back what does this mean . are you asking ? who the f/os I had when I was a kid are ? I can ? supply their names if you wish ?? confusion ??? WHAT DOES IT MEAN /silly

[deathdetermineslife]

and think of all the time I'll have with you <3

tap for quality :)

I'm back . he's been helping me grieve, as he always does. I'm quite grateful for him . your regularly scheduled bullshit posts from me will be back here soon . just gotta let myself come up with ideas LAWL . thank u for the love while I was away I appreciated it lots <3

[deathdetermineslife]

hey guys. I'm gonna take a few days away from Tumblr. I'll try to be back by the weekend or next week sometimes. you can probably still find me on discord if you need me. <3

I won't go into too much detail because I don't want to. but one of our cats who I believe I've mentioned once before passed away. I raised him since he was a kitten so I'm gonna need some time. he was more of my grandma's cat than he was mine after he grew up, but he still means a lot to me. cabbage is okay if you're confused, I don't remember how often I talk about my other cats on Tumblr.

okay uh. I dunno what else to say. bye bye now.