deathlovedforever

[deathlovedforever]

i think i need a small rest before i can keep going with this big scary life. just a little lie down. for a moment. i’ll be strong enough soon

[deathlovedforever]

Nico: daaaadaaa. Can you say dada?

Solangelo’s baby: d-d…

Will: yes you’re so close

Nico: daaaaadaaa

Baby: d-d-d

Baby: skibidi alpha ohio gyatt gooning edging mewing rizz

Will:

Nico:

Will: that wasn’t even fucking close

Nico: I’m killing Leo then myself

[deathlovedforever]

i care so fucking much i hate this i feel sick ew

[deathlovedforever]

[deathlovedforever]

[deathlovedforever]

i don't wanna be on my phone but i need my phone to figure out where i'm going on a walk and i need my phone to get to my audiobook and i need my phone to call my brother and i need my phone to get in touch with my friends which is fine but i don't want to be on my phone.

so i walk and that's fine and i'm using the phone in an okay-way in that moment. but sometimes i am using the phone like it is a weapon and that's stupid because no it's not. ive seen a weapon those are different this is a phone. but it's also in my hands until 2 AM and i haven't slept. at 4AM. i don't even mean to do it half the time i'm opening the phone to check the weather or to check my email which are things-that-are-okay but then i am in my phone for hours somehow, and i missed the dawn while i was on instagram. i don't even like instagram.

i don't want to be on my phone im not good at it so i try to put distance there but then i'm distancing myself from my friends. we meet up in person but my pictures are on my phone and the menu is on the phone (mon dieu) and so is venmo. so i need the phone to be with my friends and that's fine because it can record concerts and fun activities and i can take pictures of them smiling with pumpkins.

but i don't want to be on the phone because i go to look at the pictures of the pumpkins and i hate how i look in it but it's fine. and somewhere between the pumpkins and 3AM i have lost so much time. i don't even know what i'm doing on it only that i don't enjoy it any longer. it is this long blank void. forever and ever. restless like how mushrooms feel restless beside a dead body.

i don't want to be on my phone so i pick up the phone and i type into google things to do in my area and i save them to my phone and i'll need my phone to get to the tickets and i'll need my phone to book the appointment and i'll need it, i'll need it

[deathlovedforever]

[deathlovedforever]

[deathlovedforever]

no no you don’t get it i have to live because one day i’m gonna be able to play vienna on the piano. one day i’m gonna buy a house and paint the tangled sun on every roof. one day someone is going to love me as much as i love them

[deathlovedforever]

fuck i'm aegosexual

I didn’t know this was a thing at all, but I suddenly feel less weird about how I enjoy erotica and yet want absolutely nothing to do with an actual physical relationship. I feel attraction to people, but I never want to do anything with that attraction.

I’d always considered myself bisexual and aromantic for having that attraction to men and women but not wanting a relationship with them. But aegosexual is way more accurate.

[deathlovedforever]

i know we’re both just messing around pretending to be whole but look at me. if the train was coming would you move. if the ground was falling from under your feet would you even notice or would it just be another tuesday for you. if somebody stabbed you could it hurt worse than you already do. what i’m saying is that i love you but i think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. what i’m saying is that i want to hold your hand and i understand about how you sometimes have to sit down in the shower. what i’m saying is that i’m here for you and if the train comes please move.

[deathlovedforever]

i yearn. i crave some intense something. perhaps it’s love, but i fear she shall evade my grasp for the rest of time. for why pity the fool when you could honour the genius.

[deathlovedforever]

is anyone else ever a little scared to share about things they love a lot online and irl? Because I am sometimes. But I’m done with that. I’m telling you guys. I absolutely love stars, and planets, and the sun, and absolutely, positively, more than anything else in outer space, I love the moon. They’ve kept me alive, and that’s not a joke. Look out at the moon when you get a chance. Am I a therian or some other animalistic being? No. Do my friends call me a werewolf because I’m a completely different person when I see the moon? Yes. The moon and stars mean so much to me, but I’m always afraid to tell people and I don’t know why. But I’m not now. Because I’m alive, and the beauty of the sky is a factor towards that.

[deathlovedforever]

eat the rich

[deathlovedforever]

Mother Nature love you, be sure of that.

Blackout poetry from transphobic twitter.

[deathlovedforever]

technically we’re ALL, always LARPing, because the Self is only a construct,

[deathlovedforever]

girlhood is literally dying.