decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen

[decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen]

First of June

I have moved out and now trying to be independent. I know and I can do this. It's hard, I'm scared but I know that I can do this.

[decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen]

6:34pm, December 6 2024

Nauna ako sa Venice Grand Canal dahil yung MoveIt Booking na para sa'yo ay binigay mo muna sa akin dahil natatae ka at ending nahirapan na tayo magbook ng sasakyan para sayo.

Ang puno na ito ay ang nasa harapan ako havang naghihintay sayo at alam ko na ang paghintay sayo ay magiging sobrang tagal pero ayos lang sakin maghintay basta alam ko na safe ka at makakarating ng maayos. Ayos lang sa akin maghintay kahit ilang segundo, minuto, oras, araw, buwan o taon pa yan basta ikaw, basta tayo sa huli, ganyan kita kamahal.

Maligayang unang taon sa atin, mahal. Hindi man biro ang lahat ng atin pinagdaanan at ang lahat ng aking topak pero nandito tayo ngayon magkasama at wala na akong hihingin pa na ibang magmamahal sa akin kung hindi ikaw. Salamat dahil mayroon ikaw at nagkaroon ng tayo. Mahal kita, sobra.

[decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen]

2% girl 98% anxiety.

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and i come home to myself

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the prettiest

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i was asked by our President if I have separation anxiety with the outgoing chairman since i was hired by him and worked for him for months, i immediately answered "it's okay"

but then if they would asked me deeply I would tell them that "he was one of the first person in the company that took a chance on me and made me believe that I could do things, he made me experience things I never thought I'll be doing, he was the first person who showed me that I can do better, I can learn more and that this world is a great place to explore and that I have so much within me that I just need to enhance and learn. if it were'nt because of him accepting me and acknowleding everything that i can do, i wouldn't be who i am today. i learned a lot from him even with the short amount of time."

thank you sir dfa ii for believing in me and for being an inspiration, i'll do better and learn alot, till we see you again here in times

[decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen]

When we think of the Midnights era, we think of the sleepless nights (one in particular 👀) and all of the delusional parties we threw together.

Today is 2 Years of Midnights and it has us feeling grateful for our closest friends. 🕰️ https://taylor.lnk.to/taylorswiftmidnights

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“And love is when someone who even knows your scars, stays to kiss them.”

— Benjamin Griss

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“Sometimes all you can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.”

— William C. Hannan

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Czeslaw Milosz, New and Collected Poems: 1931-2001

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i love niña so much and this time i'm going to do it right, i'm going to keep her forever and stick with her always

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Danez Smith, Don't Call Us Dead

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“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself, the challenge is to silence the mind.”

— Book of serenity

[decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen]

doubtful heart

At some point I come to realized that I am a person who is not capable to solely and wholeheartedly commit to someone (how I wish I am wrong), I tried my best to love and love but I feel like at some point I am being drained. People might say that I am over acting or just finding reasons for a breakup but I feel that I really need the time to take things thoroughly, feel in love with myself and what is around me, meet with a lot of people, feel different things and be wherever the wind or my feet takes me.

I thought this time I am going to stay and have a long term relationship but at some point I just feel stuck and realized I am not ready for this and I want to do things alone and just go back to being single individual which at some point is fun, don't get me wrong being in a relationship is also fun but I just miss being single.

I'm actually afraid to say this but a part of me loves her because she loves me the most and I feel like no one can ever love me like she does, no one can be able to accept me. I tried to break up with her but I just can't go on a day thinking that we broke up and she's no longer mine or maybe because its my attachment issues that keeps bugging?

I don't know anymore or maybe because I want to be single so that I can mingle all around and feel no guilt of cheating?? or maybe because of the reasons I laid out above. I'm scared and afraid and all

[decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen]

i don't want to be near you but at the same time i want it

i don't want to commit any crime but now I am shaken

i don't want this feeling but i wish it won't go away

i hope your heart still belongs to no one but at the same time i wish it just does

i hate to write this but I just want to get it out

i know its impossible for you to feel the same way but i wish it is not

i'm in a relationship but i wish i wasn't but i also want her

this is so crazy and i am a heck of a crazy girl

P.S how crazy we bumped our arms twice same time same minute AHHHHH

[decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen]

how i feel every waking time

[decaffeinatedgladiatorqueen]

“I don’t want you to save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.”

— Unknown