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It Begins Here..

Over thinking sometimes lead me to bad decisions. It makes me see the outcome of something that hasn't even come. I began to become a pessimist rather than be positive of everything. In my world, the people who are close to me dies. In my world, everyone shouldn't be trusted. You might not know, the people who used to be your companion, me be the one who will lead you to your own death. It has been like that. I always see images of people getting killed, be it by accident or by someone. It scares me sometimes knowing that I always see myself in such situation, begging, crying, mourning. But sometimes...sometimes.. I see myself as the murderer. Images of blood gushing down to a corpse body, the eyes in which would never close is staring at me... It has been like that. Everytime I think of it scares me.. it gives shiver to my body. As the time comes, flashes of dead people always cross my mind. Until I gave up. I finally gave up. I accepted defeat. That's when I started to feel nothing. I might get scared of other things.. but death is an exception. I started to like death. I started to get thirsty of blood, corpse, body, flesh.... the chills that I am feeling is not because of how creepy it is to see death. But because of how my mind is working on its own. I feel like a different person when i imagine things like that.. like a monster inside a girls body. Creepy? Well... it is. But as time pass by,I came to realize that it is just imagination. I am not scared of death but rather.. I am scared of myself. Of what my mind would think and what my body would follow. I guess its my fault why I became like this. I began to entertain those imaginations too well that it leads me to trouble sometimes. Overthinking could control my being. It could control my emotions and decisions. Which is why I regret the things that cross my mind.

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My Dear Self,

Life has been a tough one for you.For your 18 years of existence, the things that you have learned through your journey will help you in understanding the future. It has been a decade long...when will you stop? When can I hear your heart not beating so fast? But rather so slow.... I cannot wait to stop. Why do you have to be so tough? So tough that you have handle the monsters in your head. Always screaming at your name, visiting you while you sleep and yet... You are just there... still smiling... still breathing. I wonder what keeps you going? This world is full of selfishness and greed, I wonder how you would survive next? You are still breathing... you need to stop it. But not now, my young warrior. Not now. Not when everything is still a mess. Not when everyone is still looking for you. Not when you still feel hope. My dear self, you should be thankful. You should not let the monsters inside your head control your mind. You should not let negative thoughts invade your paradise. Because love, that is where you feel happiness. Keep smiling, because one day it will fade. Keep on loving, because one day you cannot feel anything. Keep on fighting, because one day, you will lose. 

Love, 

myself 

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How Can I Fix You?

It is so easy to listen. But when it is time to speak, I am having doubt to myself. It is so easy for me to give advises to others but I myself cannot do anything to fix my own issue. It’s hard to commit on something that would cause hurt to someone. Why do I feel so lonely when I am surrounded by friends and family? Why do I feel like it is on me? That it is me against the world. I always say this every time someone wants me to choose between two things that,“I hate choosing”. I hate choosing because I feel like at the end of the day, they would make me choose between who I want to be with, will I stay with my mom? Or with my dad? I hate choosing because they are both special to me and I don’t have the heart to choose either of the two. I have hurt so many people, broke so many hearts, and I don’t want that to happen again. How can I fix this mess when every time I try, bad things happen. And it will all fall to my fault. Understanding is my only way to get through this situation. I want to understand the things that surrounds me. The people that I am with. I trust everyone with what they say, even thought there is a glimpse of doubt, a part of me will still believe to the lies that they want to put in my mind. How could they be so selfish? Everything happens because of rumors. Spreading rumors kills a thousand minds in just a snap. Programming people’s mind about something that aren’t true. I sometimes hate how empathetic I am to people, they can see right through me and then they will take that advantage to get on my side. I am as clear as the water, I can easily be tainted. But what I have learned is that in order for the water to be clear again, you will have to learn every step to make a dirty water be clean again.It’s not me who tries to meddle with things. It is them who tries to drag me on the situation, making me as a bait to catch their prey. How will they be able to fix this mess if they are hurting each other? How can i fix myself when things aren’t settled yet? When every time I try to avoid, someone drags me down? How? 

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Where are you?

As the light pass through the window 

I settled for darkness 

I waited, till the dark swallows the light

Where are you? 

I’ve been sitting at the four walls of this room

Waiting for something that i do not know 

Am I waiting for nothing again? 

Where are you? 

You said you’ll come back 

but you didn’t, 

you’ve been long gone

Where are you? 

I wish for days to go and nights to come 

It’s where we’ve met 

through the darkest hour, as the stars shine 

through the sky 

Where are you? 

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In front of a crowd that was full of judgement. She was there to keep me feel that everything will be all right. Her smile was my comfort.

mine

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It is the first time after a month of not seeing you (purposely). I didn’t know what to react when you approached me and gave me a light tap on the head. It bothers me how casual you can be with everything. When I am here, not knowing how to act cool and fine when inside, I am already shaking and have muttered every curse I know. 

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“If killing you would mean peace. Then I will do the honor.”

. 

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It has been over a month. Yet it still haunts me. The scenery of which I want to erase on my mind keeps on chasing my every being. How can I forget? I want to forget every bit of a detail. Because of my actions.. it lead me to feel unworthy. I hate seeing the people that had caused me to be like this. Their presence bugs me and I can’t help but to hurt myself. I feel so numb inside. 

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Everything was just a futile dream.

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Why are you so thirsty?

Don't be so thirsty for love. It will not come in just a snap. it will not bounce back when you give it to someone. Some love are just made out of incentives, to give back the love that a person gives BUT without the knowledge of love itself. Sometimes people mistook things as love. Not because the person is saying sweet things and giving you material things doesn't mean that that person loves you. I may be wrong at some, but for me love is something that will come when you know it is time and you know how to handle it. Sugar coated words, roses, chocolates and anything that will make you think that the person is in love with you. Make it a reason why you have to accept those things because sometimes those things may mean something. Doesn't mean that he gave it to you, you will just accept it. Sometimes a thing may also mean something. When you accept it you are also accepting that person and his motives. Love shouldn’t be push into people. Let love make its way into your heart and for the person that is destined for you. You need not to beg for someone to catch you. You don’t need to keep asking for love, because it will only make you feel desperate. Never worry about not having a companion AT THIS AGE, because you are just trying to offend your friends that are there to keep you company. It is too early to give yourself a heartbreak when there are a lot of things to pay attention with: family, friends and school. So why are you so thirsty of love when they can give you something that can be more than what you need? 

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#iamaproudchristianfilipino

A True Christian Filipino is Family Oriented. It is one of the primary importance of us as a Filipino. Because we cherish our filial attachment not only to our immediate family, but also to our extended family. 

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#IAmAProudChristianFilipino

A True Christian Filipino is Meal Oriented, because we are known for being gracious hosts and grateful guests. Even though we are all not family related, we still consider ourselves as part of a family that we build inside the classroom. 

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MY KIND OF LOVE

The first time I lay my eyes on you was the first time I had wished for something that I know is impossible to happen. But then.....it happened. 

The kind of love that I have been looking for ever since i was a kid. I thank the heavens that fate have tricked me so much and that is when I met you accidentally on the coffee shop. My wishes before became true the moment you flashed that smile on your face. It gave me that tingling feeling inside me that triggers me to fall more on you. 

I didn’t expect things to happen as I wished before. That you would hold my hand every time we’ll cross the street coz you’re scared I might get to an accident because I don’t know how to cross. You would play with my hand and thumb, not because you liked it, but because like what your mom said, it’s a mannerism of her showing her love to a person, that’s why you do that, because you’re showing me how you love me. 

A kind of love that I had been seeking before. Where you will always look after me even if we’re far from each other. Call me every morning and every night just so you could make sure that I am fine. When I am sad or when I am not in the mood to talk to everyone, you would just stay by my side and wait for me to call your name. You make me feel so important above every one.

You would always ask me to go to church and pray for the blessings that He gave to us. You never left me when I am in my darkest time, instead, you stayed and you keep on reminding me that everything will be alright so I better not do things that I will regret soon. When I lost my hope for everything, you were there to hold me tight and embrace me. 

We would fight on petty things but still, at the end of the day, we would both apologize to each other. You are there to hear my resentment. You are there watching me in my agony. You were there to calm me after the storm I had made and will brush my back while hugging me, saying sweet nothings. 

A kind of love that I grieve. A kind of love where I can no longer feel.... because I pushed you... and now the things that I had wished you did while you were still with me...you did it to another person. The person who I have known longer than you did. 

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Dear Mama Golda

Dear Mama, 

         Hi Ma! How are you? I've been so busy these days that I forgot how to take care of myself. If I were to ask, no I am not fine Ma. I can't have the right sleep every now and then. I sometimes forget and skipped meals. I have so many things to handle and I don't know if I can still hold on to this. What can you say about the things that I experience Ma? Can you help me with this :

1. When I got home, things are already piled up on my shoulders. Do homework and I'll do my  do household chores. But then, when  I do homework, I sometimes forget that I still have to wash the dishes. But then when I will also work on the dishes I tend to get lazy after and won't do my homework. 2. I still get a little shy approaching my classmates. Sometimes I just act as if I'm busy with something so that I have a way not to talk to them and to get away with awkwardness. 3. I'm still pressured ma. I think this won't leave me. I still can't adjust fully on my new environment. I'm striving but not too much to say that I improved. How can I be able to do this Ma? 4. I get too emotional now that final is already approaching, meaning more lessons to come and I need to be more attentive so that I can understand and follow the discussion. But ma, I'm scared already. What if I will receive low grades? Ma, I hope you can help me about the problems that I am facing right now. This ends here ma. Thank you.                                        

                                                     -Khea

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Hi ate,

What you re going through right now is just part of the evolving journey of a teenager.

Comes along the pressures of your studies are your peers, and at the same time the pressure of religiously serving your family.

I do not believe you wont be able to do it. You will and you are able because you are capable. You are actually matured and are able to handle your tasks well despite all the pressures.

Your new environment? Well, what can I say... I don’t know if its because of the new crowd... Their status in life, meaning well-off. Or they are intelligent that makes you feel you're a little less mentally equipped. This is what i can say, disregard who they are and who you are. Just be who you are, enjoy being a teenager but with boundaries set, enjoy student life, and don’t get intimidated with them. Each of us are born unique. You are unique in your own subtle way.

Shy? You are not actually shy, i guess its a feeling of you being intimidated with them. You can overcome your shyness by trusting yourself. Have total trust in yourself. And most importantly also, you need to establish rapport. Make friends ... Because they may help you ease the pressures that is stressing you right now.

Prioritize your studies... Your household chores should now be a joint responsibility. I'll speak with your lil bro n sis to help you with the household chores.

Don’t be afraid to get low grades. Be optimistic... Because i know, and i trust that you can make it. Even your mommy Darlyn is so proud of you. Well, we just did accept the fact that math is indeed your fave subject.

Love you ate, so.much... Believe in yourself and keep on dreaming...

Shine bright like a diamond, langga..

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“Lead and Follow”

As a former student of Sir Meneleo Dalman Tumampil, I have been able to see a true value of a good leader is. 

I chose him as what makes one a good leader is because: 

1, He knows how to listen to other people’s opinion and he accepts their point, 

2. He knows when to be serious in a situation and he knows how to manage his emotion.

3. He talks to people and ask them about their day.

4. He knows what’s right and what’s wrong.

5. He fights against corrupt people. 

6. When he notices that you have a problem, he would approach you and ask you. He would listen to your story and he will give you an advice. 

7. He cares and respects the people around him.

8.  He don’t treat us like a student, but rather he treated us like we’re his own children. 

9. He teaches us good manner and right conduct. 

10. Lastly, because of how he raised his only child that I believe Sir Tumampil is a good leader. It is because his child represents how he raised her to be a good person and respect other people. 

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This Works For Me

As a student with a lot of things to do in school and at home, I become stressed up because of some errands that needs to be done on time.In order for me to manage stress and be stress-free, here are some of my personal stress busting techniques: 

1. Sleep -  sleep is an important function that benefits both body and mind. Getting too little on a regular basis can be harmful to our health. That is why when I have time to sleep, I take that as an opportunity to take a rest after a long stressful day. 

2. Reflect/Meditating - Taking even 10 minutes to sit quietly and shut out the chaos around you can trigger your relaxation response. Meditating during your breaks can help you to decrease feelings of stress and anxiety even more.

3. Eat - After a stressful period the human body can go into a ‘recovery mode’ where increased appetite and food cravings become more prevalent. Being aware of these patterns can help you manage your stress levels and through nutrition and diet you can help your body recover from stressful periods more rapidly and minimize negative effects such as weight gain.

4. Exercise -  Exercise affects a neurotransmitter that has an antidepressant-like effect on your brain while helping to decrease muscle tension. Exercise also guards against the adverse physical effects of stress

5. Spend time in Nature -  Going outdoors helps to relieve your stress naturally, with research showing levels of the stress hormone cortisol lower in those who live in areas with the most green space, as are their self-reported feelings of stress.

6. Stay Connected -  Loneliness can be a major source of stress, so make a point to connect with those around you - like hanging out with your friends and go on a pool party.  The activities we do with friends help us relax. We often have a good laugh with them, which is an excellent stress reliever.

7. Stay Positive -  This is a learned technique that can lead to a more joyful life and likely much better health, as those who are optimistic have an easier time dealing with stress, and are more inclined to open themselves up for opportunities to have positive, regenerative experiences.

8. Participate in Activities I enjoy -  Engaging in a hobby gives you crucial time to play and simply enjoy yourself. A hobby can take your mind off of stress and adds more much-needed fun to your life.

9. Laugh Out Loud -  We all know laughing can put us in a better mood, but it's a better stress cure than you may realize. Having fun with friends and tell jokes about their ‘awkward moments’ in life brings so much laughter and enjoyment.  Laughter really is the best medicine.

References : http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/11/07/8-stress-management-tips.aspx

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/reduce-stress.aspx

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/stress-nutrition-diet.html