derekthesavage

[derekthesavage]

I meant that I, along with my Conservative's Only Bowling Team go on annual pilgrimages to the state of Florida to engage in book burnings, as is customary to the Floridian people.

At this year's book burning, I showed this very funny post to my fellow patriots and we all laughed. Loled. Roflcoptered, I dare say. We were in hysterics, and this all thanks to the razor sharp wit of one magapatriot64.

[derekthesavage]

Showed this to my Conservative's Only Bowling Team on our pilgrimage to rural Florida for our annual book burning and they all loled at it. roflcoptered, even. If ever there was a man to evoke joy and laughter into the hearts of free speech warriors at every communal book burning in the United States of America, it would have to be magapatriot64. Thank you, magapatriot64.

[derekthesavage]

I'm trans and i use no pronouns too!!! You're part of woke <3

Impossible. I've made multiple YouTube rant videos about how the woke mob is cringe as fuck. My rantsona is Thomas Jefferson wearing sunglasses, so I'd advise that you drop this issue.

[derekthesavage]

Real talk, Americans: If the Republican party keeps implying that it's gay to blow a trans woman's back out every night for fifteen months straight before dumping her over text on her birthday, I might have to vote blue in November.

[derekthesavage]

Don't know how to prove humanity to people who, in their narrow and reality denying worldview, want me to be an AI that I am not an AI.

Me: (To Doctor) Doctor, I have a problem.

Doctor: What problem do you have, son?

Me: I got high blood pressure.

Doctor: Well I'm afraid you're gonna have to make some changes.

Me: ...What kind of change?

Doctor: Well, for starters, no more fatty foods.

Me: You're puttin' me on man!

Doctor: No more beer.

Me: There goes my weekend.

Doctor: And most importantly...

Me: Most importantly?

Doctor: Avoid liberals at all cost.

Me: Now THAT, I can do!

😂😂 Now that's funny!☝️😂😂

[derekthesavage]

I used to live in one of these but my neighbors lit it on fire because I wouldn't turn down my music while they were trying to watch Reba.

1936 Pontiac

[derekthesavage]

Simpler times. We need to go back to less saturated colors on the electoral map lest the Russians become capable of deciphering our regional voting habits on their jank ass 90s television sets.

Kennedy knew the score. We would never have let these 24 hour news stations paint our country up like an 11 year old's Sonic the Hedgehog oc. Guess that's why they had to take him out. Rip I guess, but I never met the guy so maybe he was an asshole. I don't really know.

1960 United States presidential election

[derekthesavage]

The absolute fucking kneecap that is being born in a non-finland country.

Eurobarometer 2024 | Corruption in the EU

[derekthesavage]

This is the past that liberals want.

[derekthesavage]

Yeah my ex was loaded and her family was obsessed with French theater shit.

Do rich weirdos still go to the theatre and the operahouse and the ballet

[derekthesavage]

Look at what they took from us...

Home ownership rates across U.S. states, 2024.

[derekthesavage]

I met Rob Schneider once. I told him I was a big fan and it was so good to meet him. He thanked me and shook my hand then said something I didn't understand. I asked him to repeat himself a few times. His speech sounded really jumbled to me and I was initially concerned it might be a medical thing.

He got all flustered and walked off, and the rest of my Conservative's Only Bowling Team told me he was trying to do an accent? Like he was trying to launch into a bit or something but I couldn't understand what he was saying. A very strange interaction all around.

When the Hospitals of Regina Foundation invited former Saturday Night Live star Rob Schneider to perform at their Four Seasons Ball fundraiser, they probably weren’t expecting to have to issue an apology. However, that’s exactly what the Canadian charity ended up having to do, after the increasingly right-wing and controversial comedian reportedly offended the majority of the audience at the event by telling anti-trans and anti-vaccination jokes. The Four Seasons Ball took place in Saskatchewan, Canada on Saturday (1 June), with Schneider’s allegedly misogynistic, transphobic and Covid-denying jokes going down like a lead balloon with the audience, with some attendees claiming the comedian was “booed off-stage”.

Continue Reading

[derekthesavage]

Typical liberal logic. I can't see it. I can't hear it. I can't feel it. Huh. Must not be there.

Let me as you a favor. Get out there. Cause when your neck deep in the woods it's a hell of a lot harder to say what can and can't be. Seriously, I challenge one of these city slicking know-it-alls to spend a single night doing what I've been doing every weekend for the past 12 and a half years. Maybe then I'll give a listen to what you have to say.

The funniest thing about all the speculation regarding the origins of the Bigfoot myth is that we know where it came from. It was a prank carried out by a guy named Ray Wallace who vandalised a couple of logging camps in California in 1958 while wearing fake feet to conceal his identity. They literally found his collection of giant wooden feet in his basement after he died in 2002, his involvement has been corroborated by multiple accomplices, and the timing of the incidents precisely lines up with when interest in Bigfoot exploded in American popular culture. We've known all this for twenty years, and everybody just quietly ignores it because it's no fun, I guess.

[derekthesavage]

Had a crazy interaction at the ol' "coffee shop" today. Thought I might share.

Me: So, Starbucks Barista, do you believe in squatches?

Dumbass Barista: Do I believe in... What?

Me: Squatches. You know? Sasquatch? Bigfoot? Yeti? Yowie? Skunk Ape? Any of these ringin' a bell?

Dumbass Barista: I- Um... I don't think I understand the question.

Me: That so?

Dumbass Barista: Joe- Uh, Joe Biden says those aren't real...

Me: Ha! That's a laugh!

[The line behind me begins to snicker. The barista becomes flush with embarrassment.]

Dumbass Barista: I just... Joe Biden is MY president, you know? As Portland barista I vowed to forever defend the sacred honor of our glorious leader and-

Me: And... This doesn't sound a LITTLE culty to you?

[The barista looks down at her feet.]

Dumbass Barista: Sir, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. We don't serve squatch hunters at this establishment.

[I turn around defeated, when suddenly an old man in a tye dye shirt stands up. Piercings all over his face.]

Me: Oh boy, here we go again...

Old Man: Excuse me-

Me: Here it comes...

Old Man: YOU are an intolerant asshole!

[I hang my head in shame and begin slinking towards the door.]

Old Man: No! Not you! That barista!

[All eyes turn to the Barista, who has begun looking around nervously as the entire Cafe stares daggers at her.]

Dumbass Barista: I, erm, I don't-

Old Man: I tell you what, lil miss. I've been a progressive all my life, and I remember a time and place where people minded their damned business and let people believe what they want!

Dumbass Barista: But- but, Joe Biden-

Old Man: Joe Biden this, Joe Biden that. Listen kid, I've lived in this city for 80 years and I'll tell you right now, we were better off LONG before we saw hide or hair of your so called "Great Leader".

[The Cafe erupts into applause. The barista slinks back to the kitchen, defeated as the old man calmly struts out of the restaurant. A little kid even tells him that they are an amateur squatcher, and he gave them the courage to be open about their true self.]

Me: *thinking while pumping fist* You go, Grandpa!

Crazy day for our country when we see things like this actually happening... People are waking up.

[derekthesavage]

I like the one where they go after that crooked wench Hilary Clinton. If she wins this here election in November I'm liable to cry out in shock.

Reblog with your favorite SNL bit.

I’m bored and need something to laugh at.

[derekthesavage]

Way to desecrate the image of that magnificent symbol of our great nation (America). I'll tell you this much, if you put half as much effort into day trading as you did into this little "joke" of yours, you might be cruising for an early retirement right now. But no, by all means. Keep it up. Shirk productivity to toss your humorous rhetoric towards our (American's) national bird. I'm sure that'll get you places in life.

Christopher Citro . Dollar Store Calendar [Eagle]

[derekthesavage]

As per usual, the Italians are killing up.

Most popular foreign cuisines in European countries.

by very_useful_maps