derives-steve

[derives-steve]

Week after that, the whole think repeats, just with the roman equivalents. Jupiter calls on Tinder and he arrives, with a strong feeling of deja-vu. At first everything seems the same, but some differences soon become amarant. During the introduction section Tumblr brings forth his friend Grindr (which he brought along to hang out I guess, but was not mentioned before for some reason). Introduction of Grindr starts a debate among the gods about the merit of tops and bottoms. In the end the gods agree, that tops are indeed high in virtue in comparison with bottom (or as they call them "virtuous roman citizens" and "feminine slaveboys from the eastern provinces"). The whole section is written poorly and in a different style from the rest of the story. You feel like it was added later to promote Good Roman Family values (Augustus would be proud). After this trainwreck of moralising wraps up it's back to challenging time. But the roman gods make Tinder sign some kind of legal binding contract. Tinder hesitates for a moment, but then signs it without reading it (well he makes people sign Terms and Conditions and who reads those). The first challenge goes on exactly as the last time, but the gods declare it a victory anyway due to some kind of technicality in the contract. Tinder does not care. He just wants it over with.

Between the two challenges Tinder meets some deified roman emperors. Augustus does not approve (what about the Good Roman Family values). Markus Aurelius does not care about that, which he cannot change, but tells Tinder about the dangers of the pleasure of the flash and gives him a book. Three other emperors make him a senator or something. One declares war on him. Two make him their personal concubine. Most don't care.

At that point Tinder is so weirded out he leaves. On his way out he meets Mercury leading in a cow.

What is this "Tinder" I hear of? I hear the goddesses of Olympus speak of him in hushed tones. I shall invite this foreign god of courtship to my domain and show everyone that I, Zeus, son and slayer of Kronos, HAVE THE MOST GAME OF ALL THE GODS.

Tinder shows up, guy with a flame for head. After introduction and random incidents, Zeus and Tinder challenge each other to find out who has more game. Tinder challenges first and forces Zeus to go on a regular date, no turning into swans or gold rain or using superpowers to sway the ladies. Turns out Zeus has zero rizz irl and the date goes badly. Also Hera disguises herself as the toilet lady and tells the girl a lot of bad stuff about Zeus and also gives her diarrhea.

Zeus gets angry and just brings a cow and challenges Tinder to turn into a bull and inseminates her. Tinder is disgusted and also cannot turn into a bull. Zeus laughs, because Tinder cannot turn into a bull. Everyone on Olympus laughs because he cannot turn into a bull. While everyone laughs, Tinder hooks up with Afrodite. Also Athena takes his phone number. Hermes is assigned to escort him away and flirts with him on the way out.

[derives-steve]

What is this "Tinder" I hear of? I hear the goddesses of Olympus speak of him in hushed tones. I shall invite this foreign god of courtship to my domain and show everyone that I, Zeus, son and slayer of Kronos, HAVE THE MOST GAME OF ALL THE GODS.

Tinder shows up, guy with a flame for head. After introduction and random incidents, Zeus and Tinder challenge each other to find out who has more game. Tinder challenges first and forces Zeus to go on a regular date, no turning into swans or gold rain or using superpowers to sway the ladies. Turns out Zeus has zero rizz irl and the date goes badly. Also Hera disguises herself as the toilet lady and tells the girl a lot of bad stuff about Zeus and also gives her diarrhea.

Zeus gets angry and just brings a cow and challenges Tinder to turn into a bull and inseminates her. Tinder is disgusted and also cannot turn into a bull. Zeus laughs, because Tinder cannot turn into a bull. Everyone on Olympus laughs because he cannot turn into a bull. While everyone laughs, Tinder hooks up with Afrodite. Also Athena takes his phone number. Hermes is assigned to escort him away and flirts with him on the way out.