describetheepilogues

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if you leave a dirk / hal enjoyer on tumblr too long they get splinters and have a million sideblogs that is them or other people pretending to be them and im just saying its funny that it's happened 4 times

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i descri8e the epilogues yadayadayada go follow @gavagecunctation im gonna talk a8out the flash there

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i think kanaya will maim someone with black hair by accident

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Homestuck, 2461, showing Nepeta and Equius (the 'Meowrails') as a classical moirallegience

[Image ID: A screenshot of Homestuck. There is large text that says "Examine pale quadrant". Under the text is an image of a red diamond, which Nepeta Leijon and Equius Zahhak imposed onto it. Underneath the image, there is text that says: "This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose." /End ID]

i can't believe the epilogues made meowrails canon

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Agreed. It's impossible to even cite anything on the official website. I can't download the UHC (due to lack of computer space) and the online version seems to be defunct.

I was about to link the "Literally Just Homestuck" MSPFA, praising it, but it turns out that as of today it doesn't work either because Cloudflare blocked Filegarden's domains and that's what it's linked from. Fucking hell.

it was so much easier to post about homestuck when it was possible to read more than 4 pages without running into an error message

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Hey, im out of queued posts and out of steam, so here is my ultimate, final post. This is huge. Buckle up.

...I've never actually read the epilogues. Yeah, that's right. I read the first few pages of meat and saw some screenies of certain bits, but I haven't actually read it. Obviously, since I haven't read it, I dont actually care that much. Honestly- I dont actually hate the epilogues.

Woah. Heavy, I know.

I was honest about some parts. Like the annoyance when post canon infiltrates regular homestuck media, how fucking annoying it was in pesterquest, the mischaracterization, etc.

But really, most of this account was just bullshit. Idgaf.

I will not be reading the epilogues. I've seen enough to know it is not something I would enjoy. Im sure some of you will leap at this admittance of not actually hating it to suggest I give it a chance, but your pleas will fall on deaf ears. Not interested.

Shoutout to the parody accounts. You guys are hella funny.

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Describing The Homestuck Epilogues: Prologue 3

J goes to have a picnic with Roxy and Callie in the Carapace Kingdom. J fills them in on the conversation he had with Rose, and Roxy says that she probably told him all about the "Ultimate Self junk"— referring to Rose's condition and visions. She assures J that she's not going ultimate, and J in turn assures her that Rose is taking her medication only as prescribed.

Roxy mentions how it's not her business since she's not as close with Rose anymore. According to her, Rose was usually busy down in the breeding caverns with Kanaya before feeling sick, and they only started talking again once Rose was bedridden at home. She also mentions that their conversations are often upsetting.

J gets uncomfortable, remembering how much time it has been since he last properly spoke with Roxy, and changes the subject to how Callie and Roxy are living in the bell tower. Roxy says it's a nice place and that she's glad to be away from the drama.

She then takes Callie's hand in a fond manner, and J guiltily ponders on the nature of their relationship and if they're dating or not. He notes that Callie is still wearing the Ring of Life, and that he'd given it to Roxy many years ago with hopes of a deeper relationship. He wonders if his crush on her faded away or if it just numbed over time, and then theorises that Roxy's own thoughts on the subject are so difficult to figure out because of the Void aspect.

Callie interrupts his thoughts to tell him that he needs to choose now whether he'll go fight Lord English or stay on Earth C. J expresses surprise at being presented with a choice, assuming he had to go. Callie says there's always a choice, and Roxy says that she's glad to get the conversation over with, because it has been stressing Rose out for a while. She mentions that Rose has discussed it with both her and Dirk, the latter of which seems to have many thoughts on the subject.

J stresses about the choice. He regrets all the time he has wasted on Earth being depressed, and thinks about how Roxy might be upset with him for not reaching out sooner. He tries to read into her expression and finds nothing at first, comparing her to Dave's stoicism, before realising she's concerned for him and hiding it.

Callie, noticing how anxious J is, says that he shouldn't make the decision on an empty stomach, and offers him some picnic food to soothe his worries; Meat, raw and bloody, or Candy; sweet and indulgent.

J overthinks over this decision too. He describes the meat as rare and juicy, thinking it'd be tough to chew and swallow. On the other hand, he could eat Candy and only bother himself with what he wants, at the risk of getting sick from how sweet it is.

He realises Callie and Roxy are looking at him with confusion. He's taking a long time to decide, so he decides to hurry it up and go with his gut.

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bitter sweet symphony is so fucktheepilogues

And I'm a million different people

From one day to the next

I can't change my mold

No, no, no, no, no

So me. The different people being parody accounts. And the mold being me the original blog

Parody blog count is 3 as of Jan 30, 12:00, when i am writing this

Fuck the epilogues

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[Image ID: Art of June Egbert from Homestuck. She is fat, with long hair and buck teeth, wearing her godtier outfit. The background is bright indigo. In the top left corner, there is text saying "what if i really was someone else / very far away on the other side of the television screen". /End ID]

there’s still time

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I will describe them for you.

I have not read the epilogues

what are the epilogues what are they about whats going on im scared

what

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Holy shit.

Shoutout to my opps you know you love me

Just kidding i have no opps i am universally cherished.

I love you all. Each and every one of you. Even the epilogues readers and the people who send slurs in my askbox.

The world is beautiful and there is so much to be happy about. I hope you all have an amazing day/night and if you're having a rough time i promise it will get better, just hang in there bro.

Hey. People care about you more than you know. :)

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He's adorable, but why is he pink?

pls show us ur cat. do they hate the epilogues too

Heres my cat yes he also hates the epilogues because he is goated

Hes really sweet and I love him a lot

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Epilogue opinion fandom do you see my vision

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I disagree there— with seven Dirk blogs, we've reached a sort of uneasy balance, and an eighth blog would shatter that. Instead, to preserve the sanctity of the seven Dirk blogs, I suggest that any future gimmick blogs go with the theme of June, the other main character of the epilogues. It's only fair.

Shoutout to my opps you know you love me

Just kidding i have no opps i am universally cherished.

I love you all. Each and every one of you. Even the epilogues readers and the people who send slurs in my askbox.

The world is beautiful and there is so much to be happy about. I hope you all have an amazing day/night and if you're having a rough time i promise it will get better, just hang in there bro.

Hey. People care about you more than you know. :)

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i always read the stuff you write in a rose lalonde voice

I did actually think a Rose Lalonde profile picture would be more fitting for this blog, but decided against it on account of the bit. Ironically enough, Rose is the beta kid I think about the least. I do have a post planned for her (both Candy and Meat) once I get around to describing individual characters.

She is definitely the one I'm most looking forward to writing for my fanfiction though. I wish the HSBC writers went full force with her nihilism, instead of leaving it up in the air (she clearly still cares about Kanaya, seeing as she cared to check if Kanaya would forgive her). Most likely, she'll lose someone she actually cares about, like Vrissy or Kanaya herself, and that will fully shake her out of her recent numbness. I'm personally betting on Kanaya, because we could do with less space players.

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I hope your pillow is covered in uncomfortable slime spikes.

I PISS THE EPILOGUES.

I piss Pesterquest.

All over them.

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Describing The Homestuck Epilogues: Prologue 2

[Plaintext: Describing the Homestuck Epilogues: Prologue 2]

J shows up to Rose's house, where she is asleep on the couch, and notes that Rose looks like a ghost, which is another way to say she looks pale. She wakes up and asks how long she's been asleep, to which J responds that he doesn't know because he just arrived.

J points out that Rose is taking a lot of pills, and Rose assures him that they are prescribed and that she is not addicted. J tells her he wasn't going to assume she was a drug addict.

J asks about Rose's condition, and she says that she has been having visions of the past, present, future and other realities as a result of her Seer of Light powers. J says he hasn't experienced anything like that, and Rose theorises that it could be caused by her specific classpect being linked to knowledge.

Rose says that her visions have shown her some alarming things. She takes J to the balcony and tells him that the Green Sun has been destroyed, at least from the perspective of their reality. Jade told her this after her First Guardian powers began to fail.

Rose then explains that the sun was consumed by a black hole as a result of some catalyst entity. J closes his eyes and sees a vision of the exact black hole, then opens them and pretends nothing happened.

Rose tells J that he needs to go and defeat Lord English, to which he responds that he has been anticipating this for a while, although he hoped it wouldn't come up again. She tells him that today is the point of no return for them.

She then explains, in long philosophical babble, that canonicity depends on truth, essentiality and relevance. Events inside canon are entirely true, and at least somewhat essential and relevant. Events outside canon are true but only under specific conditions. Events that are non-canon are not true at all.

She goes on to say that their reality's truth is dependent on the defeat of Lord English, the largest plot hole in canon Homestuck, or else their reality will become entirely non-canon.

She tells him that in order to defeat Lord English, he must use his retcon powers to go back in time, assemble a team consisting of doomed versions of the 7 humans and himself, and fight Caliborn. During this process, he will somehow "fill" Caliborn's house juju, the Homestuck logo that gave J his retcon powers, by being loaded into it and then being unloaded when needed. While explaining this, she hands him a letter she has written with instructions on what to do. J says "should i really punch her in the face?" and Rose replies that he absolutely must.

J asks if he can bring along the current versions of his friends with him, and Rose says that wouldn't do anything. He then says he'll be glad to surprise attack Caliborn, because Caliborn sucks and is a misogynist.

J takes a moment to observe how sickly Rose looks and how she's still trying to solve everyone's problems after all this time. He tells her he'll catch up with her when she's feeling better, after he defeats Lord English. Rose hesitates, and then tells him he'll do great.

She hugs him and then goes to her bedroom, saying goodbye to him.

J remains in place for a minute while holding the letter, unsure what to do, and then gets a text from Roxy. He deems it important, so he decides to go see her.