the nature of the dream is that when you wake up you cannot describe it well enough
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i should like clear my mood b4 i sleep. so im not depressed in the morning when i wake up. but like. man im tired. and im not rly a fan of myself so i cant like summon effortless devotion. and i still have this stupid vent blog. and everyone probably thinks im stupid. and if they dont theyre wrong
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i need too much attention and approval. too much i should need less
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having ppl who care abt me and rely on me is so hard
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since when did i start thinking of myself as someone whos gonna kill themself one day
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slightly unpleasant things happening to me. slightly dissatisfied w myself today
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okay typing out insults and then deleting them in the chat window is really dangerous and i should never do it again but it was fun for that one time
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stop RAMBLING in my dms. say THANK YOU
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i have to battle my demons now that i dont have schoolwork i cant give into them
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i gotta become a zen person or ill probably kill myself one day due to too many instances of being minorly unwanted. luckily thats a workable goal
#ventposting#it sucks when its minorly bc u cant rly complain about it#you just have to sit there and go its fine like you have no self respect#im still tired#but its ok tmrw i wanna get up and play celest
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onset for rabies is 1-3 months so i have a death sentence until then. and any persistent ache is like the bells tolling according to my brain. and my leg (the non bitten one) is aching
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i had to have mutsumi front b4 bc that persons voice was setting off my distress response and it was all abt sex and augh
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i think i've prided myself on "not having problems" and its made me like. think that having problems is weak and also that my problems arent good enough problems to count. anyway feeling eh about my body lately
#ive always thought it would be best to look like an anime character#ventposting#i feel like embarrassed to have a body ig#uwah#weh
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oh... to not be messaged. to not have dms that people are wanting me to respond to
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maybe i dont trust anyone and thats why i dont feel comfortable about sex. thats probably why actually
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i cant get meaningfully horny anymore unless im in heat from my period. even my uohs r less powerful
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it sucks that i cant like participate in the sexual flirty fun friends time anymore i just get fomo now whenever i see it. oh well everyone needs to have one of those instant mood down obstacles in their life
#i guess i could participate it in at great cost to my emotional well being question mark#no thats bad#ventposting
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