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I love my wife. Love wife. Love life.

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sleepy lovers intertwine.

morose and proper, after hours.

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Life is succinctly happy. 

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There are probably better ways to exist with oneself. balance is a delusion, absence is a release. the dischidia seems unable to live.

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always a rotting cell, corroding away the walls and membranes of those cells around me

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Paul Schmidtberger, Design Flaws of the Human Condition

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writhing tendrils of comprised punitive hatred continue to seethe spuriously under the sinews and flesh of my skin. 

defiled in full circle, i find myself unable to bear the weight of my crushing expectations.

again i find myself unable, at all. 

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LC-Aで写す桜のある風景 今回ほどLC-Aが楽しかったこともないな。

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Update

So far, 2020 has been somewhat of a disaster, I won’t go over the events in my own words as I’m sure everyone is fully aware of the series of unfortunate events that have followed the turn of the new decade.

As for a personal update if anybody happens to stumble across here, 2019 had been very good, I worked, travelled, saw gf a lot and started my new course in Sept. Thing have been good overall, of course there have been some ups and some downs, but that’s life. I am very happy and would like to keep trying hard to maintain that.

As quarantine reaches week 2 in the UK, it’s become increasingly apparent that the global pandemic has had some unexpected side-effects. People’s true natures always emerge under any period of perceived crisis and we have seen examples of both the good and the bad in humanity as the virus sweeps across the globe. It is so important we do not embroil ourselves in the singular stories and negative media whipped frenzy this event has incited, but rather continue to promote and appreciate the enormous positive efforts and contributions everyday people are making on a daily basis. 

I will not condescendingly assume that people are not aware of the protocols they must follow for their personal safety already, but at least I still feel the need to encourage everyone to practise basic hygiene, social distancing and self-isolation, and keep continuing to care for and support each other as much as possible in these times of crisis.

I wish you all well, take care.

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0019

Sometimes we are weak, unable to lift the thought of an eyelid. But sometimes we are delirious with strength, like the rats and men who stumble drunk out the door at midnight, carrying passed out comrades. Every man may have a home and perhaps every rat has a hole, but that is something only each of them must know. The rest of us sit and assume that every one must have a warm bed and a block of gouda that is not staunchly balanced on a device designed to execute your demise. Some of us are quite so lucky to live in a way, where mortality is only a philosophical concept or something you face when the red string withers into a frayed wisp.

Between the bars of the prison cell where the walls are higher than the shadows they cast in the moonlight, there is always space enough for a hand to desperately hang. Stretching out from the confines of the darkness behind the window, the person who this hand belongs to, holds it in an outstretched manner, as if to grasp the ropes cascading down from the moon beam. But this hand does not reach for an escape, nor does it reach for mortality. It is the unopened eyelid, it is the delirious rat that it yearns. It is the only home, that which it knows. 

Between the drunk rats and the paralytic men, only separated by their ways, there is something that beckons them to return through those doors every night. Unlike the moonlit yearning hand, they only clutch at the escape they crave from themselves and the frays of their red wisps. 

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ways in how jackson wang’s 100 ways mv affected me - a reprieve

- jackson is a very confusing name

- i thought the dancing was great, quite sure they threw some jutsus in there

- the music had 0 effect although i appreciate the vogue genre aesthetic nods

- needed more jazz hands

- its a good story, perhaps if they had referenced full metal alchemist instead of using naruto jtusus maybe they could have found a better solution to their death problem (was unclear on what was the problem), i mean its clear he is willing to sacrifice men in order to have their souls (bodies? - unclear) together in the afterlife which is the smoky grave. Limitations of powers unclear in the lore.

- he is so hot omg i think i cut myself on his tender gaze and melt on his cheekbone... just the left one. 

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“This can only lead to bad things” she said. And turned into a cheeseplate. I cannot believe charcuterie could hurt you in this way. 

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Ma maison