dew-dro-p

[dew-dro-p]

do I just have anxiety or is it normal to think you're being watched 99 percent of the time lol?

[dew-dro-p]

in another universe, i hope i know how to scratch out this anxiety that claws at my stomach. i hope i love and connect and laugh with people like its effortless. i hope i know how to be a person.

[dew-dro-p]

I finally got around to updating my bulletin board with new art from the past year. gosh it looks dreadfully cluttered, but maybe thats the beauty of it. insane to think I've made all this.

[dew-dro-p]

𝘐 𝘨𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘺 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦

𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴

𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘺 𝘫𝘢𝘸.

“𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘳,”

𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥.

"𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯."

this is a poem I made quite a while ago. I snipped up an old book to birth the poem, and as guilty as I feel for that, the book was never very good.

[dew-dro-p]

how do I uninstall the guilt that's always curled between my ribs? why is it there? what purpose does it serve? why does it chew on my stomach the way it does? I hope that growing up means i can shed it along with my childhood.

[dew-dro-p]

— i am too human

𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘸.

𝘢𝘯𝘥 e𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬,

𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘸 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 r𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳

𝘵𝘩𝘦 A𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 V𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦,

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘍𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳,

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘢𝘯.

[dew-dro-p]

pomegranate.

you tore through my flesh with your teeth,

and the sap bleeds rubies that trickle down your chin.

sometimes i wish you had pried me open,

gently. carefully. hands soft with love.

𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴

𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴.

[dew-dro-p]

f𝘪𝘨, 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, & 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦.

𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘌𝘥𝘦𝘯,

𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘨,

𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴,

𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯.

𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘨 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥,

𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳.

𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 —

𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥.

𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨

𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘳𝘶𝘣𝘺-𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘱𝘴,

𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘦,

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘯𝘴 & 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘴.

[dew-dro-p]

it just occurred to me that if I don't like something, I don't have to bear it. I'm not sure why this concept seems so new to me, but I always find myself bearing anything or anyone I hate, just because I feel as though I should. if I truly hate something, the possibility of walking away is always there. insane.

[dew-dro-p]

once someone told me, "you have to stop telling yourself hateful things, because at the end of the day, you either believe it or become it." and i dunno why that stuck to me so hard.