diaryofamediocrewhiteman

[diaryofamediocrewhiteman]

Entry 7/11/25

So I literally just posted that I will wait to post on here until I get a laptop. I'm writing rn using my gaming computer which I hate to use to do anything besides videogames, but It will have to do. Soooo much has happened since I wrote in here. Enough happened that I will probaly leave out ALOT of things that happened to me.

First, I changed the college I'm going to. I got off the waitlist for UC Santa Cruz. which I wanted to go probaly the most. I convinced myself to be happy to go to riverside because I would be miserable going to college, which I disliked openly. UCSC is just a way better fit for me; colder, more gays, farther from home, and I actually got in for the major I wanted. I'm really happy that I'm going to go there. Not really sure what I'm going to do with Riverside merch I got for my birthday, though.

I graduated high school which was cute. I felt a massive sense of relief knowing that I wouldn't see the majority of these people ever again. Overall, I liked highschool, there was alot of drama but I feed off it. I had alot of my firsts and alot of times out of the year I wasn't miserable! I met alot cool af people I will never fw again.

Prom happened, and there was a ton of drama surrounding it. The main thing being that I was going to a pre-party hosted girl I'm friends with. I don't think I've mentioned or named her before, so I'm gonna call her Autumn. Anyways, Autumn is dating this new guy, and guess who's friends with her new boyfriend? Small!! This is bad because a few days before prom, I got a paragraph from Autumn asking if it was fine if her boyfriend invited Small. I said I didn't care and it was fine, to not lose face, but I was sooo annoyed. OH AND BTW PROM WAS ON MY BIRTHDAY. So I get to the party with my date, Shameless, and while we're taking photos in the driveway of Autumn's house, Small and Autumn's boyfriend pull up. When I tell you Small's suit was horrific, I would be underexaggerating. The suit itself wasn't bad, but the way he accessorized it was horrific. This man had LABUBUS hanging off his belt. Not one labubu but MULTIPLE LABUBUS. He looked tacky afff, but I'm glad he did, just made me look better. The pre-party happened, but he had no one to talk to besides the other friend that Autumn's boyfriend brought. Autumn's boyfriend hung out with her all night, so he was just nestled in his corner with his friend, talking to no one. Like, why would you go out of your way to get invited to a party just to sit in the corner and talk to no one??? People literally sang me happy birthday, and he sat in his corner, awkward. So we went prom and it was fine. The venue was small and they always play bad music. I also spent a good chunk of time consoling one of my friends who was in drama with one of her friends. I felt bad for her, mostly cause I was the one who always told her whatever the guy she was in drama with said about her.

After prom, Shameless, a few others, and I went to an afterparty at this random guy's house. They got drunk, but I was a little less. While we were there, Small sent a snap to one of my friends. He replied to her story where she was wearing a sexy dress. We both sent him a voice message calling him a creep, and he unfriended her. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he snapped me that night, and I had no idea since I deleted snap that month. We also prank-called a few people. My prom + birthday was fine overall.

The next event of note was Grad Nite at Disneyland. During grad nite, I hung out with one of my friends whom I don't think I've named before, so I'm going to call her Enya, because she worships Enya Umanzor. On the ride there, we were assigned buses to go on. I was one of the lucky few to be placed on a van instead of a bus. What wasn't lucky about this arrangement was the people I was assigned with. On this bus were what I would consider the louder people at my school, including Pumpkin. Pumpkin and I had a long, weird history of beef, and this night it got even weirder and convoluted. In the van, I sat in the back next to this loud football guy I was on friendly terms with. The bus ride there was fairly quiet besides this wannabe in the front seat blasting music on the aux, which everyone knew the lyrics to besides me. We arrived, and I met up with Enya and one of her friends. The dynamic was hella weird because Enya and I both had the exact same experience with Pumpkin, but Enya's friend is currently extremely close with Pumpkin. So the group entering the park was Enya, Enya's friend, Pumpkin, Pumpkin's boyfriend, and me. It was so weird because it was either Enya and I walking 20 in front of or behind the three of them. After a bit, Enya and I left the group due to the pure weirdness. Enya and I walked around a bit, then we met up with some of Enya's other friends. I stayed in that group for a while, then we stopped in car's land for a really long time to wait for the party that goes on there at night. While waiting, Pumpkin approached us and started to wait with us and talk to us like we were good friends. It was kinda awkward, but I played along. The party started, and it wasn't fun for me because I don't like moshing that much to bad music. I noticed that Enya wasn't there anymore, so I started to leave. Then, Pumpkin stopped me and told me to stay. I politely declined and shoved my way out. I saw Enya and we walked around. I wanted to leave high school with rumors and gossip surrounding me, so I went on Sniffies and found a guy who went to high school in Torrance. I slipped into a bathroom and we jerked each other off, and I left when we both finished. I was gone for like 5 minutes and slipped back into my group. I told as many people as possible to get the word spreading around. Grad Nite ended, and we went back to the buses and, in my case, van. The ride back was awkward due to the fact that Pumpkin was talking to me on the way back. I was acting normal making jokes, but internally, I was confused. When I was walking to my mom's car, Pumpkin said bye to me, and I was caught off guard, so I just started walking faster.

Summer started, and I've spent a good chunk of it with my best friend, whom I'm just realizing I haven't named yet. The reason I haven't named her yet is becuase I only really write in here when there's conflict I need to vent about and she didn't go to my high school, so she really wasn't involved with the drama. She went to my highschool the first semester of freshman year but she left. We stopped being friends due to some random drama. We became friends again half way through junior year and we hang outside of school occasionally. I think I'll call her Violet. Violet and I bought season passes to Universal Studios so we can just go there whenever we want to.

I also hooked up with the guy at grad nite again, but I found out that he's a youth pastor and has a religious podcast + the actual sex was bad. He also wanted me to call him racial slurs during sex. I did it, but I'm kinda ashamed about it.

Halfway through June, I redownloaded Snapchat, and I realized that Small had actually sent me a message the day of prom and my birthday. It just said, "hey," but it sent me into a spiral. I started going over the scenario in head and what could've been if I saw the messaged and answered it. I didn't really have closure with him about anything that's happend with us. I responded with a, "Hey? Sorry I deleted snap." I was left on delievered until two days ago when I got a response..."Hey". I started spiraling even more and broke out into tears, wondering what he wanted from me. I composed myself by taking an edible and writing a lightly passive-aggressive response that still conveyed that I was still open to hookups or a relationship. I'll copy and paste my response:

Be honest why are u messaging me. I’ve been a dick to you and you’ve been a dick me. The email you sent me then you message me? I’m really not tryna be an ass. I’m just wondering what you hope to get by texting me. I really don’t dislike you. If you wanna fuck sure whatever, but I don’t want any of these mixed signals. If you don’t respond that’s fine, but I’d appreciate if you did.

A good response, if I say so myself. He then responds with, "Sorry I didn't know it was you." I'll give him the credit that he might not have actually known it was me since my display name is "m18 vers Socal", but we still had previous messages, so I don't buy it. In a state of offendedness and highness, I swiftly replied with, "fuck off." I wanted to block him, but I wanted him to read the message first. I watched as my message went from delivered to open, and then his profile flew off my screen as he blocked me. It was an extremely satisfying experience. I think I've finally got the closure that I was searching for. I've spent the following days not thinking of him and not feeling sad if I do. I think it's because I finally got to say to him what I've been meaning to say all this time. The wonders that a simple 'fuck off' can do for a person is spectacular. I think I'm prepared for college now that I can fully leave my baggage behind and lead a new life with new people, new love, and new heartbreak, unburdened by my first whatever me and small were.

I have some more stuff that I'd like to write in here, but I've hit all the main events since my last entry, and it's really late, and I'd like to go to sleep. bye!

PS: I was reading through my past entries to remind myself of the names I've given people. I didn't realize that I sound like such a twinky bitch. I swear guys I'm more grounded and real in person and not a twink(Thank God). So, whoever reads this just know that the bitchy things I write in here reflect the worst in me and not me as a whole. Pay attention to non bitchy things to get to know me. I'll also try to write more in here, but we both know that won't happen.

[diaryofamediocrewhiteman]

I havent written cuz i dont have a laptop and I need that for my creative juices to flow. new entry coming when I get one. Expect a chunk of lore getting left out. Alot has changed btw

[diaryofamediocrewhiteman]

Entry 4/30/25

Okay, so when I usually write in here I'm typically in a terrible mood and want to vent. But right now I'm actually in a pretty decent mood, believe it or not. The only reason that I'm writing in here right now is cause I want to write in here at least once a month. Tonight I'm going to commit to a college and I'm feeling pretty hopeful. I'm not sure if I can say what college I'm going to or if I'll be doxxed, but it's UCR. I absolutely bombed my college applications, so I'm pretty relieved that they let me in. I have to take out loans to attend, and people always say that they regret taking out loans, but I'm #different.

I do feel slightly discouraged due to the fact that everyone in my classes is going to extremely good colleges, but I'm trying to not let it affect me. I was originally worried that I wouldn't be able to find any friends, but I think that I'm capable of making new friends by hopping from school to school. I think that my experience will be what I make of it, so if I go in with a negative mindset, I'll have a negative time.

Something that I've been experimenting with for college is changing my name. I'm not going to put my name in here cause I don't wanna doxx myself, but my name has a lot of ways to be shortened, and I was thinking of shortening it. My biggest concern would be changing my social media handles, cause that seems like a lot of work :(.

The thing that I really love about UCR, though, is the campus. When I toured the campus earlier, it felt like a very Disney Channel original movie in a good way. What I mean is that walking around the campus, I felt like a character in Zoey 101. It was a very aesthetic experience.

I can't wait to leave high school. I've gotten so bored with these people around me. My school is extremely small, too. Everyone knows everyone, and everything that everyone does is predictable. I need a new set of people to meet, cause these people around me are getting boring. Ugh that paragraph sounded soooo bitchy. I like a lot of the people around me, but being around the same people in all of my classes for four years gets tiring. I just crave a change of scenery.

Something that I feel extremely conflicted about is rooming on campus. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely capable of living independently from my family, I've done it on school trips for years, and I'm not scared of getting homesick; I'm able to travel home on the weekends if I'd like. What I'm really concerned about is my roommate.

I've always thought about who my roommate in college would be for my entire life. I've imagined him being a reflection of myself or being the complete opposite. I've imagined different personalities and appearances. All my fantasies have one common factor that we get along. My biggest fear of rooming is that my roommate and I won't get along at all.

I've been considering whether I should just swallow my dignity and post an intro to one of those class of 2029 Instagram pages or just hope for the best and get assigned to a random person. My worst fear is that my roommate is homophobic or gay. If my roommate were homophobic, then I would be scared for myself, but if my roommate were gay, I would be scared that there is sexual tension. I want someone in between some casual straight guy that I can be friends with without him being scared I would molest him in the night.

I feel obligated to make a post to the class of 2029 Instagram page, but I fear that there are not enough good photos of me to post. Those pages are filled with copious amounts of extremely attractive people, and when average-looking people post an introduction, it's quite obvious that they don't fit in with the other people. I fear that if I post an introduction, I would be like one of those average people who don't fit in.

Going to college gives me a lot of mixed feelings. I'm excited to be moving up in the world, but the idea of actually being an adult disgusts me. I want to write more in here, but I say that all the time. Maybe college will bring me enough emotional turmoil that I write in here every day, idk. Wish me luck tho!!

[diaryofamediocrewhiteman]

Entry 3/19/25

Okay, so I haven't written in here for exactly a month, and I feel like I should. I don't really want to, but I actually feel kinda obligated to do this soooo.

I wanted to dedicate this entry to give background to what happened between me and I guy that I'll call Small. I'm calling him small because he was kinda the big to my Carrie, except he is really short. He is also kinda a massive asshole and a really unpleasant person who is tolerated by few.

I had written about him a million times in my physical journal and had even written him a few letters. So I guess it wouldn't hurt to write about him a little in here. I'm not quite sure where to start since our timeline is seriously the most jumbled and convoluted thing ever. I guess I'll try and start at the beginning.

I knew of his existence since my freshman year, and he came across as a stereotypical nerd who would play osu in the corner of class while everyone worked, while still managing to make honor roll. I always thought he was cute in the back of my head, but I kept that to myself since freshman me was an antisocial mess that was too scared to ask to go to the bathroom.

Come Junior year, I got my class schedule and we had all of our classes together except two. I hadn't really thought anything of it or really thought of him at all that year. It was not until halfway through the first semester that we were assigned a group project together with the two of us and another girl. It wasn't really a group project, but a group assignment only for that one period. We were sat right across from each other and spent the entire class period talking. I have no recollection of what we talked about, but the feeling I felt is a feeling that lingers within my mind. It was something that I had never felt before in my entire life, and it was indescribable. My chest felt so heavy but light, and every breath felt like a huff of ether. I could tell that he was also feeling it. After class, the other girl in our group commented on the tension between us.

After that, we started to talk in all the classes we had together. I added him on snap and we started a streak. We talked more and more every day. I developed a crush, and I could tell that he had too. This buildup erupted on a December night when we were snapping back and forth, and the conversation suddenly became flirtatious. It then turned from flirtatious to him telling me that he wants to fuck me in the school bathroom and me saying I would be down. We talked like that for the rest of the night. I didn't want a purely sexual relationship, but I really liked him, and I'll take what I can get.

The next day at school, he snapped me and said to forget everything that he said and that he really didn't mean it. We stopped talking in class, and our snaps stopped being conversational and became purely for streaks. It was obvious that he was trying to pull out of what we had or what we could've had, but I was already invested, and there was no backing away for me. I tried to initiate conversation in person or over snap, but he really didn't appear that invested or interested in what I had to say.

Months passed by, and the school year was starting to come to a close. I can't pinpoint or remember what happened, but we were suddenly on speaking terms again. We were talking just like we used to. School ended, and we continued snapping over the summer. I still had feelings for him, but he seemed less interested in me now. When we stopped talking, I saw him with girls. I was jealous, but I knew that they couldn't amount to me. It was a June night that I was on the phone with my closest friend, whom I'll call Malaria. I was talking to her about how I wanted to talk to him. She gave me the courage to start a conversation with him over snap, and I sent a message, "What do you think happens in the Bermuda Triangle?" It was a humorous way to try and start a conversation, and he responded with an extremely long paragraph about his personal theories.

We continued snapping while I had Maleria on the phone giving me advise on what to say. I would take pictures of his snaps on my iPad to send to Maleria for advise on what to send. Small and I flirted, and we both made the plan to hookup with each other. I didn't want to because I actually liked him more than that, and I actually wanted to go on a date, but I'll take what I can get.

The following nights we snapped back and forth and I would take pictures of things he sent me, which I admit was the wrong thing to do and It ended up biting me in the ass later. The only reason that I took pictures is that I wanted insurance. I didn't want it to seem like I was lying about having a thing with him and come across as crazy and stalkerish. I wanted proof that we actually had something and something real that I could visit later if I needed to see that.

We messaged back and forth for the following days and talked about the hookup and other things. He then sprang the question upon me if I had ever been in a threesome and if I ever thought of having one. I told him that I had never been in one(which is true) and I would be open to the idea(which was false). I only entertained the idea to appease him and I didn't expect it to end up the way that it did.

He then asked me if I wanted to have a threesome and if I knew someone who would be willing to be a part of it. I didn't want to have a threesome because I just wanted it to be him and me. I did know someone who would be willing, and Small knew that I knew people who would be down. He knew this because I was honest with him about previous hookups and things that I've done. He asked me to set us up with one of the guys that I know, and I reluctantly did so.

I created a group chat with Small and the other guy. We texted back and forth for over a week and made a plan for all of us to meet up. When it came to the night when we would all meet up small was bitching about not knowing what a douche was or anything at about bottoming at all. The plan for the meet up would be for the other guy to top me, and I would top Small. The plan was for the other guy to pick up Small and then they would pick up me and we would do the act in the other guy's car.

When we were all finally in the car, it was a mess of a threesome. We were all crammed into the back of the other guy's tiny car. Small claimed to not be a gay virgin, but I doubted his claim just based on his pure reaction to everything happening. During the entirety of the hook-up, I tried to make eye contact with Small, and I could tell that he was actively trying to look away from me. When all of us were about to get naked, he kept his boxers on. The other guy told him that it was fine and that he could take them off, and he did so reluctantly. I started by sucking the other guy's dick and while Small sat by looking lost and confused. It then led to me getting topped by the other guy in missionary while I sucked Small's dick. I could tell that he was feeling that something was wrong because as I sucked it seemed like he was trying to pull away. The other guy finished, and I said that I should try to top Small now. Small then refused to bottom, saying that he wasn't feeling like it. He instead offered to top me, and I reluctantly accepted. He then spent five minutes circling his dick on my hole until he backed away and said he couldn't do it.

The three of us then sat there, unsure of what to do next. We put our clothes back on, and they drove me to the end of my block. When leaving the car, I said, "Bye [Small's real name]," and he didn't say anything back to me. Unknowing to me at the moment that those were the last words that I would tell him. I went home and lay in contemplating that disaster of a night. He then messaged me on snap and told me that the reason his performance was subpar was really due to him not finding me attractive at all. I still liked him at the time, so I apologized and said, "I hope we can still be friends."

The following days, he would message me saying that the hook-up was so bad that he couldn't get hard anymore. I apologized and spent the next few days feeling terrible. The conflict came to a close when we were texting one night, and he said something mean about me being fat. I then called him ugly in response, and we argued. After that, he broke our streak, and we stopped talking entirely.

I'm going to be completely transparent and admit that I was heartbroken. What we had was far from having any sort of resemblance to a normal relationship, but it was my first. I had never had someone want me for other reasons than me being younger or me being bigger. It seemed like he was the first person to actually like me for my personality and what I had to say. It was honestly the first time that a guy actually liked me for me. The relationship ended in flames, but I'm glad I got that validation once while I'm still a teenager. My entire life, I've yearned for a teenage romance and to find young love, which didn't happen, but I got a small taste of it before I transitioned to adulthood.

Senior year started, and he is in two of my classes. I got assigned a seat right next to him, and the first week of school, I looked at him a few times because how could I ignore him after all that happened? He then sent me a threatening email saying that if I looked at him again, he would "take his own action." The days following, I genuinely thought that he would murder me, and I cried.

I thought of him negatively but still impartially because I could not deny what had happened. This all changed when, during the senior retreat, his true colors were finally shown for all to see, and they were hideous. At the retreat, certain students were chosen to give a testimony of their personal struggles in front of our entire class. A certain girl was chosen, and I thought nothing in particular of her, just another smart kid going up to talk about something stupid like their parent or their sport, like the other testimonies. She then went up and recalled a story of freshman year where she went to the movies with a guy that she thought was her friend. He tried to make a move on her, and she refused, but he kept going.

I knew I had heard this story before because one of the girl's friends told me about that when she found out I was talking to Small. I brushed it off because I didn't believe that happened, and she was being very vague. Seeing the girl tell the story in front of us made me realize what she was saying was true. I looked towards Small in the crowd of people, and his eyes looked dead. It was like nothing that she was saying had any effect on him. He had almost a sick look of pleasure on his face. I felt disgusted after seeing his reaction. How could I have ever fallen for this guy, let alone perform such personal acts with him. I felt ashamed that I let myself become a pawn in his sick game.

I started to hear stories and stories of his advances on people in my grade, and the horrific things he said to them. After hearing all the stories, I realized that my story was different than everyone else's because I was the only one who fell for his tricks. God, it makes me feel so humiliated that I was the only one who fell for his facade. It makes me feel even worse when I realize that if he wanted to take me back, I would probably oblige.

We haven't spoken at all since the incident, or acknowledged each other really. I feel like I can see him looking at me in class through my peripheral, but I just think that it's my mind playing tricks on me. If we're the only people walking towards each other in a hallway, he will turn the other way. I know that he thinks about me, I just want to know what he thinks. I've had people bring up my name in conversation with him, and he just glosses over my mention. I do think about him more than I should for such a shit guy, but I can't let go of the positive memories that we did share together be it as minuscule as a simple conversation in class. God, I'm so messed up for thinking about a guy who couldn't care less if I died tomorrow, but I guess that's just the way I am.

This post is much longer than I expected it to be, and it took me the entire day to write it. It's probably littered with grammatical errors, and I don't wanna proofread so just ignore them. Thank you for reading if you read this far. ilyyy

[diaryofamediocrewhiteman]

Entry 2/19/25

So the last time I had written in here was last month. I did it because there was drama and I wanted to vent but also I wanted to preserve my personality and outlook at this point in my life. It has come to my attention that I'm not a very good writer so expect hella errors.

I guess I will update you on the drama from last month. I arrived at the formal by myself and met with Shameless there. I guess I should create a nickname for the girl that disinvited me from the group so I'm going to call her Manhattan. I met with Shameless in the lobby because the dance was being held at a hotel. We got in line for the entrance to the actual dance and Manhattan approached us. She said hi to me in a passive-aggressive manner. I then asked her if the in-n-out was comfortable and she walked away. I then spent the rest of the dance with Shameless and didn't interact with Manhattan at all. Overall the dance was mediocre and boring.

I am probably leaving out some details on the drama but I am too lazy to cross-reference this post and my last one to see what I left out so fill in the blanks by yourself. The reason that I am even writing this entry is because I am procrastinating doing work and I felt aesthetic so why not journal.

At school Manhattan acts like nothing is wrong between us, so either she's completely oblivious to my obvious distaste for her or she's terrified of confrontation. I think the latter is the case due to her not being confident enough to tell me I was disinvited to my face. I cannot stand her but she's friends with my friends so I guess I'll have to persevere. Besides, I only have a few months left before I go off to college.

I have grown so annoyed with the people at my school. I cannot tell if I have just grown tired of them or if they are actively evolving into the worst people imaginable. I think people are taking micro trends too seriously and I am especially annoyed with the nonchalantness epidemic. I have a friend who I've been friends with since freshman year and I am going to call him Daria. Daria has mostly stayed the same throughout the years. He was always the quiet kid who might be a furry and also might be trans. But as of this year, he has been plagued by nonchalantness. It just seems like he's forcing a facade that doesn't even suit him well, a lamb in sheep's clothing if you will. He thinks that he is too cool for anything but it really comes off as him seeming overly detached and unfazed by the world around him which doesn't suit him at all. It's really quite sad when I think about it.

This is months old news but I tried to set up Shameless and Daria. I orchestrated most of the events leading up to their talking stage: I told each side that the other was interested in them, gave their numbers to each other, the sorts. It seemed like it was going really well. I used to take Shameless outside of the classroom where Daria hung out during lunch. We couldn't go inside because that would be awkward plus an ex situationship-ish guy I knew who threatened me hung out in the same classroom soooo I couldn't go in. Daria would come out of the classroom and talk to Shameless for a few minutes and I would observe a few feet away or behind a corner. They actually had really good chemistry and it seemed like they would have a promising relationship. That was until they mutually ghosted each other during finals week and when finals were over she sent him a paragraph that I AI generated about how they should talk more and he never responded. When they stopped talking he gradually stopped talking to me as well. We still share small conversations here and there and I will still ask him if we have a test next period but it's nothing like our friendship was. Shameless blames herself that me and him aren't friends anymore but the entire reason me and him aren't friends anymore is because I set them up in the first place.

I feel like I'm writing a lot about other people in what's supposed to be my diary but in all honesty, my life is pretty dull. The biggest point of contention in my life right now is my mother. My mother is extremely strict and won't even let me leave the house. She won't let me drive, go to the store, or even hang out with my friends before asking me 1000 questions. If she actually does let me go somewhere the latest I am allowed to stay out is 5 pm which is ridiculous in my opinion. She then berates me for lacking a social life even though her rules contradict the possibility of me even having a social life. I spend the majority of my time in my bed scrolling away too scared to open Instagram out of pure fear to see my peers living the life that I am unable to have. I am extremely excited for college but I am worried that when I'm finally there I won't have any of the life skills I need to be independent, as I was robbed of them during my adolescent years. This is going to sound harsh but I truly don't like my mother. She is rude, entitled, and stubborn and she actually doesn't like me. It's not a secret, she tells me every morning and makes it known to my teachers and friends. For example, yesterday the school called all of the parents of the seniors because it was senior skip day and the school had no idea. When they called my mother she made it a point to tell the school how much of a nuisance I am and how much of a bother I can be. She later bragged about the phone call to everyone in my household with a disgusting grin on her face. I believe her response to the question of if I would be attending that day was, "I don't if you know [my name] but he will refuse to get out of the car and you will need to call security to drag him out of the car and I don't know If you have seen him but he is giant." She completely insulted me over the phone to my school and she later laughed about it as if the staff wouldn't look at me and think "Yeesh that kid is a problem." She has been bringing me down my entire life and then acts surprised when I show her attitude. I am the child you raised, take accountability for your work. She shit talks all my friends and doesn't know about a single aspect of my life while simultaneously judging me for traits I don't even possess. I am excited for when I am fully independent so I can never talk to her again.

I feel like I've written enough for now. There are probably a ton of mistakes in the text. I'll comb through and try and fix them. I'll try to do some work now but most likely procrastinate some more. Future me if you're reading this ily.

[diaryofamediocrewhiteman]

First Entry 1/31/25

This is my first entry on here. I always wanted to transfer from a physical diary to an online one so I guess this is my chance. If anyone wants to follow this account just know that I only write when I actually need an emotional outlet.

I decided to start writing today because something bad happened today. I am a senior and highschool and an overall miserable person to be around. I'm being facetious, it is proven that people don't like to be around me. I've been isolated from my class not by choice but by repeated drama and conflicts.

The only friend group that I still am semi-welcomed in is that of a group of theatre Juniors. I have had crossed blades with two or three of them but I believe that I am friendly with a majority of them with two to four really close friends.

Now that you have some background here's why i'm writing. My school's winter formal is tomorrow and earlier this week my friend started to beg me to go. I'll refer to my friend as shameless. She really isn't shameless but she has the name of a character from that show soooo. So I succumbed to shameless's begging and bought my ticket earlier this week.

When I told her that I was going she then invited me to go to group get together before the dance. I thanked her but then told her how I felt like I was inviting myself. She brushed off my concerns and encouraged me to go. I accepted cautiously and thought that was that.

I was then later added to the group chat for the group where I saw who was going. It was seven people total, three people I was close with including shameless, two people I was friendly with, one girl who I had prior beef with, and one person whose number I didn't have saved so idk who that is. I thought that it was a good group besides the girl I had beef with but she can get over it.

I thought nothing of the plans until today when I was talking to shameless and two of the people I was friendly with pulled her away to talk to her. When they were done talking to her she came back to me and took me aside to tell me that they disinvited me to their plans.

Shameless stated that they said that they didn't know me that well and that she was sorry. I was shocked and had no idea why they would exclude me for seemingly no reason. Shameless even tried to tell me that were saying that I invited myself which was farther from the truth.

I then talked to the two other people that I was close with and they told me that they had no idea that they were planning to kick me out. I sent extremely passive aggressive text to the group chat and left it.

I talked to shameless and she told me that she felt really bad and I believe her. I’m more mad about being told I was disinvited through the grapevine rather than being told face to face.

Another thing that pmo is that the girl who I don’t like is bringing her school shooter boyfriend that no one knows even though a reason that they disinvited me is because “they don’t know me that well”.

I’m still going to formal because I’m not wasting my expensive ticket over some jealous bitches.

If I have the urge to confront them I will, I have dirt on them anyways.

P.S I didn’t grammar check this so there’s probably hella errors. Read around them ig