diaryofaschizoid

[diaryofaschizoid]

Beinn Scalpie, CB

[diaryofaschizoid]

i need. something. but i don’t know what it is. they told me to tell them if i need anything from them but how am i supposed to ask if i don’t even know what it is that i need from them

[diaryofaschizoid]

I'm fine, I just have a gaping black hole in my chest that cannot be filled. But other than that,

[diaryofaschizoid]

Nosferatu (2024) dir. Robert Eggers

[diaryofaschizoid]

me? oh yeah I’m fine, just lacking some vital human thing which makes life possible to live lol

[diaryofaschizoid]

The Schizoid Disappearance: Feeling Too Much... Then Feeling Nothing

We don’t show it... but many of us feel everything far too deeply. Sometimes it’s so much that we pull away from the feeling itself. Not in a conscious, planned way... but more like a sudden shrinking back, a refusal to stay where it hurts. And because we don’t want to be caught in something we can’t manage, we end up detaching from those feelings before we even get a chance to understand them.

That detachment becomes a pattern. We don’t mean to become strangers to ourselves... but we do. The emotional parts of us drift into the background, and over time we stop recognizing them as ours. We keep functioning, thinking, observing... but the part of us that feels gets sealed off. It’s a way to avoid getting overwhelmed, but it costs us something important. When we cut ourselves off from our emotional core, we lose track of what makes us feel real.

And when we feel less real to ourselves, it becomes harder to relate to others as real, too. Not out of cruelty or selfishness... just because emotional recognition starts with knowing our own inner state. If that part has been muted, it’s easy to miss the emotional reality of the people around us.

So we pull further away. Isolation becomes a kind of safety. Not because we don’t care, but because everything in us says that closeness will be too much. And maybe deep down we hope that by staying away, we won’t hurt others with our inability to be fully there... but that distance can hurt too. It’s not always visible, but it shapes how relationships form... or don’t form at all.

Some of us are only starting to notice this now. Some of us have known it for years. And some of us still feel like shadows inside our own lives, trying to figure out whether there’s a way back toward something more connected... without losing what little stability we’ve managed to build.

We’re not empty. We’re full of what we haven’t yet faced.

Schizoid Education Videos

[diaryofaschizoid]

"it's not healthy to isolate from others, humans need company to survive 🤓☝️" i'm not human. this does not apply to me.

[diaryofaschizoid]

[diaryofaschizoid]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐁𝐥𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐫 (𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎)

𝐄𝐩 𝟖 ~ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬

(OC)

[diaryofaschizoid]

how do you reconnect to life after being disconnected for so long

[diaryofaschizoid]

[diaryofaschizoid]

[diaryofaschizoid]

[diaryofaschizoid]

I am often stuck staring at such fields of beaming geometry.

[diaryofaschizoid]

[diaryofaschizoid]

📍 Gainesville, TX

[diaryofaschizoid]