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me getting silly in the pussy if im being honest ?

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a dog can hire a hitman and you HATE skyrim??? sending hired thugs after you

I hate Skyrim

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tarot card reader: *pulls out a deck of pokemon cards* lets see… mr. mime here says you may be facing financial difficulties real soon

me: what is this

tarot card reader: just a joke to lighten the mood. *pulls out a deck of yugioh cards* now lets get started

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Fortune Teller: Okay we've got a 7, a Queen, and a 4, blackjack! No wait that's not right. Where are my tarot cards?

Dealer over at the casino: Okay, Knight of Swords, The Tower, and Five of Cups. Damn sorry dude

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I think a good bit would be to offer to read tarot for someone, flip the cards over to reveal they're also backed on the other side then go through the deck revealing they're all double-sided and start screaming

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Flipping over a tarot card: Ah yes the 3 of musketeers

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Unmute !

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"there's a guy in the walls" movies exist in a universe that I fucking WISH was real. imagine how easy it would be to install stuff in walls if the space behind a wall was not 3.5 inches/8.9 cm deep and I could get my whole self in there. of course that would mean a guy could get in there too, but what are the odds.

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do job interviewers know we’re all going to die one day

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It's for reeling in likes

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The one piece I will give to authors is that you have to find a way to not worry about what other writers think, or hold yourself to some completely artificial and arbitrary community standard. All those other writers are completely preoccupied with how they measure up to that standard themselves, and their own success. Your readers are the ones your writing is really reaching, so they should be the people you’re doing this for. Be generous with them.

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The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy would’ve been so much better if it took place like 7 years before it does now.

Seeing the rise of the First Order, Seeing Luke as a teacher and Leia as a political leader, seeing the fall of Ben Solo and learning more about his life and the New Republic.

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"This show within a show is a parody of 80's horror television and part soap opera. Garth Marenghi is a fictional horror author making a tv show with his manager Dean. Set at Darkplace Hospital, Garth plays Dr. Dagless who always carries a gun and tries to solve supernatural mysteries."

I am always thinking about every line of dialogue in the first 50 seconds of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.

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people who use AI are so funny because they're so uncreative they can't even play a game of madlibs, but if you show them a finished madlibs page they'd probably think the booklet's come alive and start worshiping it. "I've left my wife for this madlibs booklet" etc.

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being as i am an idiot, and having been one my whole life, i just wanna say that i find it very easy to do nothing, and go nowhere. i eat chocolate late at night in the dark. i stand in the garden also. and i’m often waiting for something to happen. and i’m stupid.