diphenhydrxmine - Tumblr blog

[diphenhydrxmine]

coming out as an enstarrie on my main is so fucking terrifying

[diphenhydrxmine]

its always 'fuck this disorder' until the guilt hits

[diphenhydrxmine]

i really... dont want to lose my faith in my religion. i guess deep down im comfortable with it. but my mom of all people makes it harder for me everyday ever since she became one of the "higher ups" in church. ive only realized it just now, but she guilt trips me everytime she takes out her anger on me. every single time? doesnt help that i was diagnosed with bpd last year. i just... dont want to lose my faith because of rotten people like her

[diphenhydrxmine]

use religion to one up me. to make me feel bad. this is why i have religious trauma. it's all because of you.

[diphenhydrxmine]

honestly though, this makes it easier for me to move out. so goodbye.

[diphenhydrxmine]

yeah sure. take out your anger on me RIGHT when i am about to move out. when im having exhausting feelings, crying myself to sleep every night, thinking abt what you will do when im gone. i feel stupid now.

[diphenhydrxmine]

i feel stupid for feeling that i will miss my parents

[diphenhydrxmine]

starved myself for 2 days hjghsgh i feel proud

[diphenhydrxmine]

forgive me ill do anything

[diphenhydrxmine]

[diphenhydrxmine]

[diphenhydrxmine]

scared of moving away for college. it feels weird.

my parents have always abused me in one way or another but now things r getting better for us. we're all healing n learning n recovering but the scars are still there (mine)

despite that, (i can't believe i'm saying this) i'm starting to forgive them (i think) and now i don't want to be separated from them. i'm JUST starting to patch things up. can't i stay a little longer?

in the end, i haven't grown up at all. i'm still a scared pathetic little child, yearning for mom's embrace, for dad's praises. i don't want to be alone i don't want to be on my own

[diphenhydrxmine]

even though i have bpd i want to connect with my friends!!

wanna take care of them as best as i can! they're important to me!

i'm not harmful..... i'm really not... i'm not harmful at all..... i never meant any harm.... i promise i'll be good!!

it's just... sometimes things get out of hand and my heart feels weird and i cant think and stupid things come out of my stupid mouth and i hate it!! why do i do that!! why am i like this!!

i'm so sorry for being bad. i'll never do it again!! promise. promise. promise. promise. promise. please forgive me

[diphenhydrxmine]

There is no future for me.

[diphenhydrxmine]

[diphenhydrxmine]

i relapsed today! my blade was suuuuper sharp :)

[diphenhydrxmine]

i’m gonna try to sleep but if i can’t then i’m allowed to resort to whatever shit coping mechanism i want ♡