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It Happened - Disney Has Officially Added Weed To the List of Items Prohibited At Their Parks

According to news reports, Disney has officially banned marijuana from its theme parks. This, in my humble opinion, is a good thing. The Disney Corp. is at least acknowledging the existence of marijuana now and the ambiguity of questions like, “Will I get my AP taken away if I get caught with a brownie?” is settled. That being said, as the national laws and society get more open to legal marijuana, so too will Disney have to cave. If they want to keep the tourist dollars rolling in, some sort of compromise will have to be made. You used to get jail time if you were caught with a couple seeds in Las Vegas. Now it’s like friggin Amsterdam there. 

As I always say: Be responsible when at the park, stoners.  It’s not for us. It’s for the kids. And if any Disney employees are reading this:

I DO NOT ADVOCATE SMOKING/EATING/OR INGESTING MARIJUANA WHILE AT THE RESORT IN ANY WAY. 

(Please don’t take away my AP)

Thank you!

Love,

The Hotbox Ghost

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Imagine being zonkered out of your mind on some dank nugs while chillin on Pirates and then seeing a real live DEPP!

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Took Too Much - Best Places To Chill Out When You’re Too Stoned

Disneyland tip: Don’t eat too much of that brownie or drink the whole bottle of that thc infused soda. Also, you don’t have to smoke that whole doob to your head because you’re going to “be there a while.” A little goes a long way, ding dong. But sometimes you just take too much. So here’s a list of places you can chill out and not be bothered by anyone when you get too zorched out on hippie grass. 

Main Street Cinema - Main St. USA, Disneyland

Have you ever seen Steamboat Willie? It’s pretty sick. It’s about this mouse on a boat that plays a goat for a guitar. You have to see it. Luckily you can catch it all day, every day playing in this slightly dimmed room on the West side of Main Street. There are 6 cartoons playing at any given time and old timey music blasting. With all that stimuli, it’s easy to blend in without anyone noticing. And watching a cartoon is a good way to get out of your own head.

Snow White’s Grotto - Sleeping Beauty’s Castle, Disneyland

You know the history of this place, located on the Northwest side of the main hub. The statues were anonymously gifted to Walt, Snow White was the wrong size, legendary Imagineer John Hench did some forced perspective magic, blah blah blah blah. The reason I listed this place isn’t because of the cool history or the hauntingly peaceful vibe. It’s because this place is strangely empty most of the time. 

Disneyland Railroad - All Around The Park, Disneyland

Nothing on Earth is as zen-like as finding a corner seat on the train and just chilling. I’ve smoked too much and ended up on this thing so many times. You can just keep going and going and going. Yay the dinosaur tunnel again! Don’t ask me how to ride the Lilly Belle car because they never let me do it :(

Mint Julip Bar - New Orleans Square, Disneyland 

The “secret” (non-alcoholic) mint julip bar is located near the train station towards the back of New Orleans Square. I’m not recommending this place because the mint julips are good. In fact, I think they are gross and taste like drinking a cold glass of Scope mouthwash. However, there are plenty of chairs and tables to relax and people-watch while a Dixieland jazz band plays. Not too shabby! 

Innoventions - Tomorrowland, Disneyland

Yes this place has overstayed it’s welcome. Yes, it’s a glorified trade show. They added some KIND OF OKAY things, like the Mos Eisley Cantina replica, but for the most part this building is a total drag. Innoventions is housed in the circular building in the Northwest part of Tomorrowland, next to Autopia. It was originally the home of The Carousel of Progress, then America Sings. It’s also the only building in the history of Disneyland that brutally murdered a woman. Now it’s just a 2 story place used for character meet and greets and product demos. The good side of this eyesore is that the building is HUGE and air conditioned, so it’s really easy to find a nice place to chill and not be noticed. Hey maybe you’ll get to meet Chewbacca too. 

Lower Deck of the Hungry Bear Restaurant - Critter Country, Disneyland 

Do you love sitting by a river? Do you love ducks? Do you love being away from crowds? Well do I have the place for you. Downstairs behind the Hungry Bear restaurant (try the fried green tomato sandwich) is one of the chillest places in the whole park. You can sit and watch ducks for hours. 

Sonoma Terrace - across from Pacific Wharf, DCA

Disney has totally nailed the “Northern California wine bar for San Francisco snobs” theme with this adult-feeling restaurant and bar across from the Pacific Wharf section of Disney’s California Adventure. There’s lot’s of shade, seating and a great selection of beer, wine and cider. HOT TIP: There’s a secret outdoor bar upstairs if you want to be even MORE isolated from the crowds.

Radiator Springs Racers Path - Cars Land, DCA

They serve Racer 5 IPA in Cars Land. How genius is that? Could you imagine being the little brewery that makes Racer 5 and getting that call? Wow. Anyway if you need a good place to spend some time and daydream, you can’t find a better spot than right beside the Radiator Springs Racers and Flo’s V8 Cafe on the path to Pacific Wharf. It’s picturesque and gets surprisingly little foot traffic.

The Disney Animation Building - Hollywood Land, DCA

This place is a trip. I guess you can do things like a drawing class and talk to a giant turtle in here. I’ve only ever just kicked it in the main lobby. There are these HUGE screens with montages, songs from and stories from classic Disney films. All displayed in glorious Circle Vision 360. It’s a great place to pull up a seat against a wall and be stimulated. I asked my girlfriend if we could get married in there and she said no.

Grand Californian Lobby - Grand Californian, DCA

This place is a little slice of Twin Peaks inside The Disneyland Resort. There are a lot of couches in this rustic, log cabin themed hotel lobby. It’s absolutely gorgeous and the perfect place to get your balance right. There’s usually a piano player doing jazzy covers during the day, and a great hotel bar to grab a quick cocktail. I swear I’ve seen The Man From Another Place in here while sipping on a Manhattan. 

Trader Sam’s Fireplace - Trader Sam’s, Disneyland Hotel

Down the stairs from the main entrance of Trader Sam’s is a little circle of outdoor furniture around a huge fireplace. I highly recommend getting a tiki drink to go (yes you can do that) and going down to the fireplace. You will most likely find other stoners that need to get away from the crowds alongside some parents that are about to lose it. This is the place where I tend to drunkenly bond with other people in a similarly dazed state.

What are your favorite chill out spots at the park? Let me know! disneylandstonersguide@gmail.com

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HEADquarters (Hotel Tips)

With so many hotels to choose from, which do you pick? Hotel advice is one of the things I get asked about the most. So after many years of staying at luxury places and the worst of the worst shitholes, here are THE STONER’S GUIDE TO DISNEYLAND SUPER SWEET HOTEL TIPS.

Avoid The Disneyland Resort branded hotels unless you’re super duper rich.

This includes This Disneyland Hotel, the Grand Californian and Paradise Pier. These places are nice (except - let’s be honest, Paradise Pier) but the cost does not justify the means, especially when you’re going to be spending most of your time at the park. Besides, you can enjoy the luxury of the Grand Californian and The Disneyland Hotel without staying there (more on that in future posts). But hey, if you have the kind of cash that allows you to stay at the Grand Californian (right inside DCA!) or the Disneyland Hotel (steps away from Trader Sam’s!) by all means go for it.

Things I look for in a hotel when visiting TDLR:

Proximity to the park

Convenient parking situation

Price

Bed comfort

The TV has the sickest channels

Doesn’t smell like shit

All that being said, my #1 all time kick ass radical favorite hotel is *drumroll*

The Best Western Park Place Inn

Address: 1544 S Harbor Blvd, Anaheim, CA 92802

Phone: (714) 776-4800

http://parkplaceinnandminisuites.com/

This place has it all. It’s RIGHT in front of the park, the rooms are clean, the beds are amazing and they have all the best channels. Even BRAVO! There’s nothing like binging on a Real Housewives marathon after binging on tiki drinks at Trader Sam’s. The staff is always really great. When the website says they are out of rooms I usually give them a call and they are able to find one for me. The price is very affordable for the location and service. A king room runs for under $150. I love this place so much.

If the Park Place is all booked up here are my stand bys:

Howard Johnson Anaheim Hotel and Water Playground

Address: 1380 S Harbor Blvd, Anaheim, CA 92802

Phone: (714) 776-6120

http://www.hojoanaheim.com/

Hojos is p kewl. It’s still walking distance from the park, has nice clean rooms and you can get a 15% discount through the all time banger DL gossip site MICECHAT (http://www.hojoanaheim.com/micechat). Attached to the hotel is the trashy chain Mimi’s Cafe for all your hangover mimosa needs.

Best Western Plus Stovall's Inn

Address: 1110 W Katella Ave, Anaheim, CA 92802

Phone: (714) 778-1880

http://stovallsinn.com/

This place totally rules. It’s a bit farther away than the other two, but still walking distance from the Grand Californian entrance to the park. The beds are killer, the rooms newly remodeled and the price is right. An extra special bonus of this particular hotel is the view of the fireworks from the second and third floor balconies. Join all the other miserable dads as they smoke cigarettes and watch the nightly spectacular. Maybe you can get one of them to kick down a cold brewski.

There’s a ton of choices when it comes to accommodations around the park. Let me know your favorite hotels, or send me your Disneyland hotel disaster stories at disneylandstonersguide@gmail.com!

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Getting High at Disneyland 101

Even though recreational use of Marijuana is now legal in California, you still can’t smoke weed in Disneyland. This is probably for the best. Can you imagine the huge clouds of smoke, bellowing from various groups of heshers huddled in New Orleans Square? I’m getting the willies just thinking about it. *Shudder*

Even smoking regular ol’ tobacco is frowned upon in Disneyland. Back in the day, DL was a glorious playground for kids from around the world to come and chain smoke their Parliaments. I remember, in the early 90s, being one of many fat young goth boys, smokin’ it up in front front of The Haunted Mansion. Now I can’t stand the things.

If you want to smoke while in Disneyland, you have to go to one of their dreaded DESIGNATED SMOKING AREAS. The Disneyland Gods strategically placed these areas in the farthest, most annoying and desolate places in the park. The nicest one of these is on The Rivers of America near the Tom Sawyer Island raft queue. During the Summer nights, this smoking area becomes a very desirable spot for viewing FANTASMIC! 

You probably CAN go to one of the more discreet smoking areas, take a couple drags off a hash oil vape pen and get away with it. But, in my opinion, this would be a show of disrespect to the park and its cast members. The risk of getting caught isn’t worth it. The cast members don’t want to bust you for your vape pen. It would bum them out as much as it would bum you out. 

The best method of getting totally blazed up at the park is to use edibles or toke up in the privacy of your hotel room. The latter works for me more than edibles, which tend to lay me out for the count and make me too tired to engage in the vigorous walking involved in travelling around the resort. I highly suggest having a home base hotel room, or “headquarters,” for all your marijuana related needs. You’re sure to not bother anyone with the smell and you’re avoiding the risk of getting caught or possibly banned from Disneyland all together. 

-To be continued-

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Please Enjoy Responsibly (A Disclaimer)

I love Disneyland.

I love it madly, deeply and forever.

This guide is in no way, shape or form meant to disrespect Walt’s memory or the amusement park that we all hold so close.

As magical, beautiful and trippy as Disneyland is, it is first and foremost a place for children. It’s a place where a kid can meet their very favorite cartoon character, become immersed in the world of a beloved movie and delight in the spectacle of a talking parrot while devouring the manna from Heaven known as a Dole Whip.

This guide is designed to enlighten those that want to enjoy the magic of the mouse while under the influence of legal (in California) substances in a responsible manner.

We’re all pros here, right?

We get high discreetly. We don’t get TOO sloppy drunk at the many amazing bars available at The Disneyland Resort. We treat every cast member with the utmost respect and we definitely do not EVER get in the way of a child’s experience at the happiest place on Earth.

Disneyland is whatever you want it to be. For many, it’s miserable, crowded, commercialized and expensive. I totally get that. But if you are willing to open your heart and mind, going to the park can be one of the coolest and most surreal experiences ever. It’s a place for kids, sure, but they made it plenty fun for the adults too.

Thanks, Walt. You knew what you were doing.