distraught-himbo - Tumblr blog

[distraught-himbo]

This will be the first in what is hopefully a many parted series of my thoughts, which I will be titling The Ramblings of a Passionate Fool.

Lately, dear reader, I've been thinking of love. Of who gives love, and who gets it. Of who deserves it, and who does not. And I've been thinking of how those lists don't match as well as they should.

Now before I start, I want to make something very clear. I hate the word deserve. So very often, people use deserve in the cosmic sense. That is to say, when they use the word deserve they mean that the universe owes them something. Ie, if I were to say I've been working hard recently, and I deserve a break, I would be saying some cosmic force out there should see my labors and sympathize, that my efforts have put the universe in my debt, and that this debt should be repaid. I dislike this idea, and disagree with the premise. When I use the word deserve I will be specifically referring humans owing something to each other.

So with that nitpick out of the way. Who is deserving of love, and the problems with that question.

Does everyone deserve love? Do some people deserve it more than others? Can you do something to make you undeserving of it? Thinkers and philosophers have asked these questions for centuries, and while we've never come to a certain answer, I would argue we as a society have come up with a baseline that most of us can agree on. Most people, I think, would agree that humans deserve love from birth. I belive very few would argue that a newborn doesn't deserve a parents love, that a child shouldn't be loved by friend, that an adult shouldn't be loved by a partner or spouse. In the same way, I belive most would agree that you can revoke your right of love. Murders, rapists, some people's lists are longer than others, but most people would argue that you can do something that makes you no longer worthy of love. These are the foundations we base our morals, our lives, our very selves on. But what if those are challenged

Love, is a gift. Given by a person, and sometimes taken. And gifts, by their very nature, are not based off of what one deserves. There are murderers that have a spouse waiting for them. There are rapists who have parents that still care and still grieve. There are horrible, awful people out there who still have people who care for them.

Now, maybe you can just dismiss this by saying those people are wrong, they are making the wrong choice by still loving those criminals and monsters. And maybe you are right. But does that matter? Does it make the love less real? If you give a gift to someone who doesn't deserve it, that doesn't change that you chose to give the gift. Simply put, I belive humans are flawed, and they give their gifts to flawed people. It might be right, it might be wrong, but in the end they make their choice.

There's another problem. People can change. Or at least I belive they can. Some don't belive that, and to them there the world seems more clear cut. Once you revoke your right to love, that is final. You made your choice and now you will live with it. For the rest of us though, the world is a little more complicated. If you belive that someone can truly change then by nature of that belief, you would belive that they can become once again worthy of love. Now how they would do that, what that would take varies opinion to opinion, but the core of that belief is consistent. And within this problem is another. I belive that the way people change is through love. Showing love, and being shown it. Through loving others, and being loved by them, I belive a monster can once again be someone worthy of being loved. Yet there is the issue. In order for someone to become worthy of love, they must first be loved. To earn a the gift, they must first be given it. Such a strange paradox, and I know of no answer to it. But it does make me wonder. Maybe it's alright that people give their love to those who do not deserve it. Maybe in human foolishness and flawed choices there is a seed that can grow into a beautiful thing, brokenness turned to hope.

I've discussed evil a lot, and how love can be given to the most wicked of people. So let's take a break from that and talk about what we would define as good people. You would think that there would be less questions and easier answers here, but I'm not certain you'd be right. Let me paint you a picture.

A child in an abusive household. A place full of racism, misogyny, full of fear and hate. As a child of course, they know no better, so of course they are filled with those same things. A bitter, angry, scared, isolated child. Would that child deserve love? I'm certain you would agree that of course they do. A child cannot be blamed for the circumstances it was born into, and in my opinion no good person would blame them for adapting to their environment and showing the scars of where they were. Now say this child grows to a young adult. And not only have they grown physically, but they've grown emotionally, and mentally. They've distanced themselves from the hate they grew up with, they've attempted to right the wrong they've done. They are attempting to learn, to grow, to become a person they can be proud of. No one is perfect of course, but they wake up every day and try to be a better person, to be a little more light in a world that they know can be so very dark. Would that person be worthy of love? Once more I think most would agree that of course, that person is completely worthy of being loved, of receiving what they try to give every day. And maybe you think these questions are too easy. But let me pose this. What if no one does. What then? See you could become a person more worthy of love than any on earth, but if no one chooses to love you what do you do then?

The problem has to do with what we discussed before. Love is a gift. And no matter who you are, you do not get to demand someone else's gift. No one owes you their love, no matter how good or bad you may be. A cruel paradox isn't it? You can be deserving of love, you can be someone who should be loved. But no needs to love you. You, are not owed, anyone's love. So what then do you do? Some people become bitter, full of pain and resentment for a world that didn't love them when they were worthy of it, and loved someone else despite their unworthiness. And while neither they nor their actions are in the right, maybe we should not be so quick to judge. After all, love is what all humans crave above all else, and to be given none and given no reason why would be something I wonder if any of us would be willing to handle.

(I would like to add as a note that there are people like this who think they deserve a specific person's love and demand it, and hate when they don't receive it. I am in no way making excuses for these people, or attempting to justify their behavior)

In prologue. I don't have the answers to these questions I've asked. I don't know who does. But I do know one thing. Showing love is so important, to everyone, and only serves to make this dark world a little brighter. So show some love to someone who deserves it. Show some love to someone who doesn't. And show a little love to yourself.

Thanks for reading.