djkingfury

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

Hungover

-

Untangle me.

You are woven into the very core

Of who I have become,

And who I will be-

And I have loved many,

But never quite like you.

Puzzle pieces that fit flush,

My edges never smoothed over-

And across the surface,

There was you.

Curls, smiles, nervous laughter.

Late nights,

And I saw us on the moon.

Did you see it too?

Did you see it too?

x

[djkingfury]

when i stop talking

don’t ask me why

been hurt too many times

i am just exhausted

for always being blamed

i will just be silent now

- N.R.K.

[djkingfury]

Hubris

-

It must be exhausting.

The screaming in your head;

Reaching out and brushing your fingertips

Against loved ones who turn,

Concerned.

And you laugh.

You fucking laugh.

It must make you choke,

Thinking of the way you stared in that mirror,

Ready to face nothing with certainty.

Vivid flashbacks ripping you

From state to state,

Their bodies rotting in your embrace-

How dare you?

It is not embarrassing to cry,

And yet I swallow until my throat cracks.

If you could speak for once,

Purge the darkness that plagues your bones-

Maybe you'd have a fighting chance.

But instead,

I stare in this mirror.

And nothing worthwhile stares back.

x

[djkingfury]

Don't let your need for closure keep you from moving on from something that has already ended.

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

if i meant anything to you, you would have made an effort and kept your word instead of always making empty promises

- N.R.K.

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

I keep the lights off. I do the dishes. I call it a day and it doesn’t answer me. I cry into my coffee cup. I forget what my thumb is for when it isn’t hovering over your name in my phone.

I wait for you. I listen for you. I pretend to be better than I am. Less selfish, less desperate, more necessary.

I say your name until it doesn’t sound like a word anymore. I tell myself that this kind of hell is important, but I don’t believe it. Still, I say it. Still, I breathe easier.

I open myself up like a Matryoshka doll, hoping to find you inside, but it’s just me. Again and again, it’s just me.

There is no version of this story where I am not sick over you, where my body is not taut with the effort it takes to not be with you. The truth is, some pain just isn’t worth it. Sometimes, the hurt gets old. Sometimes, you get tired of being the one who has to heal.

— Caitlyn Siehl, I Say Your Name 

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

[djkingfury]

"I know you want to refuse my gift, because you don't think you deserve it. Let me assure you, you don't. By no means have you earned this blessing. But this has nothing to do with what you deserve. I'm giving it to you because I want you to have it. Nothing more."