kaonarvna

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he's a monstrous heartless villain to YOU. he's a pinup girl to me

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Hey if you’re schizophrenic/psychotic I just want you to know that you’re a wonderful person and that you deserve so much better than the demonization, marginalization and stigmatization you face in this society.

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This is the worst timeline. (x)

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aquarium bujo sketch dump + octopus interaction??

「 a black pen & pink mildliner sketch containing some funky, twisty, ruffled seaweed in the first tank, + a couple of fish. one shark-like entity lays on the sand, another fish swims near the top. 」

I'm a sucker for aquariums, this isn't new. I've probably been to a couple dozen unique aquariums by now, and have an annual membership to a local one. I've never been much of a picture taker, but I do bring my bujo and have a little draw. Fish stare at you, children stare at you and get rushed along by their parents, random adults talk to you. It's interesting. I've learned to expect it. I take my time a lot more than I used to, which I like. Feels like I really get my money's worth.

So when I was in Den Haag for a couple of days recently, I visited the Sea Life on the coast there. It wasn't particularly different from the other Sea Life sites I've seen.

「 four sketches — a dragon moray coming out of a pot; a piranha with two tiny tetras; a pair of tube anemone stuck to a rock; a chunky little caiman 」

They had an "Amazonian" section, which very much has your usual fare (caimans, pacu, piranhas, usually some frogs, other fish, etc). These types of exhibits often make me sad due to the smallness of the spaces. Their Pacu tank seemed crowded, and the caiman tanks seemed a bit barren. I skipped out on the Pacu feeding session. I've seen a lot of Pacu feeds.

Their underwater tunnel was alright. A woman was watching me sketch, and hesitated to approach me a couple of times. I think she tried in Dutch first (she could have been speaking to someone else), but upon getting no response (listen...I'm ND and was looking at fish) she tried in English, and asked me about my bujo for a few minutes. I showed her the fish sketches I'd made so far, and the sketches I'd made in Köln a few days prior. She lamented that she is not good at art and could never draw in public; I told her she'd never get better if she didn't try. She seemed really sweet. I don't think I made any eye contact with her (oops). According to my spouse, she had long brown hair and a sweet, round face. I hope she had a nice time.

「 one big sketch — a fishtank with a log running through the middle, a big rock in the back. two large fish swim in the bottom right, schools of little fish cluster in the tip right and left. stringy seagrass frame either side. the text underneath reads "clown, rabbit, tang, file". 」

There were some really neat tanks in their tropical area. I sat down on a bench to stare at this one tank for a while. Good tank. This big log ran through the middle, and had some sort of fleshy purple/yellow growths on it. They were real neat.

It was full of clown fish, and if I had a euro for every time a child ran up shouting "NEMO! NEMO!" I could have covered my entry and then some.

「 two sketches — a seahorse attached to some netting, and an octopus sticking to the corner of its enclosure. 」

The octopus was probably the highlight of my time there. The octopus alone, I think, was worth it. I want to say they were a coconut octopus, but I could be remembering wrong. Didn't write it down.

The octopus' enclosure was at the end of the aquarium route, near the interactive children's area, and the touch pool. The octopus' tank wasn't fully exposed either, there were 3-4 little holes (vaguely circular, about 30cm in diameter) in fake rock that'd let you look in. Most kids/people went straight to the interactive areas. It was VERY loud.

When I had a look at them, the octopus was in the far corner (compared to where I was, at the short edge). I just watched them for a bit. A few people poked their heads into other spots, took pictures, left, etc.

By the nature of the weird little holes, I had to be sort of squished up against the glass, really peeking in for a sustained period. Bujo resting on the fake rock ledge/sill on the outside.

After a few minutes, putting down the pencil sketch, starting to put down the pen, the octopus abandoned the corner and came over to me. It felt very quick. One glance away, one glance back up, and they were looking at me. Unmistakably at me, eyes to the glass, rest of head facing away, peering directly at my face. It was a little uncomfortable. It felt like eye contact. It's not like how most fish and amphibians stare back. It felt like there was a different sort of curious, calculative interest rather than the usual "new stimuli, investigate" vibe I get from other creatures. I stayed still.

Then they moved up a little, climbing the glass with those hundreds of little suckers, and tried to peer down. I interpreted this as them looking at my bujo/what was in my hands. So, I showed them, as I would to anyone else. I turned the bujo to face them, and gave them a good ~10-15 seconds per page, showing all the sketches I'd made so far, the sketches I made in Köln a few days prior, other sketches made during travel, etc etc. They looked. And when I pulled the bujo away to try and see if I could show anything more, they stared back at me for a few seconds longer, then went back to the corner.

I probably spent about five minutes total with them. It somehow felt like ages, and like nothing.

More than anything I just felt sad. Aquariums, though I (selfishly) love them, often make me feel sad. It just made me think of how much of this octopus' day is filled with a constant onslaught of people showing up, staring, poking glass, taking a picture, then leaving. Such an unnatural life. It made me wonder just how many/few people linger there for more than a minute. At the very least, I hope that octopus is getting all of their needs met, and then some. I hope they have suitable enrichment outside of operational hours. I hope they get the attention and interaction they deserve, and have strong positive relationships with the people who care for them. I hope they're not afraid.

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I'm perpetually tormented by the urge to outline/plan/write a human x Shockwave fic but I have so many other projects rn

I've already made so many stupid sketches of Shockwave engaging semi-threateningly with a human. I'm THIS CLOSE it's unreal.

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i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal

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soundwave for my dad's birthday 👍 he likes soundwave too so yaheee

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People used to comment on web comics.

People used to comment on fanfiction.

People used to comment on fanart.

People used to comment on OCs.

I hate "content" culture.

I hate "consuming content" and scrolling immediately to the next thing.

People used to be excited about the art that other people created.

People used to want to share that excitement with creators.

I hate this future.

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Worse than bargaining with the devil. Curiosity has its consequences.

「 yolopark bumblebee shockwave...my perfect armour reference, my beloved...my Shockwave sketches will become both more self indulgent and more complicated. 」

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My only remaining childhood pet (cat) just died. Might make another essay about mourning/the death industry/etc, as I did the last time.

Sweet dreams Pawsha. It was time. She had seventeen very happy (spoiled rotten) years.

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Just third degree yearns for all my fictional husbands.

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Finally actually outlined the next SMIM piece/chapter and hoo boy I'm out here writing (checks notes) Genesis and Angeal having a shouting match over their upbringing & class issues. At long last.

My intention is for both of them to be in the wrong. Bitterness and pride on display. There's just no willingness to budge or discuss their issues amicably. If only they could unpack their issues or smth, that'd be neat (but the voices...).

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this is a poem

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I really do love that every couple of weeks several accounts seem to binge like/repost my silly Shockwave sketches. I'd say 70+% of the time this happens, the accounts visibly belonging to trans women.

Like, hell yeah. Didn't expect my Shockwave obsession to resonate with trans women specifically, but I'm here for it. Thank you. I'm glad you like him as much as I do.