doanamarcellus-blog

[doanamarcellus-blog]

Hey Doana, what about the time you asked me to put down $5 for the stripper to give you attention?

Remember that? It's so easy to step away from the situation and make it seem like you had such high moral grounds after my incident. But you were the one to ask me to put down $5 for the stripper, did you not? Were you mad he instead gave me the majority of his attention?

Because I didn't want that. At all. He was so disgusting. But where did THAT come from? Your desire for attention? It is so weird to me. You are one big contradiction. You dress like what you yourself would call "a slut" (I hate that word and do not slut shame) BUT you get mad when guys want to dance with you or give you attention. You are a psycho. I'm not slutshaming BUT like Dave Chappelle said, if you look the part, people are going to assume you are.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

Mara Isabel Mejia Trochez

Honestly don't have much to say about you. Mentally, you were never all there, but I related to your hatred of things and your crazy antics.

But soon I realized that wasn't enough. You are an extremely pessimistic person. Combine that with Doana and you have enough pessimism to depress the entire Disney Corporation.

I thought you could think for yourself but in actuality, you are Doana's shadow. You're still doing the same ass kissing to all your friends; they are not your lover. The fakeness is sensed by all. Because in reality, you were ruined by your father as well. I guess people with daddy issues belong together.

And you will always be in the wrong for taking money from someone. Plain and simple. For someone with that mindset to become a nurse, is concerning.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

Annie Duong-Turner

I can't stand you. I already didn't like you in first grade. I should've never let you in. But fate works in strange ways. Clearly some people are meant to come into our lives to teach us a lesson. What did I learn from you?

Hmm. Still trying to figure that out.

You were always trying to play the mom in the friend group. Fuck that shit; I have a mother. What I needed was a friend but you were never a good fit. So in that sense, you weren't a loss to me. Mara admittedly was, but you, I didn't care where you stood one way or another.

Because you honestly didn't matter. You meant well but you never got it. And you still don't. We are just too different.

We were never ever close. I only confided in you b/c we were on vacation together with Mara and it'd be awkward to talk "behind your back" (oh, those words again) about my thoughts and what I was going through. But you took my story and ran.

You started to insert yourself. You tried to give advice again. I say again b/c you were always trying to give your "wise" two cents. Let's not forget you did terribly in school until junior year. I was always on track; you only caught up. How self righteous are you? So with your newfound "intelligence," you think you were qualified to give people advice? And all types at that. Advice on sex, relationship, love, men, trauma, etc.

I'm a psych major. If anyone, it's me that knows the benefits of therapy. But is that the step everyone needs to take? I'm sorry your dad beat your mom, but violence wasn't an issue in my case. I just needed to find myself. And sure I used other methods.

I know there's no self-help book on how to cope after a male stripper takes your virginity away in a locked dark bathroom - a short 5 second traumatic episode that changed the course of your life as you know it, and makes you emotionless for the next few months. The out of body experience I felt? None of you will ever understand. The fact I never saw his micropenis. The fact I wasn't experienced. The fact people try to tell me I was no longer a virgin even though I still very much felt like one. But alas let's tell me how helpful therapy was b/c your dad beat your mom and you're all better now. Let's also never talk about that incident itself until you're conveniently trying to give Lily advice b/c she's turning into such a big slut.

(1) I've been with the same man for almost 6 years. We are extremely committed to each other and though we have ups and downs, in the end, he's the one I want to be with. You don't even know him and you judged him based on a drunken episode or two? Think about what he thinks of you all from those episodes as well. Mara the money stealer who can't control herself when dick is nearby. Annie the mother who has to pull her back but also grabbed the dick too. 🤨 How confusing. Neither of you saw full pictures of the other, yet you immediately write him off as a "bad influence?" Please, Mara is way worse of an influence. Someday her anger and big mouth is going to get her in trouble.

(2) You never saw my relationship as anything more than fwb, yet you had the damn nerves to ask Alex about her "boyfriend." You know that was her fuck buddy, right? Yea, you're a fucking idiot. I don't care how many complicated weird sounding sentences you can form. You have NO street smarts. Or logic. Zilch. Like what a slap in my fucking face when I was in love with this man and you're asking someone about her fuck buddy "boyfriend." Yea well, they're over. I'm still here. Guess I was serious after all huh.

When did your Doana worshipping start? You have lost yourself in her. What do you even see in someone that toxic?

And she is fucking toxic because it's always her way or the highway. Never mistaken her quietness for kindness. She is always a ticking time bomb. But maybe you're used to abuse. I saw you and your new hubs engaged in a group hug with your parents. See, forgiveness is interesting. How do we determine who deserves it?

How do you think it's okay that Doana Marcellus said the following to me?

(i) "I knew this would happen."

- FIRST thing out of her mouth after it happened. It is NOT some sort of observation. It is victim blaming. I personally did not see it coming no, he had made advances and at a certain pt I did not mind it THAT much b/c he was doing something to me and I wasn't doing anything to him (gross, never would). It was the escalation I didn't see happening. It is not my fault for having low self-esteem. And having friends like yall did not help. So okay, let's name sure Doana lets YOU know the next time something bad happens, that she saw it coming. A heartless cunt like that deserves shitty friends. Maybe you and Mara are those friends. "Friends" who never tell the truth but talk behind other people's back. Did yall tell her yall smoked weed on her bed too? Yea, didn't think so.

(ii) "Are you going to start going crazy now b/c that happens?"

Like WTF is wrong with her to think any of that is okay? Her verbal abuse made everything worse for me, yet you all think she's some innocent angel who cares; she doesn't.

Because she also CUSSED me out, called me a "fucking asshole" b/c I was "hiding things behind [her] back." I don't need to tell ANYONE shit. Honestly. What I choose to share is up to me. Yet your unhinged cult leader attacked me like I've never seen. She had a mental breakdown and you guys think it's still okay to baby her? GTFO. She doesn't need any babying alright. But I'd keep babies away from her.

How can I be some slut when I'm over here with one man for the past 6 years. All of my 20s. "Dated" one gross guy before him (Fuck you Sam Choi). No one else rly. Definitely inexperienced in that sense. But please let me know how promiscuous I am!

And please tell me how else I could own my sexuality when it was taken away? You're telling me a therapist would help? Oh rly, would I get to fuck him/her? Didn't think so.

So what if what I did wasn't conventional. It was MY way of coping and I do not apologize for it.

Better than marrying the first guy that lays eyes on you, right? 😆🤨

You just piss me off with your self righteousness. You are THE corniest person on earth; no wonder you married the corniest boy you could find.

I guess my lesson: stay away from corny people who want to be your mother.

P.S. chinese paper lanterns should NEVER be used as decor. We're not 5. And you can't ruin your figure if you never had one.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

Rape is rape is rape is rape

I don't need to check everything off a box for you to validate my rape. You do not get to downplay my assault b/c it "could've gone worse." Even if violence wasn't a factor, the lack of consent was. My freezing was.

And the trauma I got from my so called FRIENDS at the time, not only didn't comfort, but placed blame on me? These are the people who need a lesson. No, not THAT lesson. They need to be educated b/c their ignorance will kill them one day. So when they have sons, what? They teach them that girls are to blame? And if they have daughters? Are they going to raise people pleasers, who may ultimately fall into situations where people of power take advantage of them?

Because it's true young girls are taught to be docile, obedient, and downright people pleasers.

With Doana, Annie told me oh, she judges b/c she was raised as a conservative. Im sorrrrry, does she have a brain? My parents are conservative too (not politically), but I have a brain and I can make my own decisions. You're really trying to tell me Doana who wears crotch length dresses, has an underboob lotus tattoo, clubs every weekend, is a conservative? Your argument is flawed. So you have an excuse for her but you couldn't see what I was going through and that I deserved some slack from Doana's judgment? You are all a bunch of ugly hypocrites. What is it even like to be THAT ignorant??

Doana Marcellus. Annie Duong-Turner. Mara Trochez Mejia.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

You lost IT.

A little birdie told me you finally experienced it for yourself. “IT” being the thing that you used to scrutinize others. The thing you vowed to keep sacred for someone “special.” The thing you really had no idea about.

So how was it? I’m sure it was nothing special now that you know how unremarkable it can be. So that means you only have 2-3 more left before you’re a slut, right? That’s what you used to judge others. We can do the same to you.

How does it feel knowing you eat your words? You probably do it every single day. Because you are a hypocrite. And a narcissist. And ugly. Ugly inside and out. But you’ll never see that, as the true narcissist that you are. Your need for admirable is sickening. But you’ll never be happy.

Heck, your tricks of manipulation didn’t work on him. In fact, it drove him back to his ex. You know, the one he actually cares about and not you.

You were the one who swore to destroy the man who were to cheat on you (no normal person would prepare herself for that type of heartache. Your father really ruined love for you). Guess you can’t do that to yourself when you’re the mistress. Yes, even if you were unaware of an ex (I’m sure that wasn’t the case at all), you didn’t do any research. Which means (1) you just don’t care; (2) you’re too stupid to find out.

I'm going with (1) and a sprinkle of (2) here.

Either way, “IT” is gone now. Do you feel any different? I’m sure you do. Of course you’ll feel a change when something significant happens. Yet you never allowed me to cope with the changes within me. Even if you think you were ready for “IT,” I doubt you knew what you were in for. Yet, ~4-5 years ago, you chose to criticize me from your high horse, when “IT” happened to me without my consent or knowledge. But you attacked me like I knew it was coming. The narcissist in you could not fathom that I had a different mind as you. A different personality. Different experiences. Different assumptions. I had low self-esteem, which does not need to be an excuse. It alone explains why I didn’t know. But you, with your enormous ego, assumed I knew. I had issues I had to tend to then, but you still have the same problems you always have, and you’ll never change or admit them.

Let’s focus a little bit on your illness.

S Y M P T O M S

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and the severity of symptoms vary. People with the disorder can:

Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance

(1) Yep, apparently we weren’t allowed to “hide things behind [your] back,” which alone sounds psycho enough, but for a friend to say that? As if we are your man. Get the fuck outta here with that crap! Good thing I have a great memory. Did you not remember I was the one to tell you about what was going on with me first??! And you know what you said??

-------> DM – “I don’t want to hear about that stuff so you don’t bothering telling me.”

So if Psycho Queen D doesn’t want to know, I still have to tell her? Oh right, because she's the Supreme Court Justice of Slutshaming.

Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration

(1) You yearn for admiration so much, it’s laughable when you turn around and say you are humble and don’t care about flattery from men. Please, it gives you life. The only reason people “admire” you is because they need to baby you. You’re so easily butthurt about everything, so sensitive, and so spoiled, that they feel they have to protect you. They really don’t though – you are fully capable of kicking someone else’s ass, and you’ve done it to a bunch of innocent people, you green-eyed monster.

(2) Of course you’re entitled. You demanded support when you were just a substitute teacher. God, grow up and do your own thing. Why do you constantly need people to baby you? Everyone’s dealing with their own issues – yours are not the end of the world. Your childhood is not as bad as you claim. Your sister was the one going through the pain. You do not get to mooch off of the sympathy others have for her.

Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

You’re not even smart. You got into a good school, big whoop – there’s other factors that got you in and you know it. It’s funny you’re teaching math when Huben gave you a D+. HA! You’ll never live that down. I guess 5th grade is the most advanced math you're capable of teaching.

Exaggerate achievements and talents

Same as the last.

Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

(1) Yepp. You think you’re a 10 on the beauty scale? Yea, a 10 out of 100, and everyone else feels that way, but no one’s willing to tell you. Your friends think otherwise, but they themselves are not well. Plus, they have to baby you, remember? Anyone willing to boast they’re a 10 is clearly not one. You actually have self esteem issues, but you’re hiding it with your cockiness.

(2) You said you were starting a business. How’s that going?

(3) Where’s the man of your dreams at??

Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people

You don’t need to fit every single bullet point to be a narcissist. I’ll give you a pass here. You associate with anyone willing to interact with you.

Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

People you see as inferior:

(1) “Slutty” or promiscuous people – which in your book, is someone who’s had 3+ partners. The truth is you're bitter that others are getting attention you think you deserve (you don't). I remember the Pinterest quote you saved. No, Doana, if other women stop giving it up to men so easily, they still won't want you.

Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations

This is the same as your sense of entitlement.

Take advantage of others to get what they want

You do this, but so subtle, it looks like others volunteered themselves to lick your clit (phrase c/o RC).

Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

Ha, we don’t even need to go over this. You made a big thing out of nothing. I was trying to deal with my own stuff, especially after YOU told me to stop telling you about it, but then you come around attacking me, as if I skinned your mother alive. Chill out, all she saw was TWO ADULTS sleeping in a bed. Nothing more, but you blow up as if your father doesn’t do more to every chick he encounters. Please. Don’t take out your hate for him on others. You were projecting.

Be envious of others and believe others envy them

You always think people are jealous of you. Why would they be? You’re not smart, not pretty, not nice. You have no value. You and your friends just laugh at others’ misfortunes. What a great brainwasher you are to our youth.

Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious

Yep you are all of that.

Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

Yea, you’re too broke for that ish.

At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:

Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment

Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted

React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior

- Ha, 100% you. That temper of yours need therapy (does Annie recommend it since she was such an advocate when she sought help??)

Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

- Again, anger issues

Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change

- Such as giving up on your college work because you couldn’t handle that and your job. Wow, priorities. You and your friends only care about work work work, aka $ $ $. Of course school was more important but I guess it took a lesson (or more, and expensive at that) for you to see that.

Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection

Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation

- I know FOR SURE that you are.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

I froze.

The two words above should suffice, but I will elaborate.

We're all aware of the FIGHT or FLIGHT response. That should immediately come into effect when one faces a perceived harmful event, attack, etc. right?

Did you know you could also freeze? That's an instinct as well, and it can happen when one perceives the threat to be too dangerous. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm the type who freezes. And although I didn't think he was going to harm me physically, I still froze. I cannot explain it. It kills me when I hear people says how they would react in someone else's shoes. Unless it has happened to you, you really don't know how you will react. So SHUT UP.

I had an out-of-body experience the nanosecond I realized his dick was inside me. I knew what was happening but I felt like it wasn't me. I felt like I was watching something happen. I felt like a lifeless doll at that moment. My mind was blank. Did it matter though? It was already inside. What was the point? Why didn't a virgin know she was being fucked? Shouldn't it hurt?

It didn't. That's how small his dick was. I'm not sure if low self-esteem from having a tiny genital made him rape, or if having a small dick made raping easy. Either way, he's a RAPIST.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

Lucky Me

People often choose to question the victim whenever rape allegations come out, but never the rapist.

The typical:

"What were you wearing?"

"But you made out with him, so he probably thought you wanted to have sex too."

"Did you give him some signals it was okay to do that? Maybe he thought that was you giving consent?"

"Why did you get drunk?"

"Why didn't you protect yourself? Better yet, why didn't you stop him?"

"Maybe you liked it."

"Don't put yourself in that situation next time."

---

Now, I don't think anyone said the above phrases to me, but they're your average responses, aren't they?

Anyone who has said any of these things to anyone is a digusting piece of human waste. How come we don't raise men not to rape? How come some men can't take no for an answer and we're okay with that?!

Patrick (for you it's Damion, Doana) is a ~6ft tall and large man. I remember him being able to lift me up (on that night, doing one of his stripper segments) very easily. He wasn't forceful when he raped me, but if he were, would it have been different???

That shouldn't matter. He overpowered me. He also had power, and that dynamic was in play. He WAS the one in control - I didn't know what was going on because he was the one planning every move.

Who thinks she's going to get raped when the stripper tells her she's won some raffle for a free private lap dance? Keyword: private

Now it's quite sketchy for the lap dance to take place inside a locked bathroom with the lights off, no?

But it's still my fault when I come to you and tell you he raped me. It only lasted 5 seconds, but it went in. And it wouldn't have affected me so much if I wasn't a virgin. You know, your hymen breaks and you have to deal with the fact you're "no longer" a virgin even though you still felt like one because you have yet to see a penis in real life. Or touch one. Or have a real sexual experience.

But the very definition of virgin meant I was no longer one, and that hurt. I didn't want a fucking rapist to be the person I lost my virginity to. I didn't have a good "first time" story, and never would.

Yep, it went inside me for 5 seconds or so, but I didn't see or feel it. But I was still able to consent because I knew it was happening, right?

You know why I didn't know it was happening?

Humans, especially women, have instincts. Mine did not work at all that night. It hadn't worked for 20 years. (I was 20 when this happened). Why?

Doana - you made assumptions when you said you knew it would happen. You assumed I also knew. You assumed I've had the same life experiences as you. You assumed I would react the same way as you. For that, you are ignorant and stupid.

The answer to "why?" - how could a girl with low self-esteem ever think anyone would be interested in her? You would literally have to tell me you liked me for me to get the message. Maybe he was just being nice. Maybe he was making all types of comments to every girl - how would I know?? I can't hear every conversation! (e.g. "your perfume smells good"). Regardless, I did not know. And when you blamed me, I wanted to hide in a fucking cave somewhere because I knew I lost you.

I knew I lost our HS friends because they would be on your side. Why wouldn't they? I seemed to be the one who has changed right?

You didn't get it, and that's sad. It's sad to know high school friends do not necessarily become lifelong friends because of opposing views. You people were so upset over me "changing," when in reality everyone does.

For example, I know AD has changed drastically. Someone who said she would never get married got engaged fairly recently. Hmm, I guess don't EVER say what you will and won't do in a situation you've never been in, because it WILL come back to bite you in your bony ass.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

My thoughts...

Post incident, I remember you saying something to me in the form of a warning, something along the lines of "so you're not gonna act crazy and sleep around now that this happened right."

Right, because instead of thinking how I will deal with the trauma, you immediately marked me a slut who was SOO ready to lose her virginity so she can sleep with ALL the men.

Although the rape affected me in more ways than I first expected, I hurt the most from how my shitty high school friends treated me, dealt with it, and commented on it.

When Mara Isabel Trochez Mejia and Annie Duong-Turner took your side, I was done. I was long done with you before our fallout. I was finally done after you said "I knew this would happen." I just didn't know how to end a friendship, so I let you do it. The reason I never fought back or defended myself while you shat on my life (what a terrible piece of shit) is because I truly no longer cared about you.

I never thought I could feel that way, but while I cried over your screams (who wouldn't; you're a scary bitch when you want to be), I didn't care to respond because I was just going to let you think what you wanted.

It didn't matter. You're not one to change your mind anyway.

What I do hope is you'll never judge your future children for the choices they want to make, because I'm sure they will also hide things behind your back; everyone does.

Or better yet, hopefully you won't have children. That will be a blessing for all of us. You know, one (or more) less judgmental bitch in the world.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

"I can't wait for my future boyfriend to cheat on me. He will GET it!"

-Doana Marcellus

Because a normal human being thinks her future bf will cheat. You're the one who needs therapy. Just because your father cheats and fathered a child with another woman doesn't mean all men are the same. That's an insult to other men.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

"I wanna raise a mama's boy so he can love me forever."

-Doana Marcellus

[doanamarcellus-blog]

"The reason men are the way they are is because there are women (sluts) who let them get away with it."

-Doana Marcellus

[doanamarcellus-blog]

"If you've slept with more than 3 people, you're a slut."

-Doana Marcellus

[doanamarcellus-blog]

"Slutty people are so nice!"

-Doana Marcellus

[doanamarcellus-blog]

Does it make a difference to you to know this man raped two other women while on the job? How about that other assault charge BEFORE he raped? He followed a woman home and assaulted her for not wanting to date him. But I still did it to myself right??

[doanamarcellus-blog]

Exotic dancer charged with rape in Wareham arrested on new assault charge

Police: Patrick Ladapo assaulted woman in Providence

WAREHAM, Mass. —

The male exotic dancer arrested after two women reported he sexually assaulted them during a private party on Aug. 27 in Wareham was arrested Monday for allegedly assaulting a woman in his Providence neighborhood, according to Wicked Local Wareham.

Providence police told the paper that Patrick Ladapo, 31, of Providence, tried to pull a 23-year-old woman into his car a day before the alleged rapes in Wareham.

Police said the woman said Ladapo had been trying to date her, and would wait for her at her home. On Aug. 26, he was waiting at her residence when she came home, and tried to persuade her to take a look at his car, police said. She declined, saying she was tired and he tried to pull her into the vehicle.

Police said the woman made a complaint a couple days after the Wareham arrest.

Providence Police Maj. David Lapatin said the investigation was continuing, adding, “There are other things we are looking at.” He said police believe Ladapo to be “someone we have to investigate thoroughly.”

Ladapo was arraigned Monday in Providence District Court on the simple assault charge. Bail was set at $2,500 and a no-contact order with the 23-year-old woman was issued.

He was charged with two counts of rape and two counts of indecent assault and battery on a person over the age of 14 in connection with the Wareham charges in Wareham District Court on Aug. 29. A probable cause hearing was set in that case for Sept. 26, court clerks said. Ladapo’s bail was set at $20,000 and was posted on Aug. 29, according to court personnel.

Ladapo, a dancer who had been employed by Boston-based Blaze Entertainment, was requested to perform at the private party and did so under the stage name of “Damion.” The assaults reportedly took place during private dances as part of his performance.

According to court records, 10 to 11 women were invited to a sex toy party at the private residence. That ended at about 9:30 p.m., and seven women remained when Ladapo arrived at about 9:30 p.m. for the strip show, according to court records.

Ladapo was hired online, according to court records, with a $70 deposit and was supposed to receive an additional $110.

He was to have been dressed as a police officer, but arrived in an army camouflage shirt, black pants, black boots, and a black hat, according to court records.

On Aug. 28, a 21-year-old woman reported that she had been sexually assaulted by Ladapo during a private lap dance at the party at the Wareham residence. During an investigation of the incident, it was learned that a 27-year-old woman also reported being sexually assaulted by Ladapo during a private lap dance at the party, according to court records.

Wareham Police did not release the names of the victims and the address of the residence where the assaults took place.

Wareham police said investigation of the incident was ongoing.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

1

Hi. I don't know how you found this tumblr (DM, you have no skills to even find this page so if you did, it's a shock) but it is for all to see.

This page is for Doana Marcellus. Whether she ever sees this or not doesn't matter. I just need to write. And it's fine if it's public.

In 3 months, it will be 6 years since the incident. You know, the one where I told you I was raped and you immediately said "I knew this would happen."

Oh really? BECAUSE I DIDN'T! How easy for you to brush it off, as if whatever I did prior to this incident justified what he did to me. Because you have 20/20 vision, and I didn't. Everything's clear in hindsight. How dare you say those words to ANYONE, especially somene you called a friend!? There's nothing wrong with being conservative, but you know a shitty friend when you see one - the one who says ignorant things like "if you've slept with more than 3 people, you're a slut." Right, because nowadays, you can only date 3 people before you find The One, right? The one who says "I would make a man wait 6 months before he can sleep with me." How is someone who has never experienced ANYTHING in her life able to decide what she will and will not do when she dates?? The one who judges you directly AND behind your back because she wasn't okay with your lifestyle. Yet, when you chose to share that part of your life with her, she wanted no part in it. WHICH do you want? Because you can't have both!!

You think you're some Queen B because your friends kiss your ass. Yea, they hide things behind your back too. Hmm oh, like that time both (MT & AD) tried weed and never told you. MT's exact words at the time "If Doana knew, she would disown us" while sitting on YOUR very college bed. Your friends are scared of you too.

[doanamarcellus-blog]

"I knew this would happen."

- Doana Marcellus