dodobirdguy123456

[dodobirdguy123456]

Having restricted and repetitive thought processes about you <3

[dodobirdguy123456]

I know that lesbian is also a word that can refer to someone from the island of lesbos and when Herodotus says that a king “sent his lesbians” to do something he’s referring to soldiers from lesbos

but I can’t get the image out of my head of a king or general pointing at a city and yelling “go, my lesbians!” and then a bunch of gay women running in to burn it down

[dodobirdguy123456]

K so in Mormon history there’s a story of Martin Harris, Joseph Smith’s secretary (kinda), asking to let his wife see the gold plates. Joseph prayed and God conveniently said “Nobody but you can peep on those plates, king, go forth and slay” and so Joseph said “God says no” and Martin says “k but I’ve invested a ton of money into this and my wife is grumpy and wants to see wtf I’m doing” and he says “k gimme a sec” and prays again and God says “cool, more info is helpful, still a no from me tho bestie” and JS says “Hey, I’m JS God doesn’t want your wife to know what’s happening lol” and Martin says “well then tell God to suck the farts out of my ass” and Joseph says “k hang on lemme check” and God finally says “Ok sheesh take the damn translated pages, k? Good compromise? Goodness. Just don’t come hollering at me if something happens.” And Martin takes the translated pages and gets robbed and God gets crabby with both of them and fucks off for a bit to cool down. And what that shows is a few things - one, God says “no” for wild crazy reasons that you could never predict. And two - God can be pushed around if it gets you off his back.

So I dated this girl in HS who was the Uberest of all UberMormons. And she wanted to date me BAD for reasons I cannot fathom (pics provided of what a dweeeb I was) but she apparently prayed a TON and finally God says “sure date ‘him.’” She told me this in a FB message a while ago, and then she said that because of her “pride” God had punished me with challenges that were unduly difficult (Gender Dysphoria). So, essentially, in her world she Martin Harris-ed God into forcing me to date her for 9 months and then as punishment for her pride he whipped out the old Celestial Sissy Hypno and forcefemmed me to teach her a lesson.

Which, to clarify, is fucking hilarious. Like, first of all how self-obsessed? But second of all, how badass? Like, God just said “K you can go to an improv show with him and hold his hand once but then it’s just 1000 years of him loathing his penis you selfish diot” and that is honestly so iconic. I hope she’s right just for the comedy value.

[dodobirdguy123456]

ideal living situation is what i call the 'sitcom special' : having all your closest friends live in the same apartment building or neighborhood where you each have your own space but can wander in and out of eachothers homes at will, seemingly always welcome and never at bad times. and also all of you only have jobs when its important to the plot.

[dodobirdguy123456]

The year is 2056. The 30th doctor is David Tennant. He took over from David Tennant. His companion is played by David Tennant. The villain is David Tennant as David Tennant. The showrunner is David Tennant. You hear a knock on the door. It's David Tennant. He gives you a pocket watch. You open it and remember who you are. You were David Tennant all along.

[dodobirdguy123456]

messages from my cishet brother at 9am on a thursday ?

[dodobirdguy123456]

may be a hot take but i think the fact minors can access 18+ content by just clicking a button that says 'yes im totally over 18 trust me' is like. totally fine tbh. its a non-issue. i dont care if curious teenagers are looking at porn. they've been doing that for as long as porn has existed. id rather teens explore their sexuality through images on the internet than rush into real life experiences when they're not ready for it yknow. the UK is trying to put stricter age verification in place (which in turn is becoming an online privacy nightmare) and like. for what. who is it helping. why is this a problem.

[dodobirdguy123456]

having never loved at all: 😐

having loved: oh sick this rules.

having lost: oh god no no no no no no. please no. get up please get up I'm sorry please. please. I'm so sorry, I love you. please

[dodobirdguy123456]

I get that sex and drugs are fun but even im like. at least have a 3rd thing. at least one more hobby. you can have a 3rd hobby. this isnt a purity thing this is a some of u are fucking boring thing.

[dodobirdguy123456]

Going to start writing my posts in some sort of universal phonetic alphabet that can convey every single sound that anything on earth could possibly make, so I can better convey the tone of my posts, as well as using different tones of voice, accents, non-human noisations, etc. to enhance comedic effect

[dodobirdguy123456]

MASOCHIST MUTUAL: ouhhh I need to receive a botched execution where they try for a gutshot but they miss and hit my steel dog tags instead and it shatters my solar plexus shredding my lungs with bone fragments and they kick me into a ditch where I slowly asphyxiate to death choking on my own blood and bone,,,

SADIST MUTUAL: [picture of newspaper cat] I should fuck a girl who is scared of me

[dodobirdguy123456]

Lorde....... fix my sunpurns:(

[dodobirdguy123456]

• On June 28, 1914, Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife are assassinated. This is the match in the powder keg that ignites World War I.

• Soldiers living and dying in horrific conditions and in close proximity to one another means that diseases spread very quickly.

• One German soldier in particular contracts jaundice and is removed from the battlefield. This soldier is Conrad Veidt.

• Veidt is permitted to act in the army theatre until his condition improves and he is fit to return to battle.

• In 1917 he is deemed unfit to serve and is discharged from the German army.

• Conrad Veidt returns to the theatre and goes on to have an illustrious career on both stage and screen, gaining stardom by playing major roles in pictures such as Different From the Others (1919), the first pro-gay film known to exist, with Veidt as the lead; and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920), widely regarded to be the first true horror film, with Veidt as a major antagonist under the villain’s control. He is one of few silent film stars whose careers last through the advent of sound.

• In the late 1920s, Veidt travels to the United States to star in a few films for Universal Pictures. One of these films is The Man Who Laughs (1928), in which he plays Gwynplaine, the titular Laughing Man, who was surgically disfigured as a child to set his mouth in a permanent grin. This film is adapted from Victor Hugo’s 1869 novel, L’Homme qui rit.

• On April 25, 1940, the Joker makes his first appearance in the debut issue of the comic book Batman. It is generally accepted that the visual design of the Joker is based directly on Conrad Veidt’s appearance as Gwynplaine in The Man Who Laughs (1928). This is supported by the Joker’s creators, although their accounts of the Joker’s creation differ.

• The Joker goes on to become one of the most popular characters of all time, joining the ranks of characters of myth, legend, literature, and modern media whose stories will likely be retold and remembered until the sands of time have buried the bones of humanity forever.

• Enter tumblr user @the-muppet-joker (aka Croaker), who not only kins (mainly) the Joker and Kermit the Frog, but is also in a relationship with both of them.

• Tumblr user and YouTuber @strange-aeons makes a video delving into the twisted mind (and blog) of the Croaker.

• Croaker is angered by this, and so they schedule a duel to the death at @dashcon-two.

• They duel. Strange emerges victorious and is knighted by the Ball Pit Queen. Croaker dies and the funeral process is speedrunned with a heartfelt rendition of “Man or Muppet” performed by The Musical InterDudes. The singers held signs with individual letters spelling “KUNG POW PENIS”.

TL,DR: The Croaker owes his existence to jaundice and the 1914 assassination of an Austro-Hungarian noble.

And also Victor Hugo.

[dodobirdguy123456]

opens box that reads "i wanna draw again". inside lies a note. the note says, "mental illness and difficult circumstances have taken years of interest, accessibility, and skill away from me. i want to forgive myself for that. i want to heal my relationship to my hobbies. i want to feel connected to something that once made me feel good, but the cyclic discouragement is difficult to overcome." i turn over the note. on the back it reads "wannta drawe sexy bodies awooga"

[dodobirdguy123456]

Figure: The representation of any form, as by drawing, painting, modelling, carving, embroidering, etc. A shape depicted in such a way.

Figure of speech: A word or phrase that intentionally deviates from ordinary language use to produce a rhetorical effect; a turn of phrase.

Fog:  A thick cloud that forms near the ground; the obscurity of such a cloud. 

Fogure: A figure obscured by fog.

Fogure of speech: I have no idea what the fuck you were trying to say, but I'm going to assume that you didn't mean that literally.

[dodobirdguy123456]

they didnt give me a penis because i would be so good at having boners i would literally win every boner compatition and thats why they were tooooo scared

[dodobirdguy123456]

I’m all for making stuff up when putting mythology in your story but it’s also amazing how many people can’t tell the difference between a work of fiction and what people who practiced a religion or a folk tradition at the time actually believed.