dokjaslibrary

[dokjaslibrary]

episode 6. 献一株桔梗予溺水的鬼 by 江流

[artwork by Plastic_Tree from Taiwan physical volume via 台灣威向, 威向文化]

献一株桔梗予溺水的鬼 / Offering a Bouquet of Bellflowers to the Ghost of a Drowned Man / Platycodon and Ghost by 江流

34 chapters + 1 extra (3 parts)

Published on 长佩文学 from 2017-2019

✦ — GENRE(S)

Danmei, slice of life, modern

✦ — SUMMARY

After the suicide of a beloved writer, Wang Ze, a university student and forest ranger cross paths. Together, they face the complexities of mental health and what is worth staying alive for.

✦ — WARNINGS

Depression, suicide/attempted suicide, suicide ideation, child abuse (physical and sexual), torture, drugging, incest

✦ — LINKS

Read the raws for free on Changpei.

There’s no official English translation. A fan translation is available courtesy of chaikat, whom I want to express my deep gratitude for approaching the topics of depression and suicide with sensitivity.

RATING: S

Spoilers ahead. See under the cut for a (very) in-depth discussion of the text!

There are some stories you pick up, knowing you'll be torn asunder by the end. This raw and meaningful novel is on that list. Offering a Bouquet of Bellflowers to the Ghost of a Drowned Man is one of the most thorough and accurate depictions of depression and suicide that I read to date, an impressive feat for only 35 chapters.

I rarely read written works with sections like this, but I liked how fragmented and refreshing it felt. The frequent breaks act as speed bumps for the reader to proceed at an appropriate pace. Without this structure, I would’ve breezed through the story as I tend to do. This short novel has much to say, so please take your time!

The honest weight of the text is equally devastating as it is comforting. Although depression is widespread, there are endless misconceptions about it. Depression is indiscriminate, affecting anyone regardless of age, class, gender, etc. Even if someone appears fine, can create art that inspires others, or is successful and wealthy, their condition should be taken seriously. Just because it’s a common, treatable disorder doesn’t mean it’s less destructive or life-threatening than other health issues.

The story acknowledges that depression manifests differently for everyone and highlights some “socially unacceptable” symptoms. Dropping out of school, harboring “unproductive” interests, damaging relationships, forgetting to eat, not cleaning your own space, and struggling with basic hygiene are not the result of laziness or intentional neglect. This is a disorder for a reason. It’s debilitating. And it can reach a severity where someone ends their own life.

Society insists that suicide is “selfish” and “cowardly.” I love how Bellflowers fights the stigma by treating this subject with tenderness and complexity. Suicide is a tragedy, as all deaths are. It shouldn't be a damning crime. Regardless of personal opinion, holding compassion toward those who passed is crucial. They deserve to be treated with warmth, understanding, and dignity—even in death—rather than scorn and shame.

A pang of guilt accompanies the grief after a loved one dies by suicide. Such a loss may trigger suicidal thoughts, completely numb the pain, or remain dormant in an emotional vacuum until much later. Yet the questions of “What more could I have done? What could I have done better to prevent this?” haunt everyone the same.

Living with the gut-wrenching remorse may be inevitable, but self-forgiveness prevents it from paralyzing you into hopelessness. The forest ranger walked a path that would only lead his grief and guilt to snowball out of control, but after meeting Wang Ze, his mindset shifts to uplifting others where and when he can. The harshest truth is that there’s only so much you can do. The line between stopping someone from dying and finding a reason to live can actually be a wide gap. The forest ranger's growth in this regard touched me deeply because this is not implying that a person isn’t worth saving after a certain point. Sometimes we did the best we could at the time. Sometimes it wasn't enough. I admired his declaration that even if he couldn't do more, that would be ok too. Acknowledging this without letting it consume you whole is the real challenge.

One person may not be able to save everyone, but it’s possible to help someone remain afloat. Love goes so, so far. It can’t magically “fix” the broken pieces. It certainly won’t “cure” depression and suicidal ideation. Still, genuine human connection eases the pain of living. A support system can convince someone that waking up to another day is possible because there’s a salvation in knowing someone and letting yourself be known. As Tim Kreider puts it in “I Know What You Think of Me,” “if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”

Being so vulnerable is terrifying, especially for those with dark traumas who are used to hiding behind a façade for self-protection. My heart was in tatters seeing the writer, who desperately wanted to be loved for who he was, attempt to make himself visible. The original draft of his final novel was an effort to bare his soul and a silent plea for acceptance. That desire to share your truth paired with the overwhelming fear that a trusted person will turn you away reminded me of the following lines from “The Torn-Up Road” (2000) by Richard Siken:

I want to tell you this story without having to confess anything, without having to say that I ran out into the street to prove something, that he didn't love me, that I wanted to be possessed, thrown over, that I wanted to have the wounds nailed shut.

Hesitant to directly reveal his past, the writer puts it in novel form along with the hope that his editor will say this life can still have a happy ending. An uneasy rejection sends the writer over the edge, and we never learn his name. Till the end, no one truly knew him.

In contrast, Wang Ze and the forest ranger reveal the ugliest parts of themselves and grow closer. As they see the other’s strengths and gentle heart, I couldn’t help but think, “What a relief it would be if you saw yourself through the eyes of a person who understood you.” Even for a split second, you can wonder, “Maybe I’m not as terrible as I thought.” Loving yourself and believing you have a future worth seeing aren't affirmations that can be internalized overnight. But if someone is by your side, loving even “this” version of you… perhaps everything isn’t as daunting.

Part of the novel’s charm is that 江流 doesn’t try to solve questions that carry too much nuance to have an answer or make uncertain promises. These snippets from “I am not always very attached to being alive” by Anna Borges put it better than I can:

But speaking freely need not solely carry the weight of prevention. It can simply be about the comfort of social connectedness and knowing you’re not alone. Like Beeson told me, the big picture is not as much about preventing suicide as it is about planning life and fostering social connectedness — which, in and of themselves, are major preventative factors.

Perhaps what I’m looking for isn’t land at all, but other people out here with me. Trying, and treading, and learning to live in the water.

We simply sit with a gentle reminder of some axioms: Living is hard, but you are important. Your struggles and pain are valid. You are worthy of love and acceptance. You are not alone. It is so good to have you here. I hope you continue to stay.

[dokjaslibrary]

episode 5. 六爻 by priest

[artwork by 江湖夜雨 from audio drama via 六爻广播剧官微]

六爻 / Coins of Destiny by Priest

109 chapters + 5? extras

Published on 晋江文学城 in 2014

✦ — GENRE(S)

Danmei, cultivation (xianxia), drama, action, adventure, mystery

✦ — SUMMARY

Five disciples of the declining Fuyao sect spend over 100 years unearthing the secrets of their predecessors and the cultivation world, trying to return home to Fuyao Mountain.

✦ — WARNINGS

Death, violence, torture, (non-graphic) rape

✦ — LINKS

Read the raws on JJWXC. Use this all-in-one English guide compiled by sassystrawb3rry to create an account, purchase, and more.

An official translation by SassyStrawberry has been announced and licensed by Rosmei.

Listen to seasons 1, 2, and 3 of the audio drama on 猫耳FM.

RATING: B+

• Story: The plot is constantly in motion! Anyone familiar with Priest’s novels knows there’s always a degree of unpredictability that keeps you turning page after page. The story fell a bit flat for me at times, especially during the final arcs. It’s a highly eventful tale, but I began losing some engagement when it felt overly saturated with layers upon layers of chaos. Perhaps certain moments would’ve impacted me more if things slowed down a bit. No biggie, just an incentive for me to reread.

• Characters: Liu Yao is well worth reading if you enjoy satisfying character growth. I was thoroughly charmed by the characters and their depth. I adored the kids even more because they’re insufferable brats, making their dynamic a balanced mix of amusing and endearing. The novel focuses on the sect’s ride-or-die bond, so YZM and CQ’s romance is more of an added bonus. If you want a true romance, Liu Yao is not for you.

• Writing style/Translation: Will comment on this once the official license is published.

• Themes: Priest elaborates on some hefty themes, including generational ties, collective/individual responsibility, immortality, and power. However, I admit I’m missing some insight because I’m not fully knowledgeable about the cultural elements.

• Enjoyment: Overall, I enjoyed Liu Yao a lot! With the official English license by Rosmei, I look forward to revisiting this novel. I’m sure I’ll pick up more from it in the second read.

Spoilers ahead. See under the cut for an in-depth discussion of the text!

There’s no better word to describe Liu Yao than “homecoming.” Priest takes us on a riveting, century-long expedition of all the ways a person can return to their roots: a place rich with memories, a person treasured for a lifetime, and a truth waiting to be unpacked.

I would argue that anyone familiar with Priest’s novels knows there’s always a degree of unpredictability that keeps you turning page after page. You can never get too comfortable. Liu Yao relentlessly slaps the readers with trouble, carefully building upon each plot point until everything comes full circle.

But what drew me in from the start was Fuyao’s disciples. The kids are despicable oddballs, all insufferable in their own ways. They relentlessly bully, insult, and push each other’s buttons to the point of conjuring a good beating. And yet, they would go to the ends of the earth to find and protect one another.

There’s a dash of sweet, angsty, and hilarious romance between Yan Zhengming and Cheng Qian. Their relationship was written well enough for me, but for the readers who expect it to be the story’s main focus, Liu Yao probably isn’t for you. This novel encompasses much more than that.

Although our main couple stands out, I’m equally fond of all five disciples. We see them grow from blundering children into unrivaled talents of the cultivation world. You find yourself cheering and worrying for them as they struggle. Your heart aches and swells with pride seeing how they change and stay the same over the years. As they continuously face misfortune that tears them apart and brings them back together, there’s never a moment where you doubt the strength of their bonds. They may piss each other off, but this eccentric group is always a home to return to.

Their odyssey offers much food for thought, but some key themes that I took away include:

ミ★ GENERATIONAL TIES & RESPONSIBILITY

It becomes apparent early on that the Fuyao sect is much more than what meets the eye. As a messy history is slowly revealed, the past, present, and future are deeply intertwined. The question of accountability arises, and the fragile balance between the duty of the individual vs. the collective is explored. How do we preserve the legacies and rectify the wrongs of those before us? Are the actions of our predecessors also our burdens to bear? If so, how do we handle this while forging a path that can be claimed as our own?

Once Yan Zhengmeng becomes Fuyao’s sect leader, much to his own dismay, the desire to give up pokes at his mind as he worries about leading the current generation. Despite the difficulties, maintaining Fuyao’s existence is to honor their late Shifu, and we see how often he revisits the past to continue walking forward.

But Yan Zhengming doesn’t have to bear everything by himself. Together, the sect siblings shoulder the responsibility of stopping their fourth brother and the payment for Shizu’s wish from fully realizing. As their abilities reach unprecedented heights and their influence rises, the disciples face greater enemies and unlock answers about the previous generation.

The havoc of the present is the aftermath of yore, yet, that isn’t the complete truth either. Han Yuan knows that just like anyone else, he must face the consequences of his actions. Even if the cause wasn’t his fault. Even if his sect siblings want him back. We can't use the past to excuse the damage we have done to others.

I enjoyed the complexity of Tong Ru and Tang Zhen’s choices, even if they are the reasons behind the chaos. Tong Ru’s bloody footprint preserved at the top of the tower and Tang Zhen’s frozen corpse treasuring the brilliant feather are evidence of their determination to save those they loved. Intention doesn’t negate impact, but in those brief moments when you catch that sliver of their good hearts, condemnation stills at the tip of the tongue.

ミ★ IMMORTALITY & POWER

After an arduous 100 years, the disciples can fully understand what Han Muchun meant by “death is the same as ascension.” Eternal life does not mean you will truly live. The recipe is simple: good meals, safe shelter, spending time with the people you cherish, and doing what you think is right in the moment. What is immortality and cultivation strength worth in the face of a comfortable life with your closest relations? What could possibly be more fulfilling than a heart brimming with love?

With the Fuyao sect walking the path of humanity, it’s notable that power and a long life aren’t inherently wrong. The 48th generation is unparalleled in prestige, pushed to climb to the top to ensure each other’s safety. While other cultivators may quickly abandon these “worthless mortal relations” in pursuit of ascension, the Fuyao sect has always valued them because they know this journey can’t be endured alone. Their motivations are more about prolonging the fleeting time we have with our loved ones until we inevitably turn to dust.

Yes, perhaps no matter how esteemed, we all amount to nothing in the face of this vast universe. Why do we cling to the ephemeral, if not to make this tough pill easier to swallow? Life can be long, but at the end of it all, there’s truly no place like home — however you define it.

Note: Although this was not included as a warning across various fan translations, I want to mention the colorism in chapter 33, where an antagonistic side character is repeatedly referred to as “a piece of black charcoal.”

I’ll be the first to admit that my CN is not fluent by any means, so I wouldn’t know if this phrase has other meanings. It sounds straightforwardly like a jab at a person’s skin tone, but please don’t hesitate to correct me if I’m wrong.

[dokjaslibrary]

episode 4. in limbo by deb jj lee

[artwork by Deb JJ Lee from In Limbo]

In Limbo by Deb JJ Lee

B

5 parts (352 pages)

Published by First Second Books in 2023

✦ — GENRE(S)

Graphic memoir, young adult, non-fiction

✦ — WARNINGS

Bullying, racism, violence and abuse, suicide attempt and ideation, mental health, body shaming

✦ — LINKS

Please support small, independent, and local bookstores when you can! I highly recommend purchasing from Bookshop.org if you prefer buying online.

The ebook version is also available through Kindle.

See under the cut for an in-depth discussion of the text!

I’m delighted to have had the chance to read and review In Limbo via NetGalley. As a queer Asian-American who has been a fan of Deb’s work for years, this highly anticipated debut resonates with my own childhood experiences.

Deb’s art never fails to capture my attention. Given their other works, I was anticipating what color palettes Deb might bring to the table. However, I love the choice of a monochromatic scheme. It has its own appeal. There’s a softness and intimacy thanks to the blue hue, cementing the feeling of walking through someone’s memories. It forces the reader to pay attention to other artistic aspects beyond color, like shading, value, negative space, composition, and paneling. All of which are beautifully done.

This is ultimately not a new story. Many children of immigrants, regardless of ethnic background, can find a piece of themselves in this memoir, whether in the identity crisis, the broken home, the struggles with mental health, or all of the above. The fact that this is an omnipresent tale makes it distinct in its own way. After all, it’s a story still often swept under the rug as if unworthy of a small breath. Generations upon generations have engraved into our heads that these struggles are shameful or amount to “nothing” compared to other hardships. But growing up is ugly and hellish, and this is a raw truth that Deb willingly grapples with. Our age is different; we resist and endure by recounting our history. Stories don’t need to be mind-blowingly unique to be appreciated. Some are more charming because we’ve lived them.

Fortunately, I can read Korean, so I understand all the phrases left untranslated. Effortlessly weaving both languages showed the clashing of two worlds and being stuck between cultures. When there isn't a place to fit in, we can always forge our own sense of belonging elsewhere. Despite the growing pains, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and Deb finds it in art.

I enjoyed the honest portrayal of mental health, the unsteady but gradual repair of relationships with family and friends, and the reflections on forgiveness. I craved a bit more in terms of unlearning internalized racism or remedying the cultural dissonance. I felt like there were some loose threads, but I understand this is a crafted narrative with limited space at the end of the day. Details are inevitably left out to make the memoir easily understandable and fluid.

I’m also well aware that other dimensions of the story may still be playing out in reality, which is why not everything has “closure.” And some things we've been through will never have a perfect resolution, point blank. After all, real life isn’t linear. We're all doing our best in this world, moving through our healing journeys at our own pace. Nothing is ever packaged this neat, but that’s part of why autobiographical narratives exist, right? They are attempts to make sense of experiences and present it in a way others can follow along and hopefully feel less alone.

[dokjaslibrary]

episode 3. 小蘑菇 by 一十四洲

[artwork by 你好好好菌 from simplified Chinese physical volume 2 via 联合读创/creadion]

小蘑菇 / Little Mushroom by 一十四洲 / Shisi

S+

84 chapters + 5 extras | 49 chapters in English (not counting extras)

Published on 晋江文学城 from 2019-2020 | English edition licensed by Peach Flower House in 2022

✦ — GENRE(S)

Danmei, sci-fi, apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic fantasy, dystopian, romance

✦ — SUMMARY

An Zhe, a sentient mushroom of the Abyss, takes a human form to retrieve his stolen spore from the Northern Base. As he repeatedly runs into Lu Feng, the fearsome Arbiter who hunts xenogenics, An Zhe learns about humanity and witnesses what might be their final desperate fight for survival in a decaying world.

✦ — WARNINGS

Gore and disturbingly detailed descriptions of creatures/metamorphosis, death, violence, torture, (non-graphic) sexual assault

✦ — LINKS

Read the raws on JJWXC. Use this all-in-one English guide compiled by sassystrawb3rry to create an account, purchase, and more.

An official English translation by Xiao is available in physical and ebook formats thanks to Peach Flower House.

Check out this handy carrd to learn more about the audio drama on 猫耳FM.

When will the Little Mushroom manhua on Kuaikan breathe?

Spoilers ahead. See under the cut for a (very) in-depth discussion of the text!

A riveting assessment of humanity in all its grievances and glory, Little Mushroom rightfully deserves to be a Silver Award Winner of the 12th Xingyun Awards for Global Chinese Science Fiction (��球华语科幻星云奖) for Best Original Novel.

Shisi is clearly a master at her craft, and we have to thank Xiao for gracing us with a quality translation! The descriptions and use of literary devices are brilliant. With Shisi’s detailed and engaging world-building, you feel as if you stepped right into this flickering flame of a future threatening to extinguish with the next turn of a page. This is one of those books that make it nearly impossible to resist binge-reading in one sitting because the thoughtful storyline maintains a vice-like grip on you.

Although the cute title might lead you to believe otherwise, this is a harrowing read. The story is, by and large, tragic. However, the glimmering threads of humanity’s merits shine through the thick of the adversities. At its core, XMG begs the question: What does it mean to be human? Shisi composes some potential answers through the lens of a little mushroom. Many layers ultimately mesh with one another, but I'll do my best to divide them into three for the following discussion.

ミ★ LEGACY

Human genius undeniably makes us remarkable as a species. The text explores two memorable ways we leave our mark on this world: innovation (science/technology) and culture (writing/music). One is symbolic of our prime and plays a significant role in our survival thus far. But in the face of changes that defy human logic, all of that knowledge collapses.

The other, an ancient practice, holds discreet power. Cultural and historical artifacts are some of the finest ways we remember people—not humanity as a whole, but individual human beings. In this fleeting moment within the vast universe, someone has the chance to leave a piece of themselves behind and say, “I was here.”

Whether it be letters written without expecting a response like the ones memorialized in the ventilation system, creative writings such as the works of An Ze and Poet found in the Eastern Hills, or the legendary compositions of Beethoven, these creations are a reminder that the larger tale of mankind wouldn’t exist without these distinct chapters made by, well, man. And while they may not contribute much from the perspective of saving us from doomsday, they are the key to breaking through our limited understanding of the world.

Of course, this is not to disrespect the work of those who pursue STEM. We have much to be thankful for to be where we are today. But Shisi’s honest critique reckons with the fact that science is not irrefutable nor incapable of being used for cruelty. There may come a day when science can no longer help us understand this earth. And there will continue to be days where science can be wrong in various ways.

We see this with the Rose Manifesto. Countless examples of unethical ideas, procedures, or experiments have harmed marginalized populations throughout history, all in the name of science. (Examples include the myth of race, Henrietta Lacks, the Tuskegee Syphilis study conducted on Black men, gynecological experiments performed by White male doctors on enslaved Black women, and nutritional studies with Ingenious children in boarding schools. Just to name a few relevant to North America.) A noble pursuit can still breed evils.

So if modern science fails to aid us, what role does culture have in the breakthrough? The text repeatedly states that humans can't detect minute changes in the world. Yet, in the end, the “truth” of this apocalypse is compared to symphonies. It may be an odd simile, especially considering how music has nearly vanished in a decaying world, but it isn’t that strange. I can’t help but think of an excerpt from The Renaissance by Walter Pater:

“All art constantly aspires towards the condition of music. For while in all other kinds of art it is possible to distinguish the matter from the form, and the understanding can always make this distinction, yet it is the constant effort of art to obliterate it.”

Pater is obviously speaking about other artistic mediums, not science, but my point stands. Let the “form” here be science, and the “matter” be the secrets of the universe.

Music is unmediated. It reaches right into the soul and is innately felt and understood by the listener. To truly make sense of this world’s destruction and overcome our missing sensitivity to change, we need to tap into the “imaginative reason.” The apocalypse has to be approached like music as the sole medium that allows perfect obliteration between form and matter.

Rather than the problem stemming from genetics, Pauli unlocks the answer once he realizes the issue is far more abstract. What art form is more abstract than music? Scientific conventions, like the arts, must always remain open to being challenged at any time.

ミ★ EMOTION

I love how Shisi gives us a non-human look at human beings. As An Zhe works through the full range of human emotion, his discoveries only remind us how complex and diverse each individual is. Emotions are not exclusive to us, but I think it’s a safe assumption that we experience them with unrivaled intricacy and depth.

Perhaps our vast gamut of emotion is the foundation of this story. An Zhe sees different degrees of love, hatred, greed, sympathy, loneliness, despair, grief, etc., and how they drive us. These feelings can stand alone but often develop through relationships with others.

We repeatedly observe how easy it is for An Zhe to harbor genuine affection for the people he meets. Of course, Lu Feng is a prime example. The time they spent together was short but powerful. I enjoyed seeing how they impacted each other within those small timeframes despite their differences and how those moments evolved into changes while they were apart.

There’s a poignant grief that continually bleeds from the pages of this novel. But from the unexpected encounters and sudden partings between a gentle xenogenic and aloof Arbiter blooms a form of deliverance: love. It doesn't surprise me that An Zhe and Lu Feng’s relationship is largely defined by two of the most potent emotions we experience. What two emotions dominate the story of humankind more than love and grief?

ミ★ FAITH

Shisi tackles many things related to humans, but the most moving exploration is our beliefs. Morality is nuanced, and everyone has different standards, particularly regarding life and death.

Death frequently occurs in this novel. I’m usually someone who has a bone to pick with sudden deaths. However, I can make an exception for XMG since it serves a thematic purpose. Although this story is about our tenacity, it’s a paradoxical truth that human life is fleeting and unpredictable. Loss happens often and without warning. And when it happens in mass, is it right or wrong? What counts as a just or unjust death? Who deserves to die? Who deserves to live? And perhaps the most damning question of all: Does our survival as a species justify the means?

“Humankind’s interests take precedence over all else.” “Although wrong, it is still correct.”

The number of cruel choices the Northern Base had to make left me wondering, “Is it even possible to pragmatically judge decisions made in an apocalyptic world?” Regardless of right or wrong, the despair is visceral. The argument about morality reminded me of the concept of “necessary evils” and the following lines from Mark Twain’s essay, “The Damned Human Race”:

"What, now, do we find the Primal Curse to have been? Plainly what it was in the beginning: the infliction upon man of the Moral Sense; the ability to distinguish good from evil; and with it, necessarily, the ability to do evil; for there can be no evil act without the presence of consciousness of it in the doer of it."

For other species, killing and fighting for survival is simply part of the life cycle. Humans live in a harsh reality that adds conscience and morality into this equation. Especially since we have the means to kill off our own in such large numbers (e.g. the Outer City bombings), it truly feels like a curse.

We see the endless struggle of retaining one’s literal and metaphorical humanity in a world overrun by monsters. What necessarily sets humans apart from the life forms beyond the base? And even if someone can claim to be fully human, is it a life worth living if you lose your sense of humanity?

This puts Lu Feng in his own league as the formidable Arbiter. As contradictory as it sounds, one must have abundant love and mercy to be an Arbiter. It isn’t easy to believe in the potential of every individual while being tasked to kill them. Lu Feng developed a 100% accuracy to prevent mistaken deaths and held his position for 7 years without becoming trigger-happy. Of course, this still comes at a price. He has the blood of thousands on his hands. He has never made excuses for walking down this path, nor has he wavered. He is hated. He is lonely. He is wrong, and he is right.

Lu Feng and Pauli Jones exemplify why kindness is a necessary flaw. Perhaps these two specifically prove that this weakness is even more crucial for those in positions of power. The fact that the story ends with the Northern Base providing aid to the Highland Research Institute instead of the other way around shows the extent of our beliefs and how they can change. We move away from that cold place, abandoning those rigid divisions of humans and non-humans in favor of a more open-minded and compassionate future. Even at the cusp of extinction, what allowed mankind to survive? The perseverance of our “good” qualities: hope, kindness, compassion, bravery. There isn't much to firmly place our faith in during an apocalypse. But if there is one thing worth believing in until the very end, maybe it’s the traits that make us beautiful.

[dokjaslibrary]

episode 2. 和邪神结婚后 by 浮白曲

[artwork by 魚與花雕 from Thai physical volume 3 via Freesia Book]

和邪神结婚后 / After Marrying the Evil God by 浮白曲

B

104 chapters + 12 extras

Published on 晋江文学城 in 2020

✦ — GENRE(S)

Danmei, romance, cross-genre, modern

✦ — SUMMARY

A married couple undertakes the task of saving the world and each other. Desperate for a way to prevent the other’s inevitable mortality, Qi Baicha and Fu Mingye are painfully unaware that they are, in fact, both gods with a remarkable history.

✦ — WARNINGS

Often suggestive and contains implied NSFW, instances of suicide ideation and attempted suicide, depictions of gore and violence

✦ — LINKS

Read the raws on JJWXC. Use this all-in-one English guide compiled by sassystrawb3rry to create an account, purchase, and more.

There’s no official English translation, but an edited MTL is available courtesy of snoflakesun.

Spoilers ahead. See under the cut for an in-depth discussion of the text!

Every reader has tropes, motifs, and archetypes they circle back to, and I am no different. After Marrying the Evil God uses numerous elements across various fictional genres, from deities and supernatural species to systems, multi-dimensional universes, apocalypses, and more. The random yet not-so-random combination elicits a comfortable joy, although it can be overwhelming to readers who aren’t familiar with these tags.

The novel centers around Qi Baicha, a snow god who is as gentle yet cold as his element, and Fu Mingye/Qi Ye, the evil god who is pragmatic and affectionate despite his “evil” nature. As they deal with unprecedented threats to their world, their love story unfolds on new levels.

The couple starts off posing as humans. They’re clueless, silly, and so hopelessly in love. However, the highlight for me is the delicious angst as they dread each other’s death. As said in The Haunting of Bly Manor, “to truly love another person is to accept the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them.” Qi Baicha and Fu Mingye represent how all (mortal) relationships end with partings, yet we still bravely choose to love anyway. Concealing their identities leaves the reader with no room for doubt about their utter devotion to each other. They have intentionally chosen to be together despite the “differences” in life spans. Amidst the eternal, they're willing to bet everything on this flickering happiness.

I adore the shifts in their dynamic as they learn more about each other’s true identities. Their love is paradoxical. Although supposedly unnatural, it's undeniably natural because it comes so easily. Despite their inherent differences as gods made of clear versus turbulent qi, they breach it all for love. Qi Ye’s “I will love you against my divinity” is a declaration in the same vein as I love you on purpose. Whether for a single person or the world, love is most powerful when it’s intentional.

I know the novel is tagged as such, but I would enjoy the story even more if it was less OP. There are some limitations for the gods, but it is evident how powerful our main couple is. Sometimes it gave me whiplash when a problem is efficiently solved with little to no struggle. For example, Tan Shijin and Wu Mengmeng conveniently dying during the zombie apocalypse was a tad disappointing since I anticipated them to play a more significant role in the Red Rain arc. Without sustained tension and conflict, few moments throughout the novel induce a satisfying adrenaline rush. But for those who would rather coast through a novel without excessive stress, this is definitely your cup of tea!

Things do get more interesting once Li Jin rears his head. The last arc had me in a chokehold as everything tied together. Although arguably predictable if you follow the story closely, I still enjoyed the revelation of our main couple’s ancient history. Seeing how far back they go, why Qi Ye becomes OP, and the process of Qi Ye becoming OP is unbelievably touching. How could one not be moved by the sacrifices to save a beloved and the world they wish to protect? Even Yan Zhao agrees! The end puts the previous arcs into perspective; everything beautifully makes sense.

There is something overwhelmingly soul-trembling about a love determined by choices that transcends to become fate. Our main couple initiated and sustained this enduring affection across countless millenniums. Qi Baicha and Qi Ye are the epitomai of the following quote from The Chaos of Stars by Kiersten White:

“I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway. And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.”

AMEG is for the romantics who enjoy a love story that originates from the beginning of time, destined yet always deliberate at every step of the way.

Additional note(s): I’m usually a bit wary when autistic characters are portrayed as savants because it's a stereotypical approach. However, I appreciate how people’s perspectives towards Meng Xing didn’t negatively shift once they learned he’s autistic. The students apologize for misjudging his autism as character flaws. This understanding, rather than further hostility, is relieving.

[dokjaslibrary]

episode 1. 草茉莉 by ashitaka

[artwork from simplified Chinese physical volume 2 via Kakitono 肆顆柿廚輩糧倉, 海棠出版社/Cherryfruit]

草茉莉 / Four O’Clock Flower / Mirabilis Jalapa by Ashitaka

A

34 chapters (52 parts) + 3 extras

Published on 长佩文学 in 2018

✦ — GENRE(S)

Danmei, romance, slice-of-life, modern

✦ — SUMMARY

A slow-paced, slow-burn love story between two ordinary individuals of seemingly opposite circumstances and personalities. Qiao Fengtian, a 29-year-old hairdresser, repeatedly crosses paths with Zheng Siqi, a 35-year-old university professor and single father. Despite their differences, they become each other’s safe haven.

✦ — WARNINGS

Mainly SFW but has a handful of NSFW scenes; instances of homophobia, slurs, gender stereotyping, insensitive references to Putin; mentions of past forced coming out, sexual acts done to a minor, self-harm/attempted suicide, bullying

✦ — LINKS

Read the raws for free on Changpei.

There’s no official English translation at the moment, but a fan translation is available courtesy of chaikat.

There's also an audio drama, although it has been discontinued.

See under the cut for an in-depth discussion of the text!

Four O’CLock Flower is a deceptively short novel that is like crocheting a blanket. The pacing is on the slow side and may even feel like it’s dragging, but the dense, illustrative prose is filled with intention. Like carefully completing each stitch, the descriptive language evokes the senses, requiring the reader to slow down and take a dive into the pages.

Now I love a good story that keeps you on your toes with its intricate twists and drama. The stories I read often involve a love that unrealistically goes above and beyond, a kind of love that forsakes the world in favor of one’s beloved without hesitation.

Four O’Clock Flower is the exact opposite. Amidst life’s responsibilities and cruelties, love is realistically not something we can approach with reckless abandon. Our main characters know this all too well given their ages. However, that does not mean we have to settle for less, succumb to expectations, or sacrifice ourselves and values to find love. Zheng Siqi and Qiao Fengtian prove that love can be abundant even with other commitments. This is a love that wouldn’t dare ask you to give up on all rational and duties, yet is constantly present and affirming.

Seeing Zheng Siqi and Qiao Fengtian’s relationship gradually blossom reminds us that love is deliberately chosen and crafted by human hands. Between their differences and the hardships they face, love is about finding a home in a person. It’s about the quiet, gentleness, security, and peace. It’s mundane. To quote from Everything Everywhere All At Once, “In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.” This relationship is that other life with laundry and taxes. It’s the epitome of earnestly going grocery shopping and washing the dishes together.

Although Zheng Siqi and Qiao Fengtian are the stars of this story, I am struck by the way Ashitaka presents different relationships and ultimately doesn’t place romance on a pedestal. For example, the gentleness and humanity that Ashitaka gives to the children is refreshing. The kids are young and endearing, but incredibly perceptive. You can just tell when a writer has spent significant time with children based on the way they are portrayed, and I adore the way Ashitaka ensures that Xiao-Wu'zi and Zao'er are incredibly cherished. One of my favorite moments is when Zheng Siqi expresses how he loves Zao'er as a person and not simply because she’s his daughter. It’s a parental love so unsullied, indestructible, and deliberate that it’ll move you to tears.

The sweetness is paired with some bitterness, keeping this story in touch with reality. The anxieties and struggles of navigating queerness in a heteronormative world hit home. I appreciated the realness of the familial reactions because it’s not safe for many people to come out. Sometimes, having your family say “I won’t stop you” is as close to acceptance as you can get. It may not be the fairytale story we want, but nevertheless, it’s what we can make-do with.

Not only are we shown a myriad of relationships, but we are also shown how love manifests itself. We see love in a fresh homemade meal, in the way laundry is carefully folded to prevent wrinkles, in the way someone delicately does another’s hair, and in the way a candid photo is snapped. Love can appear in small ways, but it doesn’t mean the love itself is small.

Four O’Clock Flower repeatedly left me bursting into tears from the tenderness, love, grief, heartache, and more. At the end of it all, I found that my tears were shed over the warmth and gentleness this story is imbued with more than the pain.

In addition to the trigger warnings from the unofficial English translation, I want to note the occasional comments about skin tone and eating habits/weight in the story. Many of the comments about Xiao-Wu'zi’s skin and Zao'er’s eating habits don’t carry malicious intent, so I am aware this may be a knee-jerk reaction from me. I am intimately familiar with the prevalence of colorism and fat-shaming within Asia’s dominant culture (even on a subconscious level), so I admit my personal experiences may influence me to blow some of these comments out of proportion. However, it may be valuable to point out to other readers because it might cause discomfort regardless.

[dokjaslibrary]

welcome.

[location ✧ planetary system #8612]

✦ — ABOUT

Wei · 20+ · they/them

I try to put my thoughts about books, comics, and occasionally films and shows into words.

Please note that my rating system uses "grades" rather than numerical scores or stars.

SSS - S - A - B - C - D - F

equivalent: (point system) 10 - 9 - 8 - 7/6 - 5/4 - 3/2 - 1 (star system) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ↠ ★

Details about the system can be found here.

✦ — BEFORE YOU FOLLOW

Minors DNI. The majority of my reads are not suitable for those under the age of 19.

I read content that contains dark and problematic themes such as gore, violence, abuse, etc. Of course, I do not support any of these in real life. Reader discretion is always advised.

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