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people trip me out when they say shit like “oh i miss being 10 years old and not having problems” like the fuck you mean you didn’t have problems
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I think i need to fucking die. My bf does the same thing over and over and everytime he does it again my feelings get compounded woth the feelings from every time before. He doesnt even remember the things im mad about anymore, not that he thought it was real at the time but still
#im not fucking crazy#just because sometimes i miscalculate if someone is upset with me doesnt mean im wrong about how everyone feels about me always#he acts like im being dramatic or “reading to much into it”#i always believe him.#my word is never enough im never right unless it has been verified by himself or someone we know#i can tell him for months he might be allergic to something but he doesnt even consider it until a friends mom suggests it#my word means nothing unless he can be sure someone else also thinks that
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I just don't understand why no one cares about me, I always notice the little things I go out of my way to make people happy all the time, I get my bf gifts and I tell him I love him in 10,000 different ways but no one ever does that for me, I'm not worth it I guess
#not worth the time or the effort#im always there always reliable no need to worry about me ive got it all handled#im not even sure theyd notice i was missing
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If all I ever do is make him angry or upset then why does he stay, because all I ever hear lately is that I've made him upset and it's like I'm fucking upset too, but I'm not allowed to be upset and it's so fucking unfair I have to be strong all the time and I'm struggling
#whatever its fine#its like if im angry and upset im scary and im being a dick but he gets to do it all the time and i just have to take it
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm even worth anything, if I even matter at all, it just seems like there must be something inheritly unlikeable about me something that makes people not care, I put in 110% for my friends i care and I check up but no one ever does that for me if I stopped reaching out I'd never talk to anyone again
#they all forgot my fucking birthday but did this big celebration for my bf on his#both at work and they are going out on friday#like ok ig ill fucking kill myself then#and me and him had a fight befire work and he texted me was so sad when i went into work thank goodness they cheered me up“#he never goes to me to be soothed#he says i dont listen to him but he hasnt heard a single thing ive ever said#i always care so much for everyone else and no one ever cares about me
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you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out
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lying on the floor. well everything will be okay in the end i think
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Even if you were a difficult child, you didn't deserve to be hurt.
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I've felt constantly ashamed and guilty since I was a child.
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bitch don't u dare say i have no personality i have like five of them
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Not to be eating disorder on main but like omg I just got below 200.2 now I'm 197.8 I'm so happy and I've even been eating more so like that's cool, I wasn't eating and couldn't break 200 but then I started eating again and now I'm at 197 so like idk lmao but I'm happy
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Pov you look at my recent Internet history:
What do you need to eat?
What has protein in it?
List of protein shakes ranked
How much food is enough to not die?
How to know if you have an eating disorder
Will I die if I don't eat?
Eating disorder solutions
#its funny but also its very sad#i hate eating so much its so awful#i told my gf about it and it made her sad so i had a pancake and some bread today and half a protein shake today#for her
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I wish I wasn't such an awful person I wish I made it easier for her to stay I wish that I believed that she would
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I wish we could both be ok at the same time, we are always spiralling at the same time and it's like I can't ask for support while she is battling her addiction and like trying to stay afloat but like I feel like I'm drowning and I can't talk about it
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I'm so jealous all the fucking time, I'm jealous of every person she talks to or looks at and it's even worse when it's her friends because like they get to see her smile and laugh and have a good time but I don't because I'm not there and they are making memory's to reference later that I know nothing about, she's friends with people I've never even met people I will never meet who knows an entirely different woman then the one who comes home to me and it makes me want to cry
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All my friends are out hanging out with each other and having fun and I'm here prepping for exams I'm so fucking miserable
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