doodloodles

[doodloodles]

Miketosis

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ok well I finished I saw the tv glow … for me I think what this movie depicts so well is the deadness you feel before you realise you’re trans. like I kind of thought I was a sociopath before I realised I was transgender because I didn’t really feel like I loved my parents that much and I didn’t really feel joy or happiness. I remember someone asked me once what the best day of my life was and I was terrified because I didn’t have an answer, not because my life was miserable but because I could not think of any moment in my life where joy made any sort of lasting impression on me. I didn’t have many friends or cared that much about the ones I had, I forced myself to be in relationships with men I didn’t like, everything was just pure social obligation. there was this membrane between me and reality at all times and I just thought I was insane for most of my life. I keep thinking about Isabel saying, completely deadpan “I even got a family now. I love them more than anything” and you know how fraudulent and horrifying that statement is. and what threads that needle is her revisiting the old tapes and thinking it all just looked cheap and cheesy, she says “I just felt embarrassed” because she’s so thoroughly suppressed her dysphoria that even the thing that led her to recognising it had no colour or feeling in it anymore. the movie is horrifying and idk if I have anything like coherent to say about it but for me the thing that connected with me the most is how monotone so much of Isabel’s life is. Once Maddy/Tara leaves there’s no colour in it anymore

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So are Rogue and the Doctor straight(adjacent) now

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So...RTD pretty much created bigeneration to justify making the 15th Doctor's first episode all about the 14th, huh. I feel like he was denied classic rights of passage at every turn; he didn't get a figuring-out-this-new-him-while-high-on-regeneration-energy episode, he never met a Cyberman, he never met a Dalek, as far as we know he never met the Master. I thought before RTD was pushing it as a clumsy excuse for more multi-Doctor stories but the fact he 16 got a normal regeneration and what happened with the Rani just screams that he only wanted an excuse to sideline the first black Doctor in favour of a previous white one. I think RTD himself didn't consider 15 the real Doctor

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Do you think Mel is unmarried in Conrad's world because when they were conjuring it up the Rani was like you absolutely cannot under any circumstances give this specific woman a husband. For completely detached logical and scientific reasons and not because I've dreamt of her every night for decades

You know what? I think the Rani's line to Mel must be a projection. Who knew Mel had such an impact on her?

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In light of Rogue's brief return I feel like I should throw my theory that the mysterious someone he lost was a previous incarnation of the Doctor in the ring before canon confirms or debunks it. Specifically one of their lost lives that got wiped considering they don't (consciously) recognize him—like with Anansi's daughter. Assuming Rogue isn't somebody we already knew with a new look

[doodloodles]

Remnants of Emelie🪦🦚🥀

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Ngl, I kinda miss the old days in TV fandom when you had to wait for a new episode each week. It gave you something to look forward to each week, and it sparked speculation and discussion among the fandom. Now you just binge-watch the whole season in a day, and you can’t even look at the main tag until you’ve finished it because of spoilers. The hype spikes, plateaus, and wears off so much more quickly nowadays, and it bums me out.

Call me old-fashioned, idk, but I miss the slower pace of the one-episode-per-week format.

[doodloodles]

Miraculous Ladybug Redesigns

Currently making a whole miraculous au, basically miraculous if written by macintosh LOL

[doodloodles]

Duality of the Time Lord

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i cant stop thinking about what happens once megatron leaves with the high guard. imagine this random 19 year old that almost killed your leader is now in charge and he just had the worst day of his life i'm talking mascara streaming down the face chest heaving breaking out in random sobs and you're supposed to be like Can we launch an offensive Can we Please Launch a fucking offensive

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imagine you are a gay man in your 60s and you've been in the military most of your life so you've never been free to be yourself or to seek out people like you and as a result you're now elderly and alone and you've spent a lifetime betraying yourself and you've never been loved and you get experimental brain surgery to cope with this and then one day you learn that the innocent child version of yourself who knows nothing of your isolation or your sins fell in love with another man and the man he loved was killed for pursuing that relationship and then your other self is also killed presumably for the same reason but you meet the other version of the man he loved and he's married but he wants to get to know you and you don't know him but you have some inextricable connection, something is pulling you towards him and you know you shouldn't trust him but you do and you just don't want to be alone and his husband is kind of a dick so you follow that feeling and it leads you right into a trap he set for you and it turns out that he was just manipulating you all along, to make you let your guard down, and you fell for it because there's a part of you that wants to put your life in his hands and so you do and he takes you to a train station and tells you to get as far away from here as you possibly can, he's saving you perhaps even at the cost of his own life and you think maybe you weren't entirely wrong about trusting him so you tell him you want him and he doesn't deny he wants you back, you tell him you're ready to be loved by him and you don't even know what that means but you keep saying it over and over because it just feels right, like you've been waiting for this your whole life, and maybe you have, all you know is your life hangs in the balance but for the first time you're not afraid, and maybe his interest in you was under false pretenses but you don't care because there's a part of this that's real and you both know it, he doesn't let you kiss him but he lets you touch his face and stroke his cheek with your thumb and then you walk away and get on the train with your dog going to god knows where and as the tracks whisk you away into the great unknown and the dying light of a cold winter day paints your face you think maybe you have been loved all along. happened my friend irving bailiff

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the thing w Transformers is if you get into it deep enough eventually you're like 'wait this is just yaoi Steven Universe'. but then you remember that Transformers predates Steven Universe by a number of years so its like. has Steven Universe been yuri Transformers all along? much to think about.

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The kid who lost it all

to get you in context with this idea of why young dark Danny… this is like a manifestation of Jazz’s connection/bond with Dan. The concept of keeping Dan’s soul as a kid worked for me to express the brutal post-traumatic events that led Phantom to become  Dark Danny. The soul with a permanent scar… when all went down. This “manifestation” is only meant for halfas (two souls connection). And it can only be felt/seen by the two-souls bonded. Let it be via dreams/meditation.Danny - Phantom;Vlad - Plasmius;Jazz - alt. Phantom 

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animation being treated like a genre instead of a medium is something that actually makes me go insane. beauty and the beast is a romance. the emperor's new groove is a buddy comedy. big hero 6 is a superhero movie. moana is an adventure film. the lion king is a drama. treasure planet is sci-fi. if i was talking to someone who hadn't seen these movies before, and they weren't specifically interested in animation as a medium, then i wouldn't necessarily assume they'd enjoy all of these. and that's just disney movies! try telling an anime fan that fruits basket and fullmetal alchemist are the same genre and see how they react!

[doodloodles]

[doodloodles]

Heal what has been broken. Reconnect.