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doomedeternal · 5 years ago

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The “Counterphobic 6″ vs. 8 Conundrum

So this was the thing I wrote after a typing session that finally cleared my accurate Enneagram type. Basically this details the key distinctions between Type 8 and a more “counterphobic” variety of Type 6.

Let’s get all the introductions out of the way: I’m an SP/SO 6w5 with 683 fixes, which puts me in the same caliber as dickheads, douchebags, and dictators.

I also happened to mistype as an 8 (which wing depends on the time of day) for a while until I swapped that card over for a new, shiny 6w5 card.

With this humble piece, I hope to share my story of mistyping, clarity, and in the end, shed some light on the differences between 6 and 8 from the point of view of someone who has fallen into that very same mistyping trap.

MY MISTYPING HELL

I got into the Enneagram through a friend and after a few attempts of testing and conversations with a couple of friends to gauge some observations, I typed myself as an 8, and off I went (I swung between both wings but I didn’t understand why at this point).

As I went deeper into studying the Enneagram, I came across the concept of “phobic” and “counterphobic” when it comes to Type 6. At some point in my deep dive, a lot of the “counterphobic” descriptions hit a nerve a little too close for comfort, and started having doubts about my core type.

That’s where I hit Google and attempted to seek answers to my little conundrum. Unfortunately, instead of finding answers, I found mostly the following:

Half-baked descriptions of both 6 and 8 that never got to the core of either type

Circlejerk threads of 6s (mostly men) posturing themselves as Eights and digging their heels when questioned about the possibility of mistyping

The branding of 6 (especially those who lean towards counterphobia) as “Wannabe 8s”, which has some anecdotal origins, but it loses the essence Sixes have that’s unique to the type.

And many others…

Yet despite all that, I held on to my 8 typing for dear life, while still open to the possibility of mistyping. It’s a walking contradiction of sorts, but such is the life of a Six.

FINDING CLARITY

During my time studying the Enneagram, I came across this site called Enneagrammer, and along with it the Big Hormone Enneagram podcasts. As I pursued all this information, I’ve gained even more clarity about the various types and their relationships with each other in a way I’ve never understood it before.

Despite all that, the question remained: Am I a 6 or an 8?

In a last-ditch attempt to find answers, I caved in and purchased a typing video reading. Unfortunately, I submitted mine during a time where a lot of people did and ended up swapping it with an hour-long typing session with Emeka, one of the ad.

I’m glad I did.

Fast-forward to the 30th of October 2020. I had a difficult time sleeping the night before due to a mix of excitement and anxiety. Thankfully it was first thing in the morning so once I got up and freshened myself up, we started the typing session.

Not even 15 minutes in, the distinction was clear as day.

Emeka explaining how 6 operates, and how my wing, fixes, and stacking interacted to form the full picture of my type felt like someone read my deepest, darkest secrets. It’s like when you’re on stage and your pants fell off in front of an entire audience, but at the same time, it’s in a way validating in an “I feel seen” type of way.

My full type from my 5 wing, assertive fixes, and self-preservation stacking makes for a more “grounded”, earthy flavor of the 6 (as opposed to many type 6 descriptions which appear to have 6w7 in mind). Unless people know what to look for, I can look like a gut type at first glance.

Despite what appearances and first impressions show, the “counterphobic” 6 (who are probably likely to be 8-fixed 6s) have some significant key differences that distinguish them from true 8s.

AGGRESSION AND REACTIVITY

Both 6 (especially 8-fixed 6) and 8 can be aggressive and territorial. As both types reside on the Reactive triad, they’re both intense types who aren’t afraid to let other people know about how they feel about something.

The key difference between both is the motivation behind the aggression.

For starters, the 8 brand of aggression focuses on creating their reality through action and expansion. This makes for a calmer, more deliberate, more shameless type of expressing themselves due to the lack of superego influence.

6’s aggression, on the other hand, happens as a response to the swinging pendulum in their head (or “splitting”) and is usually a cover for deep-seated anxiety. The thing with 6 most of the time is that we don’t even know that we’re anxious – the underlying anxiety is the baseline.

As a 5-wing, my way to seek certainty is to hoard information and devise structures to give me that map. Sometimes it gets to a point where I haven't taken certain factors into consideration (especially because...people are people, and can be unpredictable). When surprises happen, my first instinct is to push on as a reaction to those surprises (because reactive type), which is where the aggression comes from.

It takes a lot of self-reflection and insight to get out of this trap, but with some work and self-reflection, it can be done.

HEAD VS. GUT

All Head types attempt to find a way to orient themselves, frame reality as they know it, and concoct a narrative that makes sense to them, as distorted as the result would be. For the 6, this comes in the form of “what ifs” and worst-case-scenarios.

The 6 is most especially in tune with the nuts and bolts of the systems that matter to them the most. They would be the first people to spot if something is off, which makes them excellent troubleshooters, problem solvers, and project managers.

6’s signature ambivalence leads them to find rational ways to prove a point. For one that’s mistyping as an 8, this can look like trying to create scenarios and reasons to convince others that they’re an 8, which is even more proof of the mistyping at hand.

8s, on the other hand, are the system. They would just chuck everything out, push their way into things, and rewrite reality as it suits them regardless of health level.

INSTINCTUAL STACKING MYTHS

There’s also a pervasive myth in online typology circles that “counterphobic” 6 can only be sexual types. As a self-preservation 6, I can tell you off the bat that this couldn’t be way more off-base and is one of the primary reasons I mistyped as an 8 for so long.

“Counterphobic” 6s can be of any instinctual stacking. The notion that they can only be sexual types can only operate under the assumption that 6 can only be phobic or counterphobic, which is counter to the signature duality of the type.

6 phobia and counterphobia lie on a spectrum. How an individual 6 reacts depends on the person and situation. What the stacking tells you is what instinct this duality is most especially apparent.

For me as a self-preservation 6, this happens when self-preservation issues of health, finances, and lifestyle are at stake. This especially makes me extremely controlling and territorial of my space and any “intrusion” will send the alarm bells.

The main distinction with the 8-fixed 6 brand of boundary defense compared to that of the 8 (which is a more offensive-centric type) is that we tend to be much more vigilant of the boundary and pre-emptively strike before you even cross the line.

ATTACHMENT VS. REJECTION

The final key difference between 6 and 8 lies in one being an attachment type (6) and the other a rejection type (8).

6 (even with assertive and rejection fixes), for all their bluffing and blustering, are at the core attachment types. Whether we’re aware of it or not, as attachment types we have the need to be connected to “The Grid” (whether it’s people, systems, or anything that connects us to the world at large).

This gives us 6s a “testy” quality. We test and probe the people we interact with and change course depending on their reaction. Kind of like how our image-focused 3 siblings do except the reason why we do this is to help us orient the compass rather than craft the best image for the job (that is get the most value).

Meanwhile, 8s, their forceful action is a form of separation and dissociation from “The Grid". As rejection types, they assume right off the bat that they’re going to be rejected and thus offer their strength and willpower as they reject their vulnerability.

THE POWER OF WINGS AND FIXES

Like all attachment types, a 6 core is a “blank canvas” that gains its color and shape based on the wing, fixes, and instinctual stacking.If the core type, wing, and stacking are the main colors, the gut fix are the shadows, and the heart fix are the highlights.

6w5, specifically (due to the influence of the withdrawn, competency-focused 5) tend to be more private, cynical, and “grounded” than the 6w7 and can look like an 8 at first glance. This could all be just me projecting my experiences on to you, but that’s for you to decide.

A 6w7, on the other hand, tends to have more scattered energy due to the 7 mix. This makes for a more optimistic, emotional brand of the type that tends to mistype as 2, 4, or 9.

The narratives of “fighting for the underdog” and “toughening themselves up” usually attributed to 8s are more appropriate to the type 6 (I mean, 6w5 specifically is named The Defender, for God’s sake). More so because we have the hardest time accessing our courage.

Because how do we do the thing when we don’t know what the thing looks like?

What gut fix the 6 has adds striking color to the type: 9-fixed and 1-fixed 6s deal with underlying anxiety by mostly withdrawing from the source (9-fix) or contorting themselves to a standard in the attempt to quell the fear (1-fix).

8-fixed 6s? We just huff, puff, and take action to get it over with.

An 8 fix gives the 6 the license to “be” a 6 and wear the "ping-pong" game on their sleeve. The 6 “Inner Committee” (as Riso brands it) has a meeting every single time we make a decision, and for those of up with 8 fixes, it’s like telling them to shut the fuck up and stomping out in a huff to do the damn thing.

Because of this, an 8-fixed 6 will look more like the 8 stereotypes than an actual 8. 8-cores tend to be much better at picking their battles and knowing when to drop it when something is not worth it to them.’

The heart fix adds yet another dimension to the 6. Adding a 4 heart fix will make the 6-8 even more reactive and “raw”, whereas a 3 heart fix gives the 6-8 stem more tact and an emphasis on “reacting to get a certain reaction”. A 2 heart fix makes for a more people-focused, overbearing parent-figure type of quality.

The 6 can be many things, but “mediocre” and “same-y” is definitely not one of them.

WHY THE CONFUSION AND WHY ADDRESS IT?

Now that we have the differences out of the way, it’s good to ask, “If the differences are clear, why are people confusing the two types anyway?”

The distinction between 6s and 8s has been a subject of online debate since time immemorial. Based on my observations and experience, this is due to several things:

Confusing descriptions that end up adding more questions than answers. We’ve seen this happen with type 4 vs. 9 (another common mistyping), and unfortunately, some discussions blur the distinction for 6 vs. 8 even further.

A society that reveres certain types of strength more than others. This is how many (mostly male, based on observation) 6s posture themselves to the idealized, “powerful” version of the 8 without taking into consideration the dark side of the type.

The bad rep attachment types in general get. For all the pitfalls of 6, they also have their own strengths other types can learn from like loyalty, insight, and anti-elitism.

Defining the distinction between types helps people genuinely see themselves for what they are, warts and all, and helps lay the foundation for fruitful, meaningful inner work that gets us out the trappings of type and connect in a truly authentic way, no matter what type you are.

It gives the space to respond instead of reaching for the first instinct without a care for how it affects the big picture, and for the 6, it serves as the orienting needed to set the course and open up to other possibilities.

#enneagram #enneagram 6 #enneagram 8 #6w5 #6w7 #8w7 #8w9

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