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I wish my favorite fictional man was here rn he'd make everything better

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hate when someone asks how are you and you say good how are you and they say "oh not so great" or something. it's always like ohh okay i see we're being honest i thought we were playing pretend. can i have a do-over

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idgaf if my parents are disappointed in me I'm not impressed by them either

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I love you sm for this post

no offense but I feel like youre writing the same thing constantly always smut and nothing interesting can you write a different more thought provoking story

Sure thing! I wrote this one just for you, bud. I hope that it’s sufficiently thought-provoking and suited to your superior tastes. Remember, I mean no offense at all!

The Stupid Fucking Anon Chronicles

Pairing: Joel Miller x Stupid Fucking Anon

Summary: You decide to be a gigantic asshole.

Warnings: 18+. NO SMUT. SOMETHING INTERESTING! A tale so wildly thought-provoking and erudite that even its most vocal detractors must admit…it’s real different.

You were sick of seeing sex.

All the fanfiction you’d read of late? Perfunctory. Uninspired. Never mind the fact that these stories were being shared with you completely free of charge, at the writers’ own leisure, on a platform that didn’t pay in any way, shape, or form. Did I mention this shit cost $0.00?

Anyway, you’d decided to take it upon yourself that day to be a gigantic fucking asshole to one lowly writer in particular, so you pulled out your laptop and got to work.

Joel strolled into the room, sipping his beer.

“What’cha doin’, sweetheart?” he asked.

He leaned in to greet you with a kiss on the cheek, but you just swatted his touch away, too focused on the task at hand—How to be a Gigantic Fucking Asshole 101.

“Go away. I’m being insufferable online,” you snapped.

“Well, damn,” Joel said, scratching the back of his neck. “That sucks. What’s pissing you off so much, anyway?”

“This writer writes smut. Just…smut! So monotonous.”

“What, you don’t like to see us fuck?” Joel smirked.

“Well, I do, but…” you began to say, only to trail off into a blank, inane stare. You shook your head as if to clear it of the stupidity, but it was a fruitless endeavor. You were dumb as shit. “I just think their writing’s boring! There’s nothing thought-provoking to it! Just sex, sex, sex, sex!”

“Have you ever considered getting a job?” Joel asked.

“No, I enjoy being a spineless sack of shit who airs my grievances through anonymous mediums too much!”

“Oh, that makes sense,” he said. “What else?”

“And…and it’s not fair to me to read boring stuff!”

“Have you tried scrolling past their stories, maybe?”

“No. Again, I’m too fucking stupid to give that one a try. I’d much rather speak my piece to the writers online!”

Joel nodded in understanding. He heaved a sigh.

“Well, in that case…” he started, sitting down to place a hand on your shoulder and give you a firm, fuck-you look. “Maybe you should save the energy it took to type out a message to this writer, take your head out of your ass, and remember that these people owe you nothing. It makes you look like a gigantic fucking asshole when you send messages like these, denigrating the work they’ve decided to share online for free. I can assure you, the sentiment you’ve expressed in these lines will serve only to alienate the person whose writing you’re targeting. It’ll piss them off and discourage them from ever wanting to share a story online again. So before you get to typing out another one of these stupid fucking messages again, ask yourself: Am I being a Gigantic Fucking Asshole?”

You decided to shut the fuck up, for once.

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kitten I’ll be honest the finality of everything in this world haunts daddy like a second shadow

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what do you mean I can't control everything, why not

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I'm just saying if it could kill the original hybrid I don't even stand a chance

you want me to have kids? the thing that killed Klaus Mikaelson?

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Xavier: What does “take out” mean?

MC: Food.

Zayne: Dating.

Rafayel: Murder.

Sylus: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

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looks like somebody forgot that dust we are and to dust we shall return lol

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I need zayne and sylus' new card I NEED IT SO BAD RAHHHHHHHHHH

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NOOO INFOLD PLEASE GIVE ME TIME THIS EVENT IS TOO GOOD TO PASS ON BUT I DONT HAVE DIAMONDS PLEASEEEEEEE

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this disorder sure is disordering

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so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

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Yep I recently understood the photobooth thingy in the game

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Umm sir-

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He's too fine 😭