dragonsmydungeon

[dragonsmydungeon]

DM tip: more milfs

[dragonsmydungeon]

Duality of text campaigns on discord.

In character: intense arguement about one of the party members distrust of the group and dangerous behaviour.

General chat: bee puns

[dragonsmydungeon]

The Knight of the Flowers, 1894, by Georges Rochegrosse. Detail and photo by Paul Perrin. Edit.

[dragonsmydungeon]

sometimes I remember how Everything about veth must look to people in felderwin, and feel like I’m losing my mind

like imagine you’re some small town nobody who went to high school with this chubby, awkward girl that no one paid attention to except maybe to make fun of her or push her around. The only thing you really remember about her is that she brought her button collection to third grade show and tell and the cool kids bullied her about it for like a month. Smart, real quiet, but just an all around weird girl. Married her nerdy AV club boyfriend and had a kid right of of high school, but you’re small town folk, and that’s what you do, so w/e

a few years later, you find out she was murdered. Sad, definitely shocking, but at the end of the day you didn’t really know her all that well. You give your condolences to her parents, maybe bring over a casserole to her grieving widower, but you and the town collectively move on. The most you hear about the brenattos for the next year is that yeza snagged some big time government contract, which is a little weird for a small town chemist, but hey maybe there was something to veth’s nerdy AV club boyfriend after all.

then out of nowhere, the Russians™ airdrop into your podunk little town, torch some buildings, kidnap yeza brenatto of all people, and peace out. Easily the wildest thing that’s ever happened in this shithole, cause what the fuck. What the fuck was yeza working on?

then a couple of weeks later, dead-for-a-year, button collecting, squirrely little professional doormat veth brenatto shows up, not only alive, but with SEAL team fucking 6 at her side and an AK-47 strapped to her back. What the fuck. Every single one of them looks like they could kill you in 10 different ways, and you can tell at a glance that veth has seen some shit. What the fuck. Her and her hypercompetent looking friends announce they’re chasing after the Russians on foot and leave. What the fuck.

you never see veth or her friends again, but last you heard she’s doing black ops wet work for either the government or the russians. Depends on who you ask. She might or might not have helped broker peace between them. Also old edith wrote and the brenattos are living in Sicily and are millionaires now

what the fuck

[dragonsmydungeon]

tired: mermaids are all women

wired: much like elves, merfolk are mistaken by sailors for being all women because they have long hair and are very pretty

[dragonsmydungeon]

Nobody ever talk to me about the catholics going off with stained glass again because not one window of jesus has ANYTHING on the Nasir al-Mulk Mosque

Click through this link i’m losing my mind its gorgeous

[dragonsmydungeon]

So I made a player very happy over some magic candies I made for campaign roulette antics, so I decided to share it with you all.

I present to you all…

Button Bee’s Candy Roulette!

[dragonsmydungeon]

Dnd but all the Elves, Gnomes, and Dwarves look like this

[dragonsmydungeon]

1d20 Phobias To Give Your D&D Character...

Aphenphosmphobia or Haphephobia: Fear of being touched.

Arachnophobia: Fear of spiders.

Astraphobia: Fear of storms, thunder and lightning.

Autophobia: Fear of being alone.

Aviophobia or Aviatophobia: Fear of flying.

Batophobia: Fear of heights or being close to high buildings.

Claustrophobia: Fear of confined spaces.

Dementophobia: Fear of insanity.

Entomophobia: Fear of insects.

Frigophobia: Fear of the Cold.

Hierophobia: Fear of priests or sacred things.

Necrophobia: Fear of death or dead things.

Nyctophobia: Fear of the dark or of night.

Ochlophobia: Fear of crowds or mobs.

Ommetaphobia: Fear of Eyes.

Phonophobia: Fear of sound or loud noises.

Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia: Fear of choking of being smothered.

Pyrophobia: Fear of fire.

Thalassophobia: Fear of open or deep water.

Xyrophobia: Fear of razors.

[dragonsmydungeon]

 Hey btw, another worldbuilding thing: You can, and actually should have weird and impractical cultural things. They’re not inherently unrealistic, for as long as you address the realistic consequences as well.

 Let’s say you’ve got a city where there’s tame white doves everywhere. They’re not pests, they’re regarded as sacred, holy protectors of the city, and the whole city cares for them and feeds them like they’re pets. They’re so tame because it’s a social taboo to hurt or scare one. Nice pretty doves :)

 Then someone points out that even if they’re not seen as pests, doesn’t having a completely unchecked feral pigeon population - that not only isn’t being culled, but actively fed and cared for - mean that there would be bird shit absolutely all over the place?

 A part of you wants to say no, because these are your nice, pretty doves. To explain that there’s a reason why they’re not shitting all over the place, maybe they’re super-intelligent and specifically bred and trained to not shit all over the place. The logistics of how, exactly, could anyone breed and train a flock of feral birds go unaddressed.

 An even worse solution would be to not have those birds, editing them out of the world. No, they spark joy, you can’t just toss them out!

 Now, consider: Yes, yes they would, but the city also has an extensive public sanitation service that’s occupied 90% of the time by cleaning bird shit off of everything. One of the most common last names in the area actually translates to “one who scrapes off dove shit”, and it’s a highly respected occupation. And thanks to the sheer necessity of constantly regularly cleaning everything, the city enjoys a much higher standard of cleanliness, and less public health issues caused by poor public sanitation.

 The doves do protect the city. By shitting fucking everywhere.

[dragonsmydungeon]

[Image ID: A series of eight images depicting a child fleeing from someone dressed up as the lion from the Madagascar movie. From top to bottom, the pair are labeled “warlocks” and “daddy issues”; “barbarians” and “anger problems”; “bards” and “not being the center of attention”; “wizards/artificers” and “telling a story instead of trying to ‘solve’ it”; “rangers” and “caring about literally anything other than their companion”; “rogues” and “staying with the party”; “monks” and “ranged combat”; “paladins” and “moral quandaries”. End ID.]

[dragonsmydungeon]

Honestly the biggest disappointment I had researching ABC was that medieval authors did not, in fact, see the creatures they were describing and were trying their best to describe them with their limited knowledge while going “what the fuck… what the fuck…”

[dragonsmydungeon]

you know how when your printer stops working, sometimes when it comes back it'll print the same document 5 times of you didn't cancel those print jobs? every time the party ends up in a zone where magic doesn't work, i think about how funny it would be if when magic comes back, the entire queue of spells they tried to cast went off at once like a bunch of held actions. is that a thing that could happen? because it would be hilarious.

[dragonsmydungeon]

More Non-Monetary Rewards

People seemed to like the previous list, so I thought I’d make some more.

Honorary Titles (courtesy of Vlad)

Free passage aboard any vessel in the fleet

A scroll of any spell the court wizard can cast

A manual outlining the fundamentals of the local language

A portion of land with a fixer-upper of a keep

The finest hound from the kennels

A large, unidentified, jewel encrusted egg

The captain of the guard as a retainer

A map detailing the location of a mythic treasure

The book of vile darkness

A willow extract that cures headaches

A book of coupons (near expiry)

[dragonsmydungeon]

Yakut fashion, Sakha Republic (Yakutia)

1. Yakut outfit by Augustina Filippova, photo by A. Cheban

[dragonsmydungeon]

1d6 Ways to Make your Town Guards seem like Real People...

The Litterbug. You see a human man finish his meal and throw this grease-covered piece of parchment to the ground before you hear one of the Guards nearby, who apparently noticed this, shout “Oi! I saw that!” as everyone’s heads turn “Pick it up!” as he points his hand at the same man who quickly picks up the parchment and stuffs it in his pocket before moving on…

Giving Directions. You see two guardsmen on the corner who appear to be speaking to a colourful looking group as they’re giving directions.

Morning Preparations. You see a group of about ten-to-twelve guardsmen all conversing with each other as their superior starts to speak and split them up into groups of twos and threes as they begin their morning patrols around the local streets.

Helping the Weak. You see a trio of guardsmen helping an older man up off the ground as people slow their walk to catch a glimpse, as one of the guards shouts “Nothing to see here! Go about your business!”

Lunch Break! You see a pair of guards exit a small bakery with a bundle of sweet treats wrapped up in layers of thin parchment paper, as they divvy out their lunches amongst themselves as they return to their duties.

Canine Unit! You see a large hound beside one of the Guards, who currently has his hand wrapped around the dog’s collar and seems to be just watching and scanning the streets.

Some Tips on Town Guards….

Who are your guards, anyway? They can come from all walks of life. Maybe they want to prove themselves, or maybe they’re just tired of their old job and signed up in the hopes of seeing some crime-fighting action?

Here, we’re family. The smaller the town, the more likely that any given Guard is going to be emotionally tied to that town, and the more personally they’re going to take any threat to their home town.

A Bribe, good sir? The poorer the Guards, the higher the rate of corruption. According to the rules, some Guards can get paid anything from 2 Silver Pieces a Week to 1 Gold Piece a Day, so surely with enough money, any Guard could be bribed…

Arrest, not Kill. Few guards, if any, will immediately go to violence, most will try to deescalate a situation and try to arrest the individual. 

A Guard may say things such as “State your Name and state your Business!” or “Drop your weapons and raise your hands to the sky!” before they begin running people through with swords and spears.

Magic? Since when? It’s not just Wizards that can be trained in Magic, some higher-paying Guardsmen might be trained to spot common spells and others might be trained to defend against certain Magics like a Fire Bolt or Charm Person…

And who’s to say the Guards don’t know a few things, a Shield Spell or Locate Object could always come in hand in their line of work….