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[dreamsinfiction]

What matters isn't if people are good or bad. What matters is if they're trying to be better today than they were yesterday.

The Good Place

[dreamsinfiction]

May 2024 recap (aka the month I finally took a breather)

Looking back, I think this was the month where I told myself to breathe, chill and pace myself a little bit. Cos at the rate that I was going, I was definitely going to hit burnout stage pretty soon.

This was also the month that I went back on dating apps and also realising that maybe they aren't for me because of a slew of reasons which I will get into in another post. Wait, scratch that, I'll get to it now because boy do I have a lot of grievances.

My Gripes with Online Dating

a) The guys on there are usually quite creepy? - I mean I already have my antenna up because nowadays you can't be sure what is a scam and what isn't (those with blurry, resolution 140p photos are definitely trying to scam). But scams aside, sometime the people on there are pretty weird.

b) Very passive men - I don't know if this is Muzzmatch thing or just dating apps in general, but what is the point of you clicking match with someone when you don't do anything after that?? And it's not just a oh-maybe-this-person-is-not-on-the-app-anymore kind of thing, they've actually seen that we've matched, that I've tried saying hi but leaving me ghosted without saying anything 🙄 As a classic introvert, I do need someone to lead the convo or at least participate in it -.-

c) Men who I can't click with - I don't know if this is a specific M/M issue (I think it is) but I feel like I can't click with about 90% of them mainly because of education background. Not trying to be elitist but a lot of them don't have a degree so naturally the way we think would be very different. I don't think I'm that assertive/liberal in my thinking but wow some of them are super, super conservative. Oof.

Anyway, enough about men. One thing I'll say is that they make for very funny banter stories between me and my colleagues hahahaha.

On to the main programming,

Highlights of May:

I really think I treated myself quite kindly this month (even though work was intense as per usual) hehe.

a) Went on a little cafe date with Jac and Sya (and discovered a new place to study/hang out!). The coffee here was so gooooood. I have since gone back here a few times to study/chill heh. It's also nestled in BookXcess which finally has an outlet here! Books were priced pretty cheaply too.

b) Continuing on with the book theme, I also went for my first ever book event/sharing! Went with Chinyi, who I've been talking to on my bookstagram (definitely being more social with my reading this year and on my IG heh) and she jio-ed me to go for one at Wardah Books! Picked up "When You Think You're Falling" because of her recommendation too. Ameera Aslam's sharing on her thoughts when writing the book and how it reflects her life journey with faith is so real. I felt very seen in that moment - to know that others are also having their ups and downs with faith, how the lows may be really low but what's most important is not to be perfect (and give up when you inevitably can't acheive that) but to pick yourself up and try again. Love that ❤️

Truly an inspiration - I love discovering local authors!

We then went to Penny Uni to have brunch and coffee and wow, it's been a long time since I clicked with a new friend that we spent 1.5 hours there and the time just flew by~ I don't even know what we talked about but love it when the conversation is so easy and effortless heh.

Can never go wrong with Penny Uni's french toast.

c) Went for Hamilton with Fatin! Huge fan of the show since watching the Disney+ version so knowing how big a theatre nerd Fatin is, of course I asked her if she wants to come along too heh. We both loved the show even though it's put on by the Aussie cast (Lafayette was played by a pretty cute Korean-Australian). Fatin even said it was way better than the West End one she watched while she was studying her Master's in London hahaha.

Our friendship is now, what, easily 17/18 years? But it still feels like we're back in secondary school just that now we're talking about adulting, having back pains and bonding over family problems instead of prepping for band SYF, Limau/Linau, and the Kerbaus HAHAHA.

d) Went driving again for the first time! Have to say, Tommy is a very patient and nurturing teacher (tho Sya may say otherwise? 😜). I felt more confident of being behind the wheel again after a long time even though we started with baby steps like turning, parking and changing signals heh. Hopefully driving in Jeju will be less stressful than in Singapore!

e) Started watching Lovely Runner after seeing all the hype online - GAISE THE HYPE IS DESERVED. This show will easily be one of my favourites this year (could possibly be the top show of the year?) and it is just so cute with a dash of heartwrenching pain after all the plot twists it takes. It's about idol culture but not really, quite a bit of time-travelling and second chances, and cute lovey dovey moments between the two leads. It's coming out in August on Netflix so pls watch it and share my joy/pain in watching it too heh. If the first 10 minutes of the first ep doesn't make you tear, I think you may actually have no heart muahahaha.

And lastly, definitely the highlight of the highlights....

f) Going on a short cruise trip with the family to Phuket! I always feel relaxed on cruises cos there's limited activities anyway and you have a lot of time on your hands to just step out onto the balcony, enjoy the sea breeze while reading the hours away. There was many a sunset that I fully enjoyed. Of course it being a family trip it was a bit rocky here and there (which family trip isn't hahaha) but overall, I'll choose to remember the moments that made me zen and help me recenter myself before stepping on Singapore soil again.

Gotta love a Kobo - I can fit so many books of different genres and read them according to my mood haha.

Truly peaceful.

[dreamsinfiction]

please, give it back

[dreamsinfiction]

April 2024 recap (aka the month my social battery was truly spent)

Lol am already two months behind my recaps haha. It's okay, as long as it gets done, it's okay~

Highlights of April:

a. Got a better-than-expected PB 🥹 - Alhamdulillah! Honestly thought I was gonna get an average or get thrown under the bus with a lower than average PB since I already posted out of my previous dept. But yes, thankfully my efforts over the past year was (rightfully) recognised (because I was thrown a lot of shit in my last couple of months there hahaha)

b. Dad's birthday and impromptu Raya shopping - Brought the family to The White Label (before they closed the North Bridge Road outlet and reopened back at a Bugis hotel) for my dad's birthday and it was really nice seeing everyone enjoy a good meal out since it's so rare. TWL's food is really the best and the food didn't disappoint. The night also turned out to be an impromptu Raya shopping for the parents cos I convinced them to get matching baju with me and my sister. Getting older, it does make me feel warm inside when I was able to buy them the clothes that they want without worrying about the prices. Alhamdulillah for the little things truly.

The food was next level amazing gah.

c. Signed up for volunteering - This year I wanted to do more for the community and thought Ramadan was a good place to start. I did sign up with a volunteering organisation but I think it was oversubscribed and I didn't end up getting picked 😔. Need to be more intentional next year; maybe signing up with a smaller organisation will help my chances. If anyone knows of any lobang to volunteer for a meaningful cause, please let me know!

d. Raya! - This Raya was more meaningful for my family because my dad semi-reconciled with his siblings. It'll be too long to get into the reasons why they were fighting here but I'm just happy to see everyone trying to make nice as they get older. I guess it also helped that they have a common foe (maybe too strong a word but I can't wordsmith it right now) in my grandma and her very stubborn/toxic ways. They banded together and tried to manage her situation right. I really enjoyed visiting everyone and seeing how they're growing up (even though it's at the costs of my limited social battery hahaha)

Featuring a vary manja cat at Nek Muda's house heh.

e. Meeting up with Aunty Eny - Aunty Eny was here for Raya! And also for some medical check ups for Uncle Jim in the area. Even though we've not met up in a while (think the last time was early 2023) it still felt so easy and peaceful to chat and catch up. She also recently opened up a cafe back home in Glasgow so now my mom, sister and me are itching to go back and visit heh (summer 2025?😛)

f. IU in Singapore - OMG fangirl dream came trueeeee. I actually went to the concert alone (not a big deal for me, in fact I loved it more cos I could truly appreciate her music and bop along) in my baju kurung cos I came straight after visiting my cousin for Raya hahahaha. Also my seat was amazing like it was very near to the stage and I barely need to zoom for my videos. IU is amazing live - she's the same age as me but I don't know how she has the stamina to sing and perform for 3 hours straight with 2 encores?? K-pop concerts are putting Western concerts to shame hahaha. During the second encore, she straight up just asked the audience what song we wanted her to perform and she just sang it (to the horror of her live band quickly flipping thru their scores lol). Love it. Ngl, I did tear listening to her ballads which are my fave (Love Wins All, Through the Night)

g. Work stuff - Volunteered to do some extra CCAs! One was organising the monthly divisional meeting for the next quarter (Apr-Jun) + the quarterly HLS/teambonding activity. Doing it with Farah and I think our combination is the best - she comes with the wacky ideas and extroverted self while I help to rationalise everything/tone it down when needed and do the backstage stuff haha. I also volunteered to help out with the Volunteer Festival happening in July! Thought it would be good to have some brownie points on my appraisal this year and it seemed quite straightforward in terms of stakeholder management, ground ops, plus the location I volunteered for will be at Lot One hehe.

Phew my April was super packed; how did I even go through all that and come out in one piece lol. Till the next recap! Which should be quite soon since I'm so far behind in writing them down hahaha.

[dreamsinfiction]

In the face of the impossible, we become inspired.

[dreamsinfiction]

Still not over Lovely Runner 😭

i just want to take a minute to appreciate how beautifully sketched out sunjae's character is: every line is drawn with so much love. so much gentleness.

we're used to seeing male k-drama leads that are aloof, tsundere-esque; cautious with their feelings; stereotypically "cool," model students — the list is endless. by contrast, (stunning good looks aside), sunjae is ordinary — he's a below-average student, he's a little petty, most definitely over-dramatic, impetuous; hot-headed: what sets him apart are his feelings for sol. what sets him apart is his limitless capacity for love — how he lets it swallow him whole without a word of complaint.

korean media is often concerned with outward veneer, a perfect "persona": sunjae comes like a breath of clean ocean air. he isn't afraid to be vulnerable; to open himself up to hurt — to remain kind, considerate, attentive; despite being slashed by the claws of an ambivalent fate.

his personality is crafted with so much tenderness: the rough-hewn magic of authenticity. he might be a little childish, but he's so beautifully human: so sincere in his love for sol. so unafraid of anything that may happen because of it.

to make love an act of liberation: rebellion and service all at once — this is what sunjae does. he makes love a living, breathing force — one that marvels at its own existence, just as you do.

nothing can compare to the liquid poetry of his eyes (byeon wooseok, the actor that you are!): capable of containing entire realms of emotion; within a single look.

it's so rare to witness a character fall in love and fall in love with them yourself as you watch it happening. to see them as an embodiment of all that is good in the world: softness, light, comfort.

this is who sunjae is for me: the purest hope.

[dreamsinfiction]

Just being alive means that almost every day, all kinds of things happen. So we change almost daily too. It's okay to let yourself be swayed back and forth, from day to day.

[dreamsinfiction]

A fresh start (aka first 3 months of 2024 recap)

I am starting blogging again! Not to say that I haven't been journalling cos I have (almost daily thanks to the Hobonichi heh) but it is nice to have an online repository for my thoughts and where I can put photos next to them.

So, okay let's get this mega recap out of the way. As a typical planner, I am going to divide it into parts:

Overall

Ngl, the first few months of 2024 has been hard but on hindsight I think necessary (I am a glass half full kind of person). Hard mainly because of work and some personal stuff which I will explain more down below.

All in all, I am much better mentally now! Life is both ups and downs - just need to remember that the downs don't last while I'm there.

Work

Work was a rollercoaster homg, and I feel like it's only in late Mar that I feel a bit more assured of myself and the imposter syndrome quieted down a bit.

Work things that happened recently:

Posted into MSF strategic comms - a Ministry which I've always wanted to be in because of the issues that it deals with and is quite personal to me, but also a new side of comms that I don't really have much experience in (slightly dabbled in it in MCI but this is a whole new ball game hurhur)

Felt quite depressed/down actually in the first few months because everything was so new, and I feel like this is the steepest learning curve I've had in all my postings. Commence the daily imposter syndrome where I am winging it every day (thankfully SR gave very comforting words on this; she actually seems to have it worse in her agency now, I wonder how I would have fared there since it was orignially my first choice haha)

Got thrown a lot of things my way which I have absolutely no clue about hahaha (crafting and presenting to SMT on an overall MSF strategic comms plan when I barely know half of what the division/depts acronyms are?? Helpz. Thankfully SMT was kind that one time I presented. We recently presented with another item (my colleague did the presentation) and they were not as kind huhu)

Have already stayed late at work my first 3 months into the job. It was close to 8.30pm I think and all because of a team lead that messed up my slides the day before the presentation ugh. Apparently, everyone she interacted with has some sort of horror story with the way she works lol.

Some positives! Got praised by 2 team leads for my presentation and a training course I facilitated heh (almost wanted to cry cos that was when I was in a dark hole huhu). Lunches with random colleagues (because CED is a large division) and actually getting along well :)

Finally went for Induction (6 months into the posting lol). It was the usual (this is my 3rd time participating in an Induction/Orientation so I roughly know what is planned), confusing at times (Amirah, Liyan and I couldn't stop laughing when HR talked about "Tops" and "Bottoms" - apparently it was for this organisational simulation exercise which is supposed to make us understand the role of everyone in an organisation from minions like me to SMT. The labels though hahaha. One good thing that came out of it was there was this cute guy in my group hahaha but I think he's a few years older (he said he had 10 years of working experience total?), unsure if he is married/attached tho.

Socials (aka fun stuff I've experienced)/family/friends:

a. Played badminton more regularly! Signed up for MSF's badminton club and ngl, the first day turning up for the session was hard hahaha I almost left when I was already at the stadium's bathroom changing into my sportswear. But am proud of myself for sticking to it and making friends across MSF.

b. Went for Coldplay with Sya and Tommy! First time seeing them in person despite being a long-term fan (Fix You, Clocks will always remind me of pushing through JC and the trauma of A Levels lol). They were so good live (how is this possible at their age) and I had so much fun! Bonus was definitely seeing hologram!Bangtan. I loved the TikTok that I made heh (sound currently muted since Universal Music is still sorting issues with TT)

c. Went on my first dating app date(s)! Met up with this guy who seemed quite nice online and he was during the first date. But then he started saying some weird shit which I couldn't stand for (I cannot with people who casually throw DV words out, especially after what I've been through -.-) So I chose to end things hurhur. I feel like I deserve a pat on the back since I now know a bit better what I am looking for in someone and what I absolutely detest hahaha.

d. Went for coffee barista class as part of division HLS! Fun to be making coffee (last I did was during Coffee Bean days heh) but clearly I can't make the artistic latte art lol.

e. Continued taking Korean classes! Class is turning out to be pretty difficult now with so many grammar to remember. The level of imbuhan in Korean is next level, even more than Malay hahaha. Then again, I still managed to ace my term test heh. Sejong is also exploring having Korean immersion classes this year and I hope I would be able to make it for the winter one (pls pray that I can ace the interview when it comes round in July heh)

f. Took self-care days / went for Jac's annual CNY gathering - some things don't change and I love that hehe. I also like how I now know when things are getting a bit too much for me so I would need at least a day off by myself :)

g. Decided on going to Korea end year with Jac (+R) and Sya! EXCITED. Firstly just to go Korea again lol. But also to be going around Jeju again (and driving! pls pray that I will get over my fear of parking hahaha)

h. Having F1 back in my life heh - New season started and so far, the Ferrari boys are doing so well (compared to the heartbreak I had week in week out last year lol). Hoping the podium streak continues since it's their last year together 💔

Spirituality

Not sure how this happened actually - like all years, I did make a resolution to try a bit more intentional with my religion and prayers and I guess this year....it has been happening? Maybe it has to do with turning another decade older but actually I've been thinking on this for a few years alr, like what is our purpose on this earth, can't be just having a 9-5, having a family, friends etc.

So I started being more intentional by going to books as shared by my bookstagram friends (heh of course) and actually learning a few things. Podcasts are also a great help since I listen to them on my 20-min walk to the MRT on WFO days.

I think learning more about the religion actually helped me climb out of the dark hole that I was in for a couple months. More inner peace, feeling more assured of myself because since I gave things my best effort then I should learn to let go and let Him play things out. Some days are harder than others still ngl. Taking my own pace on this and seeing how things go ❤️

Okay thanks for reading my yapping hahahaha I do hope to continue my monthly recaps and making it into a habit :)