ducksgomeow - Tumblr blog

[ducksgomeow]

Humans are weird: Cats

Alien: Thanks for inviting me over. Alien: I’ve never been in a human’s home before so this will be- *sees cat sitting on couch* Alien: What is that? Human: That is Fred. *Turns to cat* Human: Say hi Fred. Fred: *MEOW* Alien: I was not aware you had a roommate. Human: What? Human: No, he’s my pet. Alien: You keep a sentient being as a pet? Are you a monster? Human: No; but Fred is. Fred: *MEOW* ----------------------

Alien: *goes to sit down, accidentally steps on fluffy ball* *Cat’s head shoots up* Human: You need to run. Alien: What? Why? Human: You just stepped on Fred’s favorite toy. Alien: So that means I am in danger? Fred: *low growling sound* Human: It’s too late….. --------------------------

*Thirteen stitches later* Alien: How can something so fluffy be so angry!?!?! Human: Domestication probably. Alien: Is that not meant to breed out the violence? Human: Normally yes, but with cats it just condensed it. ------------------------

*Next day* *Door slowly opens* Alien: Is it safe to come in? Human: Let me check. *Picks up Fred and holds him in front of alien* Fred: *Low growling noise* Human: No it is n- Alien: *Slams door shut quickly* ---------------------

*Two days later* Alien: *Sipping drink* Alien: What can I do to win over your furry slave? Human: First off, he is a pet not a slave. Human: And even if that was the situation I technically am Fred’s slave. Alien: *Surprised* You are one of the most advanced species in the galaxy; having mastered space travel and the manipulation of matter itself. Human: And yet I am the one cleaning up his shits. Alien: *Opens mouth to counter, then sips instead when nothing comes to mind* ----------------------

Human: Why does it matter that you want Fred to like you? Human: I thought you hated him? Alien: Were he not an animal I would have sworn a blood oath to destroy him and his family for what he has done to my face. Human: I ask again; why does it matter? Alien: Because for reasons beyond my understanding I feel compelled to have that little death machine love me. Human: Welcome to being a cat owner. ------------------------

*Three days later* *Door slowly opens* Alien: Are you ready? Human: I’ve got Fred. Alien: And you’re sure this will work? Human: Positive. *Alien walks in and Fred starts growling* Human: Get ready; I’m releasing Fred. *Puts Fred down who begins sprinting towards alien* *Alien holds out tiny tube with goop pouring out end* Fred: *MEOW!* *Stops murder sprint and begins sniffing and licking tube enthusiastically* Alien: So you bribe him with food? Human: Works on us humans as well. ------------------

Alien: Do you think I have won him over? *Fred walks up and brushes against Alien* Human: I think you’re good.

Alien: It felt like being embraced by the goddess herself. --------------------

Alien: So besides eating, sleeping, and acts of disproportionate violence; what else do they like to do? Human: Fred loves to play. *Picks up laser pointer and flashes it around room* *Fred’s head shoots up, does the butt wiggle, then lunges at the laser* Alien: What fascinating technology. Human: Yeah; we also use this to guide missiles for air strikes in wars. Alien: Your pet enjoys playing with tools of death? Human: I think that’s one of the reasons he enjoys it so much. ------------------

Alien: *Looks down at shirt* Alien: What is this? Human: Oh yeah, forgot to mention he’s a heavier shedder. Human: Sorry about that. Alien: Do not worry, for I too shed my skin. *Proceeds to peel off skin until raw muscle and bone is left* *Casually tosses aside empty skin suit which Fred walks over to and cuddles in* Human: Thank you for that fresh nightmare material. Alien: *slurring words due to no lips* Yoooou’re welllllcoommme.

[ducksgomeow]

saff forced them to play together

[ducksgomeow]

MWAHAHAHA THE SCREW ON DICK

its a gender thing okay!

[ducksgomeow]

the only good innovation from facebook was the poke feature. tumblr needs the poke. when a cute girl is mass reblogging me and i don't wanna call them out to their face but i wanna go hey. i see you. being cute. rubbing your face on my blog like a cat. that's what the poke's for

[ducksgomeow]

requests for a bunch of ships i did on my spam :3

[ducksgomeow]

Tumblr Code.

[ducksgomeow]

Hello, Mx. DucksGoMeow. You don't know me, but I know you.

who are you *raises eyebrow*

[ducksgomeow]

im sorry for not replying to all your stupid-ass messages there are too many of them also they're stupid

[ducksgomeow]

I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way but Europe is kinda like a miniature America. All the landscapes and trees and stuff are SMALL, they're little versions of the stuff we got going on over here. Even your big things, like the alps, are so cute. You could put a fun roller coaster up there and make it a little ride for the kids.

[ducksgomeow]

wow players having to stand in lines for a quest because a relevant npc can only talk to one player at a time. is the funniest image on the planet

[ducksgomeow]

blood loss? ok sure gimme a minute

[ducksgomeow]

Oh to be a bear, eating salmon, attacking campers, eating campers

[ducksgomeow]

I’ll reveal your blood to everyone who respects you

[ducksgomeow]

??????????

[ducksgomeow]

payniezzzzz

BRO LISTEN I GOT GROUNDED FOR SAYING CURSE WORD INFRONT OF MY DAD NOW HES NEVER GONNA STOP MENTIONING IT UGHHHH imean the punishment lifted after like a night BUT LIKE

LMAO???????

[ducksgomeow]

Pukicho why isn't your name puchiko?

Because puki is a cute nickname and puchi sounds like coochie ( fun fact they all mean coochie)