duckwater00

[duckwater00]

Why won’t you convert to being an Evan Peters worshiper

Evan Peters and his devoted Fanbase

Now, this is a question that has been plaguing my mind for a long time. Why do I refuse to like Evan Peters? Well, the answer is simple.

You see, when I first started to get into television shortly after my mom installed a flat screen TV in our tent, I kept hearing about this show – American Horror Story. I didn’t think much of it, in the beginning, but I was curious. Of course, I never watched the full episodes, but I saw clips here and there that helped me understand the gist of the show. As probably everyone knows by now, it’s an anthology series that connects different storylines every season, yada-yada. But there’s this one actor. His name haunts me during the day and hunts me down at night. I fear him, but my insatiable rage towards him is worse.

Evan Thomas Peters.

Recognizable name. Actor. Halsey’s former boyfriend. Hell, even a musician. Clearly talented.

So why can’t I like him?

It all goes back to 2013. I was running late for my meeting with the head executives over at Naj’s Gardening Services, spilling coffee all over myself as I rushed to the doors. Yet, I had suddenly collided with another body, who also appeared quite distressed.

It was Esteban Ocon!

“O-oh my god… I… I’m your biggest fan! I watch all your races, and that 2021 Hungarian Grand Prix? Electrifying. Chills,” I had gushed.

“Haha, it’s always nice to meet fans!” He smiled widely, “umm… speaking of, mind doing me a favor?”

“Anything for you Esteboo!!” I was so eager to help him with anything, the meeting already slipping from my mind. I practically dropped everything for him.

“Can you venmo me $6000 dollars? My friend Evan Peters has been begging me for money ever since he realized I’m more successful than he will ever be.”

I growled. Actually, no– no I didn’t.

I snarled.

Esteboo had flinched, clearly taken aback by my reaction. I chuckled awkwardly, and attempted to lighten the mood.

“Uh, I mean, of course I will send you $6000! That silly little Evan Peters won’t know what’s coming to him.” I whispered the last part to myself, a shadow appeared over half of my face and I had smirked mischievously.

“K” Esteban Ocon whipped out his phone and showed me his Venmo user.

“Cashapped you just now!” I announced once I provided him with the last of my entire savings account money.

“Thanks I guess” Estebae nodded at me and began walking away.

I had watched him, mesmerized by his walk. He was so hypnotizing, he was ethereal, he was fantastical. He was… Esteban Ocon.

I snapped out of my haze when a dirty blonde head flashed by me and ran towards my Esteboo. IT WAS EVAN PETERS!!

NO. NO. NO. This could not be happening. But it did.

My inner linebacker quarterback was unleashed and my legs instinctively carried me all the way to the disgraceful Evan Peters. I’ll admit, he was fast – but I was even faster.

I tackled him to the ground and gave him the ol’ knuckle sandwich. He didn’t stand a chance against me, and thanks to me, my precious Esteboo got away.

“Stop that man! He’s been impersonating people all day and scamming commoners!” The coward cried out, reaching his hand out to where the superior Esteban Ocon was climbing into a black van with a couple other men wearing black ski masks.

I scoffed, what a goof. He really thought I was going to believe his little lies when it was obvious he was just jealous of Estebae.

I smiled victoriously when Evan Peters started to rapidly tap my arm where I was trapping him. I released him, but kept him locked down near a bench with the handcuffs I took away from Esteban earlier when he asked me to unlock them for him (happened off-screen).

“Why would you let them get away?” Evan Peters screamed, his face turning a vibrant red. “Are you working with them?”

“Don’t ask such goofy questions.” I commanded, my voice going 10 octaves deeper.

“Stop this, right this second!” Evan Peters struggled, squirming against the bench, attempting to escape.

Suddenly, the setting around us changed…

And… we were at a frat party?

TLDR; Estebae Ocon >>>>>> Evan “Mid” Peters

[duckwater00]

W-WHAT?!?!? l-l-lando n-norris g-got arrested... I can't fucking believe this *sobbing*

My uwu soft boi is c-corrupted... t-this is all his n-new girlfriend's f-fault GRRRRRRRR *rage*