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*at a fancy restaurant*

Eddie: i think i’ve been here before

Steve: really? this is the first i’ve heard of it

Eddie: i’m definitely having deja vu

Steve: nice *hands menu back to waiter* make that two deja vus please

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Steve: my boyfriend is wearing a fucking suit to his autism diagnosis appointment

Eddie: it’s a special occasion

Steve: shut the fuck up

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Steve: did it hurt when you-

Eddie: fell from heaven? wow i expected better pick up lines from “King St-

Steve: no i meant when you fell down the stairs

Eddie:

Steve: you just laid there for like 15 minutes

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Steve: i can't win at anything! i can't even find my sunglasses!

Eddie, staring at the glasses resting on Steve’s hair: i’ll help u find them for $5

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Robin: Steve, you were pretty drunk last night. you came downstairs and said you were dressed to impress Eddie

Steve: what was i wearing?

Robin: nothing

Steve: makes sense

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Steve: two years ago, I married my best friend.

Steve: Eddie is still mad about it, but me and Robin were drunk and thought it was funny.

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Steve: the door’s locked i need the keys to get inside

Dustin: i gave them to Lucas

Lucas: i gave them to El

El: i gave them to Max

Max: i gave them to Will

Will: i gave them to Mike

Mike: i left them at the park

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Steve: i need someone to be my friend, someone who won’t judge me.

Steve: maybe send me an angel, the nicest angel you have.

Eddie, emerging from hell, laughing maniacally:

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Steve: did you eat all the powdered donuts?

Eddie, covered in white powder: no

Steve: what’s all that on your pants then

Eddie:

Eddie: that’s cocaine

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Steve: listen, to me, eddie is many things

Steve: a friend, a confidant,

Steve: occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a man’s sexuality is a moving target

Eddie:

Eddie: i’m sorry what

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Steve: is something burning?

Eddie, leaning seductively over the counter: only my desire for you

Steve: eddie the toaster is literally on fire

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Steve, talking to Dustin: sometimes, home can be a person :)

Eddie, nodding: because you can come inside

Steve: please don’t help me

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Eddie Munson is everything Fanfiction pretends Billy Hargrove is.

There.

I said it.

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Eddie: are we gonna talk about it?

Steve: talk about what

Eddie: starts with u, ends with s

Steve:

Steve: …you want to talk about the united states?