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writing dean winchester is like. he’s hideously selfish. he’s the most selfless person in the world. he’s pathetic. he’s strong. he’s completely clueless about his feelings. he feels everything too much. he hates himself. he’s the cockiest son of a bitch you’ll ever meet. he ignores his fear. his fear consumes him. he’s protective. he wants someone to protect him. he’s controlling and possessive. he’s soft-hearted and kind. he wants to bear the weight of the world because it’s the only thing that makes him feel useful. he doesn’t want to feel responsible for everyone and everything. he loves the hunting life. he just wants to be normal. he loves his brother. he hates his brother. he loves his father. he hates his father. he loves his mother. he hates his mother.

and writing sam winchester is like. he’s never fit in anywhere. he just wants to belong. he wants to get away from his family. he doesn’t want to let his family down. he’s full of anger. he’s the gentlest man in the world. he’s never had the ability to choose. he’ll do anything to preserve other people’s ability to choose. he’s a good hunter. he wants to be anything else but a hunter. he’s defiant. he’s complacent. he’s ashamed of the things he’s done. he’s proud of himself for who he is. he doesn’t ever want to kill. he’ll kill anything that threatens someone he loves. he feels suffocated by his brother’s love. his brother’s love is the only true thing he’s ever known. he hates his father. he loves his father.

everything about these characters is a contradiction. how can you not want to eat them alive, absorb them into your blood, and then spend the rest of your life trying to write them into a world where every single one of these things is true at the same time??? i’m absolutely. insane

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Stackednatural- 269/327

Alex Annie Alexis Ann (9x19) April 22nd, 2014

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~AU

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They got a fancy hotel room in upstate New York and Dean’s already thinking about how they can ruin the sheets cuddle

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Can’t believe it’s been two years since this bad boy permanently altered my brain chemistry

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I'm watching all 10 of the Fast and Furious movies (some for the first time) and me and my RL friend who's a big fan of them were talking about Dom Toretto, which led to talking about carfucking, which led me to telling him Dean carfucker week is coming up in June.

And then he practically exploded with glee as an idea struck him.

FRIEND: Omg! For my birthday this year, I want you to write me a Dom Toretto / Dean Winchester/ Impala threesome!

ME: ....

ME: Or I could write it for you for carfucker week

What do we think?

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i’m sure someone’s had this exact thought before but i can’t stop thinking about 18 year old dean seeing 14 year old sam staying at home every night, no friends, just generally being a loner and it hurts his heart because sam is so cool and smart and funny and why can’t anyone else see that? why does he hide himself away?

but now they’re in high school together, so dean drags sam to a party one weekend even though sam whines about not wanting to go the whole way there because “everyone’s just gonna think i’m dumb and boring, they’re gonna think i’m a baby” and dean reassures him, “come on sammy, you don’t even have to talk to anyone, just come and have fun, i’ll be with you the whole time” but then his plan backfires immediately because everyone at the party is suddenly obsessed with dean’s sweet kid brother, all shy and he can’t hold his liquor and it’s all just so adorable, the girls can’t keep their hands off him and dean just goes a little bit insane with jealousy and territorialism. he grabs sam and drags him back to the car and now sam’s pouty because he was starting to actually enjoy himself, the attention felt good, and “we’ve only been here an hour, dean!” but dean doesn’t care, “we’re leaving, sam, this party’s fuckin’ lame” and sam’s like “this was YOUR idea, you’re the one who said i was antisocial” and dean’s just white-knuckling the steering wheel trying to keep his cool, that’s his fucking boy, no one else’s, see the way they touched him? like they had the right? no fucking way. “it was a stupid idea anyway. you’re just a kid” and it comes out so so angry and wrong and the hurt is so obvious on sam’s face, he’s still young enough that he can’t hide his feelings. but dean doesn’t know how else to be when other people so casually think sam is theirs

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leash > full

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OISDHFEOGH THE ONLY TV SHOW???

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Supernatural S2E22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part Two S4E08 Wishful Thinking S5E16 Dark Side of the Moon S8E21 The Great Escapist // S11E17 Red Meat S13E21 Beat the Devil // S14E17 Game Night

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Jody just said “first love strikes quick, then to lose it like that” about Claire and Kaia and then IMMEDIATELY says “you two are having a time of it” about Sam and Dean. I swear Jody is convinced Sam and Dean are a couple.

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You know what I just thought about? Before Sam comes back in season 6, Dean had to know that if none of them could get Sam back out, Dean would never see Sam again, not even in the afterlife. No matter where Dean ended up after he died, Sam’s soul would’ve still been in the cage with Michael and Lucifer.

everything about Soulless is horror to me and (no disrespect to Gamble) season 6 did not really paint that horror on my eyelids quite enough, so some of the implications just aren't front and center, but by god are they horrific.

on the one hand, you've got this person, Soulless, yelling that he doesn't want that soul back inside of him. he's got his own wants, his own autonomy. he's not sam, but he's not not Sam. and he's being violated.

and on the other hand, you've got sam's soul still being tortured in the cage. sam's soul, which is part of him and has its own autonomy and is beset by this horrifying-beyond-measure experience still, until they drag that soul out. and yet for some characters it's still a question of whether they should save his soul because it will be too awful to cope with once his soul and body are reunited.

but - his soul is still being tortured and is worthy of saving on its own merit too? and they just glance over the fact that if they asked his soul, he'd of course indicate he wants to be saved if it's possible (and once his body and soul are reunited, he does meld them, that is his desire and choice).

there's this sort of separation between soul and body and both are persons in their own way (and are missing something important and irreplaceable). and they have opposing opinions about what to do with... themselves. and that's messy and interesting.

and if Soulless dies? that's it, no heaven or hell or anything. he ceases to exist at all. and yeah, no heaven for sam's soul if they leave it in the cage for eternity. which honestly should be the core focus on the conversation (between dean and bobby, not Soulless himself), not how poorly he'll cope once his soul is in his body.

anyway yeah. one wonders if dean had died, and gone to heaven, if there -- outside of bodies and on the celestial plane -- he'd be able to feel sam all the way down in the cage, since they're two parts of a single whole. but that doesn't bear thinking about.

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Providing the Winchesters with enrichment (pseudo-incestuous rituals that give them excuses to cradle each other's faces and tend to each other's wounds)

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dean being model-beautiful as a teenager, like stop in your tracks and stare on the street, while sam is just an awkward looking kid is sooo important to me. because dean would one hundred percent not see it. he thinks sam is just shy (or maybe gay??) when he hasn’t been kissed by fifteen, because clearly girls must be fawning over him.

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Would you prefer folks not comment on old WIPs, or or do you appreciate the love even if a fic is stalled out?

Just asking because I occasionally swing back & reread one particular fic & leave a comment (you might be able to guess the one I'm talking about... it's just so good) & I wanted to make sure that that wasn't unwelcome!

No stress if you never finish, btw — but I do hope you occasionally reread it yourself & get some pleasure out of it!

please go ahead and comment! it's always delightful, even if it's on an unfinished work. if anything, comments on unfinished works are motivating :D

i do still plan to finish desiderata. it's sat there untouched for longer than i ever knew i could leave a fic untouched and it's driving me a bit nuts. there are some legit reasons for why i've fallen a bit off the face of the earth but that doesn't mean it's not still haunting me and that i don't hope to get out of my own way (one day soon) and get the last few chapters all posted.

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unfriendly reminder that this is what sam and dean looked like when sam left for stanford

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I have brain rot /j