edgarwayne - Tumblr blog

[edgarwayne]

His expression softened as Jovi explained just how much the ballet meant to her. Edgar reached out to take her hands in his gloved ones. "I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that kind of frustration. I will do everything in my power to get people to come to this performance Jovi, I swear. Don't you worry, that's my job. You just focus on showing this town what New York lost."

"You don't get it," Jovi shook her head, eyes already glistening as if she were on the brink of tears. "Ballet was my entire life before this. I was taking a road trip to New York to join a professional ballet company when I wound up here. Dancing in my spare time is great, and it keeps me busy, but performing for others is what I always wanted to do. I'll fling them from the rooftops if I have to - I'm going to get as many people in this town to come see it as I can, even if I have to lasso them up and drag them in myself."

[edgarwayne]

He smiled to the other. "Sure. I was feeling peckish anyway." Edgar nodded slowly, Kirby had in fact mentioned that. "Everything going pretty well. Nervous and excited for the upcoming performance. But well, I have no doubt everyone will be amazing."

Tapping his fingers on the booth table, Edgar hesitated on how exactly to broach the subject. "Actually, speaking of your memories. Do you...remember the conversation we had on Halloween?"

His friends had to practically shoo Edgar away from his booth, forcing him to go enjoy the festival for a bit. Utilizing this free time, he sought out Teddy's workshop. Waiting until the younger man was free, he held his hand up in greeting and smiled. "Hey Teddy, how's everything going?" As he promised Kirby, he was going to test the waters before he said anything substantial.

@lxvenderhxzehv

[edgarwayne]

He only held on tighter as Art berated himself again. "I'm glad you told me Archie, really. He'd...already confronted me at work the other day. I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but now I know that was all a lie and he hasn't changed at all."

Edgar's brow furrowed at the the other's question. "Why wouldn't I? You were the first person I could be myself around after my parents. And first kisses are a pretty big deal, even if they were next to those Nightmare Creatures from Hell." Horses. He meant horses.

The frown increased on his lips as Art tried to assure him he was fine. "You bloody well aren't. I can tell this really bothers you Archie and what he did is unforgivable."

Art fell easily into another hug. He needed one. Badly. All he felt was embarrassed and ashamed and guilty. He didn't know, couldn't have known, but somehow this all just felt like a karmic punishment. For what? He wasn't sure. "He wanted you to know and I couldn't shut the fuck up and not tell you," he said and swallowed hard. It wasn't like he couldn't feel Edgar's body tense up. He felt worse. "I feel really stupid."

When he pulled away, Art stared at him with confusion and concern. "You still think I was your first love too?" Besides the point. Impossibly, he felt even more stupid. "Crazy to hold that type of grudge on a dude your ex was with at like 13," he said and shivered. "Figures that my Dad would get just one more hit in. I'm sure he helped the dude find the best articles out there from beyond the grave." He pulled away again, patting Edgar's shoulders. "I'm fine, Eds."

[edgarwayne]

He couldn't help the flinch at Christian yelling. Yes, they were arguing and he'd started it, but two years of escalating fights made it hard to not react that way. As the older man stormed off, Edgar tried to go after him, but he felt frozen in place. Fight, flight, or freeze had kicked in, and he hated that his hands were trembling as he watched the other man's receding back.

Christian just shifted bit when Edgar pushed him and rolled his eyes. "I never said it was your fault! NOT ONCE!" He didn't mean the yell so he took another step back and took a deep breath to try come down from the anger. "I'm fucking aware that I have deep seated issues." He said through gritted teeth, eyes still blazing with the anger he could feel in the pit of his stomach. Christian was aware that therapy took time to get into his issues, he had been going every week for six years... until recently of course so now he felt like all that time and effort he made had been undone so he simply pushed past Edgar and left.

[edgarwayne]

He was about to point out that a kiss on the cheek was most certainly not the same, but as Joey looked around Edgar kept his mouth shut, waiting patiently for more of an explanation. Ah, internalized homophobia. That was something the younger man could relate to on a very real and painful level. For his entire professional career at Harvard he lived in fear of his sexuality being discovered, that he would be fired or worse.

Finally Edgar was able to look at Joey, no longer afraid of what he might see in the other's expression. "Are you?" he asked softly. "Bi, I mean."

There it was, Joey was wondering how long it would take Edgar, or hell, someone else on the production to ask what the hold up was about kissing on stage. "I've kissed him... on the cheek, but it's still a kiss." Joey said with a long sigh then looked around, everyone was too busy setting up their own booths, getting ready for this.

"It's not that I'm not comfortable, if I wasn't comfortable, I'd be running off the moment I found out you were gay, trust me... it's nothing to do with that." Joey shook his head. "Look, um... Hollywood is a certain way when it comes to.. ya know, being gay or bi or having no preferences, especially for someone like me who's high profile, I'm expected to be like this or this, basically, straight." He gestured at nothing. "The world has seen me as a romantic lead for over thirty years... y'know, I'm 60 next year and i just" joey put his hands on his hips "so there's that." he offered a non-answer with his trademark smile. "I'll kiss him on the night." he quickly added on the end.

[edgarwayne]

Edgar looked down at his gloved hands, not sure he could return Joey's attention as he mulled over the question. "Why won't you kiss Jordan on stage during rehearsal? Even if it's only a stage kiss. Isn't it important to practice everything out so that you can get the reactions down perfectly for the official performance?"

He felt a hollowness in his stomach grow. "Is it....are you not comfortable pretending to kiss another man?" As a gay man himself, that...made Edgar feel a certain way.

Joey took the button with a smile and pinned it to his shirt. "They are amazing, yes." He nodded then put the flyers in piles around the table, well, made them neater anyway then glanced back when Edgar hesitated.

"Um, sure. What's on your mind?" He turned back to give him his attention.

[edgarwayne]

He smiled at Paloma and Alma, shaking his head. "Of course not. Looks like someone's not having a good time." At the question Edgar's smile grew. "Oh, tired, though probably not as much as Mom over here I'm sure. Excited. Nervous. Just a couple more weeks until the big day."

Where: Edgar's stall Who: Edgar + Paloma

Paloma was bouncing a crying Alma in her baby sling but it seemed like nothing was helping which could only mean two things Alma was either hungry or needed changing. Paloma gladly was at least coming up to a stand of someone she knew. "Hi Edgar, do you mind if we sit here?" she smiled and asked without really waiting for his answer before she went around the booth and sat down on a chair next to him. "How are you?" she smiled up at him casually starting to unwrap Alma from the sling.

@edgarwayne

[edgarwayne]

Edgar chuckled, shaking his head. "You better," he teased. "Else I'll tell your dad all about it." Looking over Lachlan's shoulder, he nodded in understanding. He didn't know the couple well, but he'd at least heard about the newest addition to their family.

With Sofie's hand in his, Edgar put up a 'Be back shortly' sign on the table. One of his friends were scheduled to start their shift soon enough, so it should be fine to leave everything alone for a few minutes. For good measure he waved to Joey at his own booth, to let the other man know he was stepping away.

"So, what have you three been up to so far at the festival?" He looked between Sofie and Lachlan as they walked, noting the tired look his friend held. Edgar could certainly sympathize, even if he did not have personal experience with a newborn.

"Ummmmm...." Sofie pretended to think. "I guess." She giggled and finally let him go as Lachlan pointed to Paloma over his shoulder. "She's seeing Chris and Em's new baby." It was weird not to say Josie's baby but he'll get used to it because that is what Josie wanted.

"Okay!" Sofie nodded, holding onto Edgar's hand now as Lachlan smiled a thanks to his friend, having a small break would help him get Alma back to sleep properly.

[edgarwayne]

He held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. I do appreciate the help." Edgar handed Joey a promotional button to put on before adding one to his own shirt. "Aren't these great? Stella made them. We're so incredibly lucky to have so many talented people involved in our play." And in the ballet as well. It boggled his mind how well all the pieces came together in a short time.

Glancing back at Joey, Edgar bit his lip in hesitation. "Can I...ask you something?"

"Edgar." Joey turned to face him. "I am perfectly happy with helping you out here. My booth is set up, I know what I'm workshopping, what skills I'm going to teach about and I have set hours so people know when to come by for said workshop if they're interested... I've made the time." He set the flyers out. Joey had been trying his best to get involved in the community so no time like the present, right?

[edgarwayne]

Edgar gave a small shrug. "We went to formal parties a lot growing up, but they were never like the ones here. Can't say I miss them much. Though the food was always superb."

His smile wavered as Bev took his hands; he squeezed them in appreciation. "Did you see the man I was talking to earlier?" Perhaps talking to was putting it lightly. Despite his best efforts to find privacy, Edgar was all too aware of the glances he got from other ball attendees. "I want you to stay far, far away from him Bevvie."

Edgar let out a dark chuckle. "God, between this and Joey and Jordan causing a scene at the booth earlier...And now I have a biological child - I donated to a sperm bank in college - and they're trapped here all because they wanted to meet me. I'm ready to just sleep through til next year. But other than all that, yep, everything's great."

He hated being negative, of creating a burden onto his loved ones, but it was all too much at once. He was already stressed about the upcoming performance date, and now everything just felt like it was falling apart.

"I am!" She Laughed. " I think I was built for dances like this. We used to have them all the time back home." Ever since she was 16. But she had only really gone with her ex-fiance not long after that birthday. It was nice now to reclaim those things. "I was going for Phantom of the Opera, but bride just sounds so beautiful." She took up his hands and held them tightly. "Everything okay? You seemed a little off earlier."

[edgarwayne]

He scoffed, pushing Christian slightly to create some distance between them. "And what? Am I supposed to apologize to you for the fact you can't move on? That it's somehow my fault that you're so warped in the head that this somehow excuses what you did to a dear friend of mine? Because what? I was a bloody kid in love over 30 fucking years ago? You have deep seated issues Christian, and I'm not sure all the therapy in the world can fix that. I only regret that I wasn't able to realize that sooner."

Christian just rolled his eyes at this. "I don't want you back, I'd never want you back anyway, if I did, then I would've tried to have tracked you down and brought you back to Boston against your will but do you know what? I'm not that guy any more. Sure, I humiliated Art in the process, but do you know how fucking hard it's been for me since I found you? Trying to get over you has been the most MISERABLE experience." He gave the front of Edgar's shirt a pull for a second then let him go. "I'm so glad you were able to move on after you ran off and found someone else here, good for you, you had the chance to heal and recover from what I did to you in the past. I never had that luxury because I've been stuck in therapy for six years trying to be a better person!"

[edgarwayne]

Edgar's brows raised high and it took a moment for his brain to really comprehend what they had just said. Wait, mums? Suddenly his entire expression lit up. "Oh my god, can I hug you? I'm so happy to know my donation was used!" And by a lesbian couple wanting to raise a child of their own to boot. "Is everything okay? Are your mums okay? Oh god I have so many questions for you."

there was only one way to say this next thing, couldn't really sugarcoat so they blurted it out. "my names ash, you don't know me but you're my dad. my mom's used a donor for me and you happened to be that, so... hey."

[edgarwayne]

He shook his head, pulling Art into another hug. "I don't doubt that. Please, stop blaming yourself. It was his sick, fucked up idea of a game and I am so so sorry you got caught in the crosshairs." Edgar could feel himself tearing up, both in guilt for what happened to his friend and in anger for what Christian did.

The thing he didn't understand was why. Why Art specifically? After a long moment of trying to cycle through what they fought about over the years something clicked and he pulled away again to look at Art in shock. "Oh my god. I told him about you. About how we'd met and how you'd been my first love. I-I never thought he would have gone this far. I...fuck, he must have looked you up online. It never even occurred to me that you might have articles about you. Archie, I am so so sorry. I had no idea something like this would happen."

"Eds, I swear, if I had known, I probably would've socked him in the mouth." Okay, that was a bit of an overstatement, but it might've been true given just the small bit that Art knew. He was telling him he did nothing wrong but Art was still just searching through his memories to be sure he hadn't messed up royally. "Huh? No. Fuck no. Thank God." Though, he still felt like this was probably worse. He was embarrassed and ashamed of himself and still guilty-- even if he just didn't know.

He glanced away, deciding what he should say. "We met at a bar. Had a few drinks... Went back to my apartment and--" This was what Christian wanted. To embarrass him and make Edgar feel bad. Now he was sure of that and it was killing him inside. "--we made out and he got me naked and pretended like he was gonna take something off before he just-- left. Took my fucking clothes with him. I thought he took them totally but he just left them on the stupid couch." He couldn't even look at Edgar right now. He felt awful. Terrible. "Last thing he said was to tell you hello from him. That was it. I'm sorry."

[edgarwayne]

He blinked in surprise at that. "Uh yes, I am. What can I do for you?" After a moment it registered to him that their voice was familiar, a British accent and not American. How....did they know who he was?

"oh, no actually, i wanted to talk to you. you're edgar wayne right?" ash asked. they assumed he was, he looked a hell of a lot like the missing persons report back home and if by some weird off chance it wasn't him then he had a twin.

[edgarwayne]

That wasn't enough to override the horrific, humiliating experience he put Art through. "Well luckily for you you have nothing to be jealous of. Because I will never go back to you. I can't believe I ever fell in love with someone who can be so cruel and heartless. At least now I'm with a man who doesn't make me feel like shit about myself! He isn't a man that is so shitty of a human being that he has to drag other people down to his level to feel good about himself!"

"No, it wasn't a lie." Christian kept his voice steady since Edgar was slowly getting worked up. "I was just trying to get over my past jealously over him, perhaps I went the wrong way about it but hey! I no longer feel jealous." He shrugged his shoulders. "Like I said, the therapy wasn't a lie, but I am going back. I found someone in town who specialises in the shit I need to talk about."

[edgarwayne]

His gaze dropped to the ground, embarrassed to openly admit it. But still, Edgar nodded. His gaze shot up, however, once Art began apologizing. Edgar's mouth hung open in shock and confusion, and he reached out to hug his friend. "Archie, no, what? Why are you apologizing? There's no way you could have known that was him. You did nothing wrong." Based on the tidbits of information he was getting, he tried to piece together what had happened. "Did he...sleep with you and then brought me up?"

He pulled away from the hug but still kept his hands on Art's arms. "Please tell me what happened Archie. I won't be mad at you, I promise. I could never be mad at you."

"The motherfucker that you got away from?" Art asked, glancing behind Edgar's shoulder then directly at the ground. Shit. Fuck. His mouth felt dry. He didn't have much beyond their first initial conversation but he definitely didn't have a name. Did he? No. No, Edgar never told him a name. "Eds, I-- Jesus fucking Christ, I didn't know. I promise he didn't say anything about knowing you until he'd already... Left. Fucked me over? I don't know." His heart was in his stomach. This was so much worse than he thought. "I'm sorry. I didn't know and I'm so fucking sorry."

[edgarwayne]

At hearing that name Edgar felt his heart drop into his stomach. He felt like he was going to be sick. Or that he may faint. Possibly both. "W-what happened Art? He's..." he took a long exhale. "He's my ex-fiancé whom I'd rather not get too into detail about right now."

Art had absolutely no idea how to breach this topic with Edgar of all people. He almost contemplated not doing it at all. Deep in the pit of his stomach, he felt like it was all done to hurt Edgar-- so telling him felt like he was letting Christian have one more win on him. Still, how was he supposed to hold it all together when he was with Edgar one on one? Art couldn't lie to him. He let out a breath.

"Who is Christian and why would he say to tell you he said hello?"