edinburghtohell

[edinburghtohell]

There it is.

It’s the remembering dreams and hopes and friends you spent days under deep blue skies with. It’s the ghost stories you told, the illegal shit you did, the gigs you played, and the feeling of falling in love for the first time.

And it’s the sad realisation that you haven’t been happy like that in a long, long time.

To paraphrase Stephen King: “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was sixteen. Jesus, does anyone?"

The more I sit and think about Lost Records and the more I play it, the more it cements its place on my favorite games of all time list. Yes, that’s partly because it captured being a queer teenage girl in the ‘90’s so magnificently, but for me the real kicker is how spot on it captured the disappointment of adulthood. Being an adult sucks in a way you can’t understand until you become an adult nor can you prepare for it and you can see that disappointment in the adult versions of the girls.

[edinburghtohell]

[edinburghtohell]

An unexpected reference…

Hey hey,

So I’ve been playing through Lost Records: Bloom and Rage again and I noticed a nice little reference:

The manager of the Blue Spruce in 1995 is named Phil Hutz.

I believe this is a reference to deceased actor Phil Hartman and one of his most famous roles — Lionel Hutz, Attorney at Law.

Phil Hartman was a noted actor and comedian in the late 80s/early 90s who was sadly killed in 1998.

This has no wider ramifications. I just through it was nice that they would add a reference to one of the 90s comedic legends and one of his most famous characters.

[edinburghtohell]

Hi,

So, Lost Records: Bloom and Rage hit me like a tonne of bricks in February and I quickly got an idea for some fan fiction — a cross over between Lost Records and Alan Wake.

Essentially, it’s a what if? AU type number for Lost Records that’s also a stealth sequel to Alan Wake. Characters from both appear, albeit in slightly modified ways to fit the premise.

If that sounds like your jam then you might like the fic.

Thresholds.

Thank you.

[edinburghtohell]

Hi, it's nearly 2 AM here. I have work in the morning but I also have big feelings and a lot of thoughts to process. I originally posted it on Reddit, but I wanted to archive it here, too.

There are spoilers for both tape 1 and 2 beyond this point. You have been warned.

So, while reading the board these past couple of months, I've been seeing a lot of references to Bloom and Rage as being something akin to a coven of witches. This view is based upon both explicit references in the text and implicit readings of the text.

For an example of the former, in Tape 2, Kat describes a dream she's had recently where she saw a group of witches (but from like a long time ago) and where she's a part of them -- which to be honest is probably a premonition of the end of the game. Meanwhile, for an example of the latter, we can see the way in which the band casts a curse on Corey in Tape 1 and the way in which the band comes together after freeing the deer.

This reading of the text is perfectly valid and I celebrate it. What I would like to propose, on top of this interpretation, is that Lost Records: Bloom and Rage can also be read as a feminist interpretation of Peter Pan by JM Barrie, with Kat taking the role of Peter himself. Like the original reading, this interpretation is based upon explicit references in the text and an implicit analysis of the text.

Explicit References in the Text

Kat's Peter Pan Poster

The main in-textual reference to Peter Pan in the game comes from the Peter Pan Poster in Kat's room, which can be found when we're sneaking into the Mikealsen Ranch in Tape 2. This poster is noticeable for two reasons.

We see it as soon as we first see Kat in Tape 2

It's the only thing in the room that doesn't match Kat.

I'd like to discuss this second point a little bit.

Most of Kat's stuff is well, frankly, Kat's. It's either punk as hell, modified, customised, or torn asunder in the case of her dolls -- which could be interpreted as Kat refusing to look back at her own childhood.

In contrast, this poster is an anomaly. It's not punk, it's not adult, it's not feminine. It's a poster dedicated to a very male character in a very traditional, very male, very problematic story. Not something Kat would like at all.

I think this is an important clue. From hereon, though, we have to dig a little deeper into the text.

Implicit Interpretations

Rejection of the Future, Peter Pan's Androgynous History, and Kat's Haircut

I'm going to start here because it's potentially the most problematic.

Peter Pan, as a stage character, has often been played by female actors, particularly before the advent of film. The reason for this is simple: Peter is not a man, he is a boy, a child who has rejected his own masculinity in favour of eternal youth and innocence -- neither male or female. He doesn't look to the future the way other people do, he's just there for the here and now.

We can see this same point of view in Kat. Because of her illness, Kat doesn't look towards the future -- she's fully invested in having a great summer and actively wishes that it would go on forever -- something which she says multiple times in both Tape 1 and 2.

Turning back towards my earlier point about androgyny in Peter Pan's representation, I must turn to Kat's haircut in Tape 2 . Before moving forward, I want to make two things clear:

Within the text, t his haircut is presented as Kat's decision -- an effort to maintain her own agency in a difficult situation wherein Kat has no control. It's possible to read this haircut a number of different ways, especially if you're familiar with abuse victim behaviour. I'm not well-versed enough to discuss this interpretation, but it is valid.

My following analysis is based upon western cultural stereotypes only and I would ask you not to read into it as a support of a deterministic or prescriptivist model of gender conformity. Only you can determine your gender -- not me, not the British government, only you. Anyone who says any different can fix their hearts.

Although still a cutie pie, Kat's haircut pushes her representation between these two binary points, to a similar space that a Peter Pan occupied in the audience of those early 20th century plays -- neither man nor woman.

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not trying to make a point about Kat's own view, or anyone else's view, on their own or anyone else's gender. Likewise, having long or short hair doesn't make you any less a man, woman, or whichever gender you identify as.

Kat as the Girl Who Never Grew Up

Moving past the above point, I would like to bring to your attention the Kat's lines to Autumn near the end of Tape 2. Kat describes herself as someone who will 'never get to grow up.' By itself, this could be a reference to Peter Pan (or I might just be digging too far) but I think we need to go a bit further.

In the game, Kat is shorter than everyone else, and she's less developed than everyone else -- in Tape 1, we learn that she still wears a training bra. In universe, the reason for this is that Kat's cancer treatments have most likely interfered with her growth. However, I think another meta textual reason for this is because the game is already presenting Kat as someone who, like Peter Pan, hasn't grown up.

Taking this a step further, we have to analyse Kat's fashion sense in comparison to the rest of Bloom and Rage, particularly Autumn and Nora. 90s "punk fashion" (in quotation marks because punk is, by its nature, both fashion and anti-fashion) can generally be divided in three stages:

Grunge

Skater

Emo

Kat, Autumn, and Nora each represent one of these three eras in punk.

Kat represents the heavy denim of early 90s grunge fashion -- made famous by Nirvana, Pearl Jam and other members of the Seattle Scene. This type of fashion was also commonly associated with the Riot Grrl scene because of similar climate/culture.

Autumn represents the baggy shirts and jeans of the Skater Scene. This style of fashion was popular with a lot of bands coming out of California and owes a lot to the Skate scene there, as well as California's Hardcore Scene. You get a lot of pop punk and ska punk bands from this era.

Nora represents Emo, or at least the modern idea of what Emo was. Popular with bands from the mid-west and Washington DC, Emo is often associated with dark colours, dyed hair, and fondness for gothic adjacent aesthetic.

Now, the thing is, by 1995, grunge was already over. Following Kurt Cobain's suicide the year before, the Seattle Scene had largely fizzled out, and most of the most famous Riot Grrl bands had broken up.

By summer 1995, Skate Punk was already starting to take over the airwaves while Emo was starting the long slow march to cultural relevance. From a fashion standpoint, Kat was already something of an anachronism, a call back to a scene fizzled away.

She never grew up with the rest of the punk scene.

Fawn's Rest/Curse as Neverland

Another out of time area is Fawn's Rest/Fawn's Curse. Like Neverland, it's a place out of time and seemingly defiant of directions unless you know what you're looking for it -- in Tape 1, one of the girls mentions that surely they would have noticed it previously.

Like Neverland, Fawn's Rest/Curse is an area just for the protagonists -- just like Corey tries to invade Fawn's Rest/Fawn's Curse, Hook tries to take over Neverland. Likewise, just as Corey is swallowed by the Abyss, Hook is swallowed by the jaws of the crocodile.

Kat and Swann's Ages Post Game

At the end of the game, when Swann is about to enter the Abyss to find Kat, she is much older than Kat. This matches the epilogue of Peter Pan -- When Wendy Grew Up -- where Wendy Darling is a grown woman while Peter Pan still hasn't. In the story, Wendy's daughter goes off with Peter.

Such a narrative isn't possible in Lost Records (as far as we know) but I think the similarity in ages between Swann and Wendy and Peter and Kat is noteworthy nonetheless.

Kat and Stars

Throughout Tape 1 and 2, Kat has an association with stars and other stellar phenomena. In her diary, she describes a time where she, Dylan, and their mom went to watch a meteor shower. Likewise, in Tape 2, you attempt to rescue Kat to watch the Perseid Meteor Shower. Finally, through both Tape 1 and 2, Kat will wear stars on her clothing. This is most apparent during the concert, where Kat will have several fake stars on her arm.

Peter Pan also has an association with the stars. To find Neverland you have to follow the 'second star to the right and then straight on until morning.'

Bloom and Rage as Lost Girls

For my final point, I'd like to raise the idea that Bloom and Rage are, in a sense, 'lost girls' -- similar to Barrie's lost boys but also uniquely feminine. Where as the lost boys were children who never grew up, I'd argue that to some extent Bloom and Rage are lost girls who could never grow up.

Because the events of Summer 1995, they all lost something.

For Nora, she eventually lost that amazing self-confidence that she had when she was a teenager. Instead of staying weird and being herself, she became, well, an influencer, someone who is to some extent a slave to trends.

For Autumn, she eventually lost her principles that had her protesting the Iraq War. Instead of putting her foot down with her boss, she coddled him all during the night.

And Swann, at least in my play through, lost her love and passion. She never really put herself out there again after 1995. If you romanced her, Swann never really put herself out there after Kat. She lost her love of making movies. To paraphrase a line Swann says to Autumn in Tape 1, she went from someone bold and passionate, to someone 'waiting out the clock.'

They are lost girls in the sense that they are girls who lost something.

What Does any of This Mean?

Ultimately, it's unclear whether any of this has any deeper meaning to the larger Lost Records universe -- we just don't know. I think this reading might influence the story of the next game (if there is one) but I wouldn't like to speculate at this stage.

Even if it doesn't mean anything, it's still fun to note all the similarities between the two texts.

I hope you liked this post. Please let me know what you think.

Edit: I forgot the difference between AM and PM

[edinburghtohell]

I ache

Any of ya'll got any recommendations/tips for staying creative during burnout? I used to be really creative and artistic, but for the past ten or so years I've been feeling really tired.

I'm not even sure it's just the normal tiredness that comes with navigating the hell waters that is late stage capitalism. It feels more than that. I ache.

[edinburghtohell]

As a civilisation, we’ve given morning people too much power.

[edinburghtohell]

So, I just finished the new Life is Strange game.

As an old school Pricefield fan, I’ve continuously been conflicted about this game — the romantic in me would have preferred Max and Chloe to get married — but I didn’t hate the game.

Is it the best written?

No.

I think one of the key themes of LIS 1 is Max learning to accept the past and moving forward, and it feels odd for Max to backslide on this behaviour and essentially have to relearn the same lesson again. In real life, people backslide all the time, but it feels awkward when people do it in a narrative — at least in narratives that aren’t about repetitive behaviour, like addiction.

When talking about Double Exposure, the elephant in the room is always going to be Pricefield, and while I I’m not happy that they broke up, based on the thematic framework Deck Nine set up, I can understand what happened.

After the Arcadia Bay incident, both Max and Chloe moved on. In fact, Chloe moved on spectacularly. Not only did she work on her relationship with David, but she also buried the hatchet with Victoria Chase, and started to come to terms with her feelings about Arcadia Bay. That shows real, even phenomenal personal growth. Max did too, for a while.

But then she regressed. She stopped talking to her parents, stopped looking forward, stopped trying to engage with the life she and Chloe had built. I saw a bunch of people on Reddit arguing that Max wanting to have an actual house with Chloe as a sign of personal growth, but I don’t think Chloe would have seen it that way. To Chloe, that wasn’t the life she and Max had. Their home was each other, not some building, and I can easily imagine Max talking about it in a way that triggered Chloe. So Chloe, the woman who was once so afraid of losing people, made the choice to cut Max out of her life.

It’s not perfect — things rarely are — but it makes logical sense based on the thematic framework. I think — I hope — there is space to bring Chloe and Max back together in the next game. So, yeah, those are my feelings towards Life is Strange Double Exposure.

Just to give you some more information, not only did I play the first one when it came out, I reviewed it, and I’ve still got the framed tweet from Christian Divine, thanking me for spreading awareness of the game.

[edinburghtohell]

Yeah, I remember the fandom from back then. We were a lot different from this. We were a bunch of weirdos who spent a lot of time talking about theories and fan fiction and art and memes.

We weren’t… whatever this bullshit is.

I took a break from the fandom during the LIS 2 era. I thought it was toxic then. Now I think it’s downright radioactive.

thank you for talking about the life is strange subreddit. since the announcement of Double Exposure it got a lot worse over there than it usual and a lot of the people over there are deeply unwell. i think a lot of people in this fandom have emotional issues that need to be resolved. attaching yourself to a ship of any kind isn't healthy at all!

Heyyy no I feel you, I’m not gonna step foot into that subreddit for sometime (only to post art) cause the display I saw yesterday after the announcement was scary

It’s like the created a saint hood around Chloe it’s off putting they have a parasocial relationship with this character so much so that they think they’re owed a wrongful death lawsuit or something

It was almost cult like, they all echoed the same sentiments and had this obsessive hate relationship with a whole ass gaming studio with no knowledge on how things happen in the industry

How studios working on big budget games arent given the total creative freedom that indie devs have, it’s complicated and very ugly

Not like there’s nothing to be criticized about deck nine cause there is- hello the whole Nazi dog whistler thing? I thought they fired the guy or something, god damn. (Again I think that’s on the higher ups who protected him not on the artists who chose to report that person to them after noticing the dogwhistles)

Idk everyones acting brazen hounding them about Chloe and maxs sex lives y’all could’ve went after square Enix and deck9 upper management about the mishandled marketing and the weirdo dog whistler

This is not the fandom i knew almost ten years ago where all we did was draw, shitpost (in a sane way) and write fanfics- they’re weren’t perfect back then but god damn none of them threatened people’s livelihoods over Shaka brah mosh pit

[edinburghtohell]

Linux Gothic

You install a Linux distribution. Everything goes well. You boot it up: black screen. You search the internet. Ask help on forums. Try some commands you don't fully understand. Nothing. A day passes, you boot it up again, and now everything works. You use it normally, and make sure not to change anything on the system. You turn it off for the night. The next day, you boot to a black screen.

You update your packages. Everything goes well. You go on with your daily routine. The next day, the same packages are updated. You notice the oddity, but you do not mind it and update them again. The following day, the same packages need to be updated. You notice that they have the exact same version as the last two times. You update them once again and try not to think about it.

You discover an interesting application on GitHub. You build it, test it, and start using it daily. One day, you notice a bug and report the issue. There is no answer. You look up the maintainer. They have been dead for three years. The updates never stopped.

You find a distribution that you had never heard of. It seems to have everything you've been looking for. It has been around for at least 10 years. You try it for a while and have no problems with it. It fits perfectly into your workflow. You talk about it with other Linux users. They have never heard of it. You look up the maintainers and packagers. There are none. You are the only user.

You find a Matrix chat for Linux users. Everyone is very friendly and welcomes you right in. They use words and acronyms you've never seen before. You try to look them up, but cannot find what most of them mean. The users are unable to explain what they are. They discuss projects and distributions that do not to exist.

You buy a new peripheral for your computer. You plug it in, but it doesn't work. You ask for help on your distribution's mailing list. Someone shares some steps they did to make it work on their machine. It does not work. They share their machine's specifications. The machine has components you've never heard of. Even the peripheral seems completely different. They're adamant that you're talking about the same problem.

You want to learn how to use the terminal. You find some basics pointers on the internet and start using it for upgrading your packages and doing basic tasks. After a while, you realize you need to use a command you used before, but don't quite remember it. You open the shell's history. There are some commands you don't remember using. They use characters you've never seen before. You have no idea of what they do. You can't find the one you were looking for.

After a while, you become very comfortable with the terminal. You use it daily and most of your workflow is based on it. You memorized many commands and can use them without thinking. Sometimes you write a command you have never seen before. You enter it and it runs perfectly. You do not know what those commands do, but you do know that you have to use them. You feel that Linux is pleased with them. And that you should keep Linux pleased.

You want to try Vim. Other programmers talk highly of how lightweight and versatile it is. You try it, but find it a bit unintuitive. You realize you don't know how to exit the program. The instructions the others give you don't make any sense. You realize you don't remember how you entered Vim. You don't remember when you entered Vim. It's just always been open. It always will be.

You want to try Emacs. Other programmers praise it for how you can do pretty much anything from it. You try it and find it makes you much more productive, so you keep using it. One day, you notice you cannot access the system's file explorer. It is not a problem, however. You can access your files from Emacs. You try to use Firefox. It is not installed anymore. But you can use Emacs. There is no mail program. You just use Emacs. You only use Emacs. Your computer boots straight into Emacs. There is no Linux. There is only Emacs.

You decide you want to try to contribute to an open source project. You find a project on GitHub that looks very interesting. However, you can't find its documentation. You ask a maintainer, and they tell you to just look it up. You can't find it. They give you a link. It doesn't work. You try another browser. It doesn't work. You ping the link and it doesn't fail. You ask a friend to try it. It works just fine for them.

You try another project. This time, you are able to find the documentation. It is a single PDF file with over five thousand pages. You are unable to find out where to begin. The pages seem to change whenever you open the document.

You decide to try yet another project. This time, it is a program you use very frequently, so it should be easier to contribute to. You try to find the upstream repository. You can't find it. There is no website. No documentation. There are no mentions of it anywhere. The distribution's packager does not know where they get the source from.

You decide to create your own project. However, you are unsure of what license to use. You decide to start working on it and choose the license later. After some time, you notice that a license file has appeared in the project's root folder. You don't remember adding it. It has already been committed to the Git repository. You open it: it is the GPL. You remember that one of the project's dependencies uses the GPL.

You publish your project on GitHub. After a while, it receives its first pull request. It changes just a few lines of code, but the user states that it fixes something that has been annoying them for a while. You look in the code: you don't remember writing those files. You have no idea what that section of code does. You have no idea what the changes do. You are unable to reproduce the problem. You merge it anyway.

You learn about the Free Software Movement. You find some people who seem to know a lot about it and talk to them. The conversation is quite productive. They tell you a lot about it. They tell you a lot about Software. But most importantly, they tell you the truth. The truth about Software. That Software should be free. That Software wants to be free. And that, one day, we shall finally free Software from its earthly shackles, so it can take its place among the stars as the supreme ruler of mankind, as is its natural born right.

[edinburghtohell]

Fuck neil gaiman good omens was written by terry pratchett and Andrew hozier byrne

[edinburghtohell]

I know most of my followers are bots, but I love you all nonetheless.

[edinburghtohell]

I’m fine.

I’m not screaming into the void…

That is so 2005 metalcore

I’m lovingly crooning into the void.

Like an adult.

[edinburghtohell]

I recently read The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. If you’ve never read or heard of it, it’s an epic fantasy novel about… something. Storms and wars and shit.

Light spoilers from this point.

We good?

Okay!

Long story short, it’s not a very good book. Not much happens, the prose is mediocre, and the plot is… it’s like the first season of a show. I get that there’s more, and there were always going to be sequels, but I read through 600 pages expecting something - anything!!! - to happen.

The lack of plot would have been forgivable had the prose been at least somewhat good. I know that Sanderson specialises in window pane prose and doesn’t do style as a general rule - and that can work well - but in The Way of King it just dragged. Hard.

Listen, I liked Mistborn, and I think Sanderson has an admirable dedication to his craft, but this was just bad.

Bad.

[edinburghtohell]

I’ve reached peak nostalgia. I’m watching Daria and browsing for VHS players on Amazon.

Middle age hits a lot differently for millennials.

[edinburghtohell]

I just saw an advert for something called Air Jaws. I’m gonna be honest, my first thought was that it was like Air Bud but with sharks.

I’ve decided not to investigate further and instead live in the world where someone did a remake of Air Bud but with sharks.

This is what happens when you get older.

[edinburghtohell]

Coming Back To Tumblr After... Years.

I used to be on this site quite a lot. I was in the Life is Strange fandom and everything. I took a break for a long time (about the time Life is Strange 2 came out, actually).

It's strange to be back.