eggjaculations
eggjaculations
yeeeerrrd
122K posts
i put the fun in executive dysfunction.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
eggjaculations Ā· 2 hours ago
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i hate when men complain about women’s body hair, even like the fine hair on their backs. go fuck a shark if you wanna have sex with something hairless
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eggjaculations Ā· 6 hours ago
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was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.
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eggjaculations Ā· 6 hours ago
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ā€˜haha eating pussy for 30 minutes that’s AMATEUR haha lesbians have sex for HOURS haha you must SUCK in bed’ some of us are disabled shut the fuck up
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eggjaculations Ā· 6 hours ago
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We're at "disappear our political opponents" levels of fascism now
Zohran needs round the clock protection, I fear for this man's life and wellbeing.
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eggjaculations Ā· 6 hours ago
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eggjaculations Ā· 6 hours ago
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an effective way i've found of processing anger provoked by petty annoyances and minor inconveniences is asking myself "would i be embarrassed to linger on as a revenant specter because i couldn't move past this" and if the answer is yes i get over it pretty quickly
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eggjaculations Ā· 6 hours ago
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cats reached Britain at least 200 years before the Romans did :D
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eggjaculations Ā· 6 hours ago
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eggjaculations Ā· 6 hours ago
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eggjaculations Ā· 7 hours ago
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I have had a really full and busy day today, but the highlight was:
So I'm sitting in the staff work area and one of my colleagues comes up to me. There's an open day this weekend, and so we need to plan an activity for the would-be students.
"Simple!" I say. "Let's get them to dissect some owl pellets. Hands on, fun, they get to play with skulls."
"Good idea!" she says. "But we'll need something even fancier for the open day in February. What can we do? Perhaps we can take some soil samples."
And as we're debating the photogenic merits of soil Vs dead mice...
Suddenly, a Dashing and Handsome Stranger (read: an autistic engineering lecturer) appears with a flourish (read: launches himself into a seat beside us while visibly and physically vibrating with excitement about his special interest being Useful) and asks "HELLO I'M SORRY DID YOU SAY SOIL BECAUSE I HAVE A RAMAN MICROSCOPE"
"Amazing!" declares my colleague. "...Who are you?"
"COME AND SEE IT!!!" he says, currently the human embodiment of the :D emoticon.
We went and saw it. It's an excellent microscope and his ten minute infodump about it was both spectacular and also extremely useful. We're going to use it to assess microplastics.
I have a new friend.
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eggjaculations Ā· 7 hours ago
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so itchio has shadowbanned any games tagged with 'nsfw', 'adult', or 'erotic' so they don't show up in searches, and several devs have reported that their r18 games have been removed from the site with no warning
you know, maybe the internet shouldn’t be controlled by payment processors and terf lobbyists. and maybe people should be more concerned about this rise of censorship on queer media.
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eggjaculations Ā· 7 hours ago
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me seeing purple flowers on a lawn: that’s the prettiest thing i’ve ever seen
me seeing sunlight hit the waves of the sea: that’s the prettiest thing i’ve ever seen
me seeing raindrops sparkle colorfully on a bus stop bench at night: that’s the
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eggjaculations Ā· 7 hours ago
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it should be against the law for streaming services to use shows they canceled to advertise. stop parading her dead body around you bitch you literally killed her
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eggjaculations Ā· 7 hours ago
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This is going to sound so "oldie yells at cloud" of me but the radicalisation of the young into black and white, zero shades of grey thinking, both in the media they consume and in real life situations, is genuinely terrifying.
The world is complex. The world is grey. There is infinite nuance in everything. No amount of trying to shove it all into neatly labeled boxes is ever going to work.
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eggjaculations Ā· 7 hours ago
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plane tickets should be Free if you miss yuor friends
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eggjaculations Ā· 8 hours ago
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eggjaculations Ā· 8 hours ago
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yea i am very sorry to say this but louisiana has done a version of this already. you cant watch porn in louisiana without verifying your age by scanning your ID or linking it to LA Wallet, which is our ID app.
Reading the new checks that might come in due to the Online Safety Act in the UK and this is actually bullshit
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[Image Transcript:
And how will I prove my age?
There’s a number of methods a site or app might use to ask you to confirm your age. They might do this check themselves or use another company to do the check. These methods include:
Facial age estimation – you show your face via photo or video, and technology analyses it to estimate your age.Ā 
Open banking – you give permission for the age-check service to securely access information from your bank about whether you are over 18. The age-check service then confirms this with the site or app.
Digital identity services – these include digital identity wallets, which can securely store and share information which proves your age in a digital format.
Credit card age checks – you provide your credit card details and a payment processor checks if the card is valid.Ā As you must be over 18 to obtain a credit card this shows you are over 18.
Email-based age estimation – you provide your email address, and technology analyses other online services where it has been used – such as banking or utility providers - to estimate your age.Ā Ā 
Mobile network operator age checks – you give your permission for an age-check service to confirm whether or not your mobile phone number has age filters applied to it. If there are no restrictions, this confirms you are over 18.Ā 
Photo-ID matching – this is similar to a check when you show a document. For example, you upload an image of a document that shows your face and age, and an image of yourself at the same time – these are compared to confirm if the document is yours.
End Transcript.]
Not only is this such a fucking breach of privacy, but this is going to hurt adults in vulnerable and abusive situations. Some adults don’t have bank accounts or credit cards or even a fucking phone. I’m one of them. I could not give half of this information even if I wanted to. What the fuck is this. Fuck the UK government. This isn’t going to protect kids, this is just going to hurt adults, and I know full well when they say ā€œsites that allow pornographyā€ they’re going to be going after sites that have huge amounts of queer content, like tumblr and Ao3. Queer kids are gonna lose their fucking communities because of this shit. Abuse victims are going to lose online support systems because of this.
I’m genuinely fucked off about this, and worried about whether I’m going to lose every single one of my online friends. Anyone in the UK, please email your MP and sign this petition. It needs to reach 100k signatures to pass through Parliament.
I’m only hoping the backlash will be big enough for them to stop implementing these measures.
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