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"Joy doesn't require the absence of grief. We have the capacity to hold both at the same time." - Mama Saba

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Josiah: you don't love me anymore?

Yasmen: I can't find it. I can't find us. It's buried under all this pain.

Josiah: We said till death do us part.

Yasmen: Death is tearing us apart. We assumed it would have to be our deaths that ended this. Turns out it was theirs."

Josiah: We said vows.

Yasmin: Those are words, not walls. They don't defend. They don't enforce. They don't protect us from life. From pain. From how things change. And I don't want to stay in this just because we said we would. I need to stop hurting and being with you? It hurts now.

🫠

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GRIEF

I heard someone say once that when you try to fix people's hurt, you're controlling it instead of sitting with them and connecting.

In every way possible. I needed to stop. To process, and maybe I stayed in that space too long. I'm sure I did, but I felt like you didn't stop at all. It felt like you are running from everything I needed to work through. And we didn't talk about any of it.

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SET A DATE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF

It can work like that. You can't change what has already happened. What you did or decided. SO you have two choices. Wallow in it, stay in the chokehold of guilt and shame that holds you back from the next phase of your life or decide you've punished yourself long enough for things you can never change and set a date when you'll forgive yourself and move forward.

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Let's say you did ruin everything.

This happens. Depression is an altered state of mind. Depression is a liar. If it will tell you no one loves you, that your not good enough, that you're a burden or, in the most extreme cases, better off dead, then it can certainly convince you that you're better off without the man you love, and that, ultimately, he's better off without you.

While believing the lies depression tells us. Sometimes, we make decisions and do things we wouldn't otherwise. Part of the process of healing from depressive episodes can be dealing with the fallout of things we did and decided in that altered state of mind.

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Xie Lian: "Many, many years ago, there was someone who told me they couldn't live on anymore. They asked me for the reason they were alive and what was the meaning of their life."

Xie Lian: "Do you know how I answered?"

Hua Cheng: "How did you answer?"

Xie Lian: "I told them, 'if you don't know how to live on anymore, then live for me! If you don't know the meaning of your life, then make me that meaning, and use me as your reason to live.'"

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Belial: “I’ll tongue fuck you until you’re teetering on the edge of ecstasy and unconsciousness. I’ll milk you of every drop of cum I can wring from your pretty little cunt. All you have to do is forgive me…”

Rayven: “I didn’t say bargain. I said beg.”

Belial: My mouth curved against her, teeth scraping flesh. “Please.” Her breathing turned to panting. “Please, what?” “Forgive me.”

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"They want the prince, and I'm... that's me. Not you. It was never you."

Here was a boy who made monsters, or perhaps was a monster himself. All because he couldn't face the fact, the guilt, the sorrow, the rage, of his sister being dead.

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hardest thing I ever had to do was stop fucking w/ ppl I had real love for.

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AFRO PUNK GIRLS 😍

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SOOBIN :: GOOD BOY GONE BAD @ ACT : PROMISE ENCORE IN SEOUL DAY 1

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I may not be all that I want to be yet, but I am so much more than I was.