eleanor-n

[eleanor-n]

Im a rollecoaster that you can't ride.

I met you today at the attraction park and I noticed you couldn't get your attention away from me and the rollercoaster.

Usually I don't like people riding it because they get sick of it then sick of me.

But you liked me and I liked you so say "fuck it let's go"

The ride was fun no loop that made you sicks just yelling and laughing and our hands intertwined together.

Before you left you asked "same time tomorrow?" and I agreed.

And I forgot I was a rollecoaster for a moment, and jiggled until the next day fantasizing alone in my bed.

But Im a rollecoaster that you cant ride.

My friends will pretend they can, and then say they just tired, just to hang out with me but it doesn't work for the long run. It's just a quick-fix to a problem I created.

The next day you were there, cute as ever. You wanted to ride so bad but I didn't. But your smile won me over and we did ride. But this time the loops were not the same. Each dive was harder, and they were no laugh. The loops made you sick. When we were down you smiled and say it was okay, and it happened but one ride was enough for him today. Next time tomorrow ? Okay.

But I'm a rollecoaster and sometimes you can't handle it. But it's okay, no one can.

The next day I wasn't there. You texted me, I said I was feeling bad but he should have fun and he understood. He got the message and asked himself if I was hurting myself or just crying myself to sleep. I was a rollecoaster, I was always there. He went for a ride but without me he fell even worse than the day before. "Tell me if you're available tomorrow" and he went home.

The next day I wanted to be the best version of myself for him. I was dressed well, smell nice and even got us his favorite snacks. He smiled, trying to forget the feeling of guilt he had yesterday, knowing I was depressed but he forgot :

I'm a rollecoaster that he cant ride.

We went in, put the harness on and the ride begun. It was thebest one so far, each loop made our adrenaline go higher but we liked it. He saw me with the high and the view of the park so small below us. It was perfect, the crying went forgotten.

But eventually he got sick of it. Because too many rides make your stomach hurt in the end, and too many loops gives the uncertainty of me falling apart the next day.

Im a rollecoaster that no one can ride.

Because eventually I will be too much but I understand. No one can keep on riding a rollecoaster, not even me.

[eleanor-n]

[eleanor-n]

We are forced to live in a system that steals from us daily, Kill snitch culture.

[eleanor-n]

[eleanor-n]

[eleanor-n]

saw the tweet and it immediately reminded me of nightowl

[eleanor-n]

random teenager, posting an unhinged shitpost ab sandman/good omens/etc at 3 am

neil gaiman, reposting at 4 am

[eleanor-n]

you would undo God's punishment?

[eleanor-n]

some emergency alert operator just gave me a three minute taste of being an indie horror game protagonist jesus fuckin christ

[eleanor-n]

[eleanor-n]

Tried my hand at this meme

[eleanor-n]

why did you even do that asshole

[eleanor-n]

[eleanor-n]

[eleanor-n]

vampires have been drinking human blood for centuries they don't give a fuck about guys on eight different antidepressants. they were sucking on asbestos factory workers

[eleanor-n]

Y/N: You’re in his DMS, I’m on his nerves.

Y/N: I’m pissing him off, I’m ruining his day.

[eleanor-n]