elias-magnusnt

[elias-magnusnt]

Not what I'm called

M-Mister Bouchard? W-well, not the one I know. He's not blond... But why are you on this website?

-M. Shelley ( @m-shelley-head-archivist )

Hello Michael! Fancy meeting you here, and so... regular-looking.

I am on this website because I pressed the little "log in" button. Is that not something you're familiar with?

[elias-magnusnt]

M-Mister Bouchard? W-well, not the one I know. He's not blond... But why are you on this website?

-M. Shelley ( @m-shelley-head-archivist )

Hello Michael! Fancy meeting you here, and so... regular-looking.

I am on this website because I pressed the little "log in" button. Is that not something you're familiar with?

[elias-magnusnt]

Actually it's "I don’t want to die." and "No, no… N–" a lot of pitiful wheezing

pretty lame last words tbh

OOC/ look I'm allowing meta knowledge you shouldn't have access to otherwise because it can be interesting but please give out the correct spoilers if you're going to do it 😭

[elias-magnusnt]

Would you like to know your last words, Mr Magnus?

It's either something like "You will regret this" if I get murdered or a gargling yelp if I die accidentally. Sure, have a go at it, divine oracle.

[elias-magnusnt]

[elias-magnusnt]

[elias-magnusnt]

I don't think that's much of a high point.

-S. Lukas ( @fog-and-isolation )

And that's why you're not invited to my birthday party

[elias-magnusnt]

But you got to meet me! I mean you. I mean me. Us?

I believe today/around now marks one year of this blog. How do you feel to have been in this time period for a whole year now?

...bad.

[elias-magnusnt]

One of your employees ate my husband. What kind of freaks do you hire?

Only the very best.

[elias-magnusnt]

No nooo it was like a... Light reddish brown. Um. Nothing like... No.

This begs the question. What was your original body's hair color? Were you a ginger 🤨?

I don't like this question, it's too nosy, therefore I am not going to answer it. Also by the end of my life I had grey hair anyways. Don't look at the portraits of younger me I put up everywhere.

[elias-magnusnt]

It was a normal color I don't know what to tell you there's nothing more to try to find out about it.

This begs the question. What was your original body's hair color? Were you a ginger 🤨?

I don't like this question, it's too nosy, therefore I am not going to answer it. Also by the end of my life I had grey hair anyways. Don't look at the portraits of younger me I put up everywhere.

[elias-magnusnt]

I'm sure you can. Compliance inspectors don't tend to last very long in this place, I assure you. I'll cover for you if you cover for me. Deal?

Ah, I see. Well, if you're interested in reintegrating society anytime soon, I'm sure you'll enjoy your now cumulated... Roughly 3 months of vacation time, if not some time in a mud bath. Though I feel I'll have to force you to go home eventually, overworking yourself like that can't be good for the accuracy of your numbers.

Sir, I cannot in good faith have you use Institute funds to pay for a luxury spa getaway. Please stop sending me reimbursement requests about this.

@magnus-institute-accounting-dept

Can you get off my back about this already and just reimburse it? Since you intend on being nosy, it IS a business expense. There really isn't anything quite like meeting donors at a luxury spa to discuss terms. And yes, the head massages they're getting are a very important part of the negociations.

[elias-magnusnt]

Sir, I cannot in good faith have you use Institute funds to pay for a luxury spa getaway. Please stop sending me reimbursement requests about this.

@magnus-institute-accounting-dept

Can you get off my back about this already and just reimburse it? Since you intend on being nosy, it IS a business expense. There really isn't anything quite like meeting donors at a luxury spa to discuss terms. And yes, the head massages they're getting are a very important part of the negociations.

[elias-magnusnt]

Mr. Bouchard, sir, it’s Alex from accounting. Why did you submit a reimbursement request for a 200 pound manicure. That’s not a business expense. I have to deny this request.

Also, I saw you steal my RedBull from the fridge. It was labeled. I was right next to you. Sir, with all due respect, what the hell.

@magnus-institute-accounting-dept

Ah? Apologies, I must have mistyped your email in. Must have meant to send it to one of the many extremely wealthy men who like me to look pretty, unlike ungrateful prats like you.

Also, I don't drink RedBull. Do I really look the type? You must have mistaken someone else for me. Get your eyes checked, it is part of your coverage.

[elias-magnusnt]

Don't you hate it when an ex-coworker starts stalking you because they think you could be a threat because you accidentally freed something they were trying to contain for the better of everyone?

Can't relate I would love to be stalked please lend your ex-coworker to me. Also where the hell did Sasha go?

[elias-magnusnt]

How are you able to be so evil yet sever so much cunt?

You're assuming both of these attributes are mutually exclusive. They're really not. They boost and feed into each other, reach a previously unthought level thanks to each other. That's the secret.

[elias-magnusnt]

Fantastic! Thank you. Do you need something?

hey bitch

You're not allowed to call me that unless it's a compliment actually.