elliephile

[elliephile]

jaw dropped when I saw this. gonna go n live my tlou fantasy 😵‍💫

[elliephile]

heart to heart ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

summary: reader basically comes out to jackson ellie without actually saying it. for context reader has now been in jackson for awhile and has become close friends with ellie.

cw: no smut just kissing and making out. just ellie and reader having secret crushes on eachother & being cute. kinda inspired by dina and ellie during the blizzard. pretty wholesome besides a make out session. also not proofread!

a/n: also this is my first time writing on here and i hardly know how to work this so bare w me if I do something wrong or weird 🚶‍♀️I kept it a little short but i have a couple ideas on where to take it for another part. but i also feel like it might be good as just one part. idk hehe

It wasn’t often that Jackson welcomed new people, but when they did, it was always with open arms and generosity. That is, once whoever they found was no longer deemed a threat. You always thought Maria was better than you for that – for letting in new people, seemed too risky, but then she’d say something like “that new person was once you,” and then you’d feel kind of dumb. You’d just been in Jackson for so long now that you hardly thought about life before you stumbled upon the now familiar settlement. Regardless, life before Jackson wasn’t worth thinking about. You hated talking about things that were in any way traumatic or uncomfortable, which is probably why you didn’t have much to say when Maria was a little too enthusiastic for you to meet the new boy your age that Joel and Tommy ending up taking back to town during one of their patrols.

“He’s cute huh? Well mannered too,” Maria began, her tone rather suggestive. You simply widened your eyes, looking down at the tired, wooden bar counter of the Tipsy Bison, hoping your silence was any indication that you did not like where this was going. “I could set you and him up for patrol together, y’know? You could show him the ropes and I don’t know maybe you two—” before Maria could even finish her train of thought, you cut her off, grateful your order of two sandwiches came at what seemed like the perfect timing.

You smiled a small smile to Maria, hurriedly grabbing both sandwiches and getting yourself up to get the fuck out of there. You knew she meant well. She was always trying to be helpful but there’s no way she could have known that maybe you just didn’t like boys. In the post-apocalyptic world, sayings like “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” were simply inaccurate. It’s not like there were a ton of guys around in Jackson; maybe a few, but you never showed any interest, and you spent most of your time with Ellie anyway. Maria probably just thought you were lonely or something, but you were more than content with Ellie’s company.

“Gotta go Maria. See you around!” You didn’t really know what else to say because you knew Maria would end up doing whatever she wanted. If she envisioned you and the new guy together, it wouldn’t be long til’ she put you on patrol with him. That, and you felt indebted to her for giving you a chance at a somewhat normal life in Jackson, so you never really challenged her. Part of you wanted to come clean and tell her you just weren’t attracted to him, or any guy really, but what if the right guy just hadn’t come along? Your sexuality didn’t make sense to you, and it’s not like there were a ton of ways to figure it out. You could only go by what felt right.

As you trudged your way to the stables, holding the sandwiches close to your chest to contain their warmth, you spotted Ellie alongside Shimmer, putting her back after patrol. Excited to see her, you immediately picked your feet up, struggling to gain any speed with how deep the snow was.

“Hey” you called out, finally reaching the freckle faced girl. “When’d you get back?” your words were hard to form with how cold it was outside and despite the several layers you put on, you never got used to the snow, or the cold weather in general.

“Uhh, just a few minutes ago. You okay?” Ellie’s attention quickly diverted over to you, and though she was worried about you, she also couldn’t hold back a playful smile. Something about seeing you all flustered and cold in the snow made her wanna laugh.

“Please I know you’re holding in a laugh. I’m fucking freezing, but I brought you a sandwich. Here, catch.” A half annoyed scoff falls from your lips as you attempt to throw the sandwich, but your arm feels too frozen to move.

“You know, I think i’ll just grab it myself.” A chuckle falls from her lips and you can’t help but admire her. She seemed to be good at almost everything she did.

You avoided patrol on especially colder days, knowing how miserable you’d be, so Ellie would pick up your slack, offering to go in place of you. You took up the offer only after Ellie insisted profusely; she really cared about you, even if she seemed to be laughing at your misery right now. You always felt bad when she went out of her way for you, so you’d thank her one way or another; today you’d brought her a sandwich.

As she leaned forward into you, your stomach filled with butterflies, and even being a few inches away from her made you feel warmer. She grabbed the sandwiches, placing them in her bag before snaking her arms around you, squeezing you tightly in her hold. Your bodies were so close you could feel her cheek press against yours. “Alright. Let me keep you warm til’ we get back to my place. Consider it a thank you for bringing me food.”

You allowed yourself to lean into Ellie, letting her guide the way back. It was hardly a long walk back but the coldness made it feel like forever. Honestly though, you didn’t mind the excuse to be held by Ellie.

You two were nothing but close friends. Pretty much everyone knew one way or another that Ellie was lesbian, but you’d never expressed that you might’ve been too. Even though there was so obviously a brewing chemistry between you and her, neither of you acknowledged it and everyone else just took it as a mere friendship. It was also very possible that Ellie was utterly and completely oblivious and could never believe in a million years that you liked her.

“I don’t know how you don’t get hypothermia out there.” You mumbled, crossing your arms tightly together as the two of you dragged through the snow. Ellie shrugged, “I mean, I do get cold but I suck it up, get used to it. I guess I’m just better than you.” The two of you made eye contact, an annoyed look in your eyes as you looked right at her, “I would fucking bury you in this snow right now if I wasn’t freezing my ass off.”

If even possible at this point, Ellie leaned her head closer into yours, bringing her lips to your ears, “That’s a load of shit. You know I could take you any day. C’mon now.” She chuckled deeply, and honestly, she was probably right. Whether she was joking or not, you knew there was truth in what she said; she was completely capable of beating your ass.

You let out a dramatic sigh, “Just shut up and get me to warmth.”

“Yes ma’am.” She nudged you gently, her fingers pressing into your side as she provided you with temporary heat.

Ellie held onto you until you were completely inside, sitting you down on her bed and wrapping her blanket around you. “You look cute like that.” Ellie mumbled, causing the butterflies to return to your stomach. You stayed quiet, not sure what to say. It almost made Ellie panic when you didn’t respond.

“I didn’t mean that in a weird way. Like I’m not saying that-”

“I know.” Part you felt a little bummed that she felt the need to clarify. Maybe you wanted Ellie to be attracted to you.

Ellie handed you your sandwich before taking her own, pulling a chair and taking a seat in front of you.

You watched the way she sat on the chair, her legs spread out. Your eyes flickered over her stance, barely paying much attention to the sandwich in your hand. Ellie, on the other hand, wasted no more time getting in a bite.

“Okay, I fucking hate Seth’s bigot ass,” she began, food in her mouth, “buuut he makes a good sandwich.”

“Eat with your mouth closed, you freak.”

She paused for a moment, her eyes meeting with yours. “Oh, fuck you.”

The two of you silently devoured the sandwiches, Ellie quicker than you. When the two of you were laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, suffering from food coma, you randomly asked Ellie,

“How’d you know you liked girls?” It was a pretty unexpected question, given you never made a big deal out of the fact she liked girls and not boys. You never really even asked her about it.

“Hm, I think I always knew. Had a ton of girl crushes but zero boy crushes. But I think I knew for sure when I kissed Riley. Felt like my heart was gonna jump out of my chest, but in the best way possible.”

Ellie took a beat before glancing over at you. “Why the sudden curiosity?”

You thought for a moment before shrugging, “I think Maria’s trying to set me up with that new kid. Wants me to go on patrol with him because she thinks I’d like him but, I don’t see myself with him? Or any guy? Fuck I don’t know.” You let out a frustrated sigh, feeling Ellie’s arm on your hip, pushing it towards her so that you two were facing eachother now.

“Can you see yourself with a girl?��

“Maybe? I don’t know. I’ve never had a cathartic or life-changing moment to know. And I feel like I should know without that but I don’t and it’s like something is wrong with-”

If you hadn’t been so consumed in your own thoughts, you would have noticed the hesitation in Ellie’s face as she chose to cut you off.

“I’ll kiss you, if you want. Then maybe you’ll know.” Honestly, Ellie’s heart was racing just as fast as yours, and maybe she just took this as an opportunity to finally do something she’d always wanted to, but it took guts to even offer; she was afraid of being rejected.

You were shocked, but for whatever reason you wasted no time in saying yes.

You nodded your head, too nervous to even speak, and you were sure she could hear how loud and fast your heart was beating. That itself was probably enough indication that you were gay as fuck.

You felt Ellie inch closer to you, using her fingers to pull the hood completely off your head so she could see your entire face. She placed her palm over your cheek so gently, like it was her first time kissing someone when you knew it definitely wasn’t. She pressed her lips onto yours, peppering kisses one by one, gaining more confidence with each one. You leaned into her lips, surprised at how soft they felt, and for a few seconds neither of you pulled away.

When Ellie did pull away, your eyes flickered over the wet shine across Ellie’s lips, then at her eyes. “Yeah. I definitely like boys.” You joked, but your face remained absolutely serious, giving Ellie a full blown panic attack. Your lips quickly curled into a smile, and you began to laugh, causing Ellie to smack you right in your boob.

“You are such a dick y/n! Don’t fucking do that.” She groaned, shaking her head.

“Ow, I was kidding, geez,” you rolled your eyes, grabbing at the spot she smacked you, shifting your body to lay down more comfortably beside her. Something about the whole situation made your core tight and it gave you this new found bravery to push whatever this was further. “Actually, I think we should kiss again. Just to be sure that I definitely like girls.”

“No fuck you. Trial run is over, you jerk.”

“You don’t want to kiss again?”

“I mean, if you were to kiss me again, I wouldn’t stop you.”

At this point you could feel a throb in between your legs, and you pushed yourself up, swinging your leg over Ellie’s hips so that you were sat over her and you placed a sloppy kiss onto her mouth, both of you cupping each others face. Ellie deepened this kiss, the two of you a hot mess. Whether Ellie knew or not, this was your first real kiss, unless you count the time you were awkwardly kissed by the boy who had a huge crush on you when you were like 12.

You didn’t feel cold at all anymore, in fact you felt like your skin was on fire, causing you to pull your jacket off of you.

You struggled to pull the zipper down, making Ellie impatient underneath you, “hurry up,” she breathed out, lifting her head and stomach up to squeeze in a few kisses wherever she could. “I’m trying, ugh,” you murmured back before she decided to take matters into her own hands. She pushed herself up, flipping you underneath her and tugging the zipper down which allowed you to finally pull it off.

“Yeah, take that shit off.”

You didn’t really imagine ever having Ellie on top of you like this; maybe you occasionally thought about how it would feel to kiss her, especially when you’d see her with her other girls, but you never expected for any of it to actually happen. Nonetheless, you were glad. It felt good, and it felt right, and it confirmed the question you’d been wondering for a while now. Your body was feeling all sorts of things you hadn’t felt before and you didn’t want to stop feeling any of it.

You let out a hushed moan when you felt Ellie’s mouth drag across your jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down your neck. You mirrored her actions, warming up her cold skin with your warm lips. Her hands creeped up underneath your top, but she she didn’t push them any farther, instead she stayed focused up top.

Lips nearly swollen and both of you almost out of breath, the two of you pulled away, and Ellie flopped back down beside you. You grabbed her hand and placed it over your rapidly thumping chest. “Feel that? It’s my heart jumping out of my chest for you.” You giggled.

“You’re actually so dumb.”