ellyverzosa - Tumblr blog

[ellyverzosa]

I feel good but not all fine.

Prolly in between

I still have palpitations maybe because of all the caffeine induced drink i had yesterday.

Edit: i think i feel anxious but not dreading domething more like I'm on a high and 'alive alert awake' but with slightly raised heartbeat

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[ellyverzosa]

Tis the season to be spooky 💀🎁🎄

[ellyverzosa]

December 25 up until today...

I feel fine now. But I worry how it will return again

[ellyverzosa]

It's Christmas and yet I'm not Merry. I've been crying to myself aince morn8ng and passing out.

I'm happy that my dad and brother are well and alive but why can't I be the same for myself?

Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope not everyone is in a deep hole like myself.

[ellyverzosa]

favorite lil nas x tweets from this week

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unpopular opinion but i think the film and tv industries should have better labor laws even if it makes it harder or impossible to depict certain things

[ellyverzosa]

ravenclaw things

for ravenclaw pride day and cause it’s my house <3

- idealistic

- super creative

- questions everything

- asks “but WHY” a lot

- says “WHY NOT” a lot

- super curious

- general hipstering™

- drinks black coffee

- don’t stereotype me

- writes random thoughts down so they don’t forget them, has notebooks full

- puns, puns, puns

- horrible wordplay

- clever sayings, quotes, one liners

- subtle innuendo, double entendre

- half of camera roll is memes

- lots of super obscure/confusing inside jokes

- epic paradoxes

- puzzles, riddles, enigmas

- has notebooks full of song lyrics because they were just so good and so you that you had to write them down

- having random doodles in the borders of your notebooks

- having the most idiotic and stupid and also the deepest and most profound thoughts, usually one after the other

- writing therapeutic letters that never get sent

- binge reads books series, forgets to eat/drink/sleep

- the high of not being able to put a good book down

- just one more chapter

- staying up until 3 am to finish the book

- the smell of libraries and old books

- running your finger down the book binding

- keeps small tokens as memorabilia

- having two pairs of glasses because one pair is always missing

- lost is a strong word, i just misplaced it

- cracks themselves up but no one else gets their sense of humor

- reads/interprets facial expressions/body language really well

- overthinks everything

- much overthinking

- had/has imaginary friends

- dissects fictional characters

- falls in love with fictional characters

- “too much” imagination

- not quick tempered but a force of nature when provoked

- knows what to say in an argument to infuriate the other person, and says it

- conspiracy theories

- being different for the sake of being different

- stands out from the crowd

- keeps everyone else’s secrets, doesn’t tell their own

- feels both highs and lows deeply, doesn’t admit it

- sensitive but not outwardly emotional

- finds meaning in the tiniest things

- starlight

- moonlight

- walks outside at midnight

- reflections in smooth lakes

- plays out conversations in head a million times

- forehead kisses

- gentle hair stroking

- relationships built on deep respect and earned trust

- doesn’t care what anyone thinks except a very select few

- chooses close friends carefully

- some things have to be just exactly right, everything else is whatever

- a big, fluffy blanket cocoon

- funny/elaborate/antiquated/ridiculous insults

- flannel

- combat boots

- either they look like alternative fashion icons or hobos, there is no in between

- the worst procrastinators

- will debate you

- agree to disagree

- high towers

- spiral staircases

- diy projects

- rain drops streaming down smooth glass windows

- hides deep emotions from most people

- reads between the lines

- scared of falling in love

- being stubborn, not changing for others

- will steal your food

- fangirls way too hard

- sour candy

- the best comeback three hours too late

- fascinated by everything that could’ve been

- fascinated by psychology sociology

- all of the ologies

- eureka moments

- afraid of forgetting

- refers to everyone (including themselves) as “human”

- talks to themselves a lot

- loves black and white movies

- packing a week in advance, or five minutes in advance

- leaning in to hear a lowered voice

- forgetting what day/month/year it is

- asking what if

- seeing the unseen

- noticing the unnoticed

- not getting trouble because no one believes you did it

- fierce competitiveness

- being the first one to try something new

[ellyverzosa]

- Draco scrubs the skin on his arm viciously every time he showers. The skin is always red and marked by scratches. He tries so hard to get the mark off of him. He wants to feel clean again. - George can’t look in the mirror anymore. Not without remembering Fred. He smashes all mirrors in their home. He cuts his hair, he dyes it. - Neville sees Nagini in his dreams. But in his dreams it reaches Ron and Hermione before he does. - Harry has multiple wands all around his house hidden in places that only he knows. Beneath his pillow, beneath his bed, under the couch. Just in case. - Hermione’s boggart is no longer failure. - Draco and Blaise are afraid of fire. - Someone accidentally calls George “Fred” once. No one knows who starts crying first. - Headmistress Miverna Mcgonagall is fierce, powerful and kind. All first years are intimidated and amazed, she seems untouchable. However some nights she roams the school hallways and remembers every student she lost, every life that got taken away too soon, every soul that left them too early. - Harry suddenly can’t stay in very small rooms. He feels trapped, his throat starts convulsing and his eyes sting. - Hagrid still feels the weight of what he thought was Harry’s corpse in his hands. It haunts him. - Hermione, Ron and Harry had gotten so used to spending months having one small meal per day that sometimes they forget they’re supposed to eat. - Harry rolls in his sleep once and hits his forehead against the night stand on accident, when he wakes up with pain on his forehead his heart sinks and his whole body freezes. It isn’t until he sees the bruise that he’s able to calm down. Because Voldemort isn’t back. - Ron dreams that he’s back in their tent, traveling and hiding, he’s changing the radio stations and he hears Ginny’s names as one of the victims. - Molly always has “where’s Fred?” on the tip of her tongue, at all times. - Harry spends the year post-war discovering who he is, what he loves, other than the Boy-who-lived and the Savior-of-the-Wizarding-World. Because there are things he never had time to think about, never had time to experiment, never had time to experience. Sometimes he wonders if coming back had been the right choice, because it hurt so bad on some days that he couldn’t take it. - When Teddy is sad or scared and he’s crying, Harry tells him stories and shows him pictures of his parents, it’s then and only then that he calms down and his hair goes back to normal. - Harry pulls back to himself when the date of his death nears every year, his friends do everything in their power to bring him out of it. - Draco and Harry have talks about the war some nights, both saw what Voldemort was capable of, Harry in his dreams, Draco in his home. Both understand. - Luna is quirkier and weirder than ever before. She always does everything in her power to lighten up the mood in the room when the silence is bitter and mournful. It’s like she can’t stop shifting and smiling and nervously twitching and saying random facts about things no one has heard of before. Everyone knows it’s her way of coping, of staying positive. So no one minds. It’s comforting. - Harry gets the sudden desire to travel all over the world. Sometimes Ron and Hermione come with him, others he goes alone, once Neville joins him. Draco does too. - Draco starts writing, he writes thousands of words on some nights and none on others. He’s good at it, too. - Harry always, without fail, looks for Sirius’ constellation. He visits his grave too, tells him how things are going in his life, how he’s coping, how he isn’t. - Hermione getting a tattoo of blooming pastel flowers on top of her “mudblood” scar, because she’s alive, many her friends are alive and she wants to remember that.

And maybe not all is well, maybe they have scars time cannot erase, but they’re together, their hearts are still beating, so it’ll be okay. They’re going to be okay.

[ellyverzosa]

Kill me...

Kill me... That clinging thought that surrounds my mind, everytime i dont know what i was feeling inside

That feeling of not knowing what to do, or how it shoulf have been.

That cryung is the only way to relieve, the ache that has been building

That breathing and thinking are not compatible.

That dying might be the only way out of the misery and dread

But every morning I thought, living is the only way to die and be ressurected.

Hurting oneself is another way for you to 'wake up' from the nightmare you are experiencing in your waking hours.

Repeat. Rewind. Relive.

Living is the only way to make people around think that your okay. Think that your just 'a bit' troubled.

But what if suddenly dying is a way for everyone to realize that you were really needing their understanding. Their help. Their ears. Their hearts.

I know one day I wont ever see the next sunrise. But I know one day, someone will tell me, they would understand me and they wont leave. As long as I hokd on to the tiniest hope that will blossom in my heart and in my mind.

[ellyverzosa]

If moving forwards makes you think about your future and looking at your dreams?

Then would moving backwards be looking at your past, learning from them to move forward?

[ellyverzosa]

Space opera based on Korean mythology. A standalone middle grade novel starring Min, a teenage fox spirit whose brother is missing and thought to have deserted the Thousand Worlds Space Forces in order to find the pearl of the title, an artifact that may 

[ellyverzosa]

13-year-old boy must save the world by unraveling an ancient Mayan prophecy Zane must not only grapple with a family history that connects him to the Mayan gods, but with newly acquired knowledge that his ancestry may have something to do with a leg deformity that requires he use a cane — not the greatest reality for a middle schooler. Feisty heroes, tricky gods, murderous demons, and spirited giants are just some of the pleasures that await in this fresh and funny take on Mayan mythology, as rich and delicious as a mug of authentic hot chocolate

The Storm Runner comes out on September 18, 2018.

[ellyverzosa]

Trigger

Something that causes things happen, or change course, or makes you feel lost

[ellyverzosa]

Watch: This new documentary explores the joys and challenges of the under-covered drag king scene in LA

After years of research and releasing several viral videos on the subject, director Nicole Miyahara is delving even deeper, exploring the public and private lives of drag kings in a feature-length documentary. 

Gifs: The Making of a King

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