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5 Things to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

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Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids

Your Emotional Competence Makes A Huge Difference In How Smart Your Kid Will Be When you are emotionally competent, you can accurately name your emotions, consciously control them, act appropriately, and manage your distress. You can read the emotions of others (especially your children), reflect back those emotions with a "you" statement (affect labeling), and build resiliency. Scientists have actually found that emotionally competent moms and dads raise kids that shine in school and have strong social bonds with their peers, despite socio-economic backgrounds. On the other hand, mentally oblivious moms and dads raise kids who do not constantly carry out well academically and might suffer later on in life. The Four Styles of Parenting Think about how your moms and dads raised you. As you reflect, which of the 4 parenting designs did your moms and dads embrace? And, have you embraced a comparable parenting design with your kids? The Emotionally Invalidating Parent The mentally revoking moms and dad treats their kid's sensations as trivial and unimportant. Feelings are a problem, and unfavorable feelings are not endured. Because they disengage from or ignore the child's feelings, the emotionally invalidating parent is the extreme opposite of the emotionally competent parent. These moms and dads desire the kid's unfavorable feelings to vanish rapidly. They see the kid's feelings as a need to repair things. Moms and dads will lessen their kid's sensations and minimize the occasions that resulted in the psychological experience. These moms and dads will not problem-solve with their kid, thinking that the passage of time will fix most issues Effects of emotional invalidation on children: Children learn that their feelings are wrong, inappropriate, and invalid. By the time they are ready for adult relationships, they have no skills or tools to navigate their emotions. The Judgmental Parent These parents judge and criticize their child's emotional expression. They think that emotions make people weak, and children must be emotionally tough to survive. The Judgmental Parent sees negative emotions as unproductive and a waste of time Results of Judgmental Parenting on kids: Same as the Emotionally Invalidating Parent, just even worse. The Let-It-Be Parent The Let-It-Be Parent freely accepts all emotional expressions from the child. The Let-It-Be Parent does not help his child solve problems. Results of the Let-It-Be Parent on kids: These kids do not discover to manage their feelings. They have problem focusing, forming relationships, and agreeing other kids. They might struggle with low scholastic accomplishment, end up being loners, and have actually made complex relationships later on in life. The Emotionally Competent Parent The Emotionally Competent Parent worths her kid's unfavorable feelings as a chance for intimacy. She knows and values her feelings. The Emotionally Competent Parent either is not distressed about her kid's extreme feelings or can self-soothe her own stress and anxiety. She sees the world of unfavorable feelings as a necessary arena for parenting. The Emotionally Competent Parent does not satirize or play down his kid's unfavorable sensations. He does not inform his kid how to feel and confirms his kid's feelings. The Emotionally Competent Parent utilizes psychological minutes as a time to listen to the kid, feel sorry for calming words and love, assist the kid label the feeling she or he is feeling, use assistance on managing feelings, set limitations and teach appropriate expression of feelings, and teach analytical abilities Effects of the Emotionally Competent Parent on children: These children learn to trust their feelings, regulate their own emotions, and solve problems. They have high self-esteem, learn well, and get along well with others. The research study develops that being an emotionally competent moms and dad is a requirement to raising healthy, clever kids. How do you become emotionally competent? Actions to Improve Parenting Emotional Competency Establishing emotional competency is neither quick nor easy. It is a life time undertaking. Here are the very best practices for ending up being an emotionally competent moms and dad. State of mind Establishing emotional competency needs the proper state of mind. Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychologist, has actually specified 2 state of minds. Fixed Mindset: " In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. A fixed mindset is a belief that intelligence and skills are fixed and can not alter. Individuals with a fixed mindset examine whether they have the ability or not. They will turn away from anything that allows them to grow if they discern that they do not have a skill or talent. Here are some statements about a parent with a fixed mindset:. -" I've got to toughen up my kids because life is hard.". -" Emotions are weak.". -" Spare the rod and spoil the child.". -" Discipline is the only way to keep kids under control.". -" Kids should never have negative feelings.". -" Telling your kid to shut up and behave is good parenting.". -" Sending your kid to her room for crying is the right thing to do.". -" Kids should be seen and not hear.". Growth Mindset. " In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work-- brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment." (Dweck, 2015). A parent with a growth mindset understands that raising children is hard work. He is particularly interested in learning as much about his children's emotional development as possible. Statements about a parent with a growth mindset include:. -" Parenting is challenging and hard work.". -" Parenting is a process of continuous self-reflection and improvement.". -" Kids are emotional and need coaching to learn emotional competency.". -" Praising effort is better than praising outcomes. No gold stars.". -" Validating my child's emotions is the most powerful gift I can give.". -" I accept that I make mistakes with my kids and learn from them.". -" Consequences should only be talked about after I have de-escalated my child.". -" Modeling emotional competency is the most powerful teacher for children as they are natural imitators.". How To Develop A Growth Mindset Towards Parenting. Here's how to work on developing a growth mindset as a parent. - You don't have to be perfect. - Be a detached observer. - Study brain science. - Choose difficult tasks. - Be persistent and patient. - Acknowledge your frustration. - Recognize that developing a growth mindset is not easy or fast. - Monitor and evaluate your parenting to identify how you can do better. - Too much parenting is reactive and instinctive, rather than thoughtful. - Acknowledge your faults and look for ways to overcome them. - Look at challenges as opportunities. - Replace the word "failing" with "learning.". - Redefine "genius" too. Being a genius requires hard work. It's not some unobtainable talent. - Seek criticism as positive too. - Enjoy the ride, not the outcome. - Self-reflect. - View improvement in your parenting skills as separate from failure. - Set goals for your parenting work, daily, weekly, monthly, annually. - Be willing to fail and admit it. - Be a beginner at something hard to master all the time and model it to your kids. Parenting With A Growth Mindset. - Praise effort, not talent "You worked hard to achieve that goal," vs. "You're so smart.". - Create a safe space to make mistakes. - Give honest, specific feedback when asked for it. - Embrace and talk about struggle. - See failure as opportunity. - Emphasize the power of Yet "You are not there. Hang in there and keep trying until you succeed.". Learn About The Difference Between Emotions And Affect. Emotions are cognitive constructs created by our brains. Emotions serve important functions. Emotions concretize affective experience into consciousness. Second, emotions allow us to seek cause and effect relationships (" What is making me angry?"). Third, emotions are essential to our decision-making. Fourth, emotions inform us what to do next. Emotions allow us to communicate our feelings to others. Babies are not born with emotions; they are born with affect. The brain's emotional centers, located primarily in the limbic system, do not mature until 18 months. From 18 months to five years, children have the task of building up a database of emotions. Suppose the child's job is thwarted because of an Emotionally Invalidating, Judgmental, or Let-It-Be parent. An emotionally competent adult knows the basic neuroscience of childhood brain development. This knowledge helps you coach and guide your children through the pivotal developmental years of 18 months to five years. Listen Your Child Into Existence. Listening your child into existence is the phrase I use to describe affect labeling. The emotionally competent parent will read the child's emotions and reflect them back to the child with a "you" statement. Here are some examples:. -" You are angry.". -" You are frustrated.". -" You feel ignored.". -" No one is listening to you.". -" You feel sad.". -" You are excited.". -" You are happy.". -" You are feeling all alone.". -" You don't feel loved.". Brain scanning studies have established that affect labeling calms the over-active emotional centers of the brain and reboots the prefrontal cortex. You are helping her build her emotional database when you listen your child into existence. This is one of the crucial roles parents should be playing with their children. Label Your Own Emotions. Learn to label your emotions. As you learn to label your emotions, your emotional competency will grow dramatically. Learn About Your Child's Developmental Processes. It takes years for kids to develop a mature understanding of emotions. Children are works in progress. They are still trying to figure out their own feelings. Develop Empathy For Others, As Well As Your Children. Cognitive empathy is the ability to read another person's emotions and reflect those emotions back to the speaker. Affective empathy is the ability to feel another person's emotions and reflect them back to the speaker. Affect labeling (listening others into existence) is a practice of cognitive empathy that leads to faster, more efficient affective empathy. Emotionally competent people understand the difference between sympathy, compassion, and empathy. Compassion is a feeling of non-judgmental concern for the distress of another. Compassion may or may not motivate you to take action to help, depending on the circumstances and your relationship to the distressed person or animal. Compassion emerges naturally with empathy and is not a skill that can be learned. Sympathy is expressed by people who have no clue about how we are feeling, what losses we have suffered, and what pain we are in. Sympathy generally soothes the anxiety of the sympathetic person without validating the pain of the distressed person. Sympathy also allows you to remain emotionally distant from the distressed person. An emotionally competent person with use empathy and compassion and never sympathy. Emotionally incompetent people will use sympathy and never get to empathy or compassion. How Sara Coaches Jonah: An Example of an Emotionally Competent Parent in Action. Three-year-old Jonah reveals to his mom, Sara, "You are the meanest mommy, and I dislike you", and after that kicks her after Sara informs him that the playdate is over-- it's time for Liam to go home. Label Your Emotions. Sara feels furious and wants to yell at Jonah, "You are the most unappreciative kid ever! Liam has actually been here for 2 hours and I have actually put aside whatever I required to do to monitor, make cookies with you, set up the coloring, and so on, and so on. It's never ever enough!". She understands this will not teach her kid anything and will simply increase both of their distress. Sara de-escalates her intense emotions by saying to herself, "I'm angry, frustrated, and furious. Label Your Child's Emotions. Sara remembers that, at 3, kids are driven by their feelings. Her objective is to help Jonah deal with life's disappointments and frustrations. Sara's self-confidence helps Jonah manage his intense feelings. Set Limits And Offer Options. Kicking hurts other people. Your option is to take a break where you can soothe your mind and body, or you can help put the carrots into the salad for supper.". If Jonah can't get over his anger, Sara will go about her business, showing that she can endure his dissatisfaction. She is showing him she trusts he can relax himself. This leaves Jonah with the option to remain upset or pull himself together and socialize with his mama. Effective Parenting Requires Emotional Competency. Emotionally competent parenting is not simple, easy, or quick. It is essential if you want to raise resilient, healthy children who themselves are emotionally competent.

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Happiness Comes With These Skills

Emotional competence is a set of abilities that really does not get the attention it should have. Emotions are vibrant, dramatic, remarkable, and vital measurements of everyone's experience. Emotions send out a continuous stream of effective signals that can direct us along the tough path of survival or quickly send us off on devastating and uncomfortable tangents. Feelings obey their own strange rules that we can study, understand, listen to, find out from, master, and even delight in. Emotional Competency or Emotional Intelligence Much has actually been blogged about psychological intelligence. If you have been frustrated in your attempt to increase your emotional intelligence, you are not alone. The issue is that emotional intelligence can not be discovered due to the fact that it is a test of emotional competency. You can learn to end up being emotionally competent; you can not learn to be mentally intelligent. If you wish to score high on an emotional intelligence assessment, master the skills of emotional competency. This post will get you began. Comprehending The Difference Between Affect And Emotion Affect is the experience of feeling pleasant or unpleasant. Affect develops as a physiological reaction to your environment, your thoughts, and your memories. Sylvan Tomkins, a 20th-century psychologist, identified 9 impacts. They are: Excitement. Happiness/Joy. Surprise/Startle. Fear-Terror. Distress-Anguish. Anger-Rage. Disgust. Dissmell. Shame-Humiliation. All humans are born with these impacts. The Neuroscience of Affect and Emotion. From a neuroscientific point of view, affect outcomes from the interactions of the amygdala (fear and anger, startle-surprise), hypothalamus, insula (disgust, dissmell, shame, embarrassment), and striatum (joy, pleasure, pleasure). These brain structures are modulated through the ventromedial prefrontal cortex into the dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex. The hypothalamus receives signals from the amygdala. The hypothalamus then uses the endocrine system to transform the signals into effect through powerful chemicals called hormones. The believing part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, has no function in producing affect. However, the prefrontal cortex has a significant interpretive function because it produces emotions from impact as symbolic representations. Humans are not born with feelings but must discover them starting at about 18 months of age. Comprehending The Difference Between Self And Emotions. You are not your feelings. Sometimes, nevertheless, feelings can be so overwhelming that you can confuse yourself with them. One essential ability of emotional competency is discovering how to identify yourself from your emotions. You might feel angry, but your self is not mad; you are merely experiencing the emotion of anger. The sense of self is more or less long-lasting, while the experience of emotions is typically short. Developing Emotional Self-Awareness. Psychological self-awareness is the capability to acknowledge and call your emotional experience in the moment. Most of the time, you probably experience a neutral affect and no emotion. In other words, neither sensory inputs ideas, or memories are triggering effect. When you are activated, you will feel emotions. Since your brain has different functions of thinking and generating emotions, you wish to be cognitively familiar with your emotions in addition to feeling them. Notice that there is a sharp distinction in between awareness of feeling and sensation emotion. Even if you feel a feeling does not indicate that you know the feeling. There are 4 reasons self-awareness of emotions is important to emotional competency: . 1. You concrete emotions into your consciousness, which develops self-awareness. 2. Once you are self-aware, you can take a look around to see what is triggering your feeling. 3.Self-awareness enables you to make informed options about what to do next. 4.Self-awareness enables you to interact with your psychological experience to others. Emotional self-awareness is likewise the ability to understand why you are experiencing emotions. Psychological self-awareness suggests that you understand the links between your feelings and what you believe, do, and state. Emotional self-awareness permits you to comprehend how your emotions affect your efficiency. You can evaluate what you are feeling with what you are doing and decide if your actions follow your goals. Self-awareness assists you see that your feelings are driving you far from your objectives. Psychological self-awareness assists you see how feelings drive your worths and objectives. Suppose you are upset about racial injustice and are self-aware. In that case, you acquire the insight that working resolving injustice is crucial to you. Without this self-awareness, you would simply be angry. Developing A Vocabulary Of Emotions And Emotional Expression. Emotional competency consists of an ability to express your emotions accurately. If you can not call your feelings, you may struggle with a condition called alexithymia. Your ability to call your feelings needs you to develop categories of feelings. Psychological classification begins at about 18 months of age as the limbic system begins to develop. Children have to be assisted to learn what words describe what feelings they are experiencing. Many kids are denied the chance to establish emotional classification since they are often mentally invalidated by their moms and dads and peers. Psychological invalidation occurs whenever somebody tells you how to feel, diminishes, dismisses what you are feeling, or judges you for feeling. Typical examples of emotional invalidation are: . "Stop weeping.". "It's ok.". "It does not harmed.". "Don't be a sissy.". "Don't be such a drama queen.". "Be a male.". "Toughen up, buttercup.". "It's not that bad.". "You're making a mountain out of a molehill.". "It's unworthy getting upset about.". "Things will be better tomorrow.". Numerous research study studies show that emotional invalidation is among the most prevalent and perilous kinds of youth abuse. Psychological invalidation is painful and prevents children from correct psychological brain development. Psychological invalidation tells a kid that she is an enemy for having feelings. The moms and dad may not intend for the child to believe that, but that is how the child gets the message. As a result, children end up being mentally stuck when they can not navigate a tough emotional situation. Their brains will wall off the emotion as a method of self-protection. Over time, with duplicated invalidation, a child becomes emotionally closed down and not available. When a child no longer feels feelings, her brain can not move her forward. The impulse towards maturity is halted. Suppose you have become emotionally stuck in childhood. If you are stressed out as an adult, you will revert to the time and age you ended up being mentally stuck. That will be the limit of your emotional self-discipline. Developing Emotional Self-Regulation. Emotional competency indicates that you have a high degree of psychological self-regulation. Psychological self-regulation develops from the prefrontal cortex. It is the ability to control impulsivity and emotional reactivity. Psychological self-regulation establishes with emotional self-awareness. If you are not emotionally self-aware, you will not be able to control your behaviors. Rather, you will be emotionally reactive. Developing Awareness Of Others' Emotions. Emotional competency likewise includes the ability to read other individuals's emotional information fields. Everyone sends out signals or data about their psychological experience. Our brains are hard-wired to scan this information. Because western culture avoids emotions as appropriate, we are not taught how to utilize our natural ability to read others' feelings. Establishing Reflective Emotional Listening (Cognitive And Affective Empathy). Empathy is the capability to reflect back another person's feelings precisely. Compassion needs to be learned and practiced. There are 2 sorts of compassion: affective and cognitive. Affective compassion is the ability to feel without believing what another individual is experiencing mentally. Cognitive empathy is the ability to observe, determine, and consider another individual's emotions. Empathy is constantly revealed with a "you" statement. You would, for instance, say, "You are upset.". Compassion ought to never ever be expressed with an "I" declaration. "I" statements and the associated ability of "active listening" were created by psychologist Thomas Gordon and modify into nonviolent interaction by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. Sixty years of experience has taught us that "I" statements do not work. What does work is a "you" declaration? Coping With Aversive Emotions And Developing Emotional Resiliency. Life is difficult. Often, we have bad experiences or memories. With them come unfavorable feelings. Emotional competency includes our ability to manage extreme negative and unpleasant emotions so that we are temporarily hurt by them. Emotional resiliency is the ability to move through unpleasant emotional experiences, such as unhappiness and sorrow, to reach a state of psychological stability in satisfaction, happiness, and satisfaction. Resiliency is not well-understood from a neuroscientific viewpoint. Resiliency appears to be greatest in people who can accept a wider perspective on life, have strong and diverse identities, and develop relationship networks. Establishing Interpersonal Emotional Negotiation Skills. Emotional competency includes interpersonal psychological settlement abilities. Interpersonal psychological negotiation abilities are the skills we utilize to manage our feelings and help those who have a relationship with us handle their feelings. - We establish the capability to state our psychological expectations plainly to others. - We establish clear boundaries about what is emotionally acceptable and what is not. - We listen to and honor the expressed emotional expectations of others. - We acknowledge and honor the expressed emotional limits of others. This skill is missing out on in co-dependent, please, calming, and passive-aggressive behaviors. Teaching Others (Especially Children) Emotional Competency. The final emotional competency is your ability to teach emotional competency to others, especially children. One of the leading factors kids melt down is communicative frustration. Without the abilities to process intricate emotions, children are helpless. They are terrified when they don't understand why their body and mind experience intense emotions. Numerous kids do not have the vocabulary or language skills needed to identify their feelings and express themselves. Rather, they automatically repress their feelings. This can lead to negative ideas and embarassment connected with feelings. Showing back emotions helps children identify, show, and solve their sensations. When you have the ability to teach emotional competency to others: . - You design emotional competency for others to mimic. - You explain the science of feelings properly and appropriately. - You explain and show the numerous skills that make up emotional competency. - You coach others towards incremental improvement of their emotional competency. This is a key function of leadership and a crucial function of parenting. Emotional Competency Is The Secret to a Fulfilling Life. We spend years discovering how to be task-focused. Official education highlights understanding acquisition, crucial thinking, thinking, and analytical. We spend almost no time on developing emotional competency. Misery typically arises from not being taught how to be emotionally competent. Think of poor leaders, relationship failures, dependencies, co-dependent relationships, among others, and the outcome of psychological incompetency is all over. Being emotionally competent is the secret to a satisfying life. Knowing these skills is not challenging, but does take a dedication of some time and effort.

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Proper Active Listening

Listening is just one of one of the most usual and also vital points that we do. Current research study on job practices suggests that we invest roughly 9% of our time creating, 16% of our time reading, 30% of our time talking as well as 45% of our time listening.

Listening is a basic component of the communication procedure. Regardless of the kind of work you do or the sector in which you work, it is essential to recognize the listening procedure, have an awareness of obstacles to listening properly, and also find out exactly how to pay attention proactively.

Paying attention as a procedure.

Hearing and listening are not the same thing. Actually, hearing is just the very first of 3 stages in the paying attention procedure, all of which are rather obvious yet still worth bearing in mind.

- Hearing: Merely the procedure of sound waves being changed by our brains right into impulses.

- Attention: Vital so that we can hear what is being stated to us, however often hard because of disturbances such as noise invasion or internal diversions such as thinking about something else rather than what is being stated.

- Comprehending: This is the most vital facet of the process on a number of degrees. Along with comprehending what is being said, we need to attempt to understand the context of the message, and understand the importance of any kind of verbal or non-verbal hints from the speaker. Having a degree of history understanding regarding the speaker or the topic is additionally helpful.

Obstacles to paying attention

In the majority of situations there are a number of obstacles which can quit us from paying attention successfully, and as a trainer it is important to value what these barriers are and also how to overcome each of them. Generally speaking, there are four sorts of barriers to paying attention--.

- Emotional barriers, consisting of bias, lethargy or concern for the listener. For instance, a person working in marketing or production might not be as thinking about a presentation on yearly financial results as an accountant or sales director, considered that it may not straight influence on their everyday tasks.

- Physical obstacles, consisting of handicap, exhaustion or bad health and wellness on the part of the listener. For example, trying to listen to an audio speaker for long periods while you are struggling with a heavy cold is a relatively challenging thing to do.

- Environmental barriers, consisting of disruptive sounds, uncomfortable or badly placed seats, or an unsuitable environment such as an overheated, stale meeting room.

- Expectation obstacles, such as anticipating an ordinary or monotonous discussion, expecting to receive problem, or being spoken to in complicated jargon.

In a job or educational situation, you can absolutely deal with substantial barriers such as ecological factors or physical barriers. Dealing with internal barriers can be harder, however a lot of this can be attained by complete preparation before any meetings or group sessions.

Active listening.

In order to comprehend the idea as well as worth of energetic listening, it is worth considering it as one of three various kinds of listening.

- Self-centered non- listening You will see this frequently in arrangement circumstances, or when political leaders are discussing with each various other. The person being spoken with is more thinking about getting their own viewpoint throughout when the other person stops speaking, rather than recognizing what they have actually simply listened to. Alternatively, they are sidetracked by considering their own argument or perspective as opposed to listening appropriately.

- Unengaged listening This is constantly a danger in lecture style discussion sessions. A target market will pay attention to the slides and listen meticulously to the speaker, however there is no genuine opportunity to interact. This indicates that the speaker might not know how well their message is being comprehended.

- Active listening This is the ideal means to pay attention for and understand the actual message in what people are saying. As a supervisor, salesman or trainer you need to try to use active listening on your own, as well as give opportunities for coworkers, customers and also learners to use active listening methods.

In terms of detailing the strategies which can be used for energetic listening, it is useful to reflect to the three basic phases of the paying attention process-- hearing, focus and understanding.

Hearing and also interest.

- First, stop talking.

- Try to remove as many disturbances as feasible, both exterior and interior.

- Try to manage your own non-verbal signals to the person speaking. This can mean focusing on your physical stance, body language, eye call with the speaker, and encouraging activities such as nodding or smiling.

Recognizing.

- Make sure that you comprehend the function of the speaker, and additionally understand what you want from the conversation.

- Concentrate on writing down key words and expressions that will jog your memory later on, as opposed to attempting to jot down every little thing that is being said in an act of dictation.

- Verify and clarify. You can make use of the notes you have written to advise you of points that require clarification.

- Ultimately, try to make use of the technique of showing what the speaker states to you.

Reflecting.

This is an extremely helpful skill for any person associated with business, education, training, or counseling. Reflective listening can be broken down right into 3 degrees—words, meaning (or ideas), and feelings (or emotions). Reflecting works on all 3 levels.

- Paraphrase the words, summarize the meaning, and reflect back the emotions. If you are right, the speaker will agree with you.

- Also share the ideas or ideas that you have heard, and also attempt to convey the underlying feelings or feelings which you believe are included. As an example, the speaker may be upset and wants you to display empathy. Reflecting emotions, also called affect labeling, is much more powerful than simply parroting back words to the speaker. That type of "mirroring" becomes laborious and frustrating for all involved.

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Nuclear Disarmament: the Stalemate Continues

Segment 1: The Irrationality of Nuclear Arms

Is there any rational reason to maintain nuclear weapons? On this edition of The Doug Noll Show we speak with Dr. David Krieger, Founder and President of the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation, to discuss that question. A respected authority on foreign policy, international relations, peace and disarmament, Dr. Krieger has been at the forefront of the peace movement for 30 years. In 1982 he started his own dream organization: the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation. He was inspired to work for the abolition of nuclear weapons after visiting Hiroshima and Nagasaki and seeing the peace memorial museums --- powerful reminders of what happened in WWII. During his tenure as an International Relations professor he came to believe that the most important issue that confronts society today is the need to abolish nuclear weapons. It affects not only the people living today but future generations far into the future.

  Dr. Krieger says when we realize nuclear weapons are maintained and strategies are developed totally on the basis of “rationality,” we come to understand that we’re betting the future of the world on the fact that we will continue to have leaders who are rational at all times, under all conditions and all circumstances. It’s a very unlikely proposition.

  Segment 2: The Deterrence Argument

Is there any rational reason for maintaining nuclear weapons? Deterrence is not rational. Dr. Krieger argues unilaterally that we would be safer if we got rid of our Inter-Continental Ballistic Missiles. They are something to target in a time of high conflict or high stress. There are ICBMs in three states in the United States and the Senators of those three states, encouraged by industry and people who profit from those weapon sites, fight to maintain those ICMBs. Between $50 - $70 billion dollars a year are spent on the nuclear weapons industry.

  Segment 3: Capable of Eliminating a Species

With that $70 billion dollars we could fund housing programs, provide education and Head Start programs for children, fund food programs, etc. Instead we are spending the money on preserving dinosaur-like weapons that can only be used in a manner that kills indiscriminately, violates national law, is immoral at the highest level and terribly costly.

  If you consider the greatest threat today – terrorism – nuclear weapons have no value of deterrence. There is no “place” or “territory” to retaliate against. We need to convince countries throughout the world that we must eliminate the only weapon system in the world that is capable of eliminating us as a species.

  Segment 4: The Non-Proliferation Treaty

The Non-Proliferation Treaty, which entered into force in 1970 and extended indefinitely in 1995, leveled the playing field to some extent. The countries who signed the treaty agreed to not acquire new nuclear weapons and to pursue disarmament, but there are still over 19,000 nuclear weapons in the world. Four countries did not sign the treaty: Isreal, India, Pakistan and North Korea. They don’t consider themselves bound by its provisions.

  To listen to the entire interview:

   Segment 1

Segment 2

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Peacemaking within the Family

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Segment 1: Education for a Peace-Full Culture.

On this edition of The Doug Noll Show our guest is Jacqueline Haessly, founder of Peacemaking Associates and author of Peacemaking:  Family Activities for Justice and Peace, Vols. 1 and 2. Within her peacemaking practice Jacqueline educations and empowers people of all ages to value, image, and act to preserve a culture of peace in all arenas of human endeavor. She has a Ph.D. in Interdisciplinary Studies from The Union Institute and University and offers presentations and workshops on Peacemaking for Families; Imaging Peace; Transformational Leadership; Weaving a Culture of Peace; Franciscan Values and the Art of Peacemaking. 

Jacqueline’s peacemaking journey began in 1971, at the height of the Vietnam War,  when she was involved with an anti-war peace education committee through the Quaker Friends. She quickly realized she not only wanted to be anti-war, but also wanted to promote a peaceful culture.

Segment 2: Peace, Defined.

Jacqueline believes that peace begins with the fundamental relationships between people.  She educates people on how to foster better relationships, especially with children. She says the secret is to start by creating an affirming and cooperative and respectful environment.

Jacqueline defines peace as a presence: a peaceful relationship with ourselves, with each other, across nations and regions, with all of creation and a higher power.

Segment 3: Competition.

So how do we help kids navigate a world where competition is everything? Jacqueline is consistently impressed with the number of school kids making a real effort to reduce violence. She finds children are often the ones taking a leadership role in creating safe havens for their classmates and communities.

Doug points out that we need to balance the desire to live with the value of peace against the need to protect ourselves from exploitation. In tai chi they teach you: the softer you are, the stronger you are, the more vulnerable you are, the more powerful you are.

Segment 4: The Critical Thinking Link.

Within the last few decades we have stopped investing in critical thinking education in our schools, so we have an entire generation who use ideology in place of critical thinking. Kids need to be taught how to have discernment and weigh out different options before making decisions.

To listen to the complete interview:

Segment 1

Segment 2

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Segment 4

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Peacemaking within the Family

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Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE

Segment 1: Education for a Peace-Full Culture.

On this edition of The Doug Noll Show our guest is Jacqueline Haessly, founder of Peacemaking Associates and author of Peacemaking: Family Activities for Justice and Peace, Vols. 1 and 2.  Within her peacemaking practice Jacqueline educates and empowers people of all ages to value, image, and act to preserve a culture of peace in all arenas of human endeavor. She has a Ph.D. in Interdisciplinary Studies from The Union Institute and University and offers presentations and workshops on Peacemaking for Families; Imaging Peace; Transformational Leadership; Weaving a Culture of Peace; Franciscan Values and the Art of Peacemaking. 

Jacqueline’s peacemaking journey began in 1971, at the height of the Vietnam War,  when she was involved with an anti-war peace education committee through the Quaker Friends. She quickly realized she not only wanted to be anti-war, but also wanted to promote a peaceful culture.

Segment 2: Peace, Defined.

Jacqueline believes that peace begins with the fundamental relationships between people.  She educates people on how to foster better relationships, especially with children. She says the secret is to start by creating an affirming and cooperative and respectful environment.

Jacqueline defines peace as a presence: a peaceful relationship with ourselves, with each other, across nations and regions, with all of creation and a higher power.

Segment 3: Competition.

So how do we help kids navigate a world where competition is everything? Jacqueline is consistently impressed with the number of school kids making a real effort to reduce violence. She finds children are often the ones taking a leadership role in creating safe havens for their classmates and communities.

Doug points out that we need to balance desire to live with the value of peace against the need to protect ourselves against exploitation. In tai chi they teach you: the softer you are, the stronger you are, the more vulnerable you are, the more powerful you are.

Segment 4: The Critical Thinking Link.

Within the last few decades we have stopped investing in critical thinking education in our schools, so we have an entire generation who use ideology in place of critical thinking. Kids need to be taught how to have discernment and weigh out different options before making decisions.

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[elusivepeacecom-blog]

Balance Your Brain, Balance Your Reality

Segment 1: The Left Brain and Conflict.

Everything in the human experience begins in the brain, including war, conflict and peace. Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show, who will discuss this theory, is James Olson. James is a management-trained philosopher whose studies have included business, engineering, art, Eastern and Western religion, yoga, qigong, psychology, language, neuro-linguistics, philosophy and brain perspective. His book, The Whole Brain Path to Peace, argues that the hemispheric nature of our brains account for much of the conflict and peace in our world. His website is www.thewholebrainpath.com.

  James’ personal journey started out as a farmer on the family farm. During the winters he had time to study a wide range of interests and he came up with a very holistic view of the world. When he realized he was left brain dominate he set out to determine what that meant and how it dictated his perception of reality. The two sides of the brain both feed us info. We take information from one side and information from the other side and integrate them to come up with our own personal perspective. James researched the left brain versus right brain and found that that left brain disassembles and deconstructs, while the right brain puts things together and assembles things. The left brain, if left untempered by the wisdom of the right brain, can get us into trouble and cause conflict.

  Segment 2: Mixing Oil and Water.

Upbringing has a great deal to do with attitude and world perception. We are heavily affected not only by the dominant side of our brain but also by our environment. If someone has a dominate right brain but is never taught how to think critically, they will not have a balanced view of the world and will not use “whole brain” thinking. We have a dualistic set-up within the brain. Trying to mix the left brain’s polar ideas with the right brain’s non-polar ideas is like mixing oil and water. The left brain tends to be skeptical and cautious and controlling. It can be resistant to working with right brain.

  Segment 3: Smart Phones Versus Brains.

The secret is to begin using our non-dominant brain more --- the side/perspective that has been neglected. To retrain our own brains and to reactive the non-dominant side, just understand different perspectives and different options. If you don’t know what your brain is capable of doing, you can’t access it. We know more about accessing our smart phones than we do about our own brains. The better we understand it, the better we use it. Meditation helps as well. Meditation shuts off the left brain and brings us into our right brain. This helps us see more holistically and make better decisions.

  Segment 4: Understanding the Dualistic System and Finding Peace.

James has found most males are left brain dominant and most women are right brain dominant. There is a biological basis for sexual orientation. If we understand what’s going on in our brain we can find peace with a situation. If we don’t understand the dualistic system of our brain it can cause conflict and war-like behavior.

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[elusivepeacecom-blog]

As I prepare a speech about peacemaking and my personal journey from lawyer-to-peacemaker for Concordia University in Portland Oregon September 13, I am aware that most of us don't understand why the one thing we strive for--peace, is so difficult to achieve. In this culture, the focus is on winning and being the best. We are a nation of sports lovers. When someone wins, someone else loses, and we applaud and honor the winners. But, resolving conflict is not a sport. Resolving conflict involves honoring the process and giving both "sides" dignity, respect and an ear. There is a way, a win-win opportunity for every conflict we find ourselves in. To achieve this, we need a different set of skills. That is what, as a peacemaker and mediator, I teach others to do. Peace is possible.

[elusivepeacecom-blog]

Helping to Create Peace One Person at a Time

http://www.elusivepeace.com

[elusivepeacecom-blog]

The Peacemaking Parent: It Starts at Home

Segment 1: Secrets of the Peacemaking Parent

Lorraine Esposito, our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show, is no stranger to peacemaking. She is a life and fitness coach and the nationally recognized author of The Peacemaker Parent, Solving Problems for Today, Teaching Independence for a Lifetime. Lorraine has been featured in broadcast, radio, print, and online media and is a public speaker regarding personal leadership to community and school-based audiences. Her website is www.peacemakerparent.com.

  Lorraine’s personal journey as a peacemaking parent began at home with her young sons, then 6 and 8. In the process of exploring how to achieve a peaceful home, she discovered a method that instilled responsibility and accountability within her children and fostered peacemaking organically. She had tried different methods, including various books and counseling programs, but nothing worked for their family. The feeling of power, control and responsibility was lacking.

  Lorraine says the secret to a peaceful home is belief and trust. Belief that the inner voice you have as a parent is actually truth. Trust in your children and that they are all that they need to be. When we are able to believe, trust and let go, our kids begin to show their greatness and choose wisely.

  Segment 2: The Need for Perfection

Parents’ self-esteem is too often wrapped around their own children. The need for perfection is layered on top of peer pressure and the hype about getting a good education and being successful, etc. The smallest mistake triggers fear in parents, overwhelms them, and blocks good judgment. The first step to overcoming these issues is for the parent to look at their own environment and at themselves as individuals. Then the parent can observe what’s happening (without judgment or criticism) and see what’s working and not working. The underlying issues become apparent when we detach ourselves and observe with non-reactivity and non-judgment.

  Segment 3: The Sacred Space

Lorraine started with a morning peacemaking program in her own home. She held a meeting with her children and empowered them to make decisions. The meeting was a safe, sacred space. When they all agreed on the rules they moved forward, but if they didn’t agree they stayed put until they did. As a family they established 7 things to do in the morning. The boys monitored themselves with parameters and framework and became confident all on their own without mom’s nagging. The consequences to not getting tasks done were natural. They took personal responsibility and dealt with the consequences.

  *Sacred space with equality

*Consensus decision making

*Building in accountability

*Natural consequences

  Segment 4: Personal Responsibility and Ownership

Lorraine finds when parents try her peacemaking approach that decisions that seemed difficult become easier to make. They are able to let go of things that aren’t serving them. Parents become happier, there’s not as much fighting, there’s more acceptance and forgiveness. Additionally, taking personal responsibility and ownership can help kids with scholastic achievement by fostering personal motivation. Good leaders can’t command or control anybody; good leaders inspire people, which leads to self-motivation.

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[elusivepeacecom-blog]

As a speaker for organizations and universities, I find that audiences are committed to learning the principles of peace and how to apply these to their personal lives, relationships, children, community, and with an understanding of these concepts will vote with more education about what it takes to live peacefully. I invite you to read my book Elusive Peace. This book will teach you why we haven't achieved the peace we want, but it will give you hope that it is possible with skills, knowledge and strategies applied! Elusive Peace can be ordered from Amazon is on Kindle. Find out what audiences around the world are learning.

[elusivepeacecom-blog]

Spaeker for Universities & Organizations teaching Peace as a Pathway

http://www.elusivepeace.com

[elusivepeacecom-blog]

Inter-Tribal Conflict and Restorative Justice in Kenya

Segment 1: The Village Gathering

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is Paula Langguth Ryan, principal mediator at Compassionate Mediators, LLC, and a member of ACR’s Elder Decision-Making and Conflict Resolution Section. We will discuss her work with The Village Gathering, which focuses on sustainable restorative justice mediation in Kenya. Paula’s latest book (among many) is the forthcoming Ryan’s Rules of Order: A Clear and Compassionate Process for Minimizing Conflict and Keeping Any Meeting on Track. Her website is www.paulalangguthryan.com.

  Segment 2: One Tribe

As a middle child growing up, Paula felt an innate connection to peacemaking. Her professional peacekeeping work in Kenya begin right after the Kenyan election crisis in 2008. Paula was asked to go to Kenya to lead a pastoral conference for a week, but found that her work would not resonate unless the prevalent inter-tribal conflict was first addressed. At that point she knew nothing about restorative justice, but with help from other mediators, as well as a former warrior (now a self-taught peacemaker) named Lantano, the tribes literally ended up “breaking bread” together. Lantano reiterated a new message: we are ONE tribe. We’re Kenyans.

  Paula’s 2nd trip was in 2010 for two weeks. Again she met with members of a small tribe (1 of 13 tribes) about inter-tribal conflict. She watched Lantano, who had no formal training as a mediator or peacemaker, go to speak with the mothers of the fighting warriors as well as the elders of the tribes and successfully bring the members of the tribes together for a communal meal.

  Segment 3: A Reconciliation Meal

Lantano, the young warrior turned peacemaker, organized a reconciliation communal meal. The meat was braided, and there is a tradition in Kenya that says if you have shared a piece of meat together you can no longer be enemies. At this communal meal the tribal warriors cut meat for each other and fed one another. Every warrior bit from a single piece of meat.

  Segment 4: The Kenya Solution

Paula believes the solutions for Kenya’s problems have to come from Kenya. The Kenyan people know what the underlying fears are and how to address them. They want to solve their own problems. There is a deep authenticity when one has truly experienced war, and this authenticity stems credibility within the tribes. Professional mediators can provide support, coaching, training, and funds, but fundamentally they can’t be the peacemakers in Kenya. Only the Kenyans can.

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[elusivepeacecom-blog]

Suicide, Adaptation and Survival Within a War Zone

Segment 1: The Human Cost

Besides the enormous financial deficit that the Iraqi war and military operations in Afghanistan have caused the U.S., the human cost has been astronomical. In 2012, according to a recent Pentagon study, there has been one military suicide each day. On average 19 veterans commit suicide each day, with the majority being 18-29 years old. These suicide stats need to be addressed.

  Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll show is Bob Rail. Bob is the author of Surviving the International War Zone: Security Lessons Learned and Stories from Police and Military Peacekeeping Forces. After an extensive street law enforcement career, Bob became an International Police Officer for the U.N. in Bosnia and Kosovo, and designed curriculums for police officers from 60 nations all over the world.  Bob’s website is www.robertrail.com.

  Doug asks Bob to reflect on the adaptation challenges, both going into a war zone and returning from one. Bob says that the human being is an incredible biomechanical machine which can adapt to anything. When you’re in a war zone you either adapt or die. The penalty for not adapting is complete. However, it’s difficult to unadapt. Veterans from WW2 still have times when they can’t eat certain foods or smell certain smells.

  Segment 2: The War Zone Habit

When you’re going to a war zone, you have to adapt quickly to a very dangerous environment. Bob believes the military does an outstanding job of training our people to go to war, but when they come back, they come back ALONE. A war zone is a habit; you can’t just shut it off. The danger factor alone creates an intense bonding experience within your team. When you’re in dangerous situations your team becomes your family. You speak casually with your colleagues in a war zone about things you would never speak about with anyone else.

  Segment 3: The Reentry Experience

To help a young person coming back from a war zone to readapt, recognize that the person who went away is not the person who came home. Listen to them. Some serious warning signs are: if you’re engaged in a conversation and they stop talking and shut down, if they sit in a dark room for hours at a time, or if they start giving away special items like jewelry or watches. Don’t let them shut down and retreat within. Intervention hotlines are available and there are a lot of people who can help, but the problem is making the connection. Those of us who have not gone through the reentry experience have no clue about the pain and the challenges that the people returning from the war zone have. We become intensely judgmental.

  Segment 4: Current Kosovo

Regarding Syria and the UN monitoring force there currently, Bob thinks it’s an impossible job and that there is not going to be a solution if they stay on their current path. They are in over their heads and untrained. Kosovo will self-destruct. Instead of the UN bringing a homogenized society together they established a political duality with two elected officials. This will not work. They want a war and they don’t outside interference.

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[elusivepeacecom-blog]

Listen Up

http://www.aleyadao.com

[elusivepeacecom-blog]

While we are trained to express ourselves and tell others how we feel to communicate effectively. The most important form of communicating is silence. Then listen. My wife Aleya Dao and I have teamed up to teach Right Relationship tools through monthly webinars to help couples learn the skills to have emotional intimacy. For a peacemaker, there is no other more important mission. Priceless! http://www.prweb.com/releases/2012/8/prweb9824201.htm