elvenlies-blog - Tumblr blog

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Yup...

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On the subject of Tattoos and relationships

I used to worry about potential girlfriend aka wife material taking a dislike to my Tattoos. So I limited myself in not getting many and definitely not getting any anywhere I could not cover up. Honestly though if that sort of thing is a deciding factor in the relationship maybe you are in the wrong relationship. I mean body art, specifically tattoos are a very personal means of self expression. If someone dislikes your artwork is it not similar to them disliking a part of your personality? The part you cannot put into words? That very intimate part of you? I have a collection of a very specific class of tattoos. All of them are celtic or Scandinavian in design. Paying homage to my ancestry. Im very proud of my tattoos and I feel they represent a part of me that has no place in the modern word. That deep dark side of me that revels in my savage heritage. In any case that is off topic. What Im really saying is that I really dont give a damn if my tattoos scare away girls. I'd rather be alone my whole life than hide part of who i am. Besides its not like relationships work out for me. Most likely any woman in my life will end up being temporary. By their choice, not mine.

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Truest of stories

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Once again I fall into this state of melancholy that seems so often to suit me. Depression follows me around like a stench I can never escape. Life seems to go by in a blur without me fully comprehending any of it. There is just no time to process the happenings around me, the only option available is to simply carry on. That's what life has become, merely existing. No enjoyment, no awe inspiring goals, no hero's, no chasing after love. No, the task of staying alive is great enough. The struggle to not end this pointless life of mine is enough. I've now come to the conclusion that it is best to stay alone, of course I always knew this but I've just now confirmed it. Dating today seems to be about numerous game playing, lies and half truths. Drama, drama, drama. Theatricals I dont need. So I weigh my grow in loneliness against the guaranteed stress of some sort of relationship. The balance tips every now and again. So what is the point of this post? Well honestly there isn't one, there never is with my posts. Its all about venting, sharing my pain with invisible faces.

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Nothing Changes

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Truth is ambiguous

What is truth?

Your truth or my truth because lets face it they are different but no less true than the other.

Is it true that you have friends? Sure, when they need you they are your friends. When you need them, not so much. The truth is only the truth when it is convenient. Do you understand?

When the truth becomes hard to bare it suddenly becomes a lie.

When you are in a seemingly hopeless situation you turn to God, he is truth. When God expects something of you he becomes a lie. See? Its all about convenience.

The truth is staying at in that unhealthy relationship is only going to lead to more pain.

Your truth is that it will get better and you need them. You truly believe it and so is it not true?

Which is more true?

There is no black and white left in this world, everything is grey. The lines of good and evil have become so blurred they barely exist anymore.

What is the truth? Perhaps the truth is that there is no truth? Haha

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The Truth Keeps me in shackles

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Incase you are wondering

I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things Isaiah 45.7 Incase you are wondering. All that suffering you are going through? All that pain and torment? Yeah thats God. Thanks alot...

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Im not quite sure what to do anymore... Im not sure I can cope anymore... Im not sure I want to anymore... What is this life of mine if not pain? My spirit is damaged, broken and shattered. My constitution all but gone. All these thoughts in my head, whispering and screaming is driving me absolutely insane. On the surface I have people fooled dont I? They actually believe I am okay? Hahaha... Inside Im dying Inside I just can't stop crying Does anyone care for the tears of a tarnished soul? What is it about me? Truly? Why can't I be loved? Am I so abhorrent? Am I so undeserving? So undesirable? The only thing that accompanies me throughout my time on this earth is misery. My faithful conpany who never leaves my side. I think... I think I want to die? Is that so wrong? I dont want to be anywhere else, the grass is never greener. I dont want anyone else, all they do is leave. I dont want anything else, everything is temporary where what I want is permanence. What is more permanent than death? Maybe just maybe once I die I will get some answers? Some explanation? Some comfort? I hate life, I hate myself, I dont know who you are but I hate you too. Either you dont care or you do but can't help. No one can help... no one... Im all alone arent I? All alone in this dark twisted world...

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I cant be

Am I the only one who is unsure whether life is worth living? Im am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sick of people always taking but never giving. I rarely get a chance to be hired let alone given the opportunity to get fired. So lets move to North America where people think you are incompetent because you come from africa and wonder why you aren't black. Am I the only one who hates life because of all the lies and deceit? The backstabbing and betrayal? This world teaches people conceit, it teaches people to proclaim all hail oneself because you are the only person that matters. Who cares about anyone else? Who cares about doing good and being loyal? Love and prosperity or power and money, most people in this day and age would choose the latter. Am I the only one to get lost on the road of life? Somewhere I strayed and cannot find my way back to the path... why is that? Most likely because I am not like everyone else. I will carve my own way through fate even if all I have is a simple little pocket knife. Am I the only one to Travel alone and in misery? Riddled with Anxiety and depression? Every step I take is filled with hardship and strife. Take a step back why dont you? Watch the tears run down my face and the blood drip from my finger tips. Behold the the tragic beauty of a soul that continues to rip. I can't be the only one who sees life as hopeless and desolate... I can't be... Can anyone make this pain disappear? Hold me close and tell me there is nothing for me to fear? My heart lets out a silent scream, too bad there is no one who understands me enough to hear.

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So Fucking true