elyonproject

[elyonproject]

Part 4: Loss

Derrick Ellis

Most kids grow up looking up to their parents. I know for my younger brother and I that our Dad might as well have been Superman. He was this larger than life character... I mean nothing could ever hurt him or bring him down in our eyes. He was the kind of guy that never met a stranger... anyone that ever met him... they just instantly liked him. It was hard not to. His personality and his positivity were infectious. He told corny Dad jokes and he would make up these random and silly songs that would make us laugh, he’d buy our Mom flowers for no reason at all other than just to see her smile... and top of all of that he was a living example of what it means to love your neighbor. If there was ever someone in need and my Dad knew about it... he would do whatever he possibly could to help them. Making others happy... that’s what made HIM happy.. He just lived to put smiles on other people’s faces.

A Few years ago I got a phone call just about a week or so before Christmas... it was around lunch time and they said “Derrick I’m sorry to have to call you like this... but... there was an accident this morning...and your Dad... he didn’t make it...”

And I just keep replaying that moment over and over again in my mind... “Derrick... Your Dad... He didn’t make it...”

I have such vivid memories of that moment. Like even where I was sitting, the phone, how it felt in my hand... it’s like... this numb feeling... this feeling like everything around me is moving, and yet... I’m just... sitting still.

If there’s anything that I’ve learned... that I’m still learning, it’s that whatever you’re feeling in that moment... It's okay. It’s okay to feel numb, or just that feeling of anger, shock, denial... It's okay. Or just maybe even that feeling of not feeling anything at all... That’s okay too.

It’s okay to have no answers, no explanations, and maybe even no words. But do you know what does help?

Is that Jesus Wept...

There’s a story in the book of John, Jesus’ friend Lazarus dies and a couple of days later Jesus goes to Lazarus’ village. His family and friends are there all gathered around and they’re all just sobbing, they’re all just mourning their loss.

And Lazarus’ sisters are even saying to Jesus “You know if you’d only been here earlier, then this wouldn’t have even happened.” and so Jesus enters into this just big giant mess and the scripture says ‘That he’s deeply moved in his spirit’. Somewhere deep down he just connects with this whole mess. And then the Bible reads these two words that I think are two of the most profound words in the entire book... it says...

Jesus... Wept...

He feels all of this pain, and all of this loss.... And he just enters into it. He lets the full force of the moment hit him.

It’s because you have to let it hit you...

We can’t avoid it... we can’t avoid our responses to things and think that they’ll go away. If we stuff it, then it’s still in there somewhere. And it WILL come out.. We HAVE to let it out or it’s just in there somewhere.

Maybe you lost someone, a long time ago... and you never properly grieved and it’s still in there somewhere... If the Son of God needs to let it out... if Jesus wept... then we do too...

There’s this old Jewish tradition that I learned about not too long after my Dad passed. It’s called ‘Sitting Shiva’. In the Jewish culture when you knew someone that lost someone they loved you would go over to their house and you’d just sit with them... you just sit... and you don’t say anything... and if at some point they want to talk then you talk, but if they prefer silence... Then... There’s... Silence...

I don’t know if you lost someone close to you. Maybe it was years ago, or maybe it was just a few days ago. I don’t know how long ago, or if it was just the other day but I am so sorry, so very sorry for your loss.

I do know that you and I have choices about the kinds of people we are, the kinds of people that we’re becoming. We have a choice whether or not we’re going to become bitter.

There’s a woman in the Bible named Naomi. She loses her husband AND her two sons. She says “Don’t call me Naomi anymore... Call Me Mara” the word Mara is the Hebrew word for Bitter. So she’s saying “Don’t call me Naomi... call me Bitter...”

In the Bible a man named Job loses everything, children, houses, possessions... and his wife at one point says to him “Job are you still holding on your integrity? Curse God and die!” She becomes completely consumed with her bitterness.

If we don’t acknowledge this choice. If we let a little bit of bitterness in. It’ll take over.

Maybe you let that in a long time ago. Or maybe you have this sense of guilt that comes with it. “If only I had done this... that wouldn’t have happened”. If I would have been this way or that way. If i would have done something different..” and so we become wrecked with this guilt and then it seeps in and becomes part of us without us even being aware of it....

DON’T... don’t let it happen...

There’s this Psalm where the writer in pain is just pouring out his heart to God in prayer... he says, “you have made me see troubles... many, and bitter.. But you WILL restore me again...”

It’s easy when we suffer loss, for whatever it is that we lost to become the center of our life. I mean we had them... and now... they’re gone...

And so there’s this giant hole where they once were and it becomes all that we can think about. What ends up happening in the process is that our whole life becomes about what we don’t have... and we lose out on what we DO have...

Your Heart...

My Heart...

It WILL recover...

It will recover... Our hearts will never be the same again, but they WILL recover..

The first Christians spoke about a day in the future when God will restore everything. You, Me, Everything in heaven and on earth. I find great hope in that.

And so my hope is that you may realize that Jesus... JESUS... wept... and may you come to see that whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s okay... And may you make the choice NOT to become bitter, and closed, but open.... And may you come to realize that God is sitting with you, fully present, grieving for your loss.... But also...restoring... and it that... may we find... hope.

[elyonproject]

Part 3: Be Present

I was recently talking to this guy that I knew in high school, and he started telling stories about this person, and that person, and “remember when we did this?”, “remember when we went here?”, “remember when that happened?” and he’s getting more and more excited. Part way through our conversation I had this thought of ‘that was years ago!’... It seemed in some way as if he was still back there. Like he never really left. As though those were the best years of his life.

There’s this fascinating interaction in one of the accounts of Jesus’ life. It’s right after he’s been resurrected. This central event in the story of human history. It’s the event at the center of the Christian faith. Jesus has just risen from the dead, and the first person he sees is Mary Magdalene, and he says to her “Don’t hold on to me.” The first thing Jesus does after he’s been resurrected is he tells someone not to hold on to him?

Perhaps a little background would help. In the book of Luke it says that Jesus had this group of women that traveled with him and supported him, that they learned from him. They were actually the ones that paid his bills out of their own pockets.. And it’s written that one of these women, her name was Mary Magdalene, had seven demons but Jesus had delivered her from them. SEVEN demons?! This is one of those passages where you’re like “I could use a little more information here!” but whatever it is.. It’s safe to say that this woman…has a story. Her life has been drastically transformed because of this Jesus that she’s met. She owes him…everything.

Imagine spending that kind of time with someone, and then watching them killed on an execution stake. It’s no wonder she stays around after everyone else has deserted them. She’s the one who comes to the tomb a few days later and finds out it’s empty, and so she goes looking for the body, and she’s the one who’s in the garden looking for the body when she runs into this man who she thinks is the gardner and all of a sudden she realizes it’s JESUS and he’s alive…and HE’S BACK!

So she goes to embrace him and he says “Mary…don’t hold on to me”. Wait…this is Jesus…the divine embodiment of love and and compassion. Mary goes to hug him and he says… don’t… are we missing something here? Mary assumes that he’s back right? That he’s back and he’s alive and that things are going to go back to how they always were… back in the good ole days when they would all gather and eat these big meals as a group, when they would travel and tell stories, and laugh… but Jesus hasn’t returned to make things how they were. Things have changed. Mary… things aren’t going to be how they were.

My friend has a daughter in junior high. We were all at a birthday party awhile back and she starts talking about a boy in her school… and my friend is saying “I don’t want to know this..”, “Please don’t tell me this”, “You’re too young to like boys”... and she’s laughing, he’s laughing, we’re all laughing… but there was something else going on there. Because my friend’s little daughter isn’t a little girl anymore. She’s turning into a young woman right before his eyes… and for a Dad that just isn’t easy.

So he does the “Don’t tell me this, I don’t want to know that you’re noticing boys, or that boys are noticing you.” and it’s funny so we all laugh. But the truth is, it’s also painful… because life isn’t static is it? It ebbs and it flows, and people grow up, and move away, graduate, lose their jobs, and people that you love die, and some people get married, and others don’t, and some get divorced, some get cancer, and some things just aren’t how they were…

Now after Jesus talks with Mary Magdalene, he goes and appears to his other disciples, the ones who deserted him. He tells them that it’s time for them to take his message to the ends of the earth. He tells them it’s a whole new day, everything has changed, and God is going to give them everything that they need. He tells them that they’re going to receive a new spirit, one for today. And he promises them that they are going to have everything they need for their new life.

Think about the couple who have been married for years, and they speak with longing about the early days when they were just starting out… and you begin to wonder… “would they go back there if they could?!”

Or… the person who was the star athlete… 20 years ago… and they are still talking about it. And there’s this kind of far away look in their eyes, a longing in their voice… and you begin to wonder… “do they believe that their best years are truly behind them?”

Or… maybe you’ve been part of a group where there is this impulse to long for how it used to be… you know back when we were starting out, back when it was the first time, back when it was new… But it’s not… everything isn’t new… we aren’t who we were… and things aren’t how they were.

How much energy do people spend wishing things were how they once were?

If you need to celebrate how good something was… then celebrate.

If you need to remember how great it was when they were alive… then remember.

If you need to grieve… then grieve.

If you need to apologize or make amends, or you need to do something to make peace with how it was… then do it…

But then move on…

There’s a certain kind of despair that sets in when we believe that things were better back then… when we’re stuck back there… when we’re not fully present…

When we’re still holding on to how things were, our arms aren’t free to embrace today.

As it’s written in the book of James… you don’t even have a guarantee about tomorrow. We can’t change how it was, and we have no guarantees about tomorrow, all we have is today. If you live in the fantasy that you’ll get around to it tomorrow, you’ll get around to them tomorrow… you will wake up and it will not be tomorrow, it will be yesterday and you will have missed it, you will have missed them.

If you’re a parent, the answer isn’t to freeze your kids in time so that they don’t grow up. The answer is to be so fully present here and now that you don’t miss a single thing on THIS day. So one day you can let them go without any regrets because you were there the whole way…

When Jesus is talking with Mary Magdalene, after the “Do not hold on to me” part… You know what he tells her to do? He says “now go… tell everyone else what has happened.” He gives her a part to play. There’s a role for her, here and now.

Is Jesus saying to you right now, about anything, about anybody, about any time, “let go and receive a new spirit”?

And so my hope is that you may accept the past for what it is.

That you may celebrate what needs to be celebrated, and grieve what needs to be grieved…

And then may you receive from God a new spirit… One for… Here… Now… Today…

[elyonproject]

Part 2: Silence

“I was watching this documentary the other day about this guy named Bernie Crouse who records nature sounds for film and television. He was saying that in 1968 in order to get one hour of undisturbed natural sound, like no airplanes, no cars, it would take him about 15 hours of recording time. And he was saying that today, in order to get that same one hour of undisturbed sound...it takes him 2000 hours of recording time!

It reminds me of this story in the bible of one of the great Jewish prophets Elijah, who's just been going and going and he’s just about at the end. He’s just totally stressed, totally fried, doesn’t even know if he wants to go on. And God says to him, “Elijah, go up on the mountain because I’m going to show up.” So Elijah goes up on the mountain, and this strong wind comes up on the mountain and it like shakes the mountain violently...but God isn’t in the wind. And then there’s this massive earthquake...but God isn't in the earthquake. And then this massive fire covers the mountain...but God isn’t in the fire…

And then finally...comes the still, small voice of God. Now, there's all this discussion and commentary by theologians over centuries about what exactly this voice is. Because some people think that the original Hebrew word doesn’t refer to an actual sound you can hear with your ears, like an audible noise. And so some translators have translated the phrase that, “God was in the sound of sheer Silence…” God wasn’t in the wind. God wasn’t in the earthquake. God wasn’t in the fire. God was in the silence….

Why is silence so hard to deal with?

183 million people are regularly exposed to noise levels labeled as excessive by the Environmental Protection Agency.

Do you have a cell phone?

A smart phone?

Do you text message people consistently throughout the day?

Do you have a TV?

More than one TV?

Do you have the radio on or music streaming from your phone or computer all day?

At work? In the Car? At Home?

Is there such a thing as visual noise?

Do you wish there were more billboards or advertisements along the roads that you drive?

Do we have enough strip malls and shopping plazas yet?

Do you feel like God might be distant from you right now?

Do you wish God’s voice would be louder in your life?

Is there a connection between the amount of noise in our lives and our ability to hear God?

SUVs and Minivans now come with separate DVD and Stereo systems for the back seats

You can now buy a smartwatch that syncs to your smartphone and allows you to receive text messages, phone calls, emails, and social media notifications all from your wrist..

Try This.

Make yourself comfortable in your chair and begin breathing slowly as you read.

Then Moses and the priests, who are Levites said to all Israel, “Be Silent, Oh Israel, and listen!” -Deuteronomy 27:9

Search your hearts and be Silent. -Psalms 4:4

But the Lord in His holy temple: Let all the earth be Silent before Him. -Habakkuk 2:20

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you Rest. -Jesus in Matthew 11

If I am not still, and if I don’t stop to listen, how is Jesus going to give me rest?

Have you spent the same amount of time worrying and talking about your difficult, confusing situations as you have spent in silence, listening to what God might have to say?

Why is talking so much easier than listening?

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. -Luke 5:16

These were regular disciplines Jesus had.

Silence. Solitude.

When was the last time you were in a solitary place?

No music, no TV, no cell phone. Just you.

What is it about silence that is so difficult?

Why is it easier to surround ourselves with noise and to keep moving than to just stop, be silent, and listen?

How much noise do I voluntarily subject myself to?

Does my schedule, my time, my life look like that of a person who wants to hear God’s voice?

Maybe the healing and guidance we desperately need is not going to come from one more meeting, one more therapy session, or self-help book.

But maybe from simply listening for the voice of God.

Do you really believe that God’s voice isn’t more interesting than the voices that are around you?

Is it possible that you have been searching for God in the winds?

The earthquakes and the fires?

And that He is waiting to speak to you in the Silence?

[elyonproject]

PART 1: Wonder & Awe

Written by: Derrick Ellis

Recently I was spending some time with my girlfriend and her children, and her 4 year old daughter who has one of the best imaginations I’ve ever witnessed in a child, had this teeny tiny toy lizard that she was beyond excited to show me. Together we gave him the very appropriate name “Mr. Lizard” but the name MUST be said in a very specific and very silly way as per her request. So now every time that I see her or speak to her mom on the phone she comes bursting into the room, eyes as wide as they can get, to loudly proclaim “MISTERRRR LIZURRRDDD” is here! Over and over again laughing as hysterically as if it's the first time she’s heard it or said it. In her eyes you can just see all of the gears in her mind moving as she thinks about all of the silly and wondrous possibilities that “MISTERRRRR LIZURRRDDD” has to offer her. It’s as if she holds in her hand a key to a doorway to a whole new world of all kinds of new possibilities and potential…all of it…because she has “MISTERRRRR LIZURRRRRD”!

There is this primal sense of wonder and awe in the face of a child when they’re fully absorbed in the moment. They’re thrilled with this sense of anticipation… *Just what kinds of experiences are right around the corner?* It is something to behold…this pure…unbridled joy..

Life… has a way of beating that wonder and awe out of us doesn’t it? You get betrayed. You pour time, and energy, and money into something..and then it blows up in your face, it doesn’t go the way you thought it was supposed to. Or you lose something… or you lose someone…

It’s as if there’s this ever so thin layer of hardness that begins to build around your heart. Then you’re burned again and it’s like that layer gets a little harder and a little thicker.

So you roll your eyes more frequently. You’re a bit more cynical, a bit more jaded, a bit more skeptical. You pull back, you retreat. Like “why would I stick my neck out if I’m going to get shot at like that again?” And so ever so gradually with your arms folded over your chest you begin to become one… more… spectator…

I don’t believe that this is what God intends for us. As it’s written in the Psalms… “Taste and see that God is good.” Taste..is about the full engagement of our senses. Taste.. is about our belief that there’s way more going on here than we first realized. Taste… is about our flesh and blood encounters with the divine… and people, places, and events. Taste… is about your awareness that God is as close and near as your breath.

Jesus invites us to this taste. To experience the new thing that God is doing in the world. And he says that to experience this you must “come like a child”.

Now there’s a distinction to be made here. Childlike is much different than childish.

Childish, is essentially a posture of the heart. It is a hardness, it is a refusal, it is the resistance of that which isn’t thoroughly familiar. Childish, is the stomping of the foot, the crossing of the arms, the cynical and jaded “there’s nothing new here”...

But Childlike… is the way in which you are open to the wonder and awe that is around us, every single moment… of every single day…

There is a great deal of misunderstanding, especially in religious and faith communities about the very nature of this “taste”. And there are, in these days, all sorts of very strange, ongoing heated discussions and debates about trying to get the words right. As if Jesus’s highest intention for us is that we would have correct doctrinal thinking. If that’s the case then Jesus would have said “Blessed are those who are more right than everybody else.”

It’s one thing to talk about it. It’s another thing… to taste.

It’s one thing to be right. It’s another thing… to be overwhelmed.

I actually think this is why you hear so many people using this cliche, which is such a cliche that it’s become so very true for so many people when they say “I am spiritual… but not religious.” I think essentially what people are saying is that the very institutions that were supposed to cultivate and nurture this wide eyed sense of wonder about life in God’s good world, have failed at some very profound and fundamental level. Essentially becoming so caught up and so deeply deeply obsessed with defending, and analyzing, and holding everything up to this predetermined set of criteria, that they, at some deep deep level, lost the ability to be surprised… to be filled with wonder and awe…

It’s interesting that when Jesus talks about what we consider to be criteria, or results, or proof or whatever you want to call it… what Jesus says is that his followers, his people, the ones that are open to the new thing that God is doing in the world, the ones that said yes to him and trust him, he says “you’ll know them by their fruit.” and fruit comes because you have first tasted… you have tasted of God’s love, joy, peace, and grace… and it completely transforms you from the inside out, into a new kind of person. This is the kind of fruit that Jesus speaks of. Perhaps this is why when he speaks to his disciples he says those two words to them.. He says.. “Follow Me…”

It’s as if he’s calling each of us to return to that childlike sense of wonder, awe, and anticipation. He reaches deep down there through all of those layers of hardness into our heart and says… “Follow Me…”

He calls us and confronts us with this invitation to leave behind all of the reasons we have to be jaded, and bitter, and cynical… because let’s be honest… what you look for, you will find in this world. He calls us to leave behind all of our reasons for folding our arms over our chest and becoming one more spectator. He says… “come… follow me, move beyond all of that.” We all want to be successful… but what we really want… is joy… and peace… wonder… and awe… That is our REAL desire.

Jesus invites us to an experience, to a taste of the full, vibrant, dynamic, beautiful, electric life of God. Which he insists is available to every single one of us, right here, right now.

So my hope is that you may rediscover this childlike sense of discovery and anticipation, That you may be open to the new thing that God is doing right here, right now. And that you may be wide eyed and filled with wonder…and awe…