emailfails-blog

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John again

"Hi John!!!

This is Melinda from Orlando Kia East and I received your recent inquiry for the Kia Optima.

I'd be more than happy to help you out in anyway I can and answer any questions you might have.  I have also included a link to a personalized video message I created for you...all you need to do is click the link below!

VIP VIDEO FOR JOHN!!!! 

I am sending you this e-mail to ask you to "tell me what to do next". Orlando Kia is committed to assisting you with all of your automotive needs.

We value the opportunity to work with you at a pace that feels comfortable and fits your style. Please let me know how to best follow-up with you.       

Customer Satisfaction is my priority. I will be prepared to exceed your expectations in every aspect of your visit!

If you have any additional questions, please feel free to e-mail or call anytime.

Sincerely,

[Here is where she includes a photo of herself!)

Melinda"

I have a question- why does everyone think I'm John? Also, is that video SFW?

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Lots of people think they're contacting a man named John

"Hi  John,

  It was nice meeting  you the other day !

I have attached the  estimate for the wiring of the pool.  Sorry for the delay in getting you  this quote.

We can ad a 7day  programable Timer for an additional $135.00.  This would be mounted indoors  next to the electrical panel.

  Please let me know  if you have any questions or concerns. 

    Thank You

  Don Tucker

  DST Electric" I'm concerned that you've been had. UPDATE! Dan responded:

"Sorry about that [NAME REDACTED]... I appreciate you letting me  know.  Make it a Great Day!

  Thank You

  Don Tucker

  DST Electric" Good to know I'm appreciated!

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Baseball Practice

"Hi Jason-

I just wanted to check with you to see if the first baseball practice is tomorrow, Tuesday, April 22 at 5-6 at Jennings Fields? Also, do you have the baseball schedule yet?

Thank you,

Sandi Patterson

David Patterson's mom" Sorry- wrong email, David Patteron's mom.

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My second email about getting wine

"Hi John,

The Siduri wines you ordered are here and ready to be picked up at your convenience.  Please find your invoice attached.

Cheers,

Jesse [NAME REDACTED]

Marquis Wine Cellars

Vancouver British Columbia , Canada" Why are they never actually for me, eh?

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Oh snap!

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It All Makes Sense Now

So I've been getting tons of mass emails from this one person despite the fact that there have been a few times when I wrote her and said, "Hey. Wrong person." She appears to be the matriarch of her family since she's the type of great aunt/grandma that sends inspirational quotes, really bad jokes, and bad gif files embedded into the body of the email. I finally stopped reaching out to her after she started sending me Obama bashing emails, because at that point I didn't care if she was reaching out to her family anymore (also, it was clearly futile).

Anyway, I suspected she was an older woman, and today I finally got confirmation, because for the first time in ever, she sent me an email JUST TO ME.

"Jean

Just went for my daily walk, green grass and flowers, the next door neighbor has a hedge of white azaleas, beautiful.  Really can't get used to sun, grass and flowers

My worldly goods are arriving tomorrow.  We have so much furniture with the blending of two households.  My things will look very dark here.  Similar  to the people who move to FLA with older, darker Eastern furniture.  Have a feeling I will be getting to know Salvation Army here.                                                                                                          

Grandchildren are wonderful(suprise).  Sophia is taking tennis lessons, started last fall playing first grade girls, now is playing third and fourth grade boys, and really holding her own.  Zach plays soccer, Alex is the swimmer.

Thinking of you, take care.

Joyce" Proof that this person is old: 1) she has grandkids 2) This email was boring as shit to read.

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Law School

"Attached are slides, notes, an exercise, and a key for the admin law research class. I am sorry for the delay.  As usual, this took longer than I expected to plan!  I also think the class is likely too long - but this way you can look through and decide what you want to use/cut. I laid out my thoughts in the notes, but there is a lot that could get added/removed from this class. I tried to make sure the students had enough basic background to even understand and be thinking about what agencies actually do, and how the regulations relate to statutes, before figuring out how look up specific regulations.  Sloan didn't really cover other administrative research (agency decisions, letter opinions, etc.) and I just mention these exist without covering as I think it would overwhelm students.  Also, I don't think many students are going to look up regulations in books - so I stuck mainly with describing online sources.  Sloan covers using books if they need it as a resource. I finished this quite late night, so I am sure there are typos, errors. I will read them over later today, but please send any suggestions/mistake/

alternatives.  Thanks! Brittany"

I was mistaken for a law professor and got this email. It's funny b/c I was *this close* to going to law school myself but then I realized that would have been a huge life mistake.

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Oh hi, Solanus!

"Doctor [Name Redacted], My flight arriving Monday afternoon from Lima, Peru was cancelled last night. Our rescheduled flight lands late afternoon tomorrow, so I won't be able to come to class. Oh and Solanus is here, too! Best, Vinnie"

Is this an undergrad emailing his prof? If so, he sounds like a real dick.

Anyway, I'm not a Dr. yet, Vinnie- write back in 2 months.

My response:

"Hi,

Sorry, but you've got the wrong person! But it was pretty cool to see Doctor [NAME REDACTED] in an email. Two more months!"

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Australia Day!

"Dear Delegates & Families,

  We will be meeting on Saturday, February 8th @ 9:30 am - 12:00 pm

  I will be collecting forms and assignments at all meetings.

  Reminders:

- Collection of Forms: Copy of Health Form, Passport Photos, Passport Copies

- Assignments: Civics Worksheet (due prior to departure), Online Quizzes (due prior to departure

  Information on Australia:

  Did you know that today is Australia Day? (according to internet sources)" I wonder if this email is related to that Australia field trip email that I got a while back...

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I got 2 email fails today!

 "Randall Road Animal Hospital South Elgin Location Dear Jill, This is an important reminder about Chopper. According to our records, Chopper is due tor the following treatments or examinations. Please call us for an appointment. 01-16-14        VACC5   Bordetella 09-03-13        VACC8   Lepto                                                                           Jill                                                                                                                                                   Saint Charles, IL 60175"

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Who keeps giving these people my email address?

"Hi Jeff

I am following up to make sure everything went well with your service appointment and that you were completely satisfied with our service we provided for you. If you do have any further questions or concerns please contact me at any time.

 Thanks so much for your business 

Have a great day!

Kim [NAME REDACTED]

Service Co-Ordinator

Dale Wurfel Chrysler Dodge Jeep" I live in New York. Therefore, no. 

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Where Great Adventures and Prayer School are in the same context somehow

"Dear Friends,

  I just wanted to remind you that our December 30 deadline for early-enrollment discounts for Psalms: The School of Prayer is fast approaching.  The class runs from 7-8:30 p.m. Tuesdays, January 7-March 18, in the upper room of St. Ambrose Parish Hall.  You can register at the parish office. 

  This is another in our Great Adventure series.  You can find more information on it at www.greatadventureonline.com .

  Hope your Christmas has been merry and your new year proves to be happy indeed.

  Bill"

Does the School of Prayer include instructions on how to actually get prayers answered?

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Dr. Tim Part II

Normally I tell people that they're reached the wrong person, but with the holidays and everything, Dr. Tim was left in the cold. Got this email from him today:

"Hi Josh,

Yesterday I sent you your LASIK self-evaluation results. Although they are pretty general, we can still find out if you're a sure, safe candidate.    

Do you have any questions about LASIK that I can answer for you? Just click HERE, enter your best number to reach you and I'd be happy  to answer those for you.  To your vision, -- Dr. Timothy" You know, Dr. Tim, considering that it's the holiday season, maybe you should back off a bit. Let me/Josh think about this! LASIK is a big deal, y'know!

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Thanks, Dr. Tim!

Hello Josh,

I'm happy to let you know that based on your answers, your percentage of LASIK candidacy ranges between 45 - 85%. That's great news. You may be a good fit as a candidate. The only way to know if LASIK is truly right for your eyes is to have a thorough LASIK Evaluation done by me. I would like to offer you a consultation (completely on me) where we can sit down face to face and you can ask me or my associate any questions about LASIK.  Thanks again,

--

Dr. Timothy Perfect timing since my right eye is actually complete effed up right now!

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Hot from the presses!

I literally just got this email 2 minutes ago:

"Hi Jen

No idea if you've kept this email address...guess I'll find out when I hit send.

Just wondering how you're doing. How is life in Colorado? How are the girls?

I've been LOVING going to school and not being at preschool.

Happy Christmas!" It threw me off at first because for a second I thought... do I live in Colorado? Do I have girls? Am I glad to not be in preschool anymore??

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"Summer Camp"

"Hey Jeremy, it’s Celina (you know, from nature museum summer camp)  J

 I was wondering if you still had the lyrics (and perhaps the guitar chords) from camp last summer.  Amanda and I want to document the amazing work you did for Wild Waterways.  I am so sad that you could not join our team again this summer, as I am now Assistant Camp Director (yay!) and would love to have you be awesome again this year.  You were always so present with our kids, so kind and patient, and they truly loved having you there.  Non-Jeremy days were rough on us interns!!  I hope everything is going well for you and whatever you’re doing this summer is wonderful!  (it better be!)  Please stop on by one of these days if you’re around—we would love to see you.  And keep us informed about shows, etc. that you have around the city please!  I would love to come.

Thanks, Jeremy!

-Celina

P.S. The food chain song has been in my head since the minute I started writing this email!" I think Celina might have a crush on Jeremy. Get a grip, lady! Ya gotta play it coooool....

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"The Script"

"There you go man, read it over. It's a rough draft but the idea is there, let me know what you honestly think and we will take it from there. If you get on I will write a tad bigger of a part for the record exec. He will be having a huge part in later episodes. Peace!" I downloaded the script and read it. It was shit.