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emastrangee · 7 months ago

Note

I gotchu pookie bear. What about showing Viktor a cute little gadget we made for him from using spare parts while he works?

You know those long distance touch bracelets for relationships/friends? Yeah them and those long distance touch lamps are what the stars are in this fic, touch them twice and the other star will receive said touch.

You were quiet -more quiet then usual at least- as you were hunched over your workbench in the lab and biting your bottom lip in concentration as you looked over the very thing that had been preoccupying your mind for the past few weeks, maybe a month? You weren’t quite sure to the passage of time as you spend countless nights burning the midnight oil, making sure the star shaped trinket basic functions were still working.

It wasn’t much in comparison to the gadgets Viktor had made that you could see scattered across the lab, one was always within your line of sight, each one of them holding a purpose higher then the one you were making; but yours wasn’t made to serve a higher purpose, just one where you could give to Viktor as a way to say thank you for everything and helping you find your passion for creating things.

Not only that but also by being kind and willing enough to teach you the basics of wielding, guiding your hands with his soft, knowledgeable voice and understanding that this wasn’t as easy to you as it was to him whenever you made a mistake. Viktor truly was a one of a kind person and you couldn’t help but be thankful to have met him and have him bless you life in more ways then one. So much so that it had lead to you to this very moment, the trinket you held within your hand was small, no bigger then the palm of your hand and all five of it’s points dug into your skin the tighter you held it.

You then relaxed your grip on it as you looked it over, making sure there was nothing you’ve left unchecked and even tapped the middle of the start twice, which emitted a soft blue light that throbbed like a heart beat, something that had caught Viktor’s eye as he raises a brow.

‘What you working on over there my dear?’ He asks intrigued of the sleek metal star that rested in your cautious hands.

‘Something that I’ve been working on for a while.’ You replied as you rubbed a hand against your eyes, trying to rub away the feeling of exhaustion from the lack of sleep you’ve had as a feeling of doubt began to grow within you, making you second guess enter you should show Viktor your work. However your need to show him that his guidance payed off outweighed the hesitance as you moved closer to him and showed him the gunmetal grey star.

‘I’ve noticed that you’ve been cooping yourself within the laboratory for a while,’ Viktor says as he remembers the times where he’s came into the lab, only to see that you were already there either working hard on your personal project, or fast asleep against your workbench in the most uncomfortable position. Viktor knew he couldn’t say much as he was very much the same with his own projects, but seeing you unable to keep your eyes open as it was obvious to him that you prioritised the project above your own health, why? He didn’t know but he wanted to see what was so important that you’d forget basic human needs. ‘Mind showing me what it does?’ He then asks.

You then wordlessly tapped the star twice and the soft blue glow came back, throbbing like a heart beat, twinkles of blue disperse like a ripple in a ocean or like blinking stars before fading back to gunmetal grey. ‘It’s something that I’ve made so that two people may communicate with one another.’ You said as you put the star in front of Viktor before pulling out a matching sleek gunmetal star trinket of your own, showing him how it also glowed the soft blue of his star, before tapping it twice with your finger as a soft red glow rippled across the surface of the star; responding back as Viktor’s star received it’s message.

‘Fascinating.’ Viktor says softly as he picks up the star you’ve given him, running his thumb across it as the blue glow followed in its wake, causing your star to have a matching blue streak dart across it’s surface like a shooting star. Viktor then looks at you with pride in his amber eyes, smiling softly. ‘This was what you were working so hard on? Such a unique creation birthed from the mind of an equally unique person.’

‘Well I did have an amazing person to teach me the basics of welding and help me discover a whole new way to show my thanks to him.’ You said as you shrugged your shoulders, tapping your star twice and watching as Viktor smiled softly as his star throbbed with a soft red light. ‘He taught me a lot and I wanted to make him something special to commentate it.’ You add and Viktor grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers as he squeezed it in reassurance.

‘It’s for me?’ Viktor asks.

You smiled. ‘For us really, to make sure the other hasn’t died by overworking themselves.’ You joked as you squeezed his hand back, happy to see him happy as he continues to admire the metal star and your efforts that went into making it. It made all those sleepless nights and gruelling days all the more worth it as he places the star next to his notebooks, within his immediate line of sight on his workbench. ‘We do share that common trait of pushing ourselves beyond our limits,’ Viktor chuckles before tapping the star twice, your star responding in kind nearby, ‘but I’ll be sure to use this should I think you’re unnecessarily staying overtime in the lab like you have been as of late.’ He adds as he gives you a playful but knowing look.

You raised your free hand in surrender while the other hand caressed the back of his. ‘I had to make sure they worked you can’t fault me for that surely and besides you’re no exception either mr hexcore. It’s as though you live and breathe the laboratory.’ You defended yourself and Viktor made a face that told you that he conceded, knowing that you were right, but still he wasn’t one to let you get away with such self destructive behaviours similar to his own. He feared that he might’ve rubbed off on you a little too much, but gazing back at the star made his heart warm at the thought of you working so hard on something for him and only him.

‘While I cannot fault you by any means, however that rule also applies to you as well.’ Viktor begins as he lets go of your hand and begins to tinker with his own little project, not like you didn’t mind as you always loved watching Viktor work, it relaxed it weirdly enough but you guessed that was all apart of Viktor’s due diligence to always keep his hands busy and working. ‘You’ve made something extraordinary my dear and I praise your mind and ability to make something to bring people together when they’re miles apart; truly an extraordinary thing that not even I could’ve thought of. You should be proud because I am.’ He finishes.

Your heart fluttered in your chest as you smiled giddily to yourself at his praise. ‘I am proud and I’m glad to have made you proud too.’ You said softly.

‘You always make me proud regardless and will continue to make me proud tomorrow, the day after that and so on.’ Viktor reassures, his eyes never once looking away from his work but you knew the small smile gracing his lips were for you. ‘You never cease to amaze me as you shine brighter, like a star.’ He adds and all felt right in that moment as a comfortable silence befell you both as you just existed within the company of the other in harmony.

…

However all that felt like a far away dream now as you sat in the very lab that once warmed you, now leaving you cold and more alone then ever. Viktor’s gadgets looked upon you form their shelves as you attempted to make yourself small within your old chair, metal star in hand as you tapped it twice, watching with lifeless eyes as the star throbbed a soft red light and waited.

And waited.

And waited even more for a response, for a reaction, anything to prove that what you had witnessed was a lie and a horrible dream that you’ll wake up from. Nothing came back to you, the soft blue light didn’t respond to your call and you were left staring at the metal star -that looks about as hopeless as you- before you dropped it to the floor while burning your head into your knees as you silently sobbed into the fabric of your jeans.

Viktor was gone. He had been for a long while and you -in a fit of denial- didn’t want to admit to yourself that you had lost the most amazing, brilliant, most beautiful man you’ve ever met in your entire life. He was a once in a lifetime, the brightest star in the sky that you looked towards for guidance and reassurance but he’s gone now.

You were left alone with everything that he’s ever touched, which all looked lifeless now that he was gone, never to touch a wielding tool ever again. You closed your eyes tighter, completely ignoring the star on the floor as it throbbed twice with a soft blue light, arcane runes scattering across its surface; assumably letting you know that someone was there to respond, even miles away from you.

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emastrangee · 7 months ago

Text

𝐀 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐎𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐰𝐚.

Finale of First Love / Late Spring.

summary: “Where the world was empty, save you and I. Where you came, and I laughed, and you left, and I cried.” //

The aftermath of it all. Gathering the necessary things and making sure what is done is said and buried.

══════════════════

cw: angst/no comfort, death, smoking, grief, swearing, no use of y/n + apologies if I missed anything.

a/n: Thank you all for reading this story and being patient with me. Also on Ao3.

wc: ~3.5k

🏷️: @jeanboyjean, @tacobellfreshavocado, @r0ckst4rjk, @hursheys

There is a soft and steady knocking at the door but he will not welcome the call. Not right now.

“Satoru.”

Satoru’s eyes are downcast, blinking slowly, he hears Shoko calling for his attention, but he doesn’t acknowledge her.

His bones feel heavy. The blood which courses through him, keeping him alive feels intense and he wants it to stop. Fatigue from how painfully conscious he is that his body keeps going slows down his hands.

The smell of cigarettes- sweet, menthol, dances over the mahogany desk, assaulting his senses. Satoru’s nose involuntarily twinges. It’s dark outside now.

There’s a stillness in the air periodically broken by the whining wind. They had lucked out the last couple of years with the snow. But now it seems to have caged him in. Not that it matters. He didn’t want to do anything anyway.

“Satoru,” She says a little firmer this time.

Clacking heels and the squeaks of a newly purchased leather chair signified Shoko’s position in front of Satoru. Thankfully, his blindfold sat firmly across his eyes, covering the redness and the weight of his exhaustion.

“I finished the paperwork.”

“Thank you, Shoko,” he says. “I trust you did your best.”

“Considering I’m down one less reverse cursed technique user,” She lets out a heavy sigh before saying, “Yes.”

Satoru continues his work. Letting his long and exhausted hands rummage through the envelopes, setting some aside. He’s more careful with this batch since his last stack marked his fingertips with cherry-red blood.

“Well, if that’s all, you can go. I’m sure there’s something you need to get to. Don’t let me keep you from cutting your night shift early.”

Shoko sits on the edge of the chair, one leg crossed over the other- slouching. Her elbows perched on her knees. She ponders for a moment before continuing.

“I don’t have any plans worth cutting my hours for anyways,” She says. “Plus, Utahime and I are going out tomorrow night.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep. The same place we all used to hang out in after class.”

Satoru takes off his blindfold and rubs his face, then puts the wrap on his desk. He pushes the palms of his hands under his eyebrows so hard that it might impair his six eyes before resuming the task at hand.

He had never been good at sleeping a healthy amount, why would he? Infinity kept his mind refreshed, and provided him protection.

But the bags under his eyes are darker than usual and the only person he has ever loved is locked inside some cold, sterile bunker- reeking of formaldehyde.

Probably next to the asshole who took her kindness for granted, probably scared.

Can the dead be scared? The thought makes his skin crawl.

Shoko rummages through the front pocket of her white lab coat; briefly giving Satoru a pained look that goes unnoticed. Instead he is hyper focused and hunched over the desk repetitively writing something and scratching it out.

A couple of clicks of a lighter, and the smell of smoke lingers once again. “God, it’s freezing in here.”

“I run warm.” He says coolly. Without looking up he pushes an ashtray across the desk.

“I appreciate you feeling comfortable enough to smoke inside my office, and I admire how you don’t care what Yaga has to say. However, my son does like to hang around here. Especially now.”

She continues dragging the cigarette and taps the ash into the ceramic tray. It’s hard to decipher, but Shoko can make out your initials engraved at the side.

Her lips are pursed, and she exhales the smoke away from Satoru’s face. It’s a nice attempt, but the wind billows through the cracks of the wooden window frame, and it hits Satoru square in the face. He dismissively waves it off and coughs ever so slightly.

“Nice going,” he says, attempting to sound playful, but his tone is annoyed. She notices and clicks her lips.

With another pull of the cigarette to finish it off, Shoko inhales deeper than the last before walking over to where the window is already jammed open.

“Are you gonna fix this soon?” she asks, fiddling with the broken lock. When she exhaled the smoke escapes her lips getting lost with the condensation and December air. The cigarette snuffed on the widow sill.

“Eventually.”

Shoko hums and leans against the old window. She shoves both hands in her pocket.

“The obituary was nice by the way. I could tell you were holding back.”

“Thank you.” Satoru replies. He absentmindedly plays with his wedding band before continuing, “Megumi stepped in and gave me some feedback.”

“He’s a smart kid.”

“Plenty of potential.”

“You two raised him well. All of them.”

They sit in the heavy silence for awhile. The emptiness, the void left behind in your absence is palpable. Shoko watches Satoru as he places your letters into thick Manila envelopes. You had held onto every single letter you wrote to Suguru. It sat tucked away in a old pale green caboodle, adorned with stickers.

He feigned ignorance, letting you sneak around hoarding them close to your chest. Eventually, you stopped writing them. That must have been, what, 2013? Occassionally, you would jot down things here and there, but nothing like the ones after Suguru defected.

He was happy you stopped writing them. It felt wrong, even selfish but he could finally have you all to himself.

However, happiness is an emotion not a state of being.

At some point in the last couple of years, you’d finally shown Satoru some of things you’d written. Out of guilt perhaps? He asked himself or was it another way to let him inside your mind?

If it was to surprise Satoru or make him hate you in anyway for holding onto Suguru so firmly, than you gravely miscalculated how much Satoru loved you.

Truthfully you could do whatever you wanted to him and Satoru would never complain.

“What are you doing?” Shoko asks, and walks over to him with her arms crossed.

“Oh, you know, these letters were dropped off in front of my office,” he gestures to a thick pile of yellow envelopes. Some of the dates have been worn down. It’s hard to tell when they were written, but Satoru and Shoko could recognize that handwriting anywhere, “I’m sure you could imagine who they’re from and who they’re addressed to.”

Shoko doesn’t speak and lets him keep talking.

“It’s kind of hard to tell when they were written but you know me I’m very sharp,” he taps his temple to emphasize his point, “So I decided to take them and sort of file them with the ones that she wrote from the dates I could read.”

“Jesus-”

“Hey! You try honouring the dead’s wishes…”

“Are you even sure she wanted them done in the first place?”

He doesn’t respond but if someone were to look really closely they would notice how his mouth twitched- briefly but deeply. His silence encourages Shoko to keep going.

“What’s this pile?” She reaches over to a loose collection of envelopes, thumbing through them. The dates are completely worn down but it’s still evident who wrote which. Satoru lets out a sigh and shakily raises a hand, silently asking her to stop.

“Those are for me- from what I can tell at least. And maybe they aren’t but I’m leaving them out here.”

Shoko's eyes flicker towards his pleading hand, but she continues looking at the letters as if trying to decipher what is said in them.

“Didn’t she write more letters?” Shoko thumbs through the manila envelopes as Satoru shakes his head in disapproval. He continues to arrange the already neat piles. “You mentioned something about how she wrote this whole thing before-”

“I think it would be better for their story to end on a good note, at least on her end.”

“But you’re keeping all of the ones Geto wrote right before the attacks on Shinjuku and Kyoto?” She asks, and Satoru doesn’t respond. “Well, if that’s what you want to do, by all means.”

She places the envelopes back in their respective piles, and before leaving, she asses Satoru’s office. There are family photos throughout the years- peppered around every free space, as well as a concrete hand mould that you and Satoru made during an impromptu vacation to Okinawa for your first anniversary.

The statue was incredibly detailed; one could make out every single vein and hair on your hands. Tucked behind a bookshelf were notches and sharpie marks dating your son, Megumi and Tsumiki’s growth throughout the years.

“When we were students you weren’t very sentimental. Actually, you always kind of annoyed me.”

On the same bookshelf, there was a collection of Digimon cards that you and Satoru had collected over the years, alongside notes you had written for him. Satoru finally stops his work and leans back on the chair.

“Rude,” He says, feigning offence, “But yeah, I didn’t care about a lot of things back then.”

“Unless it had something to do with her.” Shoko picks up a sun bleached photo placed proudly on the shelf.

For a brief moment her mouth twists into a smile. She vividly remembered when it was taken. Shoko was excited about her new digital camera and brought it to yours and Satoru’s house warming party. Scribbled in your handwriting on the back in white sharpie says:

My new happy place!!! <3 - April 2015.

“That’s still my favourite picture that someone has ever been taken of us.”

It was a candid photo of you and Satoru. He was whispering something in your ear and you were laughing. His hand that was wrapped around your waist had a hair tie. Satoru always kept one incase you needed it. The two of you illuminated underneath by the warm orange light. Shoko had taken it through the alcove from the kitchen looking into the dining room.

A frame within a frame.

In the foreground two dirty tea cups with a lip gloss staining the rim of one. Partygoers disappearing into the background framing what you and Satoru thought was a secret moment. Every time he looked at that picture (which was often), he felt his chest swell up with excitement and if Satoru really tried he could still remember the smell of your perfume.

“Considering your wedding photographer shot editorial photos for Vogue as a side job, I take that as an honour.”

“You should.”

They look at each other, smiling for a moment. However, Shoko knows that the lightness between them is fleeting and fake. She pulls out her phone to check the time and it flashes with several texts from her girlfriend.

“Is Utahime being annoying again?”

“More like being attentive.” She pockets her phone and makes her way to the door.

Satoru watches her movements and notices that her face softens at the sight of Utahime’s name on her phone. He is both happy and sad as Satoru sees tidbits of your early relationship in theirs. There’s a heaviness in his chest as his mind continues to wander.

“I’m not going to pretend like I understand what you’re doing or why you’re putting yourself through this letter ordeal because, in my opinion, this is quite a sadistic way to cope. She and I worked together every day, you know? Every time she had the chance, she would talk about you. And-” She hesitates over the door handle, “She really loved you. Both of you. She wouldn’t have fought as hard as she did to stay alive if she didn’t love you, Satoru. I hope you know that or got to read that in those letters of hers.”

With a soft thud of the heavy door, Shoko takes her leave.

══════════════════

For the most part, the commute home was quiet. Roaring winds weaving through the city skyline and the shuffling crowds rushing to get home resonate in the air.

Usually, he moved with a little more urgency, desperate to be away from paperwork and the demands of higher-ups and ultimately inexplicably drawn to the comfort of your presence.

But that’s not possible. It isn’t even an option.

Passerby conversations seem to pull him in a downward spiral. Someone is talking about how their cat can’t eat wet food anymore; another person is making excuses for their shitty boyfriend cheating on them, and a group of people are laughing about some obscure variety show going viral.

Although the chatters around him are mundane, he finds himself increasingly irritated.

“How can the world keep spinning?”

He just barely makes it to the train.

“Why would she leave me?”

An announcement says there will be a delay, so he takes an empty seat while he can.

“I was there, wasn’t I? I was always there.”

It’s only a three-minute delay. The train continues marching on. Underground lights whirring by him create an almost hypnotic scene.

“Every day that passes is another day where she isn’t here.”

The conductor announces his stop. Satoru squeezes by a group of salarymen and heads towards the stairs.

“I have to live without her.”

He takes the first step and the second until he’s outside again. Satoru taps through his phone to call a cab to take him home. His hand is about to confirm the car before he decides to walk the twenty minutes to your house. Not long before he’s punching in the code to unlock the door.

“I have to live for her.”

══════════════════

Satoru can't bring himself into your room, so he sits in the kitchen with his head in his hands. Finally, alone, he cries. It's a silent cry, but it doesn't hurt any less.

Until it does, and he's choking, tugging and pulling at his hair. So hard like he wants to rip out his brain so he can stop thinking for once in his fucking life. He is so lost in his emotions that he doesn't notice someone standing in front of him.

“Gojo-sensei,” a voice calls out to him, youthful but firm.

He stands up alert and Satoru scrambles to make himself presentable, palming away the tears on his cheeks.

“Megumi! I thought you were sleeping,” he says moving towards the cabinet to get a glass of water. The only clean cup is your favourite. He hesitates for a moment to use it before ultimately resigning.

“I was until your crying woke me up. These walls are thin.” He stands underneath the archway, scratching his head and rubbing some sleep away from his eyes.

“Oh,” Satoru’s voice falls. He fills up your cup with water and takes a sip. His erratic breathing slowing down as he sheppishly looks away from Megumi before continuing.

“I’ll keep it down. You know, this paperwork is so annoying! It makes me sob because it’s such a drag-”

“I miss her too.”

Megumi’s face, which usually only expresses disinterest or annoyance, at least around Satoru, has taken a new form. His eyes are puffy and a little red, and his nose spots the same twinge of red.

They both remain still. The flickering hallway lights are the only things that seem to be moving in this gruesome painting that they’re living in.

“Well, we’re going to finish the preparations for the burial soon,” Satoru says, the exhaustion seeping out of his words as he rubs his eyes.

“The same thing that we talked about?”

Satoru nods and rubs the back of his neck- scratching at his undercut.

He’s always wanted to keep his hair long, ‘Makes me feel younger,’ he said to her one day.

She scanned his face searching for something more before reaching up to play with the hair close to the nape of his neck. He still remembers fondly her touch, her smell, her voice.

‘What’s wrong with getting old?’ she asked.

It was such a simple question but something that rang through his mind. He couldn’t remember what he said after—something funny, probably. Most likely. She rolled her eyes and laughed, and it made his heart swell.

‘Well maybe you should trim it a little, it’s getting hotter now and I don’t want to see you get heat exhaustion.’

Eventually, he shaved his undercut and kept it like that ever since. They were still friends when this happened. Suguru was standing off to the side, and she practically skipped away from Satoru to speak with him. He could hear Suguru imitating her voice for some story that made her laugh and hit him playfully.

Satoru watched.

“Okay,” Megumi falters his departure before speaking to Satoru, never looking at him when he does, “It’s not your fault. You know how she is-was.”

Megumi’s voice snaps him out of his memory, and Satoru watches the boy he raised standing tall but looking smaller under the door frame.

“I know,” he says softly. And he does know. Satoru hates and loves how much he knows her. Knew her.

Megumi mutters a good night and walks away. The soft thumping of his footsteps receding into the dark blue morning light, down the hall, past the bedroom where her tea is still sitting half-finished along with a book she just bought and into his room.

══════════════════

Thankfully, the snow subsided enough to let your burial take place. It was where you always wanted. Underneath that lavender wisteria tree where your children could always come and visit. A bench near by so that whoever will visit her might have a place to rest before they make their inevitable departure. He hoped that when his time came, he’d be right there next to you.

When the funeral attendees left, Satoru stood tall, looking down at where you were buried and where the letters he filed the night before were buried. He crouched down to speak to your epitaph solemnly and softly as if you were listening intently.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I- I can’t wait to see you again.”

He never spoke this way with anyone. He hoped she knew that—maybe Suguru sometimes, definitely before he had to execute him.

Satoru’s head hung low as he rested a hand on the marble stone, expensive and only the best for his wife. His fingers traced the engraving of your name repeatedly while he wept alone and continued to reflect.

He knew that he could never replace Suguru. In fact, it would be a disservice to even attempt to. He understood that much from the moment Suguru defected and you started sulking.

Actually he knew that the moment you both met and kept declining his advances. At first, it was just playful teasing, nothing serious. Until it wasn’t just playful. There was truth laced in his jokes about how much he wanted to date you . But you never caught on, or at least didn’t want to acknowledge his feelings until after Suguru left.

Watching you refuse to leave even after Yaga gave the all clear that you could move about freely- it killed him. If he couldn’t get you to step outside of campus the least he could do was make the transition to leaving a little easier.

Buying sweets was a safe bet.

He tried his hardest to find things that you might like was the first attempt. Satoru scoured every spot in the city for the best ones, he didn’t have the time but he did have the money. But at the drop of a hat, he would make time.

Once you perked up a little, he moved into the next phase by asking Yaga to empty a small area for you to plant flowers. He hoped that it would draw you out and give you something to think about.

When Satoru finally confronted him on that busy street, all he could do was say how thoughtless Suguru was for leaving you. All the while, Suguru stood there with an unwavering disposition. It was infuriating watching him so casually throw away your utter devotion.

Even more so, Satoru knew you were waiting in his room, taking a nap in a sweater you borrowed from Suguru. When Satoru asked you where you got it, you pretended to sleep. You hadn’t even washed it once since Suguru left.

That’s probably how Suguru’s scent is so heavily engraved in Satoru’s consciousness, countless nights spent holding you; not that he would ever complain.

Questions of why Suguru did that were met with contempt and challenges to his philosophy from someone he once respected. Satoru clenched his fist so hard he bled when he and Suguru last spoke.

The instructions to execute him were clear, but Satoru couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not when he could give you the slightest hope that Suguru might become good again.

Satoru never wanted to tell you the truth about what Suguru did when he left, but after a month, he realized that you were already well aware that Suguru would never return.

There was an unsaid notion that due to their Special Grade, no one could ever understand him or Suguru. But that was a farce.

You understood Suguru in ways that Satoru could never wrap his head around. Understood both of them- never asking either of them for more than just companionship.

Any normal man would eventually grow tired and even resentful if their wife insisted on writing a collection of letters to their past love.

But Satoru was the strongest, even if you insisted he didn’t have to be. He had to be. For you, your family, and the life he’d worked so hard to maintain. Now wasn’t the time to doubt himself on his shortcomings.

Not when your son kept crawling into what was once your shared bed, asking when you would come home. From what his six eyes could see, you only thought of him as a placeholder. But from how eloquently you spoke to laughing and adding onto his jokes- his heart and soul knew otherwise.

After all, you were his best friend.

His one and only.

a/n: Again, Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. 2024 has been a incredibly difficult year for me but diving back into fandom culture has helped immensely. I appreciate all of the kind words and time people took to interact with the reader and Suguru’s and to be honest, Satoru’s story🤍. It gave me the motivation to finish this.

Huge shoutout to Mitski, Ethel Cain and Hozier for being the backdrop of me writing this fic. And thank you to all of my mutuals and irl friends for being so kind during this time. I kinda used this whole fic to ask some questions that’s been rattling around my brain.

Much love as always,

Moni

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105 notes · View notes

emastrangee · 7 months ago

Text

❝ 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬. ❞

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝐬) ⋮ Haibara Yu x GN! Reader

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ⋮ 4.8k

𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ⋮ After you and Haibara meet at an airport the two of you find comfort in food and each other.

𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 ⋮ It’s canon that Haibara is into people who eat a lot.

You were at the airport, having finally gotten off of your flight you decided to find any place around the area that had food that you had desired to eat after it being so long since you had actual food you enjoyed, whether burgers or desserts or even just rice. You walked around the airport, looking around at all the food places until your nose had picked the familiar smell of a food place you used to go to when you were young.

To say you rushed was an understatement as you found yourself immediately lined up at the place, you were struggling to stop your excitement as you clenched your wallet with your eyes slowly tracing the menu like you were about to make sweet love to it.

You hadn’t held back when you were called, all those foods you missed out for since you were 8 had been ticking away at your sanity thus you picked almost everything on the menu, from new items to old and from the meals to the desserts. You remember the pricing, it wouldn’t even dent your wallet, thus you handed over your cash with the largest smile on your face.

Eating all of it was something you had no problem in, however, what you didn’t expect was some of your classmates being there. “[L/N]!” You raised a brow at this before straightening up and trying to hide all the food you had gotten, failure to do so could result in your family finding out about your break from their extreme diet thus docking your allowance, you had no real time either before you were met by Haibara Yu and Nanami Kento.

You remember them from your class since your elders held you in such a disappointed regard in being a Grade 2 Sorcerer. You buried your head in shame once you were selected by Jujutsu High and became a Grade 2 sorcerer, your elders wanted you to be better thus working you to the bone was the only way you had any chance of appeasing them, there was something you enjoyed that came out of this, however.

Since you moved out into the on-campus dorms and your elders had the money you were given a very extensive allowance thus resulted in you keeping a lot of that money to the food you found brought you joy. You were scared that these two might tell someone else about your eating habits. “Wow! That’s a lot of food, [L/N]!” The brunette chirped whilst the blond just nodded before they took a seat with you, you didn’t know what to say before Kento spoke up.

“You usually don’t eat like this on campus.” Yu nodded eagerly at that, “Exactly! You always have those intricate lunches with all those smart foods, y’know?” You found yourself wondering about what to say, yet you definitely found yourself a peeved by such a call out on your eating habits. “I just don’t get to eat like this thanks to the elders.” Yu raised a brow before Kento nodded, “The [L/N] Clan, right? They care much for appearance.” You groaned in response to this, “Yeah. Ever since I had to become a Jujutsu Sorcerer I got stuck on this strict diet.”

You remembered the bright and blurry years of your youth, short lived since you were snatched up to be prepped to become a jujutsu sorcerer, however, there was always something to keep you and the boy in a normalcy was the act opening up your lunch box to see what was held inside. You found yourself overjoyed by the lunch, no matter how simplistic or how childish, every dish you ate was one you ate earnestly with love in every bite and appreciation at every taste.

“Well,” Yu looked over at you, a large smile that creased his eyes to closure, “You don’t need to worry about us! This’ll be our secret.” The young man then pretends to zip his lips whilst his friend did the same, you jokingly joined in before questioning their whereabouts, “Where are you guys heading off to anyways?” Yu eagerly shouted about the plans, amped and excited whilst Kento was one to feel very different by such call, “It truly isn’t a fit mission if two strongest can’t handle it.” You agreed with such.

“And first years at that, I mean, we’ve just started and to give us such missions seems a bit dehumanizing like lambs to the slaughter.” You found that your life lacked any sort of simplicity, you craved the structure that you once had before the elders in your family forced you to become a Jujutsu Sorcerer, you were so young and being torn through by those higher than you that would call for your small head on a chopping block if you decided to stay with your closed loved ones in the beauty that was a life fit for your childhood.

You were bitter by the reality.

Yu was a bit conflicted on your thinking, nonetheless, he found positives in it. “It doesn’t have to be dehumanizing.” You raised a brow whilst you continued to eat your food, you held an open year as you listened earnestly to your classmate, “We’re doing things to help society that only we can do. Isn't that what matters most? Helping those weaker than us.” You found yourself seeing the light in Yu’s words, you held his words dear as they had similarity to those who you held in high regard, you still disagreed, however.

“Depending on children to help the weak means the weak are helping the weak.” You explained, you tied your leftovers up for later and collected the trash you were about to throw away, “If we were actually helping the weak then the higher ups would take on more missions than the children that they’re throwing into the warfare for the fact they can’t control their abilities.” Kento listened to you, the release of his eyebrows to allow them to find care in your words whilst you continued on, “You’re either killed for not wanting to be a sorcerer or you’re killed for being a sorcerer.”

You found your heart hurt by such memories of your childhood, the feeling of someone so bright was one unfamiliar to you and Kento seemed like the only other one who understood that “There is nothing more heartless than asking a child do you want to know how you’re going to die, or do you want to know when you’re going to do die?”

Yu watched your expression with all attention on your eyes, they were dull when talking about the reality of being a part of something so barbaric as described by you, “Even if I’m only here because of my ability, I am glad to help those who don’t have the ability as I do, and even if I am too young to know really know the severity of it all. It will all have been for the betterment of it all.” You found your eyes soften at such, it was the first time they had done that other than when you took a bite of food, “We are still too young for this mission.”

You and Yu’s attention was toward the blond before the brown-haired boy cheered, “Our upperclassmen are wearing themselves out for a young girl! We have to give it our all, Kento!” You couldn’t but notice the unwavering light that was Haibara Yu, unchanging and consistently keeping the true beauty of this world regardless of all the bleakness that had tainted yours, you admired it.

You put the bag on your arm with it sliding down to your elbow, you thought for a moment then some before Kento acknowledged your position, “You nodded at this before getting ready to leave, “Well it was seeing you both. Have a safe mission.” You gave them a warm smile, Kento nodded, and Yu waved eagerly at you when you walked away from the two, however, there was something Yu wanted to ask you which his friend of course noticed. “Well?” The blond turned to the young man next to him, “You know me too well, Kento.” The brunette whined as the two made their way over to their waiting area.

Yu knew exactly what he was feeling, ever since that talk with how your face switched from a child snatched from the wonder to one that had experienced the grace of all things when biting into simple foods, he would often watch you as you got you ate the food off campus and how happy these foods brought you. The time you would leave Jujutsu High just to go to convenience stores and stock up the fridge you had in your dorm just dedicated to you.

Yu oftentimes saw you walk by the group, you paid no attention as the only thing really on your mind was vending machine, they were near, and he’d pay attention to what you got, the specific drinks or the lunch the school had to offer. Yu dedicated himself to asking you a simple question and with that would lead him down the hole of just wanting to see you genuinely smile.

Your coping mechanism for it all was simple, if you began to grow restless or emotionally exhausted or even just because you wanted to, you would splurge on food and the smile that painted your face was one that allowed Yu to feel at peace with such a heartwarming grin on your face that finally allowed you to leave such a cynical way of thinking and allow you to be happy.

Whenever you were on Yu's mind the image of your smile lingers like a gentle whisper, a reminder of a time when the world seemed painted in hues of possibility that even in such a world of pessimism there would be something to bring you joy. It was a chance encounter that made him want to be around you more, and his determination to make sure he does his hardest to make sure he can make you smile.

Yu had begun to make small conversation with you, since you were more reclusive it was a bit hard for him, nonetheless he still made sure to get know as much about you as he could by including you in conversations when you were nearby and always acknowledging you. You two even exchanged numbers one day, you two were on a mission and decided to split up thus the two of you stayed on the phone while apart from another, he would start to text you using kaomojis every morning and anytime you left for a mission to wish you luck.

This would allow Yu to gain more confidence so he would make sure he could ask you just one question, he had called you outside from the classroom door and while you were confused you still decided to get up and make your way over to him, “Yes, Haibara?” Your voice was calm like the stillness of an untouched lake, the young man was a bit intimidated yet, he still asked you this question.

“I was wondering if I could treat you to lunch!” You looked at him, a raised brow and a tilt of your head by such an invitation, you thought about how the first and only time you and Yu had talked was when you told them your views on being a Jujutsu Sorcerer. “Oh?” The silence was evident between the two of you, you wondered why Yu was asking such question, “Oh.” Yu was asking to hang out, most likely he wanted you to join him and Nanami, but he took the initiative to come and ask you to eat with him, you didn’t know Yu meant thus you agreed.

“Sure, Haibara.” You answered, the young man wanted to fly to the moon until you uttered your next words, “I should be the one spending though, I hear a lot about your money problems from Nanami so I would rather pay for your food instead especially if Nanami is coming as well.” Yu raised a brow at this before he spoke up, putting his hands up defensively as he then fully explained his plans to you, “No. I would much rather see you happy on my dime rather than yours.” You then watched as he got flustered, the pinkness of his fair cheeks whilst he continued to smile at you, “I wanna cook for you!”

“Oh.”

A long pause was the only thing you could offer before you choked out your next words, “Cook for me?” You pointed to yourself, questioning what in the world he could be talking about with such a thing, the determined look never feels from Yu’s face as he had this large smile on his face. “You like eating, right? I could make our favorite meals and we can eat it together during lunch tomorrow?” Your eyes widened at such proposal, you felt your own face heat up at such as the offer arrived like a gentle breeze, carrying with it a sense of disbelief and wonder.

You felt a tremor of vulnerability in that moment, someone wanting to cook for you just because they knew it made you happy, it was a sweet gesture that left you befuddled as you thought for a moment. “Would you let me cook for you?” To ask to cook for you? You wanted to melt into a puddle at his warmness, you were standing next to the sun and the beam of his smile with those eyes that could light up a dim room made your heart swell.

“Of course, Haibara.” You smiled at the boy, your eyes creased with joy as you felt this large smile pull at your lips, “I’d like that a lot.” Yu’s act wasn't just about romantic feelings; it was a declaration that they saw you in a light you hadn't seen shined on you since you were a child. The revelation that someone could perceive you as more than just a cynic after such words was as surprising as it was heartwarming.

Once you and Yu found an area where he wanted to eat with you, somewhere there wasn’t too much traffic yet an area to admire you whilst he watched you eat, once you took you the lid off and uncovered the casing of the food you loved so dear be prepped with such an attention to your feelings caused a puncture in your chest that almost made you fall over.

“Make sure you eat up!” You directed your eyes over to the young man, the shine in his eyes that trampled over the sun above you, “I know you have a mission soon, so I made seconds I could bring you before you head over there.” You found yourself looking down at the food through your lashes, your eyes felt strained as you thought about those memories from once before, you looked down at the food finding comfort in its appearance as it reminded you of earlier times.

You watched as the food that was once made with love, adoration, and compassion with the hopes your closed loved ones who had tried their best shield you from such a hardening world would help you find such feelings in the box that was neatly put together just for you to enjoy. That food would be replaced by the meals that were made to give you muscle, concentration, and focus. No love was held in such foods as their purpose was only to fuel your body into becoming a weapon for the jujutsu sorcerers.

This gesture carried the recognition that your happiness could be kindled by something as simple as meal. As you began to dig into your food, a wave of realization washed over you- Yu had been paying attention all along, observing the subtle shifts in your demeanor when you indulged in the simple pleasure of a good meal.

You couldn’t help but eat the food with so much of your heart bursting at the taste, you could feel the tears welling in your eyes with how the food had made you feel so comforted in your lowest moments, Yu’s want to cook for you left you feeling so happy with a warmness bubbling inside you.

Yu watched as you ate as it was an embodiment of his wish to nurture the side of you that had been overshadowed by skepticism of what this world could truly offer you. In their newfound revelation and their intention to cook for you, they found a mirror reflecting back the potential for change and growth.

The way you ate slowly to savor each bite and the way a tear rolled down your cheek was on that made Yu a bit confused as he hadn’t cooked for himself in a while and doubted his own skills, it was a realization that hit Yu like a ton of bricks, the look in your face that revealed this side of you that Yu wanted to protect forever.

“Thank you, Haibara.” You swooned, your tone unknowingly made Yu’s cheeks flush, “It’s no problem! To know my cooking made you happy is all I could ever want.” The way your face had grown hot after such made you smile even more as you continued to eat, Yu would join shortly after as he enjoyed eating with you, the admiration the two of you shared for one another in that moment held true for the rest of the time you two had.

In the months that followed, his cooking became a source of comfort and connection. With each shared meal, he nurtured not just your taste buds, but a sense of belonging that had eluded you for so long. Yu’s genuine yearn for your happiness that built up inside of him had soon blossomed into the desire to be with you more. These feelings you both harbored for one another went beyond the food itself; it was woven into the very fabric of your actions.

The way he crafted dishes that were tailored to your preferences with each bite infused with his love that only grew greater and greater the more the two of you had grown around each other. Haibara Yu's relentless determination to see you smile created a profound shift within you. It wasn't just about the food anymore; it was about the friendship that bloomed between the two of you. The young man’s presence became a safe haven, a space where you could shed the armor and embrace vulnerability without fear of judgment.

With every meal and time spent, the world was one you saw through Yu’s with the hope that the two of you could see the beauty in everything with each others presence by one another’s side, you recognize the world that had been obscured by your own skepticism.

As time passed, Yu's intentions became increasingly clear – he wasn't just here as someone who wanted to cook you food; he was there to see you at your happiest with a desire to be with you in a way that was closely intertwined the two of you. Yu cherished the memory of that first smile, the one that made him want to see that smile every day, and with time that smile prevailed even without food with just the sound of his voice and the knowing of his footsteps.

In the presence of Haibara Yu, you found not only a reason to smile but a reason to embrace life with renewed fervor. The ability to remember the significance of that initial smile was a testament to his attentiveness and his unspoken promise to continue cultivating happiness through his existence alone.

In the realm of improbable beginnings, a single shared meal served as the catalyst for a love that defied all logic that came to mind. You were willing to throw everything, you would cry out to those above you to change everything and find a way out of the life you were forced into and instead live a normal life with one you were sure deserved better than all the endings you both could be met with.

You knew that you couldn’t fight it, there was no reason to fight it anyways, to run away from being a Jujutsu Sorcerer was punishable by death thus you would happily take your life to live your happiest days with one who brought you the happiness and joy to finally be around them in a bliss of normalcy without any way of hurting getting towards the young man you wanted to make sure that you could do what you needed to guarantee yours and his safety.

It was an ordinary encounter, yet it cast a spell that bound you to him. You two met in the place you both always ate your lunches, you asked him to meet you there before he left for his mission, an anniversary of a friendship as it had been an official year since you two first shared your meal together.

“I don't think we should be here anymore.”

The love you held for Haibara Yu wasn't a fleeting infatuation, but a steadfast devotion that had held many trials and tribulations with your plans. It wasn't solely based on the food, or the shared laughter, or the long stares; rather, it was a foundation built on mutual understanding of one another, the beauty of this world that you could not see before him, and intimate emotions that transcended words.

And yet, the humor lay in the very attributes that fortified our connection - these same emotions held the power to destabilize the missions as you watched Yu throw himself in front of you, to ruin all chances of a future once announced of your arranged marriage for the sake of your clan, and the fact you could not escape the feeling of all being taken from you in that moment.

“Where should we go then?” Yu raised a brow, the feeling of confused excitement laced his words as you spoke, “Anywhere. Just us living normal lives, y’know?” The young man found himself still confused on what you were saying, “Even if it takes forever, I want you to just live a normal life one day.”

Your lives entwined in unexpected ways, drawn together by a shared purpose of giving your lives for society and an unspoken understanding that both of you couldn’t even began to comprehend about one another. With each passing mission, the two of you had grown closer, it wasn’t fueled by the shared victories or moments of vulnerability. It was the fact you wanted to do everything in your power to make sure you wouldn’t lose him.

“You could finally leave this inhospitable place and be happy in normalcy.” You told the boy, he said your name with a bit of embarrassment by such an inference, “It doesn’t have to be you sacrificing your life for everything when we can be normal for the rest of our lives.” Yu’s tone of confusion, less excitement as he was trying to grasp what you were trying to say, he muttered your name once more in dismay.

The realization that the emotions you two harbored would become a double-edged sword.

“Our duty is to protect those who cannot do what we do.” Yu explained to you, you found your eyes faltering a bit, you watched as Yu’s expression was aggrieved that deprived you of the look that was once bathed you in joy. “I know that you don’t want me to go on these missions, but I need you to understand there is nothing that will prevent that.”

You felt your heart crumble at such a sentence, “I will give my all to something I can actually do. I will not rest until my mission is complete.” Tears rolled down your cheeks, each one a testament to the unwavering affection that had leaked from the inability to keep such emotions under wraps. You spoke against your better judgment, “Forget the mission.” The young man’s voice got louder, feeling confusion and frustration as he found his voice, “I have a duty-” Your head snapped to look at him in the eyes, “Forget your duty!”

Yu looked at you in disbelief by your words, you found your cheeks wet by such an outburst with your chest heaving at such a mention of giving his all, the weight of your unspoken feelings grew heavier, causing your heart to ache in silence. The ache wasn't solely from your inability to confess; it was exacerbated by the knowledge that his heart was different from yours and is too aching with the same unuttered truths. You both stood at the precipice of a love that defied the circumstances that bound the two of you to the reality of your existence.

Fear held you both captive, chained to the knowledge that wanting what is best for one another. Yu wanted a life with you, and you shared in this hopeful future. Watching Yu from a distance with tears in your eyes whilst your heart ached with a silent agony. The sound of his voice slowly becoming a bittersweet symphony that echoed through your mind, a constant reminder of the love you couldn't profess.

‘What would even be the point?’

You could tell him you loved him just to keep him there, he would do anything to make sure you’re happy. In your heart you knew how terrible that would be to make him stop what he has his heart sent on for the selfishness to keep him here with you for even longer than it had to be.

In your mind, the fact that Yu didn’t want to leave this awful place with you already gave you the lenses to see the future that was never there in the first place. The pain of unexpressed feelings intensified, manifesting as a gnawing depression that cast a shadow over even the brightest moments. The intricacies of the relationship you two shared kept us close yet distant, fostering a maddening duality of connection and detachment.

You would envision yourself uttering the words you longed to say, with a hope of a result in watching his eyes light up with the realization that both hearts share the harmony.

The reality of it always brought you back, to keep him here with you and make sure he stayed with you longer even if it meant jeopardizing everything he ever wanted or to stay silent and let him live the life he wants to live with him sacrificing it all just to make sure those who can’t do such will be okay.

You remained a silent, caught in a perpetual loop of love and longing, loyalty and restraint. The boy who held your heart, unknowingly gripping it so hard it would pop, he continued to occupy your thoughts and dreams, a beacon of light amidst the darkness of the chosen path.

You cannot come back from this moment.

“I’m sorry for invalidating your views, Yu.”

You wipe the tears from your face and give him a large smile, he looked at you in disbelief for a moment before you gave him such a toothy smile, “It’s selfish for me to believe in such a thing as running away from our destiny.” You sighed, your throat rasped from your tears and the words that held a tight hold on your neck.

You accepted this.

“Fulfill your duty as a strong jujutsu sorcerer.” You told Yu, giving him a warm smile, the same returned to you that let you get enveloped in all the beauty the world had offer to you as you looked into his eyes. In Yu's eyes, he watched as you gave him a smile that made him feel whole. The young man wanted to embrace you, a tight hug to hide his face from the tears about to come out, yet he just smiled at you.

“Thank you, [F/N].”

You both bid farewell to one another you stayed there as he ran off to go prepare for his trip, you smiled before he turned back to look at you, too far to hear anything he pulled out his phone and began to text you.

You found your hands shaky, the feeling of fear palpable before you finally found the phone in your pocket, your eyes are strained against the brightness with no help of anything since the dark clouds shielded the sun from you that day. You looked confused at him, his arm shooting up to wave at you before you heard the noise of the message and ran in the opposite direction, you opened your phone to read the message.

From: Yu Haibara ★ I have something to share with you as soon as I get back! I’ll make your favorite meal and everything! See ya real soon! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Mon Jan 05, 2007

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emastrangee · 7 months ago

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at some point in his life, nanami accepts the fact that he started relying on you for some things. not in a sense that he is disappointed by that, no way, but rather surprised since the only person he’s relied on throughout his life was himself.

trusting you came even easier than loving you; all you had to do was give him a reassuring smile and he was ready to let go of the walls he’s built, rationality deceiving him as soon as he decided that you were it for him.

so it became a normal occurrence for him to rely on you to wake him up if he ever forgot to set an alarm after a late night filled with drinks and passion because your sense of responsibility doesn’t disappear after a couple of drinks whereas kento chooses to let go with you.

nanami chooses to rely on you to make a list of groceries that needs to be restocked and things that he tends to be dismissive about, like the cheese he doesn’t know is his favourite or the type of tea he prefers. because you seem to care about these things as much as him.

he chooses to rely on you to fill in an additional report without him asking you — gaze nervous and tone embarrassed as he goes on about another mission he was assigned to do and how he hates to bother you, but you are only beaming at him and assuring him that you’d do anything for him to be able to breathe in a little deeper, a little less weight on his shoulders.

kento chooses to rely on you to have his back on a dangerous mission just like he has yours. to call his name just in time for him to dodge and stand behind him whenever he motions for you to do, one arm extended to push you back if anything serious occurs. because protecting you is like a second nature to him and having you look after him is a blessing.

nanami chooses to rely on you to remind him of the mundane things he has to do — buying bread, helping with the laundry, going to the new shop down the street, meeting with yuuji outside of jujutsu tech — and he lives for the proud gleam in your eyes whenever he shows his gratitude for reminding him.

it feels good. it feels right. so it’s no surprise that when you leave for a lengthy trip overseas to help another sorcerer out, nanami is harshly reminded of where exactly you stand in his life.

you aren’t there to come home with him or greet him when he comes home late so the lights turn on only in the living room and not in the whole apartment like you choose to do.

you aren’t there to hand him your coat so he can hang it by his own, hurriedly taking off your shoes because you want to go to the bathroom very badly, glaring at him for chuckling at your antics. his coat hangs alone and he hates the sight.

you aren’t there to heat the leftovers for a quick dinner with him, to look through nearby places where you could eat some tasty food so nanami doesn’t even open the fridge. tells himself he’ll eat something in the morning so he could be truthful when answering your worried texts.

you aren’t there to undo his tie or unbutton his shirt with that sultry look you give him, inviting him to get lost in yourself and giving him an option to decline because you see that he is also tired and you are just sweet like that. so he falls asleep in his work clothes and regrets doing so in the morning.

you remind him to do some things over quick texts and calls, assuring him that it’s fine if he is too tired to clean or cook and that you’ll be home soon, and kento tries his best to show you that he’s been fine when, in fact, he hasn’t been and he very much needs you back.

but he obviously doesn’t expect your surprise early comeback so it’s extremely embarrassing for him to be found by you in such position: sleeping on the couch in the living room, coat still on, head lolled back onto the head of the couch and snoring like an old man.

kento wakes up to your gentle caressing and sweet cooing as you look at him with such tenderness he wants to throw himself out of the window. he gasps a little as he comes back to his senses, realising that you’re indeed real and not a dream, and sits straighter before pulling you into an embrace. partially to hide his disappointment with himself.

“kento, are you okay? why aren’t you in bed? and why are you still in your work clothes?” you ask in worry as you rub his back with one hand while the other scratches the prickly hair of his undercut, and nanami finds himself relaxing into you despite the fact that his neck is killing him from sleeping with such poor posture. “the lights were off so i thought you were already asleep in the bedroom. please don’t tell me you spent every night like this?”

well… at first he didn’t, but later on he kind of did so nanami spares your little heart and decides that lying right now wouldn’t be so bad.

“no, angel, i was just really tired.” he pulls back, warm palm cupping your face as he smiles fondly at you. “i’m so glad to have woken up to such a beautiful sight.”

you bloom under the spell of his sweet words and the perceptive scrutiny of your gaze changes into joy and affection, your lips pressing a few short kisses against the curled edges of his mouth. nanami can only capture your lips with his to show his appreciation for you and how much he missed you, thinking that if he won’t tell you verbally he will definitely show you how much of a difference you make in his life just by existing in it. how happy you make him.

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emastrangee · 8 months ago

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kento nanami would unconsciously close jars a little bit too tight due to his fear of spoiled food, causing you to need his help every time you wanted to access a jar he had used in the past. yet, he never realised how tight these jars were and the level of difficulty in opening it.

slowly, he started to realise a pattern. every single jar you'd ask for help to open, it would be a jar he had used recently. the jam he used to eat along with his bread daily, the jar of mayonnaise, every single other jar he had opened, you asked for assistance.

realising this pattern, he started loosening the jars by just a little bit every time he closes it. and you just stopped asking for help, that's when his suspicions were confirmed. you were struggling because of him...

a little voice in him tells him to tighten a jar once in while, to see you asking him for help as he desperately missed. but he just can't bring himself to consciously continue this behaviour, his love for you stepping over any personal need of his, knowing that in the end, a simple pleasure towards him could cause a debilitating stress towards you, he couldn't bear that thought.

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emastrangee · 8 months ago

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emastrangee · 8 months ago

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Let's leave a message...

Pairing: Nanami x GN!reader Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst CW: post death Nanami, mentions of death WC: 800

Day 5 of To Halloween with Love Event

A/N: Am I sorry that the first Nanami fic I make is angst? Nahhhh

You were shaking - so absolutely terrified of any result that would come out of your little endeavor tonight. If it didn't work then you'd just be left feeling as empty if not more so than before. If it did work then... well you didn't know what would happen but any way that this went you'd probably be left crying.

---

The last time you and Nanami spoke was over text. You waited outside the bakery that you both had wanted to go to since its opening. It's been months since the actual opening date but your schedules never aligned perfectly for anything more than a date-night-in since then.

Shifting in your clothes you leaned up against the wall. Neither of you minded if the other was ever late, things happen and at least you both would be able to spend time together no matter how small. Your phone vibrates in your pocket, must be a text from Kento letting you know he'll be there soon.

[6:48pm] Sorry, my love. Got called in. Looks like I'll be working overtime, don't wait up for me. Just get yourself something sweet on my card.

You can't deny that you felt a tinge of disappointment but more so than that you felt sad. This was one of the only nights you had off for a while and you'd both talked about how important it was to make time for each other amidst the chaos of work.

Dragging yourself back to the subway station after grabbing whatever pastry caught your eye, you try to hide the small tears that dare will themselves out of you. It really shouldn't surprise you - Nanami's job was important, you didn't understand just how important... but important enough to forgive him when it came to moments like this.

Another dinging vibration comes from your pocket,

[6:59pm] I love you so much, y/n.

And your heart pangs with hurt - a sinking feeling that overwhelms you as you step onto the crowded train car.

"Announcement: All lines bound for Shibuya station have been suspended. Please make the necessary transfers to get to your intended destination. For help please visit..."

---

And you would've said it back had you known what would happen that night. The unforgivable pain that that night and the days after would bring you. The memory of having to identify a half-burnt body lying on a metal table in front of people you know have a hand in making him go to Shibuya that night. Those colleagues and supervisors who, above all, kept a straight face as you wailed and failed to comfort you by telling you off stories about their history with Nanami that you could care less about after the death of your fiance.

But now there was a chance, however slim, of redemption. A board in front of you as you held a planchette to your heart in silent prayer that you hoped the man you'd once dreamed of calling husband could hear.

You made sure everything was perfect, even going as far as getting professional opinion on the session from a psychic - Of course ignoring the bit about never attempting to contact someone you once knew or doing the session alone. This was important enough that such a warning meant nothing in your mind.

Gathering your courage you finally placed the planchette on the board, "Nanami Kento... if you are here with me- God, I hope you are- If you are here please move the piece towards 'YES' on the board"

And you waited. Repeating yourself after 4 minutes. And then again at 3 minutes later. And once more after a full 10 minutes had passed. By now your confidence had dwindled enough to think this was a completely stupid thing to try. About to take your hands off the board the clock struck 7pm.

Your hands begin to move and for a second you think it's your subconscious trying to make up for all the sadness in your heart so that you won't fall deeper into despair and depression. "YES", it led you.

"Who is this?"

K-E-N

You couldn't handle it. Tears overcome you as your body quivers from the emotions flooding your system and you hope to whoever was on the other side of this board that this wasn't a sick game.

"Hey, K- Ken..." You sobbed between speaking, "How have you been?" And you smile weakly - In the moment forgetting procedure and letting your hands fall from the board to wipe your tears.

O-K M-Y L-O-V-E

Your eyes bulge out of your skull as the planchette moves on its own instinctively backing away speechless you gasp as you hit something behind you. A cold chill enrapturing your body.

"Lovely, I hate seeing you cry..."

A/N: Oh to be haunted by ghost Nanami... wouldn't be afraid of those peeping eyes for sureeee, this took longer for me to write because of how I wanted to approach it. Honestly could be a fic.

Please Reblog and Comment (They act as power-ups for me)

JJK Taglist (OPEN): @iluvmattyb

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emastrangee · 8 months ago

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彡 “𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄? 𝐈 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔.”

Choso has never been loved romantically. You’re determined to change that.

“I could show you what it’s like, you know.”

Choso glanced away from the big kitchen window and looked in your direction, staring at you as you spoke.

“Hm?” He replied.

“Love,” stirring around the sizzling potatoes in a pan on the stove, you briefly darted your eyes his way, grinning at the confused man who sat at the breakfast nook. “I could show you what love is like.”

“I know what love is.” His face was as blank and expressionless as a sheet of paper.

“I mean beyond family and alliances, Choso. I’m talking about romance.” After twisting the knob on the stove to turn the heat down and covering the pan with a lid, you walked over to the breakfast nook and sat across from Choso.

“Why would you want me to experience that?” Choso asked.

“Because it’s . . . wonderful. Being in love with someone can change your life.”

Choso didn’t respond immediately. Instead, he blinked, simply staring into your eyes, and you continued to speak. “For someone who’s only half-human, I’ve seen how emotionally attached you can get to people you care about. You have a bigger heart than some assholes who are fully human. I just think it’s time that someone gifted you with as much love as you deserve. I wouldn’t mind being that person for you.”

“I’m not interested.”

His sudden protest caught you by surprise just a bit, but what you felt stirring around inside of you wasn’t the sting of rejection, but instead, utter confusion.

After all, Choso hadn’t been in his human, physical form for long, but even so, you both spent nearly all of your time together, doing everything from brisk walks in the park to arranging patio furniture.

Even now, even today, you had invited him to your house without any specific information or plans, and he showed up.

After all this time, you simply wanted to attach the proper description to your blossoming relationship: Love.

“Why aren’t you interested?” You questioned.

Once again, Choso met your words with silence, but this time, his eyes flickered down to the floor, and the corners of his mouth fell into a little frown.

“Hey, talk to me.” You spoke with as much softness as your voice, teetering on sadness, would allow. “What’s wrong?”

“It doesn’t end well. People die or get their hearts broken. I’m not sure I could handle it if something happened to you.” Choso stared back at you, his eyes glistening just a bit. “I don’t want to fall in love with someone I will lose.”

Of course. Being worried about you was just like him.

“I’m afraid that something bad will happen to you too, Choso. That’s what love is. The worry . . . the fear . . .”

“Are you saying we’re already in love?”

You met his question with a smile. Reaching out, you gently touched his hand, stroking his pale skin. “I’m saying we care for each other, so we might as well indulge in the romantic side of it. I’d like to show you that love is more than just heartbreak and pain. It has a lot of perks.”

“Like what?”

You held up your finger, silently communicating with him as if to say: one sec.

Then, after getting up from your seat, you made your way over to the stove.

As far as you knew, no one had ever prepared a nice meal for Choso or doted on him in the loving way he deserved.

After pulling down a plate and a cup from the nearby cabinet, you gave him a hearty serving of breakfast food.

The plate clanked against the table as you sat it down in front of him. He could feel the steam on his face. Fresh eggs, diced potatoes, fluffy pancakes, and crispy strips of bacon were arranged beautifully. Lovingly.

Then, you sat down a glass of orange juice and a small bowl of chopped fruit in front of him as well.

The proportions were rather large, and as Choso blinked at the variety of food, he was uncertain why you’d give him so much.

And when you sat down across from him without your own plate of food, he concluded that maybe this was your plate.

He picked up the plate and moved it over to your side, although he was uncertain why you didn’t put it in front of your seat to begin with.

Did you want his chair? Was that why?

“What are you doing?” You asked, grabbing the plate and moving it back in front of him. “This is your breakfast.”

“Where’s your food?”

“I ate earlier,” you smiled softly.

Choso tilted his head slightly, puzzled.

“You cooked this just for me?” He asked.

“Yep. I did it because I love you.”

Oh. So this is what the romantic side of love was like. Acts of service, he believed it was called. Truth be told, it made his heart skip a beat, and he couldn’t fight the gentle smile that wanted to grace his face.

It was nothing more than a slight upturn of the corners of his mouth, but he said, “Thank you.”

That evening, you blessed Choso with another act of love. After taking his brown hair out of the two hair grips, you ran your brush through the soft strands gently.

The man sat on the floor while you were positioned on the couch, your knees on each side of him, and for a while, you brushed his hair — all because you loved him.

Choso looked over his shoulder, staring up at you at one point, and you pulled your brush away from him.

“Something wrong?” You questioned, gripping the handle of your brush as you leaned over a bit.

“No.” Choso then turned away from you.

Despite his answer, you knew him well enough to know that he looked at you just now because he was in utter disbelief. He was waiting for some sort of catch — for reality to slap him in the face because there was no way love could be so gentle. So selfless.

“Let me know if it’s too much, okay?” You said, continuing to brush his hair. “I don’t wanna overwhelm you.”

“It’s fine. I like it.” His response was an honest one. After all, feeling your brush run through his hair along with your soothing fingers had made him start to feel a bit sleepy, and soon enough, he wasn’t fighting enemies, but fighting to keep his eyes open.

Eventually, Choso’s head fell against the inner plushness of your thigh, and soft snores came from him. You couldn’t help but giggle a little, as he was simply too cute for his own good. You sat the brush down. You only ran your fingers through his hair now.

Around fifteen minutes later, Choso awakened, surprised to find you still stroking his hair.

“You can sleep here tonight if you want,” you offered.

“Okay.” Choso slowly moved away from his previous position, turning around to face you fully as he stared into your eyes. “Thank you for loving me.”

“Thank you for letting me.”

Your response made Choso smile softly yet again.

Then, much to your surprise, he leaned up and planted a soft kiss on your cheek.

Together, you and Choso prepared to go to bed. Although this was your first time sleeping next to each other, it felt natural. Your arms were wrapped around Choso, and an unfamiliar warmth ran through his veins. He wished that sunrise would never come, and that you could both stay this way forever.

And, little did you know, your dear lover had always dreamt of being held by someone like this — dreamt of experiencing a love story as simple, and yet, as grand as this one.

“I love you too,” Choso gently mumbled.

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