embarrassedanon

[embarrassedanon]

glass BOTTOM boat

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FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY TO: Whispering Winds Resort & Spa Human Resources FROM: Xander Morrow, Maitre D SUBJECT: Documentation of "Embarrassing Naked Moment" at Au Natural Bar. Did anyone ever stop and think that maybe we had to introduce a policy to get guests to stop embarrassing themselves because they weren't following our other policies to begin with? I told Mr. Hollinghead several times that only wait staff were permitted to open champagne bottles with a saber and that there would be no exceptions. He slipped $100 to his waiter and quickly learned the hard way why only professionals are allowed to to handle that blade.

Mr. Hollingheads was entertaining some clients in the wine bar and clearly wanted to impress them. He ordered surf and turf and Dom Perignon and was really yucking it up with his clients. These guys kept getting drunker and rowdier. One the third bottle of champagne he told the waiter. "Bring out that sword for my friends here."

Their waiter confirmed that they weren't too drunk to order another bottle and agreed to bring out the saber. What I couldn't have counted on was Mr. Hollinghead's crisp $100 bill, which afforded him the privilege of welding the sword. He got one of his clients to hold the bottle, something we'd never do, and went to town with the saber. He was showboating and waving it around like it was a toy. This must have been when he started making micro cuts in his client's suit.

In an instant, his colleague was standing in the middle of the dining room holding a bottle of champagne in nothing but a cheeky pair of briefs and his dress shoes. You could hear a pin drop in the restaurant at that point. The drunk Mr. Hollingshead trying to save the deal that he came dangerously close to literally cutting up dropped the saber and started stripping. Minutes after the saber was brought out we had one business man in his briefs and one more totally naked in the middle of the dinning room.

The waiter servicing this table knew he had to take action. He yelled "Code Blush" and sent every waiter and busboy to the table. No one had been trained on what to do with two embarrassed guests, especially when one stripped himself. So they are a bit slow to move into phase II.

The huddle began slowly. The guys couldn't decide who should have been covered first. The client in his underwear clearly looked more embarrassed but Mr. Hollinghead was actually naked. Recognizing that Mr. Hollinghead probably won't actually remember this tomorrow the staff differed to the client. Once enough people were there both guys were protected by leering eyes.

Then the overlapping assuages began "Mr. Hollinghead it's ok sir, let's get you out of the dinning room." "Sir don't worry, you have no reason to be embarrassed."

"My butt is hanging out of my briefs. These are my laundry day pair."

"Hey, where's the champagne come on guys, one more drink." "No sir, we need to get you out of the dinning room and get you dressed."

The migration was slow because Mr. Hollinghead was in no mood to be rushed out of the restaurant. He basically went limp in the middle of the huddle. His client on the other hand couldn't have been happier to get out of there, and he had some semblance of coverage even though most of his rear end was hanging out.

I think the guys at the restaurant handled it well. This is our first code blush down at the wine bar, we don't have nearly as many hazards as the guys out on the pool deck so it was good to see their training took. I talked to the waiter who gave Mr. Hollinghead the saber and he knows not to do that anymore. But all in all we can't let these rich guys walk all over us. We have rules for a reason, and sooner or later they'll have to learn that.

[embarrassedanon]

You'll get your clothes back when one of you gets a hole in one. That'll teach you to race golf carts up and down my freshly mowed course. Put your hips into those swings, I like it when your cheeks clap.

[embarrassedanon]

FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY TO: Whispering Winds Resort & Spa Human Resources FROM: Leo Mullins, Head Caddy SUBJECT: Documentation of "Embarrassing Naked Moment" on Golf Course

I have to be honest, when us guys at the golf clubhouse got the initial ENM STORY memo we thought the whole thing was overblown. So a couple of guys had their trunks fall down at the pool, why do we have to change what we're doing out on the links? What happened to Mr.O'Reilly, the organizer of the boy's trip in Villa 5, made me rethink everything.

This nine hole round started simply enough. Mr. O'Reilly rented out Villa 5 for him and his two buddies from college. First trip away from their wives and kids in fifteen years. They all seem to have done pretty well for themselves in real estate based on the quality of their golf clothes and clubs.

My locker room attendant told me he was tipped well and if the drink boys and the caddies pulled out all the stops we could all expect a good pay out. I joined the three gents on the links with my two most promising caddies and a top notch drink guy.

The first six holes went off without a hitch. They were friendly, joking around quite a bit. Getting in one another's heads trying to psych each other out. Apparently Mr. O'Reilly had put down some serious money that he'd beat them.

As he approached the tee at the seventh hole, his buddy, Mr. Conover, attempted to give him a flat tire. You know when you step on the back of someone's shoe? What happened next I couldn't have ever predicted. The spike's on Mr. Conover's golf shoes pierced the hem of Mr. O'Reilly's golf pants. As Mr. O'Reilly followed through his next step, he proceeded to move forward but his pants did not. In one fell swoop he was completely bottomless. His lulu lemons with built in lining were nothing more than a tattered heap on the green.

It took a few moments for anyone to process what had happened. Then his friends started laughing, and I noticed the caddies start smirking until I shot them a look that said laugh and you're fired.

Of course his buddies were laughing to their hearts content. To his credit, Mr. O'Reilly didn't let on how embarrassed he was. "What the fuck?" was all he could managed to say. Below is a recounting to the best of my recollection of how the incident went down and Mr. O'Reilly's signed refusal of the ENM STORY protocol.

Mullins: Team we've got a code blush, let's get to work. Form a huddle around Mr. O'Reilly right now. O'Reilly: Woah, what's going on guys? Mullins: Don't worry sir, we're here to protect your modesty. Luckily the links aren't too full today. It wasn't that bad, you have no need to be embarrassed. O'Reilly:I'm not! I've known these guys for damn near thirty years. This isn't the first time they've seen my junk. We all got changed in the locker room together an hour ago. Mullins: Of course sir, we're just invested in protecting your modesty. We never want our guests to feel embarrassed or exposed. O'Reilly: If you knew some of the pranks these guys pulled on me in college, trust me...this is hardly exposed. Plus it's just us men here. If we were in mixed company it would be a different story. Y'all can break up this huddle for now. I'm just going to play through. Mullins: You intend to play the next two holes, forgive me sir, bottomless? Conover: He's going to show off his two holes! O'Reilly: Can it Jim! Conover: I will when you put your can away! O'Reilly: Please ignore my friends, they're not used to staying in nice places like this. And you bet your ass I'm going to play through, if I scrambled to get pants now these two sons of bitches would call it a forfeit and make me pay my end of the bet. Not happening. Say there's a $100 tip for whoever can run back to my room and grab me a fresh set of slacks so I don't have to walk through the club house like Winnie the fucking Pooh. Until then, I'm going to work on my short stroke. Conover: I'll say! O'Reilly: Jim if you don't shut the fuck up, you'll be pants less out here too. Mullins: Very well sir, in order for someone to retrieve trousers for you, you'll need to sign this form stating that you refused our Emergency New Management Strategy to Overcome Revealing Yourself and you absolve the resort for any responsibility for your sudden nudity. O'Reilly: This kinda thing happen a lot around here? Mullins:You have no idea.

[embarrassedanon]

“Yoo-hoo boys! Forgetting something?”

[embarrassedanon]

[embarrassedanon]

Talk about a sand trap!

[embarrassedanon]

“Bro why’d you put that on your story? My whole crack is out!”

[embarrassedanon]

FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY TO: Whispering Winds Resort & Spa Human Resources FROM: Vincent Mora, Junior Croupier SUBJECT: Documentation of "Embarrassing Naked Moment" at Roulette Table I should start by saying this was not my fault. I genuinely have no idea how this happened which scares me a bit because it could easily happen again. A guest was stripped completely by my roulette wheel. 

I was hosting the entire C-suite of Calder & Aims, the firm in for the conference last week, at my roulette table. Things had been going great all night. Lively bunch, six or seven guys in their 40s, all in impeccable suits. They were drinking quite a bit, but not too rowdy. They tipped great and were as respectful as you can expect from these guys. 

At one point, Mr. Caroll, who I now know is the CFO, lost handedly. He banged both fists on the table in a sort of comic display of his frustration. I wasn't too thrown by it but this must have been when microscopic loose threads in his suit got caught up in the roulette wheel. 

He made a pretty serious bet on the next round, determined to show he wasn't phased by his loss. When I spun the wheel that's when everything got crazy. In the blink of the spinning wheel pulled at all the threads of his suit. In a matter of seconds his belt hit the floor with a loud clang and he was left in nothing but his shoes, socks, and tie around his neck. Evidently Mr. Caroll picked an inauspicious day to forego underwear. 

My training kicked in an instant. I yelled code blush to all the dealers and bartenders on the casino floor. It was so loud with all the slot machines and music that it took a while for people to hear me and react. This was where I think we lost control. The lag to get people over to my table, was just enough time for all of Mr. Caroll's colleagues to react to what just happened. And react they did. If the other staff couldn't hear me over the slot machines, the raucous laughter certainly didn't help. 

From the group's reactions, I take it Mr. Caroll sees himself as the big swinging dick over at Calder & Aims. Judging from what was on display, that may be how he acts in the board room but certainly not in the bedroom. I know we keep the air conditioning blasting in the casino and pump in fresh oxygen, but I don't think we could fully be blamed for what he was, or rather, wasn't showing off.

The laughter and now pointing was so severe that I knew I couldn't wait for other staff to assist me with a huddle. I ran from behind my table, attempting a one man huddle until help arrived. Mr. Caroll's colleagues were quick to point out that although I covered his minuscule manhood, his backside remained exposed. Too busy covering his front, I didn't see it firsthand but their comments led me to believe that it was far hairy and more dimpled than any of their own more manicured and pert bottoms. It also seems like Mr. Caroll was shaking a bit from nerves that caused a jiggling they found particularly funny. 

After what felt like ages to me and eons to Mr. Caroll I'm sure, several other croupiers arrived and we were able to build a solid huddle around him. 

I went to work quickly tell him that he was ok and no more embarrassment would befall him now. He was completely despondent.

"I'll have to quit my job. My wife is going to leave me. I can't believe this is happening." He kept rattling off versions of these sentiments.

Eager to move him out of the environment, I said "Sir let's get you somewhere more private." "My life is ruined" was all he could muster as a response. I knew he'd be no help in getting us out of there so I took charge with my colleagues. We began slowly moving our huddle and he wasn't so stunned as to not follow us.

He had no spare clothes with him on the casino floor so we had to return to his room. His room key was destroyed in the carnage to his suit so our huddle did have to make a pit stop in the lobby which was unfortunate. 

I kept using all the phrases you gave us to assuage him, but he was truly rattled by this. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so embarrassed. I kept saying "It wasn't that bad." But we both knew I was lying.

Once we got him safely in his room, all of us from the Casino floor called maintenance to come look at the roulette wheels. If that could happen to a guest, it's bound to happen to us guys who spend all day at the wheel. I knew I was lying when I said "it wasn't that bad." If that happened to me I'd quit. We need someone to fix that, pronto. 

[embarrassedanon]

fortvna.bhr

[embarrassedanon]

Ivan planned everything down to the minute. If he cleaned the pool at double speed he’d get 45 minutes to sun himself before having to move on to the next house. The only thing he couldn’t have planned for was dozing off. Both sets of cheeks were quite red when he awoke with a nasty sun burn on his bum and the homeowner kicking him out before he even had time to get dressed.

[embarrassedanon]

Look at those tan lines

[embarrassedanon]

FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY

TO: Whispering Winds Resort & Spa Human Resources

FROM: Ezra Kuhlwein, Flowrider Operator

SUBJECT: Documentation of "Embarrassing Naked Moment" on Flowrider [Footage Attached]

Martin Ripley, staying with his wife and three boys in Suite 2317, got swept off his board and had his trunks slip past the curve of his ass buttocks. Honestly it didn't seem that embarrassing to me, I was a lifeguard before taking this job, I can't count the number of guys who've seen me naked in the locker room. But this isn't about me. I know our guests are probably quicker to embarrass than the average guy. More image conscious and all that. I really want to keep this job so my training went into effect.

As you can see from the attached footage I promptly employed the SHAME protocol. I blew my whistle as soon as I had inkling of what was happening. I signaled to all staff on the pool deck that we were dealing with a "Code Blush." Luckily all the other guys working at the pool were quick to respond. They closed the waterslides, the snack shack, and the towel depot and joined me promptly.

With my coworkers in tow, we moved on to the huddle. I had done my best to cover Mr. Ripley from the leering eyes of the guests waiting in line for the Flowrider. But I could only do so much as one person. The huddle was tough for us because we had to lift him up from the ground. I'm sure some people behind us did get another eyeful of his exposed bottom before we could solidly huddle around him. Another potential oversight on our part, as we lifted him from under his armpits, he was never able to full pull up his shorts even after he was concealed by the huddle.

Assuaging Mr. Ripley was what I was most nervous about. I knew it was my responsibility since I had seen everything. I started by saying "Sir, it's okay, you're covered now. Do not worry." He was absolutely ripshit. "This wouldn't have happened if your stupid wave machine was better calibrated." "Yes, of course Sir. I'll speak with our engineer this afternoon." "Damn right you will, $2,000 a night for what passes for a suite at this resort and I'm not even afforded my dignity. I've haven't been so publicly humiliated since I joined my fraternity at Wharton. Some of those brats in line go to prep school with my sons, how will my boys ever show their faces at school again." "Sir, it really was not that bad. Most the guests in line turned away as soon as your...bottom was exposed. I'm not sure very many people even knew what was going on." "Maybe until you blew your little whistle and had everyone over here drawing attention to me. Seriously, as if I wasn't embarrassed enough." "Sir, I understand how embarrassing that must of have been. But please trust you're just as formidable as before. I insist it wasn't nearly as bad as you might think." That last line seemed to convince him enough for us to get moving.

We walked shoulder to shoulder in a tight huddle toward the men's locker room. I noticed Josh and Evan from the snack shack, who were at the back of the huddle, suppressing giggles and sharing knowing glances as they had a prime view of Mr. Ripley's exposed behind. Thankfully Mr. Ripely didn't seem to notice their lack of professionalism.

Once back in the men's locker room, Mr. Ripley's anger seemed to be more seething than vitriolic. He was very dismissive to all the guys who made up the huddle. Not even so much as a thank you. But we got him covered quickly and removed him from the situation which feels like a success. Going forward we may want to turn down the wave speed. This happens far more often than one would think. Slow down the waves or enforce a drawstring check, those are my two suggestions. I can be reached at my cell or on the pool deck Monday Wednesday and Friday if HR requests any more information from me.

[embarrassedanon]

oh to be an octopus in this ocean

[embarrassedanon]

FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY

TO: All Staff, Whispering Winds Resort & Spa

FROM: Human Resources

SUBJECT: Emergency New Management Strategy to Overcome Revealing Yourself (ENM STORY)

As I'm sure you know, at Whispering Winds Resort our clientele includes businessmen, politicians, philanthropists, and celebrities, some of the most elite men in the world. As such, we take their feedback very seriously.

There's no easy way to say this, but many guests have reported enduring seriously embarrassing ordeals while staying on our properties. Thankfully no women have reported such incidents, we could only imagine the lawsuits that would entail. But for the men, not a week goes by that we don't get a complaint from a seriously disgruntled, usually naked, guest.

In preparation for our busy summer season, we are introducing the Emergency New Management Strategy to Overcome Revealing Yourself or ENM STORY for short. This new policy starts with some immediate changes and a new protocol to assist guests experiencing an embarrassing nude moment.

IMMEDIATE CHANGES Discontinuing Locker Room Laundry: We will no longer be collecting guests clothes from their lockers for dry cleaning during spa appointments. So rarely were clothes finished on time, leaving guests trapped naked in the locker room until dry cleaning was complete. Zip Line Improvements: We've invested in a harness for the zip line over the pool deck. Given repeated incidents we will no longer attach guests to the line by the drawstring of their swim trunks or their belt loops. Honestly not sure what we were doing there. Dismissal of in-house tailoring staff: Once one of our marquee offerings, we'll no longer provide complimentary tailoring for clothes purchased at our boutique. We received many reports of what some men described as "deliberately weakened rear seams" and "faulty rear pockets" causing disastrous wardrobe malfunctions.

Adjusting the salinity of the pools: We found the that the level of salt in our pools had a tendency to weigh down bathing suits, causing some rather revealing pool exits. We're working to develop a new salt to water ratio to prevent that going forward.

Changes to Mini Golf Course: After several complaints of guests clothes literally blowing off, we have reduced the speed of the windmill on our putt putt course.

**Our ENM STORY Protocol consists of five easy steps Signal, Huddle, Assuage, Migrate, and Evaluate or SHAME for easy recall. Signal: When a guest suffers an embarrassing moment, it is your job to signal other staff in the immediate area. "Code Blush" is the signal for staff communication. Respond to a Code Blush ASAP when called.

Huddle: Once other staff is in place, form a huddle around the affected guest. All staff should be facing outward, giving the guest a modicum of privacy in the middle of the huddle. As a group, conceal their exposure from potential onlookers. Assuage: Time to manage the guest's emotions. Our high class clientele are not used to being humiliated like this in their everyday lives. Expect a strong emotional response. Take it upon yourself to explain how you minimized their exposure and assure them not many people saw and it wasn't that bad, even if it was. Migrate: Once the guest's emotions are in check, it is time for the huddle to move as a single unit to a more secure location so the guest can redress and reclaim his dignity. Movement should be swift and deliberate. Sloppy migration can result in broken huddles and re-exposed guests.

Evaluate: We need to evaluate each embarrassing nude moment on our properties to identify patterns and implement solutions. Implementation of the ENM STORY protocol must be thoroughly documented and submitted to HR within two weeks of the incident to ensure the efficacy of the program. We understand there may be an inclination to soften details of the story to protect the dignity of our valued guests. Omitting any details will only make it harder for us to put a good system in place. Trust us, there's no detail too embarrassing or too small to be included in your reports.

Finally, please note that nowhere does the SHAME protocol encourage giving the guest something to cover themselves with. Our legal team has advised us that offering a modesty material is viewed in some jurisdictions as an admission of fault and opens us up to potential liability.

[embarrassedanon]

Happy Summer! 🌴☀️🌊

This June I'm celebrating embarrassed fun in the sun! From the beach to the pool to the golf course, all my posts this month will feature guys getting embarrassed on summer vacation.

I've also got a new series coming out focusing on a resort's internal response to the repeated embarrassing moments that befall its guests. Hope y'all like it!