emopangolin

[emopangolin]

I Remember Them

A short story I wrote

I can’t help but watch, I can’t help but think. It’s not a choice anymore, I thought it was, but it’s become clearer now, there’s no escaping these thoughts, these memories. I remember so clearly how warm their hug was, how comforting and loving it felt, it was care I had never been shown before. I know now it’s not just a sweet memory, it’s painful. It’s internal suffering every time I’m forced to see them walk by smiling so happily without me in my dreams. Instead of my heart stopping its almost song-like beating as it did before, it now runs faster than ever, there is no pattern. No satisfying rhythm. Nothing warmth to be felt. It hurts more than any injury I have ever gotten, and stings more than any broken heart. It is a feeling too uneasy to describe in full detail. I remember the way they used to pick me up so easily, holding me gently in their arms and lifting me effortlesslyinto the air. Standing so much taller than me, how I loved the smile they beamed at me. It used to be so clear in the sunlight.Now I can only wish to feel that touch again, to see that same smile in another, something I have yet to do. Oh, the way I can just picture through blurry eyes, clouded with tears of utter pain and aching, how happily they used to bounce up to me with such eagerness, the way I can so perfectly see their chocolate and caramel stained hair so softly framing their face. I can’t stand the pain I feel remembering every facial expression and movement, everything from how adorably their nose was to how bright their eyes were. I remember it all, every little bit of them. I used to think of the memories and giggle so bittersweetly, but I can’t anymore. It isn’t a choice like it used to be. I try so hard not to think about them, I try so hard not to go back and visit them. I try so hard not to cry each time I see a piece of what they left me. It comes in waves you know, sometimes in a daydream so gentle, and sometimes in a sobbing fit of remorse. It’s never my decision, never up to me what happens. I would try to talk to my friends, family, even doctors if I could, but they all say I need to seek a higher level of help that they cannot provide. I have no one to go to, nothing left to give or take. I’m as alone as I’ll ever be, so I suppose the least I can do is be grateful that it can’t get any worse than it is now. As I sit here so patiently. As I wait here, for some kind of response they might somehow give. I must ask, as I hold their cold, lifeless figure in my arms as gently as they used to hold me, I must ask that wherever theycould be, “will you promise to remember me the way I remembered you?”.

[emopangolin]

[emopangolin]

YO

I made some resin art 👉👈 how’d I do?

[emopangolin]

Yo tumblr, here’s some resin art I made. I really like the way they all came out, the last being my favorite! How do you think I did?

[emopangolin]

Johnathan?

[emopangolin]

[emopangolin]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know 2021 is here but DON’T STARTLE IT, JUST TIPTOE IN AND DON’T. TOUCH. ANYTHING. 

[emopangolin]

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE!!!

*VIOLENTLY RUNS THROUGH A WALL*

[emopangolin]

14 years, 1 month, and 14 days ago I was born, quite the mistake.

[emopangolin]

Hey I know it’s nothing new but I make resin art, I usually will make pendants, pyramids, domes, or spheres. I like to add in alcohol inks or other details like glitter and flower petals. If I feel confident enough about them I might post a couple pictures soon.

[emopangolin]

I’m a Dan and Phil fan and I have to say, I am genuinely so proud of how far Dan has come in life. He’s battled a whole lot throughout the years he’s been here, life has thrown everything at him and he’s fought through all of it. He’s fought through his worst days and won. You’re doing great, Dan, you always have. ❤

You Will Get Through This Night - written by Daniel Howell. Coming May 2021 - available to pre-order now! thisnightbook.com 

hello everyone i have written a book about understanding your mental health - it’s deep it’s dark it’s personal it’ll make you laugh it’ll make you cry and it actually has profound professional advice that might completely change your life so please pre-order it thank you 🎥 by curtis essel http://33bound.tumblr.com/

[emopangolin]

I’d probably get a set of the MOST opaque curtains. Can’t have an awkward moment if no one sees you being awkward.

Imagine, you're in quarantine and you just want to chill a moment, so you watch John Mulaney's stand up. And then you go on instagram to find that John Mulaney fucking SAW you WATCHING HIM.

[emopangolin]

I’ve only been here a day and I already regret it.

[emopangolin]

As a fan of Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and MCR, this is extremely correct

As a certified fan of 2000s pop punk, I can most definitely vouch for the accuracy of this review.

[emopangolin]

Alright my first day on this hellspawn website, what’s it going to throw at me?