emotionally-destroyed-soldier

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Calling all TF2 RP people!

Do you have a therapist OC?

Does that therapist OC have an Emesis Blue version (or could one be created?)

Would they like to help this giant mess sort out his Titanic sized boatload of issues?

Hit me up, because this boy really needs to see a professional, ideally one who won't think he's *entirely* delusional.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Soldier from Emesis Blue moodboard!

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

if you please do cutie patootie flustered solly I’ll litterally behead myself for you 🙏

I hope the cutie-patootie levels are sufficient enough.

This one got away from me a bit, but, y'know. You kissed him, he's a bit flustered, but also very touched. Love wins!

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

the signs do be kinda vibin doe 👀👉👈😳✊👊🖐️🥺🥺

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"We don't have to. I told you before. I want to go away with you. Anywhere. You're... you're brilliant, Fritz. The best damn doctor I've ever known. You could work at any hospital in the world, or open a little clinic of your own, or... even do something else with those smarts of yours. And as for me... heh. The upside to being a nobody is that people don't ask a lot of questions. I can do anything where somebody needs some muscle. I got by that way before."

Jane bit his lip, fingers winding around the phone cord. Hypatia took wing slightly, fluttering up to perch on the cloned soldier's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter what I do. If I can be by your side and see you smile, that's all I need. I mean it."

Perhaps that was a naive way of thinking. He had his own end of things to keep up, after all. Once he found the right person. He didn't rely on an overabundance of medication to keep going, but that didn't at all mean he didn't have his own mountain of issues. Identity. Guilt. Grief that never went away. And that was just for starters.

He's working so hard. And what have you done? What makes you think you won't just be a millstone hanging around his neck?

"I... I'll follow you wherever you go. Me and Hypatia. I promise."

Twice he'd promised Fritz he'd wait, and twice... well, once and once in progress... he'd kept his word. Promises, after all, meant everything to Jane.

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"She's been a good bird. She looks for you sometimes, but I think I did a good job explaining things. I said, 'Pati, your Vati's gonna be away for a while. It's gonna be tough on him, and me, and you, but when he gets back he'll be so much happier and healthier, and it's going to be more than worth it. So in the meantime...'" Jane paused. These words. It was true, but saying them always made his heart bleed a little- he couldn't help remember saying them to someone else once upon a time. "...'in the meantime, we'll take care of each other.' And she's a smart girl, I think she knew what I meant. Still, it's too bad they wouldn't. I can just see her flying around, making up to everybody, begging for seeds. She's a damn glutton sometimes. I keep telling her if I give her all the treats she wants out of me, you're going to come back to a round white ball of feathers." This was followed by a rather indignant sounding coo, as if Hypatia resented even the mere suggestion of the possibility she could ever get fat. Jane chuckled, gently skritching the back of her neck with a broad finger. "Do... you know how much longer it'll be? Not that I'm rushing you, please don't think that. I know it'll take as long as it takes. I just... yeah. I could find a birdsitter for Pati if I had to and come visit, I'd really like to, but... y'know." He's not sure how long they'd be allowed to see each other. If that length of time would ease the longing inside them both or whet it like striking a knife to a sharpening stone.

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Jacques: Soldier, I think you should be in charge.

Jane: Why do I have to be the one in charge??

Jacques: 'Cause then it's your fault.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"Soup."

Jane couldn't help but wince inwardly. That didn't sound good. He didn't want Fritz to think he wasn't taking care of himself. Maybe he could be doing better, but it wasn't that bad! He just didn't gave much of an appetite. Still...

"A sandwich maybe. Probably some leftovers I can use up. ... Ah, dammit, we don't have much time and I'm talking about sandwiches."

He laughed a little, rough. Unsteady. Like someone who's forgotten how and was re-learning.

"I.. I miss you so much. I wish I could visit. But I know why I can't."

It would be worth it in the end. The long quiet broken only, blessedly, by dove coos. The empty rooms. The dark corners that grew darker at night to swallow him whole. The spot beside him. His untouched skin and unkissed mouth. The goddamn rain.

It was worth bearing it up for Fritz to be better. So he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Anything was worth that.

"Oh, hey. Someone wants to say hi real quick."

Breaking up the awkward longing hanging in the air, Jane whistled softly.

"Pati! Come here, sweet thing."

A shuffling, a soft rustling of feathers and a couple taps- the pecking of a curious beak.

"Cooo~"

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

"No, it's raining. I was about to make myself some lunch but I can wait half an hour."

Jane gave a scowl out the window as he righted himself. Still, even the downpour couldn't spoil his mood. Not when Fritz's voice was trickling through the phone. It was the sweetest sound. Him. Hymn.

"I heard the phone across the room and I answered it fast as I could."

Jane paused, fingers kneading idly at the phone cord, the twisting length of wire weaving in and out of calloused fingers. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, his wrists, his throat. He wondered if Fritz could hear it on the other end.

"How are you doing over there? Are they treating you good?"

It wasn't jail, but Jane could only imagine things were super regimented. For the residents' own good, of course. Like the military, but you weren't fighting people- in a way, you were fighting yourself. Least, that's how Jane pictured it.

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Fritz Ludwig wrung the telephone cord around his finger as he held the receiver to his ear and took slow breaths. His eyes danced over the numbers on the dial. He didn't know much of the world since he'd been away.

If he called the office, would Jane still be there to pick up? Would he be calling a dead man, or no one at all? Did the office lie empty or did a new business fill the space, painting over the past with a shiny new coat?

He glanced over his shoulder to the closed door behind him, then pressed on the ten different numbers which would direct him to the office landline.

It rang.

@emotionallyunwellmedic

It rang exactly twice.

The first sounds the doctor would hear would be the rattle of the receiver, the creak of springs taking on a sudden heavy weight, and a pronounced 'oof'!!

When he finally heard a voice, it was panting, but above that, extremely hopeful.

"Hello?"

Jane Doe tried his best to adjust himself from the haphazard position he'd landed on the couch. He dearly hoped the caller was who he thought it was.

If not he was going to feel pretty silly.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

please reblog this if you’re an active roleplay blog !

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

I woke up this morning and the floor was covered in blood. I didn't question how it got there, I guess I rationalized it somehow like maybe one of the blood bags in the fridge (for transfusions and stuff) burst open but the fact was there was blood all over the floor. I went to clean it up but the thing was I just couldn't. I mopped. I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed. I used so much cleaner it made my eyes water and I even tried straight bleach at one point. The bucket of water turned pink, the suds were rosy foam, but the blood wouldn't come clean. All morning. All afternoon. What sort of idiot was I that can't even clean a floor right. The blood was making me sick, I could smell it even past the scented chemicals. Like lemon and rotten meat. What if I couldn't get it clean. Fritz would come home and his floor would be ruined. He'd be so disappointed in me. He'd spent all that time away getting better and here I am, can't even clean a floor correctly. He would probably wonder what he ever saw in something like me. I felt like I was going to throw up. Maybe it was the chemicals fumes, or the blood smell, or the thought of how fucking useless I am, but if I didn't get out of there soon I was going to have vomit and blood to deal with and it would be a living nightmare. I stepped out. Cleared my lungs. Looked at something that wasn't the blood covered floor. About ten minutes maybe. When I went inside again the floor was spotless. Damp from the cleaning water drying. The bucket's water was cloudy from the cleaner but free of so much as a drop of crimson. The blood was gone. I think maybe it wasn't ever there at all. ...I really need to find that therapist, I think.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Can you made draw soldier for emesis blue?

thanks for reminding me other characters exist other than the conagher brothers !!

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

You did what you could. And I salute you for that.

...thanks. Maybe I did. I wish it felt like I did. It never does. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, there's always something inside my head that says I could've done more and tried harder. No matter how much I am, I'm never enough. People tell me that's not true and I try really hard to believe them, because they care about me and I don't want to push their words and their feelings aside. But that something in my head. It won't shut up, ever, and it won't let me accept that I'm anything but... ...eh, sorry. You're not a shrink, probably. Shouldn't be unloading all this on you.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

Hope you had a nice Weedster yesterday (seemed like you need something lighthearted to think about Soldier, hope it makes you chuckle!)

...heh. That's cute. :He's thought, maybe, of trying that stuff out. Maybe it'd help a little. Alcohol and nicotine didn't always cut it. He wondered what Fritz would think, but on the other hand... some people did use it as medicine, so he'd heard.: Thanks for thinking of me.

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

the sky is full of shooting stars tonight.

I have so many wishes.

Most for my loved ones. Some for me. A couple for people who aren't here anymore.

I wish them all. I wish with all my heart. I am a knight in shining armor. I have sworn myself, heart and soul and body, to a beautiful prince. This is what fairytales are built on. My wishes, then, must be granted.

But deep down I know the truth.

This is all an illusion, and those stars died a long, long time ago.