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Now, I know.

Now, I know why you’re avoiding me. Ngayon alam ko na yung reason bakit ka umiiwas, at hindi na namamansin. 

You already knew, that I have a crush on you. Pero sana naman, hindi ka umiwas, sana naman hindi ganyan yung pagtrato mo. Masama na bang humanga sayo? Hindi ko alam eh.

Wag kang mag alala, iiwasan na din kita. Iiwas na ako sa grupo/team mates mo, na tropa ko din. Iiwas nalang ako, para naman hindi ka na naa-awkward-an. Nakakahiya kasi eh, hindi ko naman alam na nakakahalata ka na pala. 

Hindi ko naman pinapahalata, I act normal, when you’re around. I act normal, pag kaharap, kausap ka. Pero paano? Siguro, dahil kay Ejane. 

I remember last Tuesday, she ask you, if you know who’s my crush. Pero tinitigan mo lang ako. Alam ko naman kasing hindi mo alam. Pero si Ejane, inasar pa ako sa harap mo. Then your back to your training na. Then inasar nanaman ako ni Ejane, sabi niya, “Alam ko si J***** yung crush mo. Ayaw mo pang aminin eh. HAHAHA.” Tumawa nalang ako, sabay sabing, “Baliw. Ssh.” 

Bigla akong napatingin sa likuran namin, at nandoon ka, nakatingin lang samin. Tapos bigla mo akong tinignan. Kinabahan ako, pero pinagsawalang bahala ko nalang, dahil alam ko namang di ka maniniwala. But then, I’m wrong. 

Dumating yung araw na kinakatakutan ko. Umiwas ka, hindi ka na namamansin. Nagtaka ako, pero ngayon. Alam ko na. Alam ko na ang dahilan. Umiiwas ka, kasi alam mo na yung pagkakaroon ko ng Crush sayo, 

Now, I know why. 

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Hays. Where are you?

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Distance

Baby, I wish you’re here right next to me, But you’re miles and miles away from me, Your sweet voice on the phone, Brings sweet melody to my ears, I could spend my day just listening to it, Time will come the day we’ll be together again, And all the waiting will be worth it for sure, Maybe I thought for once that you and I will never work, But I am holding on to your heart over a pleasure to meet, I am surrounded by ones that are closer, But all I can see is you, Staring smiling at me, I would never break this promise, Until the day you say don’t bother coz you found another, I never thought we’ll be stronger. From sunlight to moonlight. Everyday I long for your touch and kiss, Only in my dreams I could get closer to you anytime, Coz there I can fly for free. Why oh why do I have to be so far away, But for someone like you I’m willing to stay, Maybe I thought for once that could find another you, But as you see I was wrong cause there is no one like you, I am surrounded by ones that are closer, But all I can see is you, Staring smiling at me, I would never break this promise, Until the day you say don’t bother coz you found another, Sooner I’ll be by your side, And everything will be worth the wait. Maybe I thought for once that could find another you, But as you see I was wrong cause there is no one like you, I am surrounded by ones that are closer, But all I can see is you, Staring smiling at me, I would never break this promise, Until the day you say don’t bother coz you found another.

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Dear Ex,          I'm happy that you're happy now. I just want you to know, that I still love you.

Self

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Crush Kita

Hi! Alam mo bang sobrang crush na crush kita? Hahahahaha. Syemrpe hindi. Hindi mo malalaman kasi sa iba nakabaling yang paningin mo. Never mo akong tinignan ng ganyan, tulad ng pagtingin mo sakanya. 

Sakanya, mo lang nagagawang maging sweet, gentleman. Sakanya lang. Sa lahat ng babaeng nakapaligid sayo, sakanya parin tumitibok yang puso mo. Kaso, ang problema lang ay di ka din niya kayang tignan ng ganyan, gaya ng hinid mo pagtngin sakin. 

May mahal siyang iba, gustong gusto mo siya, crush kita. Perfect couple sana kayo eh, bagay na bagay. Kaso.. humahadlang sa puso niya.

Hindi ka niya mabigyan ng pag asa dahil ng sa may mahal siyang iba, at ikaw naman tong patuloy na umaasa at naghihintay sakanya. 

Ano kayang pakiramdam ng magustuhan ka ng taong gusto mo? Siguro ang sarap marinig mula sakanya ang mga salitang,

“Gusto kita.” 

Kaso, napakalabo naman non. Sobrang labo. 

Hindi ko masabi kung close na ba tayo, or what. Nakakausp kita, nakakabiruan. Pero may bars parin talaga eh. May bars sating dalawa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Siguro dahil hanggang tropa/kaibigan lang talaga.

Tanggap ko naman, at support ako sainyong dalawa ng tang gusto mo. Sana lang talaga, mapansin mo ako. Sana, masabi ko na rin sayo na 

CRUSH KITA

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Ang Sakit

Di ko alam na ganito pala kasakit. 

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I confessed..

I confessed, pero sbi mo, “Nice joke”, Hindi ko alam na ginagawa na palang biro ang pag amin ng nararamdaman. 

Bakit di ako na-inform?

Handa na ako eh. Handa na akong ma-reject mo. Handa na akong msaktan pag sinabi mong, “Sorry, di kita gusto.”

Pero KINGINA! Mas msakit pa palang akalaing biro ang pag amin ko, kesa ma-reject. 

How sad, that I put too much effort, just to say I love you to yoo, yet... 

I wanna get tired, I wanna Hate you. I wanna get angry at you.

Pero.... di ko kaya. 

MAGULO KA. Sobrang gulo...

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Check out my profile on Wattpad, I'm Astherielle 💮 https://www.wattpad.com/edzelR_?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_profile L O N G L I V E ~ ❤ I'm not afraid ~ One day, we will be remembered ✨

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Enchanted (it’s enchanting to meet you..)

There I was again tonight Forcing laughter, faking smiles Same old tired lonely place Walls of insincerity, Shifting eyes and vacancy Vanished when I saw your face All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" Across the room your silhouette Starts to make its way to me The playful conversation starts Counter all your quick remarks Like passing notes in secrecy And it was enchanting to meet you All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you The lingering question kept me up 2 AM, who do you love? I wonder 'til I'm wide awake And now I'm pacing back and forth Wishing you were at my door I'd open up and you would say, "Hey, It was enchanting to meet you, All I know is I was enchanted to meet you." This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew This night is flawless, don't you let it go I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you This is me praying that This was the very first page Not where the story line ends My thoughts will echo your name Until I see you again These are the words I held back As I was leaving too soon I was enchanted to meet you Please don't be in love with someone else Please don't have somebody waiting on you Please don't be in love with someone else Please don't have somebody waiting on you This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew This night is flawless, don't you let it go I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else Please don't have somebody waiting on you ..

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Breath ..

I see your face in my mind as I drive away, Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way. People are people, and sometimes we change our minds. But it's killing me to see you go after all this time. Mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie, It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see. Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down, Now I don't know what to be without you around. And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, And I can't breathe without you But I have to. Breathe without you But I have to. Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve. People are people, and sometimes it doesn't work out, Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out. And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, And I can't breathe without you But I have to. Breathe without you But I have to. It's two A.M. Feelin' like I just lost a friend. Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me. It's two A.M. Feelin' like I just lost a friend. Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me. And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me. Ohhh And I can't breathe without you But I have to. Breathe without you But I have to.

Breathe without you But I have to.

I'm sorry (oh) I'm sorry (mmm) I'm sorry (eh eh) I'm sorry (mmm) I'm sorry (eh eh) I'm sorry (mmm) I'm sorry

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Cold as you ..

You have a way of coming easily to me And when you take, you take the very best of me So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin' And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh, what a shame What a rainy ending given to a perfect day Just walk away Ain't no use defending words that you will never say And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up the walls and paint them all a shade of gray And I stood there loving you, and wished them all away And you come away with a great little story Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Oh, what a shame What a rainy ending given to a perfect day Just walk away Ain't no use defending words that you will never say And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through I've never been anywhere cold as you

You never did give a damn thing, honey But I cried, cried for you And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you Died for you..

Oh, what a shame What a rainy ending given to a perfect day Oh, every smile you fake is so condescending Countin' all the scars you've made Now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through

I've never been anywhere cold as you

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If this was a Movie

Last night I heard my own heart beating Sounded like footsteps on my stairs Six months gone and I'm still reaching Even though I know you're not there I was playing back a thousand memories, baby Thinking 'bout everything we've been through Maybe I've been going back too much lately When time stood still and I had you

 Come back, come back, come back to me like

You would, you would if this was a movie Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out Come back, come back, come back to me like You could, you could if you just said you're sorry I know that we could work it out somehow But if this was a movie you'd be here by now I know people change and these things happen

But I remember how it was back then Locked up in your arms and our friends are laughing 'Cause nothing like this ever happened to them, Now I'm pacing up the hall, chasing down your street Flashback to a night when you said to me, "Nothing's gonna change, not for me and you Not before I knew how much I had to lose”

"Come back, come back, come back to me like You would, you would if this was a movie Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out Come back, come back, come back to me like You could, you could if you just said you're sorry I know that we could work it out somehow But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

If you're out there

If you're somewhere

If you're moving on

I'll be waiting for you Wary, since you've been gone I just want it back the way it was before And I just want to see you back at my front door And I say

Come back, come back, come back to me like You would before you say it's not that easy Before the fight, before I locked you out But I take it all back now

Come back, come back, come back to me like You would, you would if this was a movie Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out Come back, come back, come back to me like You could, you could if you just said you're sorry I know that we could work it out somehow But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

You'd be here by now It's not the kind of ending you wanna see now Baby, I don't like the ending

Oh, I thought you'd be here now, whoa

Thought you'd be here by now

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Buti pa sila...

Buti pa sila, Masaya. Super happy.

Hahahahaha. Nakaka-gago lang. Bakit kailangang maiwan akong malungkot? Tangina lang.

Bakit kailangan hindi ako Masaya? Ganito ba ako kasama, na tipong I cvan’t be happy?

Gusto kong umiyak talaga, kaso di ko magawa, kasi baka mamatay ako ha bang umiiyak, Nahihirapan pa naman akong huminga kapag umiiyak ako ng sobra.

Pero gusto ko talaga eh, paki sampal naman ako oh! Hahhahaha.

Hindi naman ako tanaga at bobo eh, pero hanggang ngayon bitbit ko parin yung sinabi niya kagabi, nila. Siguro yun young nag triggered saki9n, to feel like this again.

Sigeee! Ako ng tangaaa! Ako ng bobo! Oo ako na! Ako na hindi maganda! Ako na panget! Ako na mataba!! Ako na! ako na talaga! Tangina laaaang! Bakit kasi nauso pa ang discrimination?! Takte! Hayuuuuup! Shit.

Sarap magpakamatay. Sobra.

Tara bigteeee!

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DEPRESSION FEELS LIKE SHITS

Nararamdaman ko nanaman siya. Nagpaparamdam nanaman siya. Natatakot ako, sobra.

Ayoko ng mangyari ulit yon, ayoko ng maramdaman ulit yon, pero ito siya, nagpaparamdam ulit.

Why? Ano nanamn bang nagtritriggered? Gusto kong umiyak, gusto kong mag wala. Pero di ko magawa.

Ito nanaman yung feeling na, parang ayoko ng mabuhay.

Depress nanaman ako, pano ba to? Ayoko na ng gantong feeling! Ayoko na sa depression! It’s eating and killing me inside. Ayoko nito.

Masama to, hindi to maganda, ayoko na.

Pano ba kita lalabanan ha? Pano? Can someone tell how? Can someone tell how to fight with this shits? Can someone tell me to fight?! Can someone help me?!! Can someone make me feel okay and happy?! CAN SOMEONE? CAN I BE HAPPY AGAIN? Pagod na ko, pagod n pagod na kong labanan ka, pero kahit anong gawin ko, bumabalik ka parin. Why? Bakit kailangan ulit kitang maramdaman?! Tangina naman oh! I just wanna live happily! I just want to be happy! Why can’t I? Gusto ko ng matapos to!

I feel like I just wanna cut my wrist, or let me drown in the water. I just wanna stop and end this shits in my life. I can’t concentrate anymore!

Gusto ko lang naman na maging ayos ako eh! Bakit naman ganito?! WHAT THE HELL?!

I just wanna end my life. Shit.

If ever I will end my fvcking life, would it be stop? Would it be the way for me not to feel like this again? I feel like shits. I FEEL LIKE NO CARES ABOUT ME, NO ONE LOVES ME, NO ONE WANTS ME!!! AM I THAT BAD TO BE HATE LIKE THIS?! SHIT.

 I JUST WANNA DIE.

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Time Machine

Do you remember how it felt like? I still remember how the days that end, the weeks and months we were together for so long I haven't noticed, that we're falling down too fast If I could take it all back I still want you by my side. If only I could bring you back to me If I could go back in time promise we won't say goodbye I never really moved on, No, not in time... I wanna go back to the way we used to be I wanna feel your skin, your lips so close to me I wanna go back when I called you mine all the time Every smile and every moment If only I have (if only I have) a time machine. I need you like the air I breathe (you make me feel alive) You're the best part of my everyday (my every night) If only I could travel back in time I'd take it all back and I'll turn it all around If I could take it all back I still want you by my side. If only I could bring you back to me If I could go back in time promise we won't say goodbye I never really moved on, No, not in time... I wanna go back to the way we used to be I wanna feel your skin, your lips so close to me I wanna go back when I called you mine all the time Every smile and every moment If only I have (if only I have) a time machine. If I could go back in time, I'd make us so much better If I could hear and if I could see, If I could hold on to your hands once again I wanna go back to the way we used to be I wanna feel your skin, your lips so close to me I wanna go back when I called you mine all the time Every smile and every moment If only I have (if only I have) a time machine.

If only I have a time machine.

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There are things that we love, not for what they are but because of what they mean to us.

April Avery (Twitter)

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Depression is being hopeless to the point of asking people what makes them happy, and asking yourself if you can have that happiness too.

April Avery (twitter)