epwritten

[epwritten]

Hall of Fame~ l.f

"Shaking the industry, quaking reality, making it iconic"

Description: A moment backstage after the concert. Well, almost.

Word Count: 1K

Author's note:

I wanted to make it longer but then it would lead to smut and I can't write smut for the life of me! So so sorry!!

Additional note:

idol!felix, you're his girlfriend, 2nd Pov ('you' format!)

"Is he gonna do it, is he gonna do it....OHH!"

From behind the curtain you stood with your arms folded, eyes slightly widened, eyebrow raised in interest as some of the team surrounded you, celebrating.

You all were gathered around the monitor, looking at what was happening right on stage beyond the curtain where you hid. It was the final song and each of the members said their goodbyes and left.

You suspected Felix would pull a stunt, considering how wild he was during the night. Flashes of his abs here and there, deliberate and teasing body rolls. And as soon as he took his place as the last person to leave the stage, you knew he wanted to do something.

Though nothing could truly prepare you for the effect Felix had on you in the way he went about it. Looking at the big screen as he sauntered towards the camera, lifting his shirt up and for a good while so people could count the number of packs that were there, and then ending it all with a kiss...with his tongue peaking out before it basically met the camera.

You found yourself watching the action while hearing the amount of stadium shattering screams of Stays. All eyes from the dancers and band team were on you, but all that was left was a smirk starting to form on your face.

From beside you, Jamal, the band drummer pointed at you "That's your man!"

You just chuckled and shook your head, a thundering present in your heart.

"He's insane" You muttered to yourself, watching the very last bit of the camera panning to the crowed before your eyes averted upward to where the guys were coming backstage.

"Whoo! Good job guys," Chan said, rushing over to give high fives to each dance and band member.

From beside him, Lee Know walked over, chugging a water bottle. There was a glow about him, not just from the sweat, but a satisfaction in his eyes, like the night paid off.

"That crowd was amazing you guys! Wow! Oh my gosh." Han's voice echoed through the area and you smiled as you watched his shocked expression.

Hyunjin walked behind him, removing his brown encore jacket as he shook his head, running fingers through his hair. He let out a very adrenaline related yell as he tossed his jacket on a nearby chair. Then walked over to pick it up after a look from one of the stylist.

You could hear Changbin coming from the stage. "What are we feeling, steak? Or-"

"No, I'm thinking pork belly." I.N discussed with him, emerging backstage.

Seungmin then walked in, talking his in-ears off. As he did that, he paused and his eyes widened. He glanced over his shoulder behind him before looking back.

"They're so loud. What?!?"

"I know, right? It's just roaring, just pounding in my ears." Han said. The light in his eyes were evident and you couldn't help but be proud of each of them, how far they've come.

You could feel the vibration in your chest from the pumping of the music, but the sounds of stays cheering even after the show was officially over and the house lights turned on, you wondered how the guys did it each night. There must be some sadness, a post concert depression even on their end.

Well, it was either post concert depression, exhaustion and wanting to sleep, feeling famished and needing room service immediately, or an overall adrenaline.

In your boyfriend's case, as you watched Felix walk to where you guys were, you could catch the adrenaline there. You drank in the sight of him. He still wore his Atiisuu hat that you were sure would sell out once it'd become available to the public. There were little red confetti pieces on his blonde strands. His black evil Bbokari t-shirt over basketball shorts gave an edgy gym look that you adored, and the fine jewelry with it put anything and everything else to shame.

He just looked so good. Without even trying, Felix was so hot.

His eyes averted to you, and a playful smile ran on his face as he tried to pretend he was innocent, normal, like abs weren't just flashed for a good majority of "Hall of Fame".

You left the group you were standing with and walked over, not caring that the band and some of the dancers were letting out hollering like classic school boys that were speculating you both.

It was amazing how it had been some time since you and Felix dated (secretly from the public) and yet he still had the effect on you. Even in just the way he walked towards you, how his eyes looked nowhere else but your eyes, how everyone in that room was calling his name and yet knowing he was yours always churned your heart like it was meant to. Butterflies flitted in your chest, and you breathed in deeply as he was now in front of you.

"You are insane, Lee Felix." You said, your voice lower so only he could hear.

Felix giggled, shaking his head. That was always him. He loved to give fans and you just a little something, something to get you wanting more before he'd disappear behind a cuter persona.

"How was it?" His voice came out in a rasp and slightly strained from all the yelling.

"You guys did so well." You said, stepping into his space.

Felix wrapped an arm around your lower waist. "I'm sweaty..." He tried to warn you, though the hand placement was still there.

"I don't care."

That was all you could say before Felix reeled you in, leaning so close you could feel his heart beating against yours. He started slow, lips brushing just faintly against yours, delicate, teasing, enough to drive you wild and yet as your hand snaked to the hem of his t-shirt slowly grazing underneath, he didn't go further.

"You're insane." You muttered a third time against his perfect lips.

That emitted a small chuckle as Felix drew you even closer, his hand over your waist sliding down just slightly.

"Insane? I'm not insane?" Felix replied, voice lowered. You knew what he was doing. Feigning innocence. Challenging you to state otherwise.

You moved your head back just a bit so you could look into his eyes. You were so close to him now, that even the reflection of yourself in his eyes you could see.

"Oh, you're not insane." You asked, though if came out like a question.

Felix tilted his head slightly, raising an eyebrow.

"How? What makes me insane? I'm curious."

A hint of a smirk, teasing glint on his eye. You knew Felix all to well.

"You're a little minx out there for everybody. You know what you do to them."

Felix grinned and shook his head before he looked back at you, his hand reaching the side of your hip and resting there.

"What about what I do to you?"

His voice was so low now. His hands were delicate but possessive. His face so close, just inches away from yours and yet nothing still. You were aware the others were watching, and you usually weren't the type for PDA show. You never liked it but somehow with Felix, there was always something about the way he brought you in. He made you feel like you two were the only ones in the room.

And to be honest, you were a millisecond away from acting like you were the only two in the room, until a voice from behind you belonging to one of the staff called.

"We need a group picture with the fan project banners!"

"Oi, Felix, get over here, bro!"

You sighed as Felix took a step back, his hand still on your waist, but just gently grazing.

"Yeah, one second!"

He rolled his eyes before leaning forward, kissing your forehead. Your eyes met with his, and it was almost embarassing how you leaned further, almost desperate and uncontrollable, needing something.

The man didn't even properly kiss you, damnit.

Felix could see. He noticed eyes, and let his fall to your lips for a second and smirked before he held your chin, tilting it upward.

"I'll be back." He whispered, sealing his promise with a kiss that was surprisingly fervent and not filled with adrenaline and need. But the look on his eyes were there as he departed, pushing back the hair away from your face.

You watched as Felix walked over to where the guys were heading to the green room. You would follow in a minute, you just needed to regain awareness of the room, who you were, what day it was, and what song was playing in the arena. You knew without seeing a mirror that you were flushed, that like a pathetic person you couldn't have even one mere interaction with him without losing it.

But that was just Felix, that was just who he was.

That little tease.

You ignored the disgusted look on one of the dancers face and shook your head to the whistle from one of the lights crew instead. You fanned yourself when the guys started leaving the small hallway beyond the curtain and you looked at Jamal.

"Is it hot?"

Jamal gave a knowing smile and shrugged. "Maybe. But I didn't just make out with Felix soooo..."

"Oh my gosh stop." You covered your face with your hands just as he laughed, wrapping an arm around you.

"C'mon, let's go."

You pretended you hated it, though not really. You couldn't hate anything about this life even if you tried.

[epwritten]

You Deserve This ~ B.C

"This is your past, before you were born, for you to see, you deserve it"

Description: You are so awed by what Chan does for others, and you end up going off on telling him how loved he is and voicing out your appreciation.

Word count: 983. So small, I know 😭

Author's words:

Hahaha not me using my own concert pictures for the cover art hehehehehe 🤭

Tomorrow marks a week since the concert and there's still so much of thinking about Chan and just how much he gives. I thought of this small drabble coming back home from the concert, but there wasn't any time to write it. This isn't much of course, but this is just you giving Chan his flowers because he deserve it so much.

Thank you for reading! <3

"You know you're loved, right?"

You were staring at Chan's back, watching him as he collected the empty plates from the coffee table as he was in front of you. Whether he heard you and chose not to say anything or he genuinely was too caught up in cleaning everything up, you sat up straighter on the couch. You gave a soft smile, the one that was meant for him but not to see. The one where you were so thankful in your heart for everything aligning to this moment, where you had him back for a bit over a week after touring.

But as he stacked the two plates of dinner and scooped them up, turning to head to the kitchen, you spoke out again.

"Channie?"

That caught his attention. He stood up, eyes on you with a tired smile. You took in his attire, black tank top (that you always concluded he wore on purpose to mess with you) over basketball shorts. His growing dark hair had curled slightly on the ends and you couldn't believe you and the world were witnessing the birth of a whole different era of him, one that complimented his looks so well. Chan could genuinely do whatever he wanted with how he looked, but you had to admit that long hair was high on your list of favorites.

You smiled, tilting your head slightly just thinking about him. His kindness, his attentiveness, his gratitude. You thought about the clips you saw online from stays in the recent Toronto show, spotlighting his ment. He was truly a man with a beautiful heart, that didn't know just how much he was loved. You tried your hardest to give it to him every time.

"What's up?" Chan asked, a little giggle escaping his voice. "Why are you...." He laughed again, a little pink hue on his cheeks, dimples flashing. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because." You sat up straighter, leaning forward on the couch, placing your knuckles under your chin as you stared at him adoringly.

"You're so loved!" You answered, batting your eyes just to get a shy reaction out of him.

Chan covered his eyes with his hand and giggled once more. "Stawwp."

You smiled. You were going to give this man his flowers, whether he wanted it or not.

"It's true. Look, Chan..." You paused, now drawing serious and you waited for Chan to uncover his eyes and look at you before he continue.

"I know you get uncomfortable with all the attention. I know you think there are others more deserving of that love, and all of the credit of this world tour that's going so well...but I can't but say that I love you and I'm so proud of you. Truly."

You continued, not even waiting to hear Chan intervene.

"I'm proud of all the boys, don't get me wrong. And the staff, the production sound and lights crew, mixers, dancers, band, interpreters, translators, JYP, everyone. Of course. But you play a huge role in making so many stay all over the world feel loved and protected and secured. You do that just by being you. And that love you receive, that love you see through posts, and Twitter, and fan accounts, and Bubble, and Fans, and everywhere, that's not just because it's trendy. These are coming from real people whose lives have changed because of you."

You watched Chan now. He blinked multiple times. His eyes looked at the floor, he shifted the weight back and forth between his left and right leg. He looked embarrassed partially, but you really wanted a part of him to get it. To understand.

"That's so..." Chan finally spoke after a while, scratching the back of his head. He sighed and then chuckled awkwardly.

"I don't know what to say with all of that ahh. Thank youuuuu! Ugh." He let out a noise, covering his face again and you understood where he was coming from. You knew your boyfriend, compliments never worked for him that well. But you wanted to try.

You nodded. "I know. I know that was a lot, I just...I want you to know that. It's okay to acknowledge everyone, I just want you to understand that we appreciate you too."

Chan let out another long sigh before he slowly put the plates down, walking over to you.

"They just...they all make me happy, you know? The fans, the team...I love giving back because they give so much of themselves to me. It doesn't even make sense half the time. I don't deserve it." He replied.

You watched as Chan sat down next to you and then layed his head in your lap. You knew this was due to the embarassment. Chan tended to get more clingy when he was shy and didn't know what to do with himself. You didn't hesitate to stroke his hair, smiling at the intimacy of the moment.

"You know what I love?" You asked, looking down at him.

Chan's eyes were opened, but to the ceiling as he folded his hands over his stomach.

"What do you love?"

"I love giving back to you. And you deserve all the love you give." You said. You leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Chan's temple, emitting a hum of approval from him.

The both of you stayed in that position for long minutes of silence, allowing the moment of appreciation to linger in the air. You didn't know if Chan fully accepted your encouragement, but it was something you wanted to shower him with, every day.

[epwritten]

Post Concert Notes

Hey everyone! It's 10:39pm where I am right now, and about 24 hours ago Stray Kids was singing their final encore songs. Last night was the absolute best night of my life...I'll admit though, I'm slowly getting post concert sadness. Like, last night coming back to the concert was fine, even earlier today I was just happy but as the sun went down so did all of the happy parts. No, I worded that wrong. I'm happy, of course, and I'm so very grateful. It's just now slowly starting to sink in that it's all over. Plus, the guys left Toronto earlier today and they're on the skies right now heading back home. Which, of course, they deserve their break. They had a successful North American Leg of tour.

With that being said though, yesterday night I came back from the concert writing down my thoughts on each of the members after seeing them in real life, and I want to share them with you! 🥹

So without further ado, here was my post concert notes!

CHAN

he is the most attentive, most sweetest, loveable guy you could ever meet. And it's not saying that just because, like, "oh, he's just saying what the script tells him"  no, no, no. You can hear the heart and appreciation he has for all of us as stays. And it is genuinely in a loveable way that he places people first, it comes from his heart. He just wants everyone to be okay. It's a weird definition, but you feel like you're his, just in the way that you're LOVED by him and protected. It doesn't matter if you've never met, he still makes you feel safe.

- He expresses a lot of himself actually, like he is aware of how he feels and puts it in beautiful words, you can tell he truly loves with his heart.

- Oh! He also really doesn't like when people give him his flowers or hype him up or even appreciates him, like he always downplays himself and makes sure others are credited, but it's like "okay yeah of course you make 1/8 of stray kids, PLUS the band, PLUS the dancers, PLUS the staff, PLUS the production crew...etc are there too, but respectfully honey, NO." There's so so much more. And he genuinely doesn't like it I just want to hold him and shake him and tell him how much he means to us because truly he has no idea in the slightest just how much he has helped people.

- also....that man is BEAUTIFUL

- but in a "not putting himself out there" way, and that makes him even more attractive

- he's also very FUNNY lol like genuinely

- he's also sassy it's amazing 

- he's also giggly and smiley it's beautiful

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LEE KNOW

- that man smirks A LOT. Like, his smile is a smirk.

- he has so much power like his energy wasn't talked about enough honestly. I'm talking specifically in LALALALA and Megaverse like he takes a lot of power and exuberates it

- he performs like he doesn't even know he's on stage, like "oh, there's 50K people? I did not notice" and think that's only because it's not a show for him, it's like "I get to dance and sing on stage today", like it's not performative, he just happens to do what he loves and we just happen to be there to witness it

-i think he was the most quiet out of all of them during the night, but that doesn't go without saying anything wrong, all except the fact that he came to have a good time, and we just happened to be there

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He thrives off of hyping up (as he should!) But even that, it's not in the way of arrogance, it's like he genuinely cannot keep a straight face if we all started cheering for him, he immediately does the ultra pose

CHANGBIN

- but the more you hype him up, the more energy he gets like it's so cute

- i think he's also like Lee Know but in the opposite sense where may not be initially performing for people, but at the same time he wants to give the best and acknowledges how we can hype him up

- he was also so smiley and engaged with conversation as well and he likes to laugh or make the other members or us laugh so he would throw in funny comments

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HYUNJIN

okay so I must say this man almost does not look a part of Stray Kids...but let me explain

- they're all beautiful, but he's a different level of beautiful. Like, genuinely and ironically the definition of what he likes to do: art

- he's very focused and dance driven, but dancing is in his soul like he does not NOT dance. Ever.

- Hyunjin's also very in the moment. So meaning, he's the type of guy to take everything in and you visibly see it. Whether staring dreamingly over the stands, whether walking to the side of the stage and just looking at everyone scanning left and right while the members are in their corner goofing off, or whether he closes his eyes and opens his arms and just is THERE...you can just see how much this all means to him, how much he's reflecting on it all when it's all over (and i'm not even talking about the night, but when time passes and they're not doing this anymore)

- but he genuinely looks like a painting...(and that's WITHOUT his long hair lol can you imagine if he did have it for the Toronto stop? I would genuinely walk out of that night with a new bias haha jkjk)

- on the flip side though, he's cute!! Like a baby

- there's something so adorable about him like his little accent (like not even for speaking in English, when he was speaking in Korean and giving his speech) and just everything....he's a baby! Protect him at all costs!

- also there was a pabo moment as well during my pace where I guess he didn't hear because he started singing behind the back track but he heard it finally and he paused and gave this cutest little almost embarrassed giggly reaction but it was too late for him to do anything after that point haha

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HAN

wow...Han Jisung is quite literally the coolest person ever. Like honestly.

- he KNOWS - like I can't describe it but he knows his impact (again, not in a cocky way but like...he's just so chill with it)

- but he's also a rockstar! Like he is a performer for sure

- but there was never a doubt about that. He's confident in not wanting there to be language barriers like he made sure he was giving his chaotic personality in English, so it wasn't reserved

- you know when you're speaking a different language and you may forget a word, and then you either just forget about it entirely and give up, or you do the thing where you restate it but not fully in the way you may have wanted because the wording is different, so it doesn't come off as the same that it would if you were to speak your native language

- for Han, that literally never happens. He made sure - even if it was a word he didn't know- to take his time but still carry the same message, the same joke, the same sassiness..etc

- he also IS British LOL because where does those posh sounding words come from?

- also would love to add the fact that he had the most screams when he would be shown on screen (WHICH WE LOVE)

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FELIX

WHERE DO I START

- no for real though...where do I start?

- I think I'll start for when we were walking to the venue and you could see the stadium and it was a long walk in the middle of nowhere but as you were getting closer, they were doing soundcheck and you heard them (which I was like "there's no way they're THERE right now, this is real"

- but it came to chk chk boom, and I got to hear Felix's LOUD BOOMING VOICE FROM MILES AWAY FROM THE STADIUM I got chills

- HIS VOICE IS SURROUND SOUND YOU LITERALLY CANT ESCAPE IT, like if you went to the bathroom I'm pretty sure you'd still hear him

- but okay....real talk...

- you genuinely believe God exists because only GOD created that man

- talking bout "my God reminds me I'm human" are you sure?!?? Because no human just looks like that

- he is so....ethereal. like unearthly I don't know it doesn't make sense and it sounds weird and it sounds like something I would say, but like...PICTURES OF HIM DOESNT DO HIM JUSTICE AND THE PICTURES ID SEE OF HIM ARE ETHEREAL

- BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE there's that duality because he was a prince/fairy/angel in one moment, and then suddenly the vest is off, he's in a tank top and suddenly he's just....unleashed like that duality part

- Something interesting that I noticed was that Felix can actually be to himself like a lot more than people think though, like zoned out. He'll come back in and joke with them members when he snaps out of it, but sometimes he's drifted in thought....or he'll walk over to wave to stays as well, he considers them friends for sure

- but of course his singing voice/rockstar voice is very bellowing, but Felix also like...his talking voice, everything it just hits...it's very low and measured. Sometimes he would emit a lower "yessir", like extremely and i....

- let me stop now before I go crazy (it's sexy SORRY I SAID IT)

- but basically he's a magnet, everyone's drawn to him at the end of the day

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SEUNGMIN

let me be the first to tell you this man owns every corner of every place he's in

- what do I mean by that? Well, you didn't come to see Stray Kids. That man will make sure at the end you came to see him. Let the members be bygones for all he cares

- but that's just who Seungmin is like I don't know how to explain it

- it's like Seungmin's stadium and we're just jumping in it

- like this was his tour, his production, just his

-okay this sounds...I don't know how else to say it, but he takes ownership of every song he sings

- like he will drive the song, he will drive our reception of it as well, very commanding

- there's a ground level that like shakes wth his voice and I know that sounds like "what do you mean" but I can't describe it

- he's just KIM SEUNGMIN there's nothing else to say

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I.N

sir?!?!?!

- maknae of the group?!? Baby bread?!?! Youngest?!? My fellow 01 squad member?!?

- that dude was feeding off of "I KNOW IM HOT" ALL NIGHT

- also abs 👀 I said it I said it

- he's also confident in himself when it comes to performing, I feel like there's not a lot of credit when it comes to Yang Jeongin

- but no, I think he does get babied on a lot and so tonight really showed otherwise (and good for him honestly)

- burning tires hit DIFFERENT like he was very...just yeah

- but also he gives literally 200 percent of himself whichever song (okay minus the encores where he was just being him)

- like Han, he's a performer for sure

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STRAY KIDS

after everything that happened, I can confidently say the guys are exactly how you see them. They are chaotic and also very strange like in a "what's wrong with these guys and why do I love them?" way, but you can't help but love them

- seeing them together, seeing their bond, you can't help but smile

- they were meant to be in each other's lives

- I especially loved the moments where we all just sat back and watched them say silly things with each other, like having their own silly conversations and their own banters and basically forgot we were there until Chan literally had to be like "what were we talking about?" That happened a lot

- but that was the whole point, though. It wasn't a concert really, it was just seeing these group of kids - yes they are quite literally kids- doing what they love and loving each other while also going off and singing and dancing like their LIFE depends on it..all at the same time

- they are so so very beautiful and I'm grateful that I got to see them feel loved and have fun and perform all in one night 🥹

[epwritten]

Neuvillette ~ l.f (part 2, final)

Description: You were convinced Felix isn't real, because who just looks like that?!

Author's Note: Here's the link to part 1 for you guys to read since it's been some time since the 1st update!

I forgot to mention this as well for this particular fic, reader is referred to as she/her!

And sorry this is much shorter and an abrupt ending, I legit didn't know how to end this, but I didn't want this to be a continued series hahaha ! So sorry!

Additional Note:

YOU GUYS...IM SEEING STRAY KIDS IN 6 DAYS. JUST UNDER A WEEK.

WHAT. IS. LIFE?!?!?

No, but for real, that is a life update I never thought I would ever say on here. I'm so incredibly grateful. It's so cool because their first time in Canada will also be my first time seeing them, and I know so many Canadian stays can relate! I'm in anticipation and so so incredibly blessed. It was truly the grace of God. I didn't even know if I could go, but everything fell into place. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING 🥹. I'm going to have so much fun hanging out with these men who have found me, and came to my life in a moment I did not know I needed, under the same stars, singing our favorite songs, creating a beautiful life memory I'll look back on when I think back to my 20s, all in my city, on June 29th.

The next time I'll come on here on Tumblr will probably be after the concert, and I'll let you know how it all went! I'll report back to let you know if they're actually real ahaha

ANYWAYS, here's the long awaited, shorter (I kind of feel bad that it's so short, but wanted to give you all something regardless) 2nd and final part to "Neuvillette"! Hope you enjoy! Love you all! <3

Word Count: 4K

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You were nervous. Actually, who were you kidding? You were petrified.

You sat in the passenger seat, trying not to look too much like you were memorizing the interior but you couldn't help it.

It was a small car, nothing to the extreme, but it was still his and that was what made you nervous. And when Felix took off his leather jacket and lightly tossed it in the back seat, now revealing his white t-shirt, you flashed an awkward smile when he caught you staring too long.

But a sweet smile plastered on his face nonetheless as he started the car, looking at you.

"You all good?"

You nodded. "Yeah. All good." You tried reassuring the both of you.

As Felix drove, you kept quiet. Not that you were a usual talking person, but more so the fact that you were so close to him, in his car. He was driving, something so simple and yet as you snuck subtle glances at the veins in his arms you knew for sure that you were blushing. Everything he did, even if it was minimal or normal, there was this effect.

He was just so....unreal.

"You okay there?" Felix's voice brought you our of a daydream and you nodded, tucking strands of hair behind your ear as you tried to be distracted by removing dust off your jeans.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, I'm awkward." You said with a little nervous laugh, feeling the need to explain yourself.

Felix just smiled. "No, you're fine. Really. We're all a bit awkward in some ways."

He didn't get it of course, that he was the reason for it.

"Did you want to put your address in?" Felix asked as he drove. You blinked at the phone he was giving you with his free hand that was on the maps app.

"Yes, of course. Sorry."

"How's the car temperature? Not too cold or too hot?"

"No. It's fine, Felix, thank you."

"The windows?"

"Windows are good, yes."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Maybe - you thought are your eyes scanned the trees passing by as the car moved- Felix was just as awkward as you were. Even though it shouldn't have been this bad. The last time you two talked it was actually when Seungmin was with you both.

Seungmin.

You didn't want to be that person that relied on Seungmin, but the car ride was painfully embarassing.

So after putting your address in Felix's phone, with shy and hesitant fingers you got your phone out and started to text him.

You gotta help me

I'm in Felix's car

He's giving me a ride home

But

Dude

It's SO AWKWARD

WHAT DO I EVEN TALK ABT

HELPPP

Seungmin wasn't usually an active phone user, but you had to try. At least give him something for afterwards to read. You didn't even know why you texted him in the first place, but you wanted something. You just weren't sure what.

And for the moment, after you pressed send, you almost considered deleting your texts even though they sent anyway. You weren't sure why you texted him, you didn't know what you were expecting. You just kept looking out the window, trying to focus on the passing buildings.

Then Felix's phone rang.

You both paused, and Felix furrowed his eyebrows as he accepted the call that came through the speaker.

"Hellooooo." Felix drew out.

"Hi, did you finish the open mic?" Seungmin asked.

As they were talking, you decided to open your phone once more, checking your recent texts. Seungmin could be anywhere right now, and possibly he just needed to call Felix and didn't see your text. But you blinked, noticing that your texts were left on read.

Oh.

You definitely annoyed him. Now there was this knot in your stomach. You wished you could rewind the last few seconds and undo the texts you sent. Seungmin wasn't the type of girly bestie that you would flip out about your crush with. He was Seungmin...the guy that read your text and didn't reply.

But then, his voice perked up.

"Are you alone right now?" Seungmin asked over the line.

Felix shook his head, sticking out his bottom lip. He informed Seungmin that he was with you, saying your name.

"I'm dropping her home." He added, simply, as though that sentence alone didn't make the butterflies in your stomach do cartwheels.

"Well...I'm so sorry, but can you both make a quick pit stop?" Seungmin asked. "I ordered pizza for the house so I need you guys to pick it up. It's on the way."

Felix paused, looking over at you. You didn't speak. You couldn't say anything really, but somewhere in your heart, the butterflies somersaulted.

"Um....I mean..." Felix started.

"It's on the way." Seungmin said. "It would be like, 20 minutes tops?"

Felix looked back over at you. "Twenty minutes. Would that be okay?"

Before you could reply, Seungmin spoke again.

"Eh, it'll be fine. You two can go together. Spark conversation. Get to know each other."

You knew what Seungmin was doing. You knew that he was buying you time. The pizza idea was probably because of what you texted him, but you had no idea he would pull this stunt. You didn't know whether to thank him or yell at him.

Felix let out an awkward chuckle, a higher pitched outburst as he smiled, his the bit of his tongue picking out in the corner of his lip.

"You don't have to. I can drop you off, and then grab the pizza." Felix told you.

"No," You said suddenly, a brave part of you coming out. You looked at Felix. "We can get the pizza...I mean, if you want to...if you're okay with that, I'm...it's okay."

"Just get the pizza together, it's no big deal. Cheers mate!" Seungmin said, ending with an attempt at an Australian accent over the phone. There was a beep and he hung up before you or Felix could comment on anything.

You let out a breath just as Felix shook his head. There was nothing being said between the two of you for a bit before Felix looked at you, shooting a tight smile.

"I guess we're getting pizza."

...

The air was cooler as you both stepped out of the car. The drive to the local pizza shop wasn't long, but the sun started to set and you folded your arms as hints of a breeze flew in.

Felix parked a bit farther than the square and you walked in front, folding your arms over your chest and he walked behind you. The walk was quiet. The evening was quiet. You were quiet. Felix was quiet.

Everything was so dang quiet.

You approached the square, where there were different shops next to each other. A pizza shop a shawarma place, a burgers and fries restaurant, and some other tasty options.

You both arrived at the door and Felix pulled the handle, gesturing for you to walk in first. You smiled, said thank you, and entered the pizza shop. You were hit with the aroma of deep dish pepperoni. Surprisingly no one else was in the shop, and whoever was working there was in the back.

Felix walked over to the counter and you followed suit, standing a few steps behind him. There was a bell that was on the counter and Felix looked at you.

"Do I just...?"

You looked at the bell and then back at Felix. "I think so...yeah."

"Okay."

Felix tapped the bell twice and then took a step back and waited. You couldn't help but look over at him again. He looked so so unreal, even in the casualties of a pizza store. Felix stood, eyes scanning the menu for a while before he turned to you with a smile.

Then you had to awkwardly look away and then back at him as if you weren't staring at him this whole time.

"The cookie pie looks good. I kind of want to try."

You blinked, looking over at where Felix was pointing. In the top right corner of the screen you saw under the sides category, a pie with chocolate chips.

"Wow....it does. Did you want to get it?" You asked, looking at Felix.

He shook his head. "I do, but...I have too much of a sweet tooth. I'm trying to lay off too much sugars for a bit."

You nodded, suddenly thinking about the time you and Seungmin picked Felix up from the bakery he worked at.

"How's it like, working in a bakery?"

Felix nodded and smiled. "It's good. Honestly, I enjoy it. Everyone is really nice, and I'm fortunate to work under genuinely good people. I carry a lot of leftovers to Seungmin when the day is done. I end up smelling like dough and sugar at the end of the day when I come back home." He laughed.

"That's not a bad thing, really." You said, chuckling.

"True. It could be worse."

Your mini conversation ended just as a short man in an apron cane from the back door to the counter. Felix took a few steps forward and smiled warmly at the worker.

"Hi. My friend called in and ordered a pizza a few minutes ago. Extra cheese and then a box of 20 wings on the side. For Felix." He said, and you stared at him.

It was so interesting how Felix carried himself. There was no fear, no social anxiety, not even showing that he knew people noticed him everywhere he was. You wondered what that must feel like, to know that every human interaction you would have, it would be the same first impression. Yet Felix continued on throughout whatever it was that he needed to do.

The man behind the counter blinked, probably trying to register Felix's voice (yes, he looks like that and sounds like that, I know) before he plastered a smile, looking behind him.

"Ah, yes, it's over here."

The box of pizza and side box of wings was still steaming as you watched the man hand it all over to Felix, and you smiled.

"Thank you so much." You said.

The man smiled back at you and Felix and then pointed to the two of you.

"Oh! Give me one second, I forgot to get the other order."

You froze in your tracks, watching as the pizza man dashed to the back. At the same time Felix looked over at you, shooting a confused expression. You mirrored the same, raising an eyebrow as you shrugged, which made Felix smile.

When the man did emerge again, you were surprised to see him carrying a medium sized box that you could see from the sticker that was labeled a cookie pie.

"Your friend told me it's your 3 month dating anniversary you both are celebrating today, so this is on the house!" The man declared, placing the box on top of the other pizza that Felix was carrying.

"Oh, um-" Feliz stumbled back slightly just as panicked, not knowing whether to look physically shocked, or embarrassed, or angry, or....

"I-" You closed your mouth, trying to not to make the situation worse, although your heart skipped a beat and you knew that the heat on your face was resulting in the color on your cheeks.

The man, completely oblivious to the sake of the both of you, just smiled. "Your friend said good things about you, don't worry. He said because it's still new, everything is just cute and in the baby stage where you both are even wondering if you like each other. I've been married for 19 years now, and I'll just say this...."

The man paused as he looked over at Felix. "Don't overthink anything. That girl over there, she's very nice, she's beautiful, and she likes you. I can see the way she stares at you."

You couldn't breathe.

What. Was. Happening?

Then, as if damage wasn't already done, the man turned and looked at you.

"And for you, you don't have to be insecure about it. Your boyfriend is a very beautiful man, and I don't mean that in a creepy way, just in the way that I'm sure he gets people flirting with him all the time. But think about it. He chose you for a reason. He wants to be with you."

The man looked at you both, clasping his hands together with a smile. "Your friend told me to remind you both of what you already know. That you both really like each other, so there's no need or space for overthinking."

For a moment, there was no sound or noise, nothing arose from either you or Felix. How could there have been? But during the disbelief of the reality in which Seungmin told a pizza man about the both of you, you didn't know what to think. The pause was long, probably a bit too much, as the man blinked and then held up his hands.

"Sorry, I can be too forward-"

"No, no, it's...okay." Felix spoke, his voice measured and calm but careful. He looked at you, a hesitant look in his eyes.

"We're grateful. I mean..." His voice trailed off as he looked at you, and you cleared your throat.

"Y-yeah, we...it's fine." You flashed what you hoped was a polite smile and not a faint one.

The man smiled. "I just love young love, you know? I can see how much you like each other."

Oh my goodness this man did not stop.

You gave an awkward chuckle, your face burning from embarrassment. You didn't really think anything could top Seungmin telling Felix you thought he was cosplaying as Neuvillette the first time you met him, but this? This was definitely icing on a glorious cake.

From beside you where Felix stood, you thought you felt a light touch, the tip of fingertips against your lower back. But just as quickly as you felt it, the touch was no longer there. It was probably an imagination.

But then you felt it again, this time more sure, more present as Felix spoke.

"We have to get going....thank you so much." He said gently, and you stood straighter as you nodded and smiled.

Felix's hand was on your lower back. It's fine. Pfft. No big deal.

"Okay, have a good evening!"

"Thanks, you too."

You both left the pizza shop quickly, opening the door to step outside to the last of the sun before the night sky would officially take over.

You didn't know who would speak first. You sort of wanted Felix to say something, anything to diffuse the awkward moment. You also didn't know what he was thinking. What if he did have someone, or, what if he didn't think of you in that way and suddenly a man is offering dating advice and telling you both to not overthink the feelings you have for one another?

The situation was...a lot, for sure. It was nothing you've experienced before. But your mind went through the important wuestions. Did you actually look like a couple? Was Felix uncomfortable? And most importantly...what on earth did Seungmin deceive this man with? What did he even say?

Felix unlocked his car and you stepped in, sitting by yourself. You left out a very brief sigh before you turned, seeing him struggle with where to put the pizza. You gestured that you could hold it, and Felix nodded, handing it to you, before he opened the back car door. You wondered what he was doing, sitting in silence.

You watched as Felix took out of his leather jacket and then he closed the door and walked around the front of the car, now opening your door.

"Here, you can put this over your lap, so the pizza's not that hot." Felix offered.

You didn't protest, surprisingly, more probably in shock of everything that happened in the matter of 30 seconds- from you when the worker addressed you and Felix as a couple, to his hand on your lower back, to now having his leather jacket, the very same you saw him wear on himself, placed on your lap as a covering blanket you could put the box of pizza on.

"Um, okay, thank you."

You say still, the warmth of Felix's jacket draped over your legs and your heart immediately beat faster. You had no idea with Felix. What did he think about what just happened? What was on his mind? Would he just not address it? You still had quite a while to drive back, and would it be in complete silence?

You waited until Felix got back in his car. He sat down, buckling his seatbelt. You had to say something. You didn't know what, but you couldn't deal with the awkwardness.

"Hey," You blurted out before thinking.

Felix looked at you.

"Um ...I'm sorry. That was awkward, I don't know why..." You started to apologize.

Felix let out a small chuckle. "It's fine, really."

"I dont know why Seungmin would say that. He just..." Your voice trailed off just as Felix started to drive.

"No, I don't know why either. Sorry. That was a bit awkward." Felix said, avoiding eye contact.

More silence. You looked out the window as the car roamed, passing through the exit and now on to the main road.

"At least...you ended up getting the cookie pie." You said, trying to make things light.

Felix chuckled. "Ahh yeah. So much for less sugars."

The moment then died down once more and you drummed on the pizza box, trying to think of anything to replace the replay in your head. How embarassing must that have been for Felix to hear. It was probably just as much as you felt.

"Is it okay if we go to my apartment first, before going to your place? Just to drop off the pizza, it's on the way." Felix suddenly asked.

You nodded. "Of course."

You debated texting Seungmin, asking him for what it was that he was thinking. But you couldn't do that now. You couldn't care bring your phone out and yet the silence was killing you, because you did want to know what Felix was thinking.

It was Felix, who you didn't see often, that you started to know and think about. Felix, who although the first encounter was awkward, was always someone who was kind and attentive. Yet this was the very same Felix who you didn't know long. There was barely time to get to know him, and you could count all the instances you saw each other and talked on 3 fingers.

And suddenly it was up to this. You leaned your head against the window, thinking about the text Seungmin said:

Simple. You like Felix, he finds you endearing, and I find it all annoying."

Endearing.

He finds you endearing.

What did that even mean? You asked Seungmin to answer, to which he didn't, and now he sent a personal message from the pizza man saying that he shouldn't overthink anything, that you liked him very much.

So what did that mean for Felix? It couldn't mean that he thought about you and maybe said something to Seungmin, did it?

It couldn't have been....right?

You straightened in your seat, and turned your head to glance at him. Felix looked concentrated and in thought. His eyes were far and ahead on the road, eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration, and distant eyes glassy enough that could seem like he was pouting a bit. In other circumstances, you would've called that cute. However, you just didn't know if it was uncomfortable.

"Felix?"

"Yes."

You gave it a moment, trying to word your thoughts.

"I'm sorry if things got uncomfortable." You shook your head. "There was a misunderstanding."

Felix pressed his lips together, nodding to himself for a bit before he suddenly blinked, as though there was a realization.

"It was a misunderstanding?" He asked, a hint of confusion in his tone.

Your lips parted. "Well...I mean...yes?"

Felix blinked once more. "Really." There was a glint in his eye, somewhat boyish and playful.

"I could've sworn it was planned."

It was your turn to blink.

"Planned?"

"Yeah, I mean," Felix relaxed in his seat when there was a red light and he looked at you.

"Seungmin probably wanted us to make the move. We both....well, I don't know, I can say for myself, for some time...I've always wanted to get to know you more."

You felt your heart drop and suddenly you looked at him in disbelief.

Felix continued. "I've been asking about you, actually. After the first time we met in the park? That day when Seungmin and you picked me up. I just...I don't know, I thought you were interesting. I wanted to know more."

"Wait, really?"

Felix nodded. "Mmhm. But Seungmin said that..." He paused, a moment in hesitance.

You turned to him, the light surpsingly still red.

"What- what did Seungmin said?"

Felix shrugged, sticking out his bottom lip. "He just said that you...had an interest in me? Like, wanted to know more or..?"

Oh.

Your face burned with shyness. Your heart beat because suddenly there was now a conversation that you didn't expect to have, one where Felix himself was confronting you on your feelings. At the same time, admittedly said that he wanted to get to know you more as well.

"Well, I..." You paused, trying to think of the right words. "I just, when we first met...I did want to know more. You were never- I never really saw anyone...like you before."

Felix gave a warm but soft teasing smile. "Like Neuvillette?"

You buried your face in your hands. "Oh my goodness that's so embarrassing. I wanted you to forget about that."

Felix chuckled warmly just as the light turned green. "No, no. It's fine. Really. Honestly, that's not the worst comparison I've ever gotten."

You slowly removed your hands covering your face. "Worse?"

"Someone literally asked me what kind of animal I was." Felix blinked, gesturing at himself, before shooting a weird look. "An animal, mind you."

You had to laugh at that. "Right. Seungmin told me that."

Felix smiled. "I've been called everything after that. All with good intention, at least that's what I choose to think."

You found yourself nodding. "I'm sure it was. I mean...no one has ever been met with that level of..."

Felix scoffed, looking at you confusingly. "What, my face?"

"Your overall beauty. Like...." You let out a sigh. Though your heart beat you had a sudden ease about saying all of this. You might as well address it, since everything was out in the open now.

"No one just looks like that. Like, ethereal. No one I've ever seen looks like that. It's unreal. It doesn't make sense." You said, your voice small as you looked down at your lap.

You couldn't look at him. You were blushing too intensely now.

"Wait, really? For real?" Felix looked at you, his eyes in wonderment.

Your eyes widened. "Sorry, that was way too forward!"

"No, that's okay. It's okay, really. I'm flattered. I had no idea." Felix gave a gentle smile.

He paused, his voice a hint of a whisper.

"I think you're beautiful too."

...

I think you're beautiful too.

The words replayed in your head as you both go out of the car and you shyly followed Felix to the apartment entrance. You had tried not to do this part. You went over game plans with Felix, like letting him go home and you take the bus from this point (to which he said it was late and too dangerous). Or, you tried to persuade Felix that you could stay in the car as he went to drop off the pizzas. But of course, that didn't fly by him as you were now carrying the cookie pie and was entering the door.

Felix and Seungmin lived in one of the last places in the third floor. You both walked down the carpeted hallway towards the door, and you watched Felix juggle carrying a box of pizza and his keys to knock in rhythm on the door.

It didn't take long for Seungmin to open the door, with a smug smile.

"Hey! Pizza's here!" He smiled. "My sister's sleeping, so don't make too much noise. Come in!"

"We're not staying. I was just dropping the pizzas since it was on the way. I still have to drop her home." Felix said, referring to you.

You looked over at Seungmin who just smiled, seeing the two of you.

"Right. Are you sure you didn't want to stay? Grab some pizza?"

You shook your head. "No thanks. It's getting late."

"Well..." Seungmin shot a knowing smile "Take as much time out as you need. You're welcome." He said with a wink, before closing the door behind him.

Your jaw dropped, though no word came out. You turned to Felix who blinked repeatedly.

"I'm going to kill him." He said.

"I think I'll join you."

You both looked at each for a few seconds and smiled, a certain ease filling the air as well as your chest before Felix pointed behind him.

"Let's go."

You both went back out to his car, this time something a bit different. There was a moment shared where the two of you could bond with the fact that your mutual friend had a messed up way of playing matchmaker. Though somehow...it was starting to work? Maybe?

You didn't want to push it, but you thought you saw in the corner of your eye Felix sneaking glances at you once you both were in his car. As he drove, there was almost a secret language, something hanging over your heads.

Felix suddenly cleared his throat, turning on his phone. "Should we play some music?"

You nodded eagerly. "Yeah, let's."

You watched as Felix connected music from his phone to the car radio and as you heard a familiar intro, you looked at him.

"Is that Sparks?" You asked.

Felix gave a gentle smile, turning the volume up. "Yeah. I love Coldplay." He said sheepishly.

You smiled. "I love Coldplay too! They're so good."

"There's always this nostalgia whenever I listen to them, I just think of summer nights when I'd listen to them back home. Especially this song, and Fix You...Everglow as well, ugh." Felix smiled, his eyes lighting up. "I love all their songs honestly. I saw them recently, and...wow. I got so emotional."

The two of you both started to slowly but surely work your way towards talking. The conversation mainly involved music, but you learned that Felix was a man of variety, where a playlist with Kendrick Lamar would also have Avril Lavigne. You shared with him as well the artists you'd like and Felix even allowed you to play show him a song, right then and there in his car.

After a while Felix finally made it to your house. You didn't want to say goodbye for the night, but you knew that he had to go back to his dorm again. You turned to him and smiled.

"Thank you so much."

"It's no problem!" Felix said, swatting his hand down. Then he looked at you, hesitant for a bit. It was a look so obvious, you had to call him out.

"What's up?"

"Should we go out?" Felix blurted out.

Oh.

You didn't reply right away. Not that you didn't want to, everything was just unexpected and your heart did an unnecessary flip as you looked at him, wanting to brush the golden strands away from his eye.

Felix shook his head. "Sorry. I meant...do you want to go out with me? Can I... take you out on a date?"

First it was his eyes. There were big, bright and hopeful. Almost resembling the purities of a little boy. Then, it was his voice, almost unsure. Like the very moment the words escaped him, Felix recognized it was thin ice.

But you could recognize what he was feeling, because the thundering in your heart confirmed you felt it too.

"I know we met not long ago. It's only been 3 times, but...I have been intrigued by you. I've wanted to know more. To the point where I talked to Seungmin about you. To the point where he texted me to come to open mic because that was where you would be." Felix continued.

Your eyes widened. "Wait...really? Because...I texted Seungmin and he told me I could have time to hang out with you and get to know you, without him being there."

Felix gave a chuckle and shook his head. "Wow. That's...wow."

You nodded. "I know."

There wasn't much to think about, but there was a sort of disbelief. Like the man you first saw in the park couldn't possibly be who was looking at you now, waiting attentively for your answer. But because it was now, right now in this moment, right in the driveway of your house, you knew that this would be perfect for getting to know Felix. And you wanted this. You wanted to get to know him.

So without thinking about it, but at the same time, thinking about it, you smiled.

"Yeah. Let's go on a date."

Felix raised his eyebrows interestingly with a smirk. "Should we go to a cosplay event for our first date?"

You playfully slapped him and giggled. "Stop!"

[epwritten]

Neuvillette ~ l.f (part 1)

Description: You were convinced Felix isn't real, because who just looks like that?!

Author's Note: Hey loves! I know I haven't written in forever. This has been sitting in drafts for so long. I started this back in April and never came back to it because it was so long and I had no direction of where to land it. I finally decided this will have an other part! So enjoy part 1! :)

Words: 8K

Additional note: College!you, 2nd pov 'you' format. Slightly comedic (at least I consider Seungmin is)

Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time you met Felix was truly an unforgettable experience (that you would like to burn from your memory if you had a chance).

You were partnered with Seungmin for a presentation for physics class and had met at the public library to plan ahead. The study session was great. You both were alike in terms of work ethic and you were grateful. Not only because Seungmin actually was on board to make plans to meet up and work on this project, but also because he managed plan to split the slides accordingly. This meeting you both did was just a brainstorming so you both just got the basics, but for the first time in a while you felt confident that you would do well.

"Alright," Seungmin said, closing his laptop. You watched as he stretched his hands over his head and yawned. "I'm about ready to go home."

You nodded, doing the same. "Me too. Can't wait to sleep."

"How are you getting home?" Seungmin then asked as you both were putting stuff away.

You shrugged. Your family had a shared car that was constantly in use by different members depending on the day. Right now, it was parked in your dad's workplace and would be there for a while. You bused over for meeting up with Seungmin and you would probably bus back.

"Bus." You replied, closing your notebook that had three pages worth of notes just from today's brainstorming alone.

Seungmin nodded as he stood up, slinging his backpack strap over his shoulder. "Okay, so I'll drive you, is what you're saying."

"Huh?"

You turned and looked at Seungmin. You could recognize that he was indeed serious and wasn't even joking. You shook your head.

"I never said that. I said-"

"I kind of parked out back, but that's okay."

"Seungmin-"

"Yes? Okay! Let's go."

You just stared at him. Seungmin wasn't listening to you, and he knew it. You tried to protest but each time you did, he would interrupt and say something else about his car. And then he gave a mischievous smile. There was no backing out even when you tried to convince him it was fine to take the bus.

And so somehow you ended up stepping outside with Seungmin walking through the parking lot. The sun was now setting beautifully, with orange and pink coating spread across the sky.

"Whoa...look at that." You muttered softly, stopping to take a few photos.

Seungmin was busy texting away on his phone and you patted his shoulder.

"Look at the sunset!"

"Yeah, it's so cool..." Seungmin said staring at his screen as his thumbs worked.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes then noticed Seungmin frown.

"What's up?"

"We have to go pick up my roommate first." Seungmin said flatly.

The two of you finally reached his car and you stopped in hesitance. "I can take the bus..."

Seungmin shook his head, unlocking the car doors. "Not happening."

"Then let me sit in the back then?"

"You don't have to do that. He's nothing special." Seungmin said with a shrug. You saw the corners of his lips twitch to hold back a smile and you laughed.

"You're a little jokster." You commented, and then opened the back door. "I'm still sitting here."

You got in the back of the car and waited for Seungmin to get in before he started driving. You stayed quiet, looking out the window. You didn't ask questions about the roommate or how far he was. You didn't even know Seungmin had a roommate to begin with. There were no official dorms at the college you both went at, but everything was expensive so you knew that a lot of international students just lived together to make life easier.

You didn't know where you both were headed. This roommate of his could be anywhere. But when Seungmin suddenly drove to the entrance of a nearby park, you were a bit confused.

"Is your roommate here?" You asked.

Seungmin nodded. "Yeah, he's somewhere by the water I think. I tried texting him that I'm here but he's not responding. Come on, let's go look for him." He unlocked the car doors and stepped outside.

You shrugged and got out of the car as well. You had nothing better to do.

The two of you walked through the padded grass and you instantly smiled at the scene in front of you. So many people were out. There were kids playing frisbee, families eating, couples walking, photographers taking nature pictures...it was all so beautiful.

You and Seungmin got to talk more as you headed closer to the picnic tables by the water. You liked his humor, it was sarcastic and funny and you found that you could actually be good friends with him. Finally at one point, Seungmin let out a breathe.

"Ah, there he is." He said.

You squinted. "Is that a birthday party?" You asked with a small smile.

"It seems so."

A family was all sitting together by the far left with birthday balloons, food, and birthday hats. You tried to look for Seungmin's roommate but it was hard without description. Plus, you didn't really see anyone around your age except...

"Felix!" Seungmin called softly.

Okay, now you got the roomate's name at least.

Seungmin paused, stopping abruptly and you turned and looked at him, giving a questioning look. Seungmin gave an embarrassed smile.

"He's talking to somebody." You said.

You smiled "Oh."

You stood awkwardly with Seungmin a few feet away and you looked ahead to who he was referring to. Then you saw someone who physically made you do a double take.

There was a man, or...at least, it seemed so? He looked like a genuine anime character or fairy of some sort. Which, was weird to think but you've really never seen anyone look like that. He was dressed in a soft beige gold shirt underneath a white blazer on top of white pants. His silver hair was long, just under his shoulders that matched with his pale skin. A matching set of golden necklaces and bracelets sparkled as he moved and talked with gestures. He smiled genuinely as he talked with what looked like the mother of one of the kids at the birthday party. When he smiled, his eyes crinkled and your heart did a flip. You've never seen anyone so beautiful, but also so fictional.

Your mind turned with questions as you stated, not noticing that you probably looked a little creepy just staring like that. But who looked like that? No one physically and casually just looks like that.

And then it clicked.

You looked over at the table of the family again, this time noticing that a small boy had a birthday hat and sash. You concluded that he was the one having the birthday and that Felix was a part of the celebration.

You turned to Seungmin. "How often does your roommate do this?" You asked.

Seungmin looked at you. "Do what?"

"Cosplay. Is it like, he gets requests from families to be gaming characters for kid's birthday parties?" You asked.

You gestured to Felix with your head pointing in his direction. "That's Neuvillete, right? From Genshin Impact? He has the long silver hair."

Seungmin stared at you for a while. Then he burst out laughing.

"What?"

"He's not cosplaying anyone right now. That's just how he looks." Seungmin told you.

You paused, your brain trying to process what you just heard. After several seconds of silence (except for Seungmin's laughter), you looked at him.

"He...what? He just looks like that?!" You said in disbelief.

"Yes...?" Seungmin said. "What, is something wrong?"

You shook your head. "No, nothing's wrong, it's just..." Your voice trailed off as you stared back at Felix, Seungmin's roommate that stood a few feet away from you.

He looked unreal. Completely unreal. There was just no way. You'd seen pretty guys before, somewhat, but not on a level quite like this. There weren't even any words to describe it.

Felix suddenly looked over at the direction you and Seungmin were standing and you quickly looked away from him. From beside you, Seungmin was still giggling.

"Oh, I'm going to have so much fun telling him about this." He said.

That caused you to immediately turn and look at Seungmin. Your face flushed and you could feel your heart beat rapidly.

"Please don't."

He ignored you, as usual, as he suddenly cupped his hands to his mouth. "Felix!"

You placed your hand on Seungmin's arm in panic. "No, he's still talking with-"

You paused and saw the horror of the woman returning back to the table and Felix starting to walk to you both. You let go of Seungmin and stood awkwardly, eyes darting around the park just as you were suddenly graced with this man's presence.

And wow...he was even more beautiful right in front of you.

Seungmin smiled. "Hey Felix, how was the photoshoot?"

That caused you to blink. So....this Felix character was at the park for a photoshoot? Was that why he looked that...unreal? You were more confused than ever.

Felix gave a grimaced look, placing his hands on his hips as he sighed.

"I think it was good. I don't know. I'm still not very used to being out in places where there's so many people staring at me, but Hyunjin made it a comfortable experience." The sound of his deep voice paired with an Australian accent threw you off guard.

You blinked, but tried to keep your face as normal as possible.

That low voice coming out of a dainty figure? Just who is he?

Seungmin looked over at you and gave a knowing chuckle. He was surely enjoying your confusion and panic. It looked normal, like he had to deal with that with every stranger getting to know Felix the first time.

Seungmin placed a hand on your shoulder and pointed. "This is my roommate, Felix. One of our friends Hyunjin is taking a photography class and used him as a model."

You turned to Felix and looked at him. He was wearing light makeup, it automatically looked better than your own. The glitter in the corners of his eyes contrasted beautifully with his black eyeliner. His lips were pink and glossy, skin glowing. He gave you a gentle smile as he stretched his hand over to you.

"Hi, I'm Felix, nice to meet you."

You took his hand, trying not to get lost in his eyes. They were hazel-ish, but you could tell they were contacts. But still big and doe-shaped, like a lost puppy.

You said your name, kind of breathlessly. It was hard trying not to look affected when that was exactly what you were. Affected.

"We have a presentation together for our physics class so we were just working on it." Seungmin explained. Then he smirked.

"She also thought you do cosplays for little kid birthday parties." He said directly to Felix.

You felt your heart drop. Your eyes widened as you looked at Seungmin, shooting a "how could you say that?" look. He obviously laughed in reply.

When you did find the decency to look Felix in the eyes (after long seconds of hesitance), he gave a slow smile.

Felix blinked. "Cosplay?" He asked slowly, his eyebrow raised and he smiled, his face with slight amusement.

"Yeah, she thought you were being Neuvillete for the birthday party over there." Seungmin continued.

That caused you to looked over at him.

"Seungmin!" You said.

"What? That's what you said. You literally asked me if he was cosplaying Neuvillete." Seungmin pointed out with a smile. It took everything in you not to slap his arm right then and there.

You turned to Felix, your face completely hot. "That was a misunderstanding. I just thought-"

"Hey, it's okay." Felix gave a gentle smile. "You're not really the first person to say something along the lines of that."

Seungmin laughed. "Yeah, he always gets asked whether he's a boy or a girl. Or an anime character. Or a fairy. He even was asked what kind of animal he was once."

If this was Seungmin's way of trying to make you feel better, you somehow felt even more embarrassed as your face turned a pink hue. Felix seemed to notice that and he gave a soft smile.

"I used to actually cosplay a little when I was a kid. I love cosplays, though, I think they're very cool. Are you into it at all?" He asked, guiding the conversation to you.

"Um...yeah, I mean, I like it. I'm so sorry again though, I didn't mean to think that-"

Felix gave a chuckle, his whole face lighting up as he shook his head and touched the side of your arm reassuringly. "It's okay, don't worry about it. I'm curious though. You mentioned Neuvillete, do you play Genshin?" He asked, this time his eyes perking interest.

You shook your head. "No, I don't really know a lot about games. But my brother plays Genshin and his character is Neuvillete so....yeah." You end awkwardly.

Felix smiled. "That's nice. So, what do you like to do in your spare time?"

You three were walking now, following Seungmin to the car. As you spoke, Felix was nodding along and giving eye contact for every little detail, verbally saying "okay" or "uh huh" to let you know he was presently hearing you. It made you somewhat relax, the fact that Felix didn't take anything you thought of him personally, and the fact that he also pick up how embarrassed you were and diverted the conversation to something else. You appreciated him for that.

By the time you did get home, the replays of the day were in your head.

...

You didn't see Felix for the next few days, and for some reason...you wanted to. He was the most intriguing person you've ever met and admittedly your mind would drift back to days past where you first saw him.

Now, granted, you were still embarrassed about the cosplay thing (it kept you up at night sometimes), but you were more so drawn to the thought of him talking to you as carefully as he could, even though Seungmin laughed and teased your mistake like it was the funniest thing to dwell on.

It was pretty funny how often you saw Seungmin in comparison to Felix and there was a part of you that maybe wanted to ask Seungmin about Felix, but it would be awkward to bring up. Especially because it was Seungmin. The man would make a big deal over everything.

A few days passed and you and Seungmin would work a little bit more on the presentation, but those days your car was actually available so you'd depart from him after the study session, having no idea if he would pick up Felix or anything. And you sort of wanted to see Felix again at some point, if there was the chance. But it was impossible.

It drove you crazy that you hadn't heard anything about Felix, or saw him. There was just that one encounter and that was it. It had been about a week and a half now, and still nothing. Your mind drifted to Felix in the middle of the day. How was he? Was he modeling for other photoshoots as well? Was he in his room, his PC setup in front of him, playing video games? Was he working? A student? Was he single? Taken? Married?

Your mind didn't rest for even a second.

The next week, you and Seungmin had presented in front of the class. Because of the preparation, you both were well prepared and could tell that even the professor was nodding along as he jotted down some notes. When the class was over, Seungmin fell alongside you, leaving the North building.

"You got any more classes for the day?" He asked.

You shook your head, a smile on your face. It was a Friday, meaning you had an early weekend. "Nope. That's all. I'm going home." You replied.

"Me too." Seungmin said, ducking his head under a low tree branch as he walked.

You smiled at him, and then pointed to the street where you would go to the bus stop, since on Fridays your sister had the car.

"I'm crossing." You told Seungmin when he awkwardly started walking in the other direction, continuing to talk to you.

Seungmin turned around, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Oh, my sister has the family car today, so I'm busing." You told him.

Seungmin shot a weird look. "No, you're not. I'm giving you a ride." He said.

You shook your head. "Seungmin, you don't need to-"

"Yes? Okay, let's go." Seungmin smiled, pulling your arm so you practically flew into the other direction. He let go of your arm with a laugh and you playfully shoved him.

"You could've broke my arm!" You protested.

"Relax. You're being dramatic." Seungmin commented as he got his keys, unlocking the car from the distance where you could see his car in view. The two of you got in, and you took the passenger's seat without thinking much about it.

Seungmin started to drive, turning on the radio to some retro soft rock song you didn't recognize.

You looked at him. "So, how do you think we did?" You asked.

Seungmin smiled, his eyes on the road. "I think we did pretty good. We rehearsed really well, and it wasn't even nerve-wracking to speak up there." He said.

You nodded. "Yeah! I was a bit nervous at the start, but it ended up being really chill." You said.

You lived about 15 ish minutes away from the school, so you recognized the distance and roads needed to take. But when the usual highway exit passed, you looked at Seungmin quizzingly.

"Did you miss the exit on purpose?" You asked. Knowing Seungmin, he totally could've done that.

Seungmin shook his head, his eyes squinted in concentration as he glanced at the screen in front of him. Then he looked at you.

"What's the exact time right now?" He asked.

You awkwardly got your phone out from the back pocket on your jeans, and then looked at the screen.

"4:27" You said.

"Ah." Seungmin nodded. "Okay." He muttered to himself.

He took the next exit and you could see that where he was going you had no clue. You blinked at him. "So, are you going to explain why you missed my house? Or....?"

Seungmin sighed. "Fine. If you must know..." Then he smiled, looking right at you.

"Our good friend Neuvillette is finished work in 3 minutes and we're in his area. So, being the gentleman I am, you know, it only makes sense..." He gave a smirk.

Your face burned once more hearing the word 'Neuvillette'.

"You're not going to let that go, are you?"

"Never. I think it's a cute name. He wouldn't mind you calling him that. I call him that all the time now." Seungmin said.

You slowly looked at him, your heart panicked and in disbelief. "You don't..."

"Nah. I don't. But I should though."

"No, you really shouldn't. I still get embarrassed thinking about it so if you don't mind, let's drop it before he's in the car." You said, a small shiver running down your back at the mention.

After all this time, you were going to see Felix today. You didn't even expect it or prepare for it.

Seungmin didn't say anything for a while. But it wasn't until he looked at you, he suddenly grinned so much that you couldn't help but inquire.

You shot him a confused look."What are you smiling about?"

Seungmin gave a chuckle. "It's pretty obvious. You like him, don't you?"

You felt your face heat up, but just punched Seungmin in the arm, before turning and looking out the window. "I don't like him, I don't even know him." You said.

"Okay, good. Because that would've been embarrassing for him and his girlfriend if they knew."

You felt your heart immediately drop. It was weird the way it dropped so fast as if Felix was someone you knew. He was allowed to have a girlfriend, there was no problem with that. Actually, looking at him, there was no way he wouldn't have a girlfriend. But the fear of your silent reaction made you question something even worse. Did you care that much because you actually did like him?

"Oh, yeah, no...no, I don't like him, no." You practically stuttered quietly. You continued to look out the window now, not wanting to look at Seungmin's little smile that you knew he was carrying.

What did she look like? Who was she? How good did they look together?

Seungmin started to laugh out loud once more and you gave him a confused look.

"What?"

"I'm just messing with you. He doesn't have a girlfriend. I just wanted to see your reaction." Seungmin gave a proud teasing smile and you shook your head.

"I didn't make a reaction." You defended, even though for some strange reason hearing this fact made you feel lighter, almost like weirdly enough you had a chance now.

Seungmin smiled brightly, his eyes filled with mischief. "Yeah, you did. You were 0.5 seconds away from asking me just "who the lucky girl" was. Remember, I'm Felix's roommate. I see people have that look every time they're around him. Then they ask me for the follow ups." He said.

You breathed out a sigh. "Well, I'm sorry, some of us were never met with that kind of...beauty right in front of our faces."

Seungmin smirked. "Beauty, huh?"

Your hand made contact with his arm in a playful slap once again. It was basically a reflex at this point.

You felt quite curious now as your hands fiddled in your lap and you slowly looked at Seungmin. It was good to know that Felix didn't have a girlfriend. Well, maybe not good for him, but...you couldn't help but wonder. Even if there wasn't a proper label, surely there had to be someone.

"You said he didn't have a girlfriend, but...he's definitely seeing someone, right? Or-"

"Your ears are red." Seungmin suddenly commented. "Man, you're getting this worked up for someone you don't like, huh?"

"I don't like him. I don't know him enough to like him."

"Then why care if he is seeing someone? Asking if there's anyone he's seeing, it makes you sound pretty...possessive, don'tcha think?"

"Please stop talking."

"You're not denying it."

It was true. You weren't denying anything. And that was the problem. Who cared whether Felix had a girlfriend, or boyfriend, or partner, or was seeing someone, or officially dating, or engaged, or married, or completely single? You shouldn't care. But it would be good to know...at least, that's what you were telling yourself.

It was practically for educational purposes.

Seungmin didn't say anything for a while, and you ended up sitting in silence, all except for the occasional humming along to Everybody Wants To Rule the World playing on the radio. But after the song was over, Seungmin spoke out.

"Hmmm...let me call him real quick to check to see if he doesn't already have a ride or anything. We're almost there." Seungmin said, suddenly taking his phone out.

You watched as Seungmin went to contacts and clicked on one of the recent ones, before setting his phone on speaker and holding it with one hand.

The phone rang twice before it picked up.

"Hey."

Your eyes closed for a second before you forced them opened. That dang voice. It was deeper than you remembered.

"Hey, did you need a ride? I'm like, 3 minutes away." Seungmin said.

"Oh, yes, please. Thank you so much. I'm getting out, I'm just packing a leftover box. Did you want anything?"

"Yeah, do you guys still have those raspberry biscuits?"

"Ummm...I don't think so- oh wait..." There was some rustling in the over the line before Felix came back.

"Yeah, they're here. Only two though, it's the last of the batch, is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine thanks. Oh, just letting you know, there's a hostage in the car with me so you'll just sit in the back." Seungmin said, his tone serious.

You didn't hesitate to punch his arm once more.

Over the line, you could hear a sigh. "Seungmin, you need to stop saying you have hostages-"

"Yeah, but-"

"-while I'm on speaker."

"Oh."

You turned to Seungmin, your eyes widened, but he just gave a smug smile. "Whoops."

There was seriously something wrong with him.

"Did anyone hear that?" Seungmin asked, though the smile was still there.

"Luckily for you, I'm in the back by myself. But, I am leaving the kitchen right now though, so Kim Seungmin, think before you speak." Felix said, drawing emphasis on Seungmin's full name.

You smiled. You liked their friend dynamic. It was pretty interesting seeing how Seungmin was with how Felix was. It was like you had someone sensible, and then a complete menace.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Who is it, by the way?" Felix asked. "Who do you have with you, Hyunjin?"

Seungmin shook his head, eyes on the road. "Physics classmate. The one I had the presentation with. You know," he smirked. "She thought you were Neuvillette."

"Seungmin!" You mouthed, giving him a punch on his leg. Seungmin just laughed.

Felix, on the other end, didn't say anything for a second. When he finally did, you heard rustling once again in the background.

"Oh, okay, did she want anything?"

Seungmin suddenly passed his phone to you, and you mini panicked as you held his phone.

"She's on speaker, you can ask her." Seungmin replied smugly.

You shot him a glare. Why was he like that?

"Hiiii, how are you? How was the presentation?" Felix's voice was warm, dating back to the first time he talked to you. Like, even in this moment he knew somehow that you needed to relax and he provided that option.

"Hi Felix. I'm good. The presentation was really good, thank you. How are you?" You were aware how small and frail your voice sounded and Seungmin gave a certain smile as you spoke but you chose to ignore him.

"I'm doing well, thanks. I'm just packing a leftover box from the bakery I work at, was there anything you wanted? Like cookies, brownies, biscuits, scones, anything like that?" Felix asked.

You smiled at his courtesy but shook your head. "Oh, no...I'm good, but thank you though." You said shyly.

"Are you sure? It's really no problem. I bring back leftovers all the time."

"No, I had a late lunch so I'm a bit full," You let out a nervous chuckle which Seungmin definitely noticed. "But thank you so much, Felix."

"Okay. If you're sure."

Seungmin parked on the street across from a small bakery called Modern Bakeshop Inc, a place where you remember driving by sometimes but you never checked it out.

"Okay dude, we're right outside."

"Okay, one second."

The phone hung up then and you sat up a bit straighter as you looked at the entrance door. An elder man came outside of the doors, and you watched as he turned the "Come in, we're open" sign to "Sorry, we're closed". The bakery officially closed now and you knew that in a matter of seconds Felix would come.

And then he did.

It was hard not to miss him. He looked elegant, dressed in a simple white oversized shirt over jean shorts. His hair was tied up in a messy bun with front strands all over his face. You watched as Felix spotted the car and smiled, showing the box before he started crossing the street towards the car.

"Who do you think he's cosplaying this time?" Seungmin asked as he leaned towards you, the teasing plainly heard in his tone.

"Shut up."

Felix got to the car and it was when he was by the door did you realize you were sitting in the front. You suddenly pressed the button to slide down your window and when Felix saw that, he stood in front of the open window, looking down at you.

And man, if his beauty wasn't enough, you just realized in addition to his ethereal face, he had freckles.

F r e c k l e s.

"Did you want to sit up front?" You asked, trying not to look too flushed at the radiant prince of a man in front of you.

Felix shook his head, giving a soft smile. "No. I'll be at back. Don't worry about it." He said.

"Okay, if you're sure."

Felix gave a final smile before he started to open the back door and you could hear Seungmin muttering about how insufferable the two of you were.

As Felix settled in, Seungmin waited, turning to look over.

"Can I have a scone please?"

You looked through the sun visor mirror and saw Felix blink up at Seungmin, and you found it semi-cute how his doe eyes would resemble that much of a child in his natural habitat.

Pfft. Who were you kidding? It was adorable.

"You're hungry for one now? You don't want to wait until you get to the dorm?" Felix asked.

Seungmin smiled. "Yeah, I'll have one now in the car, and one in the dorm."

"Okay." Felix opened his leftover box and you watched how he carefully handed a scone to Seungmin. At this exchange, he looked at your and your heart flipped at the eye contact.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" Felix asked you.

You nodded. "I'm sure."

"Promise?"

The butterflies in your stomach did cartwheels once more and you had to smile, no longer looking at Felix because he would see you literally flustered without explanation. The thing was, there was no explanation as to why you were like this. Felix just had that effect and you weren't sure why. But you just nodded and flashed what you hoped was a friendly smile.

"I promise."

Felix leaned forward in his seat, looking at you through the sun visor mirror.

"And... if you did end up wanting anything, you'd tell me right?"

You broke eye contact, smiling to yourself like a crushing schoolgirl. This was bad. You didn't know what was worse. The fact that Felix had an effect on you so strong from basically just existing, the fact that he was right there and that meant he could see you quite literally melt, or the fact that Seungmin was watching the whole exchange with a look you could depict well. You prayed silently that he wouldn't say anything about this.

You just nodded, your face warm. This didn't make sense. Felix just asked a simple question and yet...? You were that entranced?

"Okay." Felix then sat back in his seat, putting his seatbelt on. "I'm ready to go home."

Seungmin started to drive then, and you were still shook up, and not speaking as you looked down at your lap. From the corner of your eye you saw that Seungmin had noticed, of course, and to you caught a sudden smirk he carried throughout the ride back home.

Seungmin could think whatever he wanted. It didn't change the fact that you didn't truly know Felix, and probably wouldn't have even a chance with him. A man like Felix wouldn't be single for long. There was no way there could ever be an interest.

...

The next few days you didn't hear anything. You still had your class with Seungmin, but between schedules and other classes it was difficult to even talk to him. Now that the presentation was over, there wasn't really any need to still be around him technically, though you spent time thinking of the past events of last week. Was it already a week ago since you last saw Felix? It was annoying how much you were thinking about him.

But it wasn't until Thursday when just like normal you were leaving your afternoon class that Seungmin - who wasn't in that class- caught up with you.

"Hey, you don't have any other classes do you?" His voice sounded rushed and he looked frantic and you turned, stopping in the hallways to look at him.

"No. What's up, Seungmin, everything okay?"

"Not really." He blows out a breath.

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What's wrong?"

Seungmin scratched the back of his head, his eyes not meeting yours. "I have this friend, Jeongin. You know Jeongin, right? Always smiling, baby faced....he's a music major."

You paused and nodded, slowly getting an image in your head. "Yeah, think I've seen him around study hall."

"Yeah, so he sings and makes music and tonight he's doing a set at the open mic night in the cafe on Bright Street."

"Oh, cool!"

The open mic cafe was an event that would happen every Thursday at 7pm at the cafe. It was organized by students after the cafe's closing hours at 5pm, and was there for the purpose and reason of showcasing student talent. Whether it was singing, spoken word, dancing, jokes even, you knew of these open mic nights and liked its cause.

"Yeah, but I have a problem." Seungmin said.

"What's up?"

"So...he wanted to show up a couple of hours earlier to practice the acoustics...he usually shows up before anyone else just to practice, that's how dedicated he is. But...he doesn't have a guitar pick with him, and I told him I'd meet him at 5 to give my guitar pick,"

You nodded along.

"Okay,"

"But I just realized that my sister- who studies abroad, comes home at 5 for her reading week and I have to pick her up from the airport. We're probably going to be grabbing dinner and catching up, which means I can't make it to open mic night, but I already told Jeongin that I'm on the way with this pick. I just got a text from my sister saying 'see you soon' and I just realized what day it was, and I mixed up the days and everything..."

Seungmin's voice trailed off. He looked at you, with desperate eyes, almost like there was no one else. And technically, there wasn't, when you assessed how it was 4:53 and somebody should be at the cafe to meet Jeongin if he was going to be there by 5.

"Well, I...I can give him the pick." You answered slowly.

Seungmin looked at you, his face drawing into a smile. "You will?"

Before you could confirm, Seungmin already dug at his pocket, handing you a deep brown colored guitar pick. You gave a small smile, taking it.

"Thank you so much! You know where the cafe is right?"

You nodded. "Of course. And it's fine. Have fun with your sister." You wished.

"Thank you! I'll text Jeongin and let him know you're coming!"

Seungmin and you parted then and you watched as he jogged down the hallway, headed to the parking lot exit. You smiled. You didn't have the car with you for Thursday (as your brother needed it last minute), but luckily the cafe was about a good seven minute walk down the campus.

You opened your phone to check the time. It was now 4:54pm and you hoped that Seungmin would make it to the airport on time. You knew that there was a near airport to the university that you were sure he was referring to. You smiled as you started walking. It was nice of him to do this. You didn't even know he had a sister, you just saw him as the menace he was.

You started to exit the building, grateful that the spring weather was nice and warm but not too much. You spotted buds starting to form off the branches of tall trees and noises of students leaving and going to classes have you a certain romanticised feeling of life, where moments like these you could breathe in deeply and allow yourself to live.

You liked walking. Some days music would accompany your trails with the perfect background set from your earphones, but other days like today- where there would've been too much of a hassle to get your earphones from the front pocket of your backpack- you ignored the need of lyrical disassociation, and chose to listen to the sounds of nature instead.

When you finally arrived to your destination, you smiled, feeling the guitar pick in your pocket and headed to the cafe, which you could see from the windows that the lights were already on. Jeongin was probably already there. You hoped that Seungmin at least texted Jeongin and let him know it would be you to hand in the guitar pick instead of the familiar face of his friend.

You slowed your walk, getting to the door, gave it three seconds, and the pulled it, indicating the top bell to chime. You spotted near the side of the cafe, a couple of guys had mics set up and Jeongin was sitting on a stool, guitar in hand, currently doing a mic check. He noticed you come in and although you both didn't officially know each other or meet, he gave a smile, his hand shooting up in the air indicating that he could see you and was awkwardly calling you over. You smiled, doing the same before you walked over to him.

"Hey, um...Seungmin said-"

"Yes, of course." Jeongin smiled, his eyes gentle. "He told me you were coming."

You smiled, taking your guitar pack from you pocket and you handed it to him. Jeongin smiled.

"Thank you." He bowed his head towards you and then turned to the stool, going back to sit. Before sitting down, you heard a voice from behind you, low and familiar.

"Did you want a spotlight for your set?"

Felix.

At least, that was who you thought it was, but you couldn't believe it if it was true. You didn't expect him in this place, as you've been to multiple open mic nights before and never seen him. A part of your brain said maybe it wasn't Felix, that it could be someone else, but somehow you knew. Plus, that rich Australian accent was irreplaceable.

You took a couple of steps back and then slowly turned, just as Jeongin smiled.

"Yeah, I think I want a spotlight. Thanks Felix."

Jeongin turned and walked back to the stage just as you felt someone stand next to you in a white t-shirt under a leather jacket and black joggers. His hair was down and the front strands were brushed away and tucked behind his ears, revealing his bare face dotted with pretty freckles. You didn't realize how much he had, it was almost more each time you saw him. It was a simple attire but he looked immensely good in your eyes, and to be someplace where you weren't expecting him to be and suddenly seeing him, your stomach caught butterflies.

Felix looked over at you and smiled, his eyes lighting up. "Hey you, what are you doing here?"

You smiled at his greeting. "Hey, um...I was just giving Jeongin his guitar pick that Seungmin was supposed to give, but...he has to be with his sister." You said.

At your words Felix paused, a confused look flashed his face as his eyebrows furrowed.

"You gave it to him just now?" He asked.

You blinked, looking back at Jeongin who was starting to tune his guitar.

"Yeah...I did."

"Wait that's weird. Seungmin told me to give him his guitar pick. I was just setting up the lights and monitor in the back so I forgot, but..." You watched as Felix took a guitar pic out of his pocket. "Seungmin gave this to me this morning."

That made you blink once more. "But, he gave me a pick right after class..." You said suspiciously.

Felix paused for a silent beat before he eventually gave an easy going smile, shrugging his shoulders. "Perhaps he forgot he gave it to two people."

"Maybe...." Your voice trailed off.

At that very second you felt your phone buzz in the back pocket of your jeans. You shot Felix an apologetic look and took a few steps back looking at the new text from Seungmin himself.

When you saw the text, you took a double take, trying not to show the redness in your face. It was a small message but even via text you could still hear the smugness in his tone.

Thought you could've used some company so I may or may not have given Neuvillette a spare pic and asked him the same thing I asked you.

You're welcome ;)

You snuck a glance at Felix who now had his arms crossed, eyes ahead and glinting in awe to Jeongin's practice, and his head nodding to the beat of the track playing in the background. You looked back on your messages before you typed back.

Seungmin?????!?!?

Answer me WHY.

You saw that he was online and you could envision the smirk on Seungmin's face while at the airport.

If he even was at the airport.

You got a text back immediately after and you read.

Simple. You like Felix, he finds you endearing, and I find it all annoying.

So I may have decided to push things along.

With the both of you at the same place, that forces you to get to know each other without my presence. I don't need to babysit all the time, do I?

Hold up. Rewind.

You pause, staring at the message for quite a bit. What did Seungmin mean, Felix found you endearing? Endearing? That was a big word. Was Seungmin making that up? Was it true? Were you sure that was even what he texted? Is this just a plot for you to admit your feelings and have yourself be rejected?

When you felt like staring at the word didn't do anything to change his you felt, you slowly started to text back.

What do you mean he finds me endearing??????

A minute. Nothing. He was online as you spoke but now when it mattered most he wasn't there?

Seungmin???

Left on read.

KIM SEUNGMIN I KNOW YOU READ MY TEXT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN ENDEARING?!?

After long seconds, you saw that he texted back and you were nervous to see what Felix's own roommate would say.

I have to meet my sister now. Why don't you ask him?

Oh btw....what's he cosplaying this time? ;)

It was your turn to leave Seungmin on read. You sighed, closing your phone.

"Everything okay?"

You forgot who was standing next to you. You slowly turned, locking eyes with Felix who gave a curious look. He nodded to your phone and then looked back at you, almost questioning the past minutes you had. You started to feel your face heating up and you quickly nodded, averting your eyes back to Jeongin.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I had no idea he could sing." You made a small comment, trying to move the conversation elsewhere.

Felix followed your gaze and smiled. "Yeah, Jeongin is talented. He has a beautiful tone." He said.

You both were quiet after that. You weren't sure what was under Felix's mind, but you for sure knew that you were thinking about what Seungmin said. How could you casually ask Felix about what he meant, when you weren't even sure nor had the proof of him calling you endearing? Was this something you even would confront Felix on or would you just leave it be, and wait to see if maybe he would say something first?

You were shy. And it was Felix, for crying out loud. That man was too beautiful to be bothered with. You were at least sure he was talking to someone. He had to have been. No one with that level of beauty could absolutely have no one. So many people must have come up to him and expressed their interest and out of the many, he probably found someone he liked.

...

Originally, you were going to go home.

That was the plan. The only assignment you had was to hand Jeongin the guitar pic and be back by no later than 6pm. Not that anyone at home was expecting you at a certain hour, but you were expecting yourself to end the day with the completed duty. But what you didn't know was that you would be there until the very last showstopper. Open mic night wasn't a long event anyway, and so by the time it did end the sun was still up at 7:30. You enjoyed college talent and liked the atmosphere of people everywhere showing up for their friends.

The highlight of the night was definitely Jeongin who sang a soothing original that brought a proud smile to your face, despite only officially meeting him today. At the end of the night, you congratulated him and he thanked you.

People soon dispersed, talks of grabbing dinner or hanging out in the air, and the cafe started growing empty. Now you were going to wait a little bit as you saw the next bus that would come would be in 10 minutes. You saw the tech crew start to take things down and coil wires from the stage mics and you figured you should probably stand outside to get out of their way.

You wanted to at least say goodnight to Felix, who during the night, you lost in the swarm, but if you couldn't find him (which was like right now) you concluded it was okay and you would see him sometime. At least you had a moment before the open mic night even started to talk to him for a little bit.

You gave one more scan through the cafe, but you told yourself he probably either went home or was in the back somewhere. You headed to the door now and twisted the knob, walking out.

But it was when you stepped outside, you heard a sudden commotion and saw Felix and Jeongin to the left of the sidewalk, putting stuff in the back of his car. You watched as Felix gave a smile, handing the guitar that was propped on the pavement to Jeongin, who put it carefully in the back. When the door slammed closed, you watch Felix give Jeongin a dap and then bro-hug.

"Take care." You heard his voice say just as Jeongin departed, smiling as he walked over to the driver's seat. He waved behind him in the process of getting in the car and then closed his door, starting the engine.

Felix took a couple of steps back and waved at the Jeongin's car now driving away. You stared at the now gone interaction, finding it difficult to move now from where you stood outside the cafe door.

Felix was walking towards you now, but he didn't see you as he fetched for what looked like keys in his pocket. He swirled them mindlessly, whistling to himself before he looked up, pushing back strands of silver away from his eyes in a swift motion. When he did that, your eyes locked with his and Felix blinked, stopping in his walk for a second before he restarted, giving a soft smile.

"Hey! Thought you left already." Felix said, reaching you.

You have a nervous laugh as you looked down briefly, trying to will yourself not to completely lose it and blush in front of him.

He just looked so...perfect. How does one keep calm when conversing with an ethereal being?

"Yeah, no, I am I just...Bus." Your ability to formulate real sentences failed you and so you just pointed down the street to the bus stop instead, hoping Felix would understand.

Somehow he did, because then he looked at you, tilting his head slightly.

"You're taking the bus?" Felix asked, shifting the weight in one leg. His eyes were big, full of interest, or at least that's what you were telling yourself.

You nodded. "Yeah, my brother has my car right now. Or, the family car, I should say. We take turns...with the car and...yeah."

You were so awkward. You couldn't believe there could ever be a time where you were missing Seungmin but hey...there were first times for everything.

Felix just gave a gentle smile and nodded, never once showing that he couldn't understand you, almost like you excelled in communication and he had no problem getting what you were saying.

Maybe he was pitying you. It would make more sense if he was.

You remembered something Seungmin said once. He said that there were plenty of people who had the same reaction or effect when meeting Felix, and then they would reach out to Seungmin for questions on his mysterious fairy like roommate. This nervous reaction you were giving right now was probably something Felix was used to.

But what you weren't used to, or at least expecting however was Felix looking over his shoulder at the bus stop and then back at you.

"I'll give you a ride."

Your heart skipped a beat and you looked up at him. There was no way. He said it like it was the most normal thing.

Maybe it was normal, but to you that added on a whole other level of nerves.

You were a mess, like an actual nervous wreck and you would blank out everytime just looking at Felix and now? Now you would be in his car? With him? Driving you home?

"Uh...." You cleared your throat. Then you shook your head. "No, you don't have to."

Of course the angel just smiled. "It's no problem. My car's just down a block because of parking times, so we have to walk just a little bit, or I can go to the car now and just come to you." Felix said.

You shook your head, first at the offer, and then at the kindness. "I don't want to disturb you..."

At that Felix gave a light laugh that immediately sent butterflies to your stomach.

"You couldn't disturb me. Seriously, it's no problem at all. I know Seungmin would drop you off sometimes, this shouldn't be a problem." He said.

You weren't going to argue in the sidewalk all day so despite your nerves, you nodded, smiling shyly.

"Okay."

How you were going to do this, you had no idea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part 2 coming soon!! <3

[epwritten]

Case 143 ~b.c

"Why do I keep getting attracted?"

Description: Chan helps you clean up the living room table and you're suddenly thinking about him more than you need to.

Word Count: 1K.

Author's note: SAURR...I DONT KNOW WHY BUT EVER SINCE THAT DANG LIVE LAST NIGHT SEEING CHAN CLEANING UP AT THE END WHEN HAN AND CHANGBIN LEFT THE HOTEL ROOM, IT LIKE...DID THINGS TO ME?!?!? I don't know, even when watching Chan's recent silent vlog where you have him just being domestic and like full on husband material, it was so attractive for no reason and I just kept thinking about it so this is the product of my thoughts because...yeah.

Additional info: Very short drabble, I just typed it all on my phone and there hasn't been a thorough proof read so sorry for the typos! Skz x you friendship only!! college!skz.

Thank you so much in advance for reading! Enjoy <3

"Oh shoot!" Han's eyes suddenly widened as he looked at his phone. "Our class is in three minutes and we have the exam, we gotta go!"

They got up immediately, one by one, almost crashing chairs and each other. Choruses of worry filled the room. You couldn't help but laugh, seeing them all, like animated characters trying to run for their lives.

"We keep saying we need a timer on display when you guys come over and it never happens." You said, watching as the rest of the guys tried to gather everything.

Here was the deal. You didn't really remember when it started, but your dorm basically became a haven for your eight friends- Chan, Minho, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, and I.N. You haven't been friends with them long, but you all signed up for a campus study group together. Soon it didn't just become studying, but you liked the clan. The feeling wasn't unfamiliar, because you had 5 older brothers back at home, so something like this- rowdiness and a room full of men, it never intimidated you.

You all soon found fun things to do when it wasn't school inspired. They argued that you had the best dorm out of the eight, and so whenever there would be movie or game nights, they would all come over to yours. Soon it became the hub of hanging out. It was routine, days like today where a sunny afternoon playing UNO would result in each of the guys scattering around trying to hustle for their next class and exam. It was a Friday. You didn't have any classes today, but the guys would make a tradition to stop by your dorm for lunch and then make their way to their afternoon class.

Time was never on your side, however, because it always ended up like this.

"Where's my bag? Has anyone seen my bag?"

"I need to grab my shoes!"

"Ai yai yai I'm going to forget my coffee!"

"We're going to be late again!"

You stood up seeing the catastrophe and smiled, folding your arms. Playing cards always got you all carried away, and you did feel bad.

"Sorry, guys."

Seungmin passed by you, playfully shoving you with much force that you practically catapulted across the room.

"Install a timer the next time we're here, dummy." He shot, which of course was his nature to be like this.

You rubbed your arm. The man had a throwing aim. "That hurt!" You commented, though Seungmin paid no attention. Minho, who saw the exchanged only laughed at you.

You followed the rest of the guys who were by your door, huddled by the entrance to grab their shoes.

"Bye guys!" You called out with a wave as you watched them, pretending not to catch Han tripping over his two feet (he totally did).

Felix, who was standing nearest to you suddenly turned and outstretched his arms and you knew a hug was coming. He was the type that never left nor greeted somebody without a hug.

"Send me the receipt for the Uber eats, I'll pay you back what you covered today." He said, wrapping his arms around you in a hug. You shook your head and departed.

"Nah, don't worry about it. It was my treat for the last time."

Felix gave a tight smile as he turned to get his shoes. "I thought you'd say that. Good thing I stole your phone while you went to the bathroom and sent it to myself." He gave a cheeky smile and waved his phone in the air, doing that clicking teeth habit he always did.

Your jaw dropped as everyone cheered and then you glared at him.

"Yessirrr!" Felix said with a smile.

"Lee Felix..." You sighed, not even having the right words to say anything else.

"Oh my gosh, Changbin, just leave the pizza!" Hyunjin suddenly shouted as he looked over his shoulder, giving an exasperated sigh.

"I can finish it, just..." You watched as Changbin was still by the living room, ripping off his crust.

"Yo! CB!" You called. Changbin looked up at you mid-bite.

"Take the box." You told him.

Changbin looked at you with a smile. "Really?"

"You heard her, take the box and stop wasting our time." I.N suddenly said as he reached the door. He sighed. "We're already late enough as it is."

You giggled seeing Changbin scurry down the hall making his way to the entrance as he had the pizza box in his hand.

"Ayo, who's giving me a ride again?" Han asked as he opened the door.

"You're with me and Seungmin I think." Minho said, following after him. He turned back and looked at you once, giving a small wave before they left your dorm, stepping outside.

"Felix, you can ride with us." Hyunjin suddenly volunteered. "It's me, Changbin, and Innie."

"Ah, thank you." Felix said, walking in tiny as he followed the taller member out the door. He gave one more smile to you and then headed out.

"Okay..." You heard Chan's voice from behind you. You smiled at him and he gave you a soft smile as he put on his shoes. He looked at you.

"Thank you so much for hosting us. I know they can be...intense." Chan said. You truly smiled. No matter how many times you all hung out, he as the eldest couldn't help but thank you. But honestly, it was never a chore for you. You loved those guys.

"Of course. You guys are always welcome." You said.

Chan walked to the door and gave you a final smile before he waved goodbye and left your dorm. When you have enough waves and said all the goodbyes to each one, you finally closed the door behind you and let out a breath.

You took a few steps down the hallway back to your living room, looking around at where to start. The thing was, usually if the guys were at your place, if there was food or anything of the sort involved, they would help clean up. But a day like today when the majority of them had exams and needed to rush, you were to take charge of it. It wasn't like you couldn't. Granted, you were a neat freak. But...you could admit that it was just nine of you who were here, and that does take a long time to clean up.

You started towards the table, first staring, deciding where you'd start next, when the door opened and you turned to realize that A) you didn't lock the door, and B) it was one of the guys but who? And what did he want?

You saw Chan step back inside your dorm and he flashed a small smile. "I'm sorry, I left my keys on the chair, I think." He said, starting to make his way over to where you were.

You looked over at the chair he was sitting at in the far corner and saw that he indeed left his keys. You laughed as Chan went to pick them up. When he got them, he turned, his attention now on the table.

"Wow...that's so much garbage." He commented.

You nodded, and then shrugged. "It's bearable. Just some pizza, leftover fries...ramen..." Your voice trailed. Who were you kidding? The table looked like an abandoned Last Supper.

Chan placed his keys in his pocket and then looked at you. "Do you mind if I gave you a hand?"

You blinked at him. "No, don't you have...an exam right now?"

"Ehhh, it's alright." Chan said. "I know the material. It's fine if I'm a little late." He said.

You shook your head. "Chan, no. I couldn't let you."

Chan just gave a soft smile, as he started leaning forward, stacking some paper plates. "It's alright, seriously."

"You don't have to."

"I want to." He chuckled. "Seriously, it's okay, I'm a weirdo that likes this kind of stuff. Organization, you know?"

You stared at him for a few seconds before following, going to work yourself to retrieve a garbage that Chan could put all the extra plates in.

The two of you worked together, placing all the fries on the same plate, sweeping down crumbs off the table, tossing empty soda cans in the recycle bin. It was pretty silent, there was the occasional question from Chan to where things would go, but other than that you both cleaned for the next ten minutes, placing things in order.

As you cleaned, your eyes couldn't help but wander to Chan. Not too much, not obvious, but...subtle glances here and there. You knew that Chan was the oldest of the guys. You knew he sort of had a more father attitude towards them. He treated them with love and care. You also knew that he liked housekeeping things that most people would seem weird, like laundry, or tidying or organizing. He would do it to his heart's content.

He was so attentive, so immensely soft that your heart couldn't help but beat randomly, and a sudden flash of a domestic life with him randomly entered your brain before you physically shook your head.

What in the world?

You could have eyes to see that Chan was outwardly attractive, of course. The man worked out, he managed to grow his hair a little bit in a fine almost mullet-like style, he didn't laugh often but when he did it was colorful. You saw all those things.

But then there was this...he was in your dorm, when all the other guys were long gone at this point, and he was helping you tidy up after them. It was husband material.

I'm sorry, did you just say husband?!?!?

"That looks like the last of it." Chan's voice suddenly broke out, causing you to snap out of it. You looked at the table in front of you and saw spotless order.

"Wow. Chan, thank you so much. Seriously. You didn't have to."

Chan smiled. "I wanted to." He repeated.

He did have to go, so he made his way to the front door, saying bye to you and you stepped outside, watching him walk to his car. You felt...different. Weird. Heavily attracted. And for what? All because he helped clean up?

When Chan was completely out of sight you groaned out loud. Your eyes were closed and you rubbed your forehead, trying not to think back to what just happened, but you definitely were.

This was ridiculous. You couldn't suddenly be thinking about Chan, someone you've known for a while, just because he started cleaning your living room table?

The bar was very low, but apparently the standard was pretty high.

You sighed, going back to the couch to sit down. Overplays of soft moments and pretty features filled your mind and you shook your head, though that didn't help anything. You sighed.

You're attracted to Chan because he helped clean up. Most people liked him because of his body, he was everyone's gym crush. But here you were attracted to his organizational ways and domestic material.

In what universe does that happen?!?!?

[epwritten]

I'm never getting over this picture...im pitching a tent and calling this home I fear

You guys....THIS. MUSIC. VIDEO. They served SO. HARD. such divas, so sassy, so cvnty, just EVERYTHING ABOUT TRUMAN IS HOT?!? I can't even function...how am I supposed to go back to my regular life like that didn't happen?!?

I cannot wait to see them perform this live in Junnneee

(side note: I'm in the biggest writing slump ever :( if there's any requests you guys have, or if you want me to post maybe a prompt list to help me out, or a little something to help with this writer's block, let me know! I can write for any skz member but it's usually just Felix!!!)

[epwritten]

kiss of life ~l.f

"there must have been an angel by my side..."

Description: You're slumped working on your thesis. You're convinced Felix is your angel.

Word count: 1K

Author's note: This little drabble is me because my thesis is STRESSING me out, but the weather's getting warmer and I thought of this on the way back from the library this morning.

Additional info: college you, 2nd pov format, non-idol!felix, non-idol!hyunjin, fluff, small drabble

GUYS WE HAVE THE LV SHOW IN LESS THAN AN HOUR IM SO EXCITED TO SEE OUR PRINCE

Thank you all in advance for reading! Hope you enjoy <3

You squinted hard at the screen, rereading a series of words for what felt like the millionth time.

You've been at the public library once it opened early in the morning, trying to continue to work and research for your thesis. Your mom had dropped you off at 7:30 before she went to work. The morning routine of yours was usually how the weeks worked. Mom would drive you to the library, you'd try to get a lot done by twelve, and then take the bus home.

Today was different, however, because your boyfriend Felix wanted to pick you up. He said no pressure, understanding if you would rather go home by yourself, but made the offer that he was there, to which you gladly accepted. You hadn't seen him in over a week, not that it was a huge deal for most people, but with the thesis underway you managed to shut out a lot of human interactions. Felix understood how much you wanted to focus. He never wrote a thesis but commended every student he knew that did. Especially you. You worked tirelessly, even on days when you didn't feel the motivation.

Days like today, for example, annoyed you because all you were currently doing was staring at the screen.

"That doesn't make any sense..." Your voice muttered, trying to reread the journal article once more.

You sat up straighter in your seat, clicking back on your document tab to update what last was added 13 minutes ago. Today wasn't your best work, you knew that.

But you weren't going to beat yourself up too hard. Life had a way of making it so that some days were high energy productive days, and others were ones where you could only manage writing 100 words before heading back home, fully neglecting your paper until the next morning you met again.

The staring contest between you and reference papers continued for what felt like long hours before you heard soft footsteps across the floor in the quiet of the library. There weren't a lot of people when you came, but only because you were there as the doors opened. If you weren't a regular and nice to those who worked there, you were sure they would be annoyed at you. But you didn't bother anyone, just went straight to your desk and worked. As the hours let on, more people would start to show, and your usual space of solace would be...slightly altered.

You craned your neck slowly, not trying to look too disturbed from your work and the sound of footsteps drawing nearer to where you were, but it wasn't until you felt people were right behind you and your desk did you turn, angling your body in your seat.

And then you smiled when you saw it was Felix, dressed in blue jeans and your campus crewneck (that he grabbed from your closet no doubt) next to Hyunjin, dressed in black ripped jeans and a black t-shirt.

"Hey," Felix greeted warmly, as he placed his hands on your shoulders, leaning forward to anticipate a kind of hug from behind. You smiled, putting your hand on his and squeezing it as he leaned back. You turned to smile at Hyunjin as well, who waved at you with a friendly smile.

"You ready to go?" Felix asked lowly. At his question, you looked at the time. It was now 12:03pm, and you asked Felix to come get you at 12pm. But you still had a bit more work to do. You sighed.

"Can you give me a few more minutes?" You asked, pointing the screen. "There's this chapter I wanted to finish reading, but..."

Felix nodded, his gaze darting to Hyunjin who nodded as well. "Of course. Take all the time you need."

You never liked when he was so nice to you, you felt bad. "I'm so sorry, you came all this way-"

Felix rubbed his hand on your upper back affectionately. "Don't be sorry, lover. You're working on your thesis. It happens." He said, his voice gentle.

Then Felix looked at Hyunjin, and back at you. "I picked up Hyunjin from the gym but he didn't eat breakfast beforehand. We'll be at the cafe and then when you're ready, you'll come down?" He asked.

A reason why you loved the public library you were always in, was because in the same building downstairs, there was a cafe. It was nice for students, anytime they finished with tedious hours of study, they could go down and relax, grabbing something to refresh their minds hard at work. You nodded at the arrangement. "Sounds good."

Felix smiled and then pointed at you. "Cold cut chicken sandwich, raspberry lemonade, and a blueberry scone?" He said, reciting your go-to cafe order.

You smiled. "You're the best."

Felix leaned down, once more. "Let me know when you're done, yeah?" He said, kissing your forehead.

You nodded, watching the two best friends walk through the book aisles and then down the stairs. You couldn't be more grateful, more lucky, that you had such an understanding boyfriend.

Through that alone, you didn't take long to actually allow your eyes to focus on what you were reading. You were there for fifteen more minutes before you shut everything down and left your workspace. You knew that you could technically text Felix and have him come find you, but he already came all this way and thought it would be easier to go downstairs and meet him and Hyunjin where they were.

Down at the lobby, there led a hallway where you could directly go from the library to the cafe, or, you had the option of stepping outside through the exit doors and then walking a bit to the front doors of the cafe. Although it was beautiful outside, sun cast and blue skies with the smell of springtime in the air, you went through the hallways leading to the back of the cafe.

There were a few college students, but not a lot as you could easily spot the sun and moon duo.

Their backs were to you as they sat down, eating and talking. Whenever Felix and Hyunjin would eat together, it was never across but beside and you found their friendship endearing. You couldn't help the smile that drew on your face at just the sight of Felix wearing your shirt. It was something so simple and not a big deal. The two of you shared shirts like siblings would, but it was so nice seeing something of yours on him.

You joined them now, tapping Felix the right shoulder and then being on his left side. You couldn't help but laugh. He fell for it every time.

"Hey!" Felix exclaimed with a gasp.

You smiled, slinging your bag down as you say across from them.

"Did you get a lot done?" Hyunjin asked.

You nodded. "I tried. But only a small effort." You replied.

"Awww. Well, small wins stay wins, and here's to celebrate what you did today." Felix said, sliding your plate over.

You smiled. "Thank you so much."

The three of you continued to talk as the day shone. You knew that even as stressful that the semester was, now that everything was starting to wrap up and the pile of deadlines was demanding, you were grateful that you had moments like these, the ones you knew you would look back on as the most important.

[epwritten]

18 days felt like an eternity. it's truly amazing just how loved one can be. welcome back, angel 🤍🥹

[epwritten]

Deep End ~ l.f

"I'm sinking in the deep end I'll just try to cry myself to sleep"

Description: What was once a beautiful relationship slowly meets a deep end.

Word count: 8K.

Author's note: At first when I made the cover art, I was going to write a beautiful, perhaps fluffy one shot, but then I was listening to Deep End heavily these past few weeks and everything just came to me and I started writing instantly and it just turned so sad :(

I felt sad writing it, I feel sad reading it, so the only warning is...it's just sad. You know when Felix (when talking about Deep End) said "if you listen to it a lot you might be sad, so listen to it moderately", that's what I feel about this. Read it moderately please, for the sake of your well-being 🥺

Additional note: This is split pov between you and Felix, though for you (or reader) it's 2nd person pov ('you' format) and for Felix it's 3rd person pov ('he' format).

Read with care 🤍

"You were in my dream last night."

Felix's eyes widened and lips parted as though you told him you were carrying his child. There were sparkles dancing in his eyes, aligning with the dotted freckles across his pretty pale skin as he gasped.

"No. Way. I never get told I'm in anyone's dreams. What happened? What was I doing?" He scooted closer to you, holding your elbow to stable himself.

You couldn't help but throw your head back and laugh. He was lying on his side facing you and you sat up straight on the blanket that was laid on the sand. You both were at the beach, an impromptu trip and were sitting facing the moment where the water met the grey sky.

"What? I dream of everyone, but I'm never in anyone's dreams, I want to know." Felix said eagerly.

You shot a confused look, tucking strands of his beautiful hair behind his ear as you looked down at him. "You never dreamt of me."

Felix shook his head. "Not true. Before we were officially together, I had so many dreams of us."

"What?"

"Yeah, we were laughing together, we danced, we traveled, we hugged. I loved you many ways in my dreams before I even realized it in the waking world." Felix said.

"I never knew that." You looked down at him, still pushing his hair behind his shoulder. It was second nature to find your hand in his hair. You were jokingly envious of how beautiful it was compared to yours. But the long hair suited him well. He looked beautiful.

Felix shrugged. "I keep a diary of my dreams. I can show you sometime. Now," He suddenly angled himself closer to you, holding your arm in a strong grip.

You shook your head and giggled as Felix looked at you with pleading eyes. He resembled a little kid.

"Tell me." Felix repeated, laughing at your expression.

You cupped his chin in your hand, leaning close. "You're adorable."

Felix caught your hands and intertwined them in his, his eyes never leaving yours. He looked at you with such adoration that made your heart swell.

"What was I doing in your dream?"

"It wasn't that big of a deal." You said, and then looked ahead at the clouded sky that somehow made the beach even more pretty.

Felix groaned. "You can't just say that! I'm too invested now." He looked at you with growing anticipation.

You chuckled. "Okay fine! So...we were at a train station. You wanted to go somewhere but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go or not. It was at night. And then the train was about to leave, we had like, ten seconds to decide if we were going onboard or not. You really wanted to go, but I wasn't sure. So then I left, and you went in to the train. But soon after when it was the second stop, I was on the train with you somehow." You said.

Felix didn't say anything for a while, as he looked up in thought. His eyebrows furrowed and was processing what you just said. "So...did I come back for you?" He asked.

You shook your head, sticking your bottom lip out. "If you did, I don't remember. All I saw was that you went on the first stop by yourself but by the second stop, I was on the train sitting next to you."

"Where were we going?" Felix asked.

You shrugged. "Who knows? You were really eager to go though. Do you have somewhere you're planning to go without me?" You teased.

Felix fell silent, his eyes downcast. You had thought that the dream was nothing big of anything, but he seemed tensed as he held on to your hand tighter.

"Not without you. Never without you." He said in a serious tone.

You smiled. "It's okay, I was with you at the second stop."

"Well, be with me at the first stop," Felix argued, bringing your hand to his lips as he pressed a kiss on your knuckles. "So I don't have to miss you."

You laughed. Only Felix would make it seem as though you were the one who chose to leave him from a dream you had.

"Okay, I will."

He leaned forward, even closer to your space as he took ahold of the back of your head, bringing it to him. He kissed you sweetly, smiling against your lips and when you departed, he scrunched his nose cutely. Then he looked at you doe-eyed.

"Do you promise?" Felix held out his pinky. You laughed then but still nodded, hooking your pinky to his.

"I promise."

...

Something Felix genuinely loved was lying against your chest and feeling your heartbeat. He had a complex mind, but he would always think intensely of you whenever he felt the rising and falling of your chest, your heart steady like a drumline to his ears. He thought to himself how was it that sometime ago, somewhere, in a completely different place, your heart beat for the first time. And somehow as your grew, he was able to feel that heartbeat. You could've lived your whole life not knowing him, he could've lived his whole life not knowing you, and yet...there it was. The universe where you were his, where he felt your heartbeat. Where his heart fell in love with yours.

Felix was content, so much so that when he sighed out loud, you looked down at him in concern. At first, you thought he sighed because something was wrong. But then you saw it. There was peace in his face as he closed his eyes and smiled. He truly looked like he was in heaven's door, just by lying against you. You smiled, taking pride in the fact that you were adored by Felix.

"Thank you for choosing me." He said, his voice a very soft timbre.

You chuckled, shaking your head. You never got why it was such a big deal to you. Your boyfriend made it seem like there was any other option, like he was your last choice. Felix didn't know, he had no clue just how much you were grateful for him in your life. And it surely wasn't one-sided, because despite you, he chose you too.

But you never really told him that, it was hard to find the words. So you resorted to smiling, or letting out a small chuckle, leaving it at that. It was never something so serious, at least, not in the way that you felt it to be.

...

"So we're going to be flying out in a few weeks, and I'm just really excited. I think I have this chance to really become who I've always wanted to, you know? Well...not changing or stepping out to be someone else entirely, it's just more like...evolving and being the best of who I can be, and being able to give back to everyone who's supported me and helped me out for so long."

You nodded, feeling your eyes close. Every few seconds when you felt yourself drifting, your eyes would rapidly open. You didn't want to fall asleep, but you couldn't help it.

Felix had big dreams, and you knew that he would go far in life. He was an idol in the group Stray Kids, and were sky rocketing. But Felix always craved for more. He dreamed for more. He would tell you about his ambitions and goals during your late nights phone calls, and like tonight, it wasn't long before your attention to his conversation would start to fade. His low voice was so soothing and it helped you drift off to sleep.

"Babe," Felix suddenly said, breaking you out of a daze once more.

"Huh? Sorry?"

He laughed over the line, his voice warm. "I'm sorry, are you...? That was a long-winded answer, wasn't it?"

You shook your head, trying to lie on your back now instead of on your side so you could try to be more awake and present. You adjusted the volume of your phone, and pressed your airpods against your ear.

"No, it's not you, I'm sorry. I was working all day, I'm just so tired, I haven't been able to sleep much." You replied.

"Are you sleepy now? I know you've been struggling with going to sleep a bit." Felix wondered, his voice coated with concern.

You stifled a yawn. "Apparently. But it's not you. I think...if anything you're actually helping me? Weirdly enough? Your voice is so calm, it's like my own personal ASMR."

"Oh, really? So I should continue talking then, or do you want me to let you go so you can sleep in peace?" Felix asked.

You closed your eyes, folding your arms across your chest. "No, keep talking. You were saying something about next week? Are you nervous or excited to go?"

Stray Kids were going on tour for 6 months. Their first stop would be in Japan, and then they'd tour the fest of Europe.

Felix paused, humming in thought. "Um....well- I mean, a bit of both I guess? I'm just excited to see everyone, you know. But traveling so far....I won't be with you."

"Mmhm." You agreed sleepily.

"So in that sense, I'm a bit sad. But other than that, I'm excited. And I think the others are excited as well. I was speaking to Channie hyung and he's so eager, he just wants to get out there and perform."

You didn't say anything now and there was a silence over the line. You wanted to tell Felix he could keep going, and he didn't have to stop talking on your account, but you were so exhausted and heavy with fatigue, you couldn't even get your mouth to move.

But in the stillness, you heard a whisper in your ear.

"I'm going to hang up now, so that you can sleep well. Thank you for staying up with me. I'll pray you get a good night's sleep and have sweet dreams. I love you. Good night."

...

The two of you were able to navigate Felix's rising fame...at first. It was steady; the two of you managed a pattern despite the time zone differences. Some days it was you sacrificing a bit of extra sleep and waking up at 5am so that you could FaceTime him, who was just coming back from the gym and on his way to eat dinner. Other times you were graced with seeing his morning eyes and face of freckles with tousled hair as you had come back from a long day of work ready to sit back and watch a late night movie.

Every day even though it would be hard when you saw your co-workers or fellow classmates all boo'd up, you knew that the wait would be soon worth it by the time Felix would come back. For now, the calls wouldn't be too long, but enough to get you looking forward to the day. He'd be the last person you thought about when you tried to sleep, and the first person you'd check in with when you'd wake up.

But somewhere along the way, you would get used to the distance. The two of you were adults, people who needed to do whatever you could to pay the bills and both you and Felix understood that.

You heard your phone buzz where you left it on your bed as you got ready. You were going to your campus library to study. You could never focus on your own, even if you lived by yourself. There was too much to distract you and you could never complete what you meant to do. It was coming close to midterms and you couldn't afford to lose focus.

Speaking of distractions...

You let out a groan as you placed the hair dryer down and walked over to your bed.

"Who could be calling?" You asked out loud. You glanced at the clock. It was 8:52 in the morning.

Felix.

You stared at the picture of his caller ID. He looked so perfect and pretty, like an angel boy who always drove your heart in the right direction. But this particular morning for some strange reason, your heart...it wasn't there?

You felt weird for letting it ring, just staring. You should just pick it up, like the second nature you've always had when your boyfriend would call. But you didn't. You just stared.

And when the line cut and you got a little text of wishing you the best morning as he was on his way to sleep, you felt a weird pang in your chest. Almost like guilt. It was strange.

Why did you purposely avoid your boyfriend's call?

...

One night, all the way in Japan, Felix checked into his hotel room, a heavy sigh leaving his lips as he stepped in. There were flowers and some treats set on the bed as a welcome gift from the hotel and he gasped.

"Wow...." Felix's voice trailed off as he took off his shoes, entering the room and closing the door behind him. He tried to rub the fatigue off his face but the truth was, he knew and felt he was a mess. His hair was damp and remnant droplets falling on his skin. Not that pouring a water bottle over his head did anything, really, the air still steamed like a sauna.

As much adrenaline and energy pumped through Felix's veins, when most thought he would be jumping from wall to wall getting back from that high, Felix was mainly the opposite. It was a good time spent. He loved seeing the crowd, hearing the vibration of the beat pulsing right under him. But as he arrived in his room, he just wanted to sleep.

Though technically...

Felix patted his jean pockets and pulled out his phone from his back pocket, reading the time. His phone read 11:03pm and Felix looked up at the ceiling in thought.

"Okay, so that's...." Felix paused to calculate. "1pm in the afternoon. She doesn't have any classes today. I'm gonna call her." He said out loud.

Felix dragged his feet to the bed, pushing the chocolates and flowers to the side and sat down. He crossed one leg over the other and leaned back, giving his back and any other muscles that were sore the rightful stretch they needed. As he pulled up your number and placed you on speaker, he sat up straighter when he heard the phone dial.

One ring.

Felix knew that you didn't have classes on Thursdays, and as of currently you only worked on the weekends.

Two rings.

Sure, you could've been anywhere. It wasn't like you would definitely be confined to your room. Maybe you were out with friends, or reading a book. Maybe you were even taking a nap. Felix hoped so. He hated the insomnia you went through.

Three rings.

Felix glanced at your contact photo and smiled warmly. You were so beautiful. You meant absolutely everything to him.

Four rings.

Felix pressed his lips together in a tight line. He knew that at this point if you weren't picking up, then there was no point. But Felix wasn't mad. He loved and respected you. He knew that you were hard-working and busy, and that no matter how strong your relationship was, neither of you had the time to sit all day waiting for the other to call or text. This wasn't a high school crush. This was different. You both were adults. You were working and going to school, while Felix was touring around the world. It was difficult and he knew that. That's why he was so patient with you.

He usually would just hang up and text, but the hotel nights made him feel a bit more lonelier than usual, so Felix decided to wait until he heard your voicemail. He figured he would just leave you a message. Maybe you want to hear the sound of his voice to help you through the day.

"My love...hey. It's me. Sorry, I don't know where you are, if I'm disturbing you or anything but, um....I don't know, I just wanted to say hiiiiiii. We just got off the stage and I just got to the hotel just a couple minutes ago. Wow. It was amazing, but honestly I wish you were here. I saw a couple in the crowd and they were so together and in love, and it made me think of you and us. I can't wait til I see you again. I'm going to sleep now, but I hope you're having a wonderful day. Don't study too hard, yeah? You're allowed to take breaks too. I love you. Bye."

Felix closed his phone and tossed it on the blanketed space beside him. He let his eyes close for long seconds, thinking of you. He willed his mind and heart to remember that soon the tour would be over and you would be there by his side. He couldn't wait to hold you, to hug and kiss you. He couldn't wait to see your smile and hear your laughter in person. He couldn't wait for all those things.

Because as much as Felix didn't say it out loud, in the back of his mind he knew: the long-distance wasn't working.

...

You were wearing his Stussy hoodie. That was probably why you were bothered so intensely.

It was Valentine's Day. You really didn't think you cared. Honestly, some years you were single and you didn't care, this year you were taken but your boyfriend just happened to be on the other end of the world. And that was surprisingly okay, and easy to deal with.

Even though the day was over for Felix by the time it started for you, he texted you a happy Valentine's Day regardless. And you responded, sending him a photo of your cute outfit just to make him feel loved. Because Felix was a precious human being who needed to feel loved and reassured all the time.

It just happened to be a Tuesday morning when you walked into your class. It was hard to drive in the snow but luckily your professor provided a 30 minute grace period for whoever would come in late.

When you removed your jacket and hung it on your seat, Shanaya, one of your friends who was sitting in the seat next to you pointed to the black top.

"Is that Felix's?" She asked.

"Yeah." You gave a small smile.

"I don't know how you do it. I couldn't be in a long-distance relationship." She said, shaking her head.

"It's not as bad as you think. We're both busy so it's not like we really have time to miss each other. We'll check in from time-to-time but we're not clingy. It's nice." You said, opening your backpack.

"When is he coming back again?"

"Uh..." You paused, looking up at the ceiling in thought. You had to be on top of your schoolwork and midterms. It was hard enough to remember your schedule, but then adding his schedule in the mix was also challenging.

You thought back to the last time you talked on the phone.

"I think it's in two weeks I'm pretty sure? I have to double-check." You admitted, taking out your laptop.

Before Shanaya could answer, another one of your friends named Matt walked over and joined your table.

"Happy Valentine's Day. What did your rockstar boyfriend get you from overseas?" He joked.

You chuckled, playfully pushing him."Stop."

Matt and Shanaya laughed as you sat up straighter in your seat.

"Honestly Valentine's Day was yesterday for him, so there hasn't been anything. But that's okay, I'm not looking for anything." You told Matt.

Shanaya's jaw dropped. "What do you mean Valentine's Day was yesterday?"

"He's fourteen hours ahead. It's already the next day for him, it's the 15th over there."

Matt frowned. "That's crazy. If I was on tour, I'd fly my girlfriend out for Valentine's."

You shook your head. "Dude, some of us have jobs and classes and responsibilities. I can't just drop everything and follow Felix to the ends of the earth, you know?"

It was something you definitely thought about these past few days. You wondered how if the opportunity came up to visit Felix, would you accept it or not. Of course, you wished you could see him, but the problem was how unrealistic it would be to leave everything behind. That's why you were happier that he would be coming back home soon.

"So do you miss him?" Matt asked, his voice serious.

You sighed. "Why is everyone asking me this today?"

"Because it's Valentine's Day. And everyone has someone to love on." Matt answered.

"And you're wearing his hoodie!" Shanaya added.

You gave a look. "So?"

"Look," Matt scooted his chair so he was close to you, leaning in as though to tell you something too secretive.

"Tonight we're having a small party at our dorm. If you don't wanna wallow in your misery for today, you should come."

"It'll be good babes, it would help get your mind off your long-distance boyfriend." Shanaya said.

You gave a knowing smile. "Believe me, my mind isn't on him all the time." You said.

It blurted out of your mouth. You didn't know why it did and you froze, wondering if anyone caught that. But Matt and Shanaya only laughed and you smiled at them.

"Okay, so be there, okay? I'll buy you your favorite chocolates and buy you some flowers." Shanaya said.

You shook your head, laughing at the ridiculously of the situation. "You don't have to."

"We want to. It's what Felix should have done." Matt said.

You knew that they were joking, or half-joking. And in insight, you could've stood up right then and there to defend your man. But for some reason you didn't. You just froze, the corners of your lips raising in a small smile.

For the first time in a while, maybe there was a part of you deep down that agreed.

Maybe Felix should have done something.

...

Felix couldn't stop smiling. His face was red from embarrassment. The other members were teasing him. People could see. But he just didn't care.

The tour officially finished. The plane just landed. The guys were now at the airport. And Felix was going to see you.

He kept his eye on his phone, double checking if there was any new information, if anything changed from your original plans to meet up in the spot near the cafe you two always did. He missed you. He's never been away from you for this long and just thought of coming back home to you made his heart kick just a bit more.

"Look at you, smiley boy." Seungmin teased from beside him.

Felix just giggled. He couldn't believe the state he was in. He was giggling for crying out loud.

"Ahh! I'm nervous, mate!"

"What about? She's just as excited to see you too." Chan reassured.

Felix barely heard him as they turned the corner, his eyes now growing serious. In about a matter of seconds he would find you, and get to hold you at last.

And then he did find you.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, there might have been the thought of being cordial, of getting it together and not being overtly excited and trying to maintain himself. Felix even rehearsed how he would see you many times, but once your eyes locked with his, Felix realized it did not matter one bit.

He was in love with you, what did you expect?

You were in his arms within a matter of seconds, and then picked up in the air while he wrapped strong arms around you. Felix stared at you, adoringly, just as he did so many times over the screen. He was of course no stranger to how you looked but he could only see you for so long, so many miles away that now he longed for you.

And now so many of the long nights where Felix couldn't even sleep just thinking about where you were and what you were doing right in the moment, all of the tears and fatigue, it was all worth it. To be in your arms again, to love you no longer from afar.

You were worth it all.

....

Over the course of weeks, the air naturally dropped from being on a high honey-moon state to where it was back to normal. And you liked normal, for the most part.

But you couldn't help but feel like the lines were blurred...in a weird way. Blurring between normal and...something else. Something bad.

A morning when you woke up to the sight of Felix sleeping on his back, though beautiful and peaceful, you stared at him. Your eyes squinted for a bit, trying to decode what exactly he made you feel.

Felix was quite perfect, that much was true. He was kind and attentive and compassionate and caring, all of the things you loved.

But he also...he also was there. He was the center of it all. Center of the conversations with your friends and family. No matter what he did or where he was, he never fully understood sometimes what being with him looked like in your perspective. It was like no one asked for you or acknowledged you as your own person, you were just 'Felix's girlfriend'. Thinking about it did something to how you felt, like the reverse effect.

You sometimes wished that you and Felix would stay together forever, and then admittedly there were days you wished that he and you never met.

Felix suddenly moved, a deep sigh escaping his lips as he stretched. He blinked slowly, his consciousness slowly returning. Once his eyes were opened and had adjusted to the waking world, a slow smile drew on his face when he saw you. He pulled his covers to his face, his eyes the only feature now apparent.

"Why are you staring at me?" He asked.

You could see his eyes basically close in an adorable squint and you knew he was smiling.

"You look so peaceful when you sleep." You answered.

Felix chuckled. "Why thank you, darling." He then rolled over to his side, his back facing you. "You should sleep too...."

You then smiled, leaning forward to stroke his hair. "Can't. I have that seminar I wanted to go to, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Felix hummed sleepily as you continued, now massaging the top of his head. "Silly of me to forget, you were so excited telling me about it..."

His voice was still coated with drowsiness and you knew that it wouldn't take long until the sleep consumed him.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Felix asked.

You shook your head. "No. Stay in, sunshine boy, you're tired." You smiled.

"Okay. But when you come back, I want to hear everything about it over food at our favorite luncheon, okay?"

You paused, pressing your lips together. "Actually...I'm going to be staying out after lunch. I'm meeting up with some of my friends."

That caused Felix to turn back and look at you. The blanket was still covering half of his face, but you could tell he wore a little pout.

"Oh...okay. When will you get back?"

"I shouldn't be out too late. You should reach out to the boys, do something together." You suggested.

Felix rolled his eyes. "I did, we went on tour for 6 months." He sassed.

You smiled. "Okay, rockstar. I'm sure you'll come up with something." You leaned down to push strands of hair away from Felix's forehead so that you could kiss him there.

"I'll be back soon." You got up from his side of the bed. You headed out to the door and gave a little wave.

"I love you, have fun."

"Yep, see you!"

It was when the door closed behind you, you froze in your trance. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as your mind replayed the dawning realization.

You didn't say 'I love you' back.

...

The next couple of days were slow, but sort of uneasy. Felix would spend time with you accordingly, not that he complained. He was grateful that even in your hectic schedule you still agreed to spend a little bit of time in your free window in his company. But he couldn't help but notice as the days grew that there was something different, something...off.

He would try not to notice, or at least pretend like it didn't bother him. But when you were on your phone, smiling at something on the screen over at the other end of the room, he wondered if you could see him too. Or whenever he wanted to ask you to watch a movie and asked which one you wanted to see, you chose him to pick everything, fading interest in your voice.

"C'mon babe I can't decide all the time." Felix said one day after you told him to pick a movie. He smiled at you, placing his small hand in yours.

You let out exasperated sigh, forcing a chuckle. "Felix, it doesn't matter. I probably won't be paying attention anyway."

That caused Felix to blink, the light in his eyes slowly dimming. "Oh. Sorry, is it...should we do this another time? Do you want to reschedule?"

"It's not that. I'm going to bring my laptop and stuff to the living room so I can finish my paper while we watch a movie. It'll be like background music. I work better with something playing in the background anyway."

Felix pulled away, letting go of your hand as he looked at the ground awkwardly. He scratched the back of his neck.

"Right. Sorry."

When you turned and headed upstairs to grab your school materials, Felix felt his fingers naturally go up to the side of his neck, feeling his pulse. Embarrassment hammered in his heart. He wanted to tell you that he wished there would be a time when the two of you were curled up on the couch watching movies without any distractions. He wished that he could know if you felt the same, if you were bothered by the slowing distance you two you were getting.

But because you didn't outwardly complain, Felix held it in. What if this was completely normal and he was the one that was too clingy? He didn't want to step into your space like that. You were more important.

When you came down the stairs, backpack slung over your shoulder and laptop in your hand, Felix watched as you walked to the couch, sitting down.

"I, um...I was going to make popcorn. Did you want too, or...?" He asked, hopeful.

You shook your head. "No, I grabbed dinner with Shanaya and Matt earlier, I'm full now." You said, taking out a binder from your bag.

Felix frowned. "Oh."

But weren't you just in the study hall? At least what you told Felix that morning.

It was okay. Maybe it was a last minute decision to grab food after a study sesh.

"Okay, just...let me know if you want some, yeah?" Felix said. He stared at you who was now opening your laptop. You put your screen glasses on, glued to the device. When you heard Felix or ignored him, he didn't know. Felix plastered a faint smile before disappearing in the kitchen.

His phone chimed on the counter as Felix was preparing the popcorn. He took a glance and saw a text from Chan.

how's the movie date going?? :)

Felix smiled. It was so nice that Chan was always there for him, to check up. He always told the older his plans with you, and every so often Chan would check in.

Felix thought carefully before he started to text back.

haven't started the movie yet, but it'll be more chill. she has a lot of work to do and is stressed abt midterms so the movie is mainly bgm while she studies hahaha

Felix took a deep breath as he stared at the popcorn in the microwave, his thoughts running back to you. He knew you were studious and academic, that's all the more reason why he admired you. He knew how hard you worked, but in all the time of being together, Felix never really seen you working this hard that he almost was pushed away.

...

By the time summer arrived, your parents announced that you were going on vacation. You were ecstatic, because after the tiring school year, you needed time to relax. It would be for three weeks, out of the country.

You were planning on telling Felix, you swore you were. But there just seemed to be no time. And so one night he looked at you with shock when it accidentally slipped out mid-conversation.

Felix didn't say anything for a few seconds, a flicker of something in his eyes as he looked down at his plate. When he did finally speak out, he looked at you confused.

"When were you...were you gonna tell me at all, or...what was the plan?"

You bit your lip, frozen in your seat. "I was, of course. But it's right when you're in in Paris anyway, so the schedules kind of worked itself out. You wouldn't be here while I'm gone, I'd be away as well." You shrugged.

"Babe, that's not..." Felix chuckled, scratching his head, his tongue swiping his bottom lip slowly and you recognized that look immediately: He was trying to hold it in, but you see the annoyance building up.

You sighed before he could say anything. "I wasn't trying to keep this from you, honest. Look, it'll be an empty house. We leave the same day you do." You said.

"You know that? Exactly the same day?" Felix asked.

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you let me know when you figured out our schedules?

"Seriously?"

"Look, love...it's great that you get to have a vacation, you need a well-deserved break from everything that school has put you through this year, but just...this is news to me. I still would've wanted to know." Felix explained to you. He reached out over the table, touching your arm lightly.

"I would've wanted to know. That's all." Felix's voice suddenly grew tender and soft.

You drew out a long sigh. You were annoyed yourself at the fact that Felix didn't seem to understand. It wasn't like your intention was to leave him out, it was just...he was going to Paris for a fashion show and although he invited you to stay with him, you still didn't get that he could go anywhere he wanted to without out keeping tabs on him, but you couldn't.

You shook your head, pushing back your chair. Your sudden movement caused Felix's hand to slip away as you angled yourself slightly away from his reach.

Felix blinked, his eyes coating with concern.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

You paused, thinking. Were you okay? Was everything between you and Felix really okay? Were the feelings - fleeting and fading - truly okay?

You took a deep breath and looked down on your hands. "Yeah."

Felix just didn't understand. He couldn't. He never thought of anyone other than himself and it was gnawing at you.

...

At first Felix thought it was the Wi-Fi. But it had been hours. Hours laying in the sunlight, staring at his phone. You should have texted him by now.

You two were sort of awkward the last day you were together before you both were headed on your trips. There was a small house party. You were really insistent on going, and somehow convinced Felix to come along as well.

Honestly, to Felix, that night was a blur. Not because he was drinking, no, but because it wasn't the best night for the both of you. Things were tensed when Felix picked you up, during the party you were nowhere to be seen, and although Felix was able to converse with some people, it was tensed whenever you looked at him. He left the party with Hyunjin, telling you that Chan called him in to record a part. It was a lie and Felix felt back of course, but you didn't seem to mind. Not even a little bit. With that night, he'd rather forget about it.

Now it was about a week later. Felix had just wrapped up a photoshoot and was at the beach for some downtime. The photoshoot was great, he had some really fun concepts that he liked for it all and was excited to see the ending results. Earlier, Felix had texted Chan, as he usually did and thought to send you a text.

But that was now hours ago.

Felix looked down at his phone, opening recent texts for the upteenth time when he saw something that made him sit up.

His message was simple, something that wasn't too pressuring but sweet enough. It was something that described how he felt about you, that despite the weirdness there was obviously still love and the want to grow from these bumpy roads of your relationship.

But what he saw made him wonder.

How've you been? I guess you're fine 🤍

Down at the bottom of his message was the word 'read'.

...

Even if a guru, a fortune-teller, a wise-man, or a prophet were to tell you what would happen with your feelings, you still wouldn't understand. And you truly didn't understand, not really. But that was the mysteries and beauties of life, wasn't it? Sometimes it would be better to drift away when things were going south.

Although it didn't make sense, you knew what was for sure. You were grateful for that time, but you couldn't do it anymore. You just couldn't understand why he no longer was it for you. But he wasn't. And there wasn't even pain. It was almost like you were...

Relieved.

You chose to stay back. You felt like in your hometown things were challenging for you, and you decided that you would stay with your cousins for however long it would take before you were sure of what specifically would happen next in your life. And if that meant leaving things or people behind, so be it.

Felix would have to deal in his own way. He would be okay. He had to be, the company gave him no choice. You couldn't see how he would take it, maybe the rest of the members would be there for him, but as for you, there was nothing you could do. You wouldn't answer his text. You wouldn't let him in.

You were done with the life that involved him, and was ready to start your own.

So long to the memories, it was a thing of the past.

...

"So...no answered calls, texts, nothing?"

Felix shook his head, a hand flying to the side of his neck pressing gently as he felt the beat of his heart.

The two men, Felix and Han walked through the campus library, looking through. They had never stepped in the library ever, but this was where Felix knew was your sanctuary of study once upon a time.

This was so strange.

You told Felix that you would be back just after he would. But throughout your 3 week vacation and his work, Felix couldn't hear anything from you.

"No. I'm just on edge. She can be a little busy, but it isn't like her to not text back. Especially after reading my texts." Felix frowned, scanning the heads of students nose-deep in textbooks.

"So...she's alive at least. Heh." Han said, with a small chuckle, trying to light the mood. But Felix only blinked.

"Yeah. She's alive."

"Don't worry, sunshine. We'll find her, okay?" Han said, placing a hand on Felix's shoulder.

Felix nodded, breathing out a sigh. Maybe he was being dramatic, but he couldn't help but feel guilty. The last time he saw you was saddened and tense and a mixture of things he would do over. You both were in a very weird patch the past month and after going to Paris, Felix found a new perspective. Whatever was happening, he wanted to work it out with you. He didn't think anything was worth losing you over.

Felix paused as he stared ahead, seeing one girl with a slick ponytail looking over her laptop. He remembered her, she was one of your friends you always talked about. Was it Shalaya? Shanaya? Right, that was it. Shanaya.

Felix found himself walking over to her table. When she looked up, he flashed a small smile, extending his hand.

"Hello, I'm Felix. We met at that one party a few weeks ago."

Shanaya gave a hesitant look. "I don't want to be in the middle of whatever it is you both got going on." She said.

That made Felix pause. "What do you mean? There's nothing...did she say anything to you? Do you know where she is?"

Shanaya didn't say anything for a few seconds. "Have you tried calling her or texting?"

"Yes, but I think there's been a bit of miscommunication. The texts are coming in, she's seen them but...she's not answering." Felix said, his voice in desperation.

Shanaya then sighed. "Well it's simple. She wants nothing more to do with you."

It wasn't simple at all. Nothing about it was simple or made sense. Felix could hear the pounding rise to his ears. He almost thought he misheard what Shanaya said.

"I'm sorry...what did you say? I don't understand. She wants nothing more to do..." Felix's voice trailed off as he looked over at Han. He couldn't even finish the sentence as he felt a weird pang in his chest, like a punch to the gut.

Felix could feel Han's hand placed on his shoulder. He turned to look at Han, who gave a defeated look.

"Yongbok, c'mon. Let's just go. We can go back to-"

"No, wait," Felix took a stepped forward, gently removing Han's hand as he looked at Shanaya. "I just don't understand. What are you talking about? What did she say?"

Shanaya let out a sigh and then shook her head. "Look, these things happen, right? It wasn't bound to last." She muttered the last sentence to herself before she continued her work, putting her earphones back on.

Felix stood planted in his spot. He could hear Han saying something about going back to his place, but he wasn't really hearing him. Felix's mind was racing, trying to make sense of everything.

By the time they did leave the library, Felix tried calling you again. But there was no answer. Nothing. It didn't make sense. He noticed the way that Shanaya looked at him, almost like he did something wrong. He remembered how tensed the last night he saw you was, and wanted to fix that.

"I just don't understand." Felix spoke out, looking over at Han.

"What does she mean? 'It wasn't bound to last', what's that all about?" Felix's voice raised and his hands were shaking.

"Let's go back to my place, come on." Han's voice was gentle and layered.

Felix didn't say anything in the car as Han drove. At multiple instances when the car ear meet with a red light, Han would turn and place his hand on Felix's arm to make sure he was still present. But Felix was no where near present, not in the mind at least, as he started to feel himself falling apart.

...

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours. Hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks. But the light in Felix's eyes lessened each time.

Felix eventually found out that you were staying over at your cousins out of the country. It was by your parents, who, when Felix went to visit them, they greeted him coldly. According to them and everyone else, it seemed like they believed that the dynamic had changed. That Felix was mostly ego-centric and never cared about you.

This random accusation should have made Felix angry at you, like how the members were when they first heard the news. Felix was upset, sure, but he couldn't help but be more confused overall. He was the one who was trying to make time. As soon as the tour ended, he was exhausted, his body ached, he was adjusting to time zones and jet lag, he was emotional as well, he was burned out. Yet it all, he only wanted to see you. He only wanted to be around you and tried making time for that. Felix understood you were busy, he knew the cost of work and school and everything in between. He wanted to be that safe space for you. He never pushed you to do anything you didn't want to, even if that meant sacrificing time the two of you spent together.

"Felix,"

Felix opened his eyes. He was lying down on his bed, trying not to think. The past few weeks, each of the members had visited him often. None of them wanted him to stay by himself. Though Felix only stayed in his bed for the most part.

"I'm having dinner, do you want some?"

Felix could hear Minho's voice from the door. So it was Minho who would be on 'Felix-duty' for the day. Felix shook his head.

"I'm not hungry." He said.

"Okay."

Felix heard the door close and at first thought that Minho was going back downstairs, but he was surprised when he heard footsteps and smelled spicy ramen noodles. Felix turned his head and saw Minho sit down on the bed opposite to him, starting to eat.

"What are you doing?" Felix asked.

Minho blinked. "I'm eating?"

"You were having dinner downstairs, no?" Felix asked.

Minho shook his head. "No. I'm having dinner here. I just asked if you wanted some." He replied.

Felix folded his arms against his chest, now looking at the ceiling tiles. He felt almost annoyed that he was practically on surveillance at all times.

"You don't have to be on watchman duty for me. Go eat your dinner downstairs."

"Who said anything about being on watchman duty? I'm putting my show on anyway, I'm not watching you." Minho said, as he pressed play on his phone. He didn't have any earphones with him, and Felix had to suffer listening to some animation he couldn't really recognize by just hearing.

Felix allowed it for a few minutes, but then he would think about you and his eyes couldn't help but water. It's not that he never cried in front of the members, it was quite the opposite, but Felix hated that he couldn't move on from this state. You apparently could. You were living the easy life someplace nice without giving Felix a second thought. As if your year together meant nothing to you in the first place.

Felix wiped at a tear and then turned so that his back was facing Minho. He let his eyes close. He didn't want to sleep. He couldn't sleep anyway, but he had hoped that if he just closed his eyes he could stop his brain from these unwanted thoughts.

When it was much later and Minho had gone home, Felix once again found himself trying to cry himself to sleep.

...

4:14am.

Felix could never stay asleep for too long before he would wake up in the middle of the night. His dreams would become nightmares. It wasn't anything visibly horrific, but it may truth of the matter may as well have been.

Felix panted, sitting up in his bed as he tried to let his eyes adjust to where he was in his room. The lights were out. His door was practically closed. Whether he was truly awake or half, or sleeping, he didn't know.

He just felt a numbing suffocation, drowning in unclear waters. None of this made sense, but life apparently still went on.

Felix got up from his bed and left the room after some time of thinking. It wasn't even thinking, it was his mind playing movies of what you both once were.

Though the times you had together were bittersweet, he missed the way you used to laugh and heal.

Where did it all go? It felt like sand running through his fingers. One moment you were there, his girlfriend who he loved very much. The next second you weren't there and went with a completely different impression.

Felix cussed under his head as he walked down the stairs, stretching his arms over his head. He suddenly a late night jolt followed by the course of action. He wanted to do something to help with the pain in his chest, something to help his dying pulse.

Felix stepped outside to the backyard. Although it was crazy and ridiculously dark, the moon and distant streetlight being the only true source of light in this hour, he walked over to the pool.

Then he dove in without a second thought.

Felix allowed himself to float, looking up at the sky at first as the water lifted his weight. He could hear occasional bubbles around him and feel the water dampen his skin, but other than that, there was silence lingering in the air. Felix still watched the twinkled of the stars that seemed so far away, so up in the air, but then he could see that his vision was blurring, and could feel that lump in his throat whenever he was going to cry.

Felix closed his eyes, feeling a trail of tears slid down his cheeks as soon as his eyes rested shut.

Felix started to feel himself floating towards the deep side of the pool. He usually would open his eyes and swim back to shallow or at least curl up in a ball and get back up to the surface so that he could swim properly.

But right now, nothing worked. Nothing in him cared to get up.

He wanted to drift, he wanted to sink in the deep end.

Water started to rise and when it was inhaled bitterly in Felix's mouth, he then got up, swimming around. Whether it was the pool or his own tears surrounding him, Felix felt numb. If water was to splash him, if someone were to see him and call the authorities for swimming this late, or if he could see the stars and count them, Felix didn't sense anything. He was out of it and only knew that he couldn't feel anything in his mind or heart.

And then the sobs came out, wretched and cold.

Felix would learn how to be better. He would have to. Life moved on and it eventually did in its season.

But even as the months went on, and Felix would have to go back in the public eye again, as much as he adored those that came to see him and show him love, as much as he loved the members and friends and family, he couldn't feel as happy as he once was. The piece of his heart was not just missing but he knew it was shattered where it was, leaving him half a man.

Because honestly, without you in his life, deep inside he never felt alive.

[epwritten]

Winter Falls ~ l.f

"Winter falls, the snow falls purer than anything"

Description: You work as the babysitter of Felix's twins. There's a snowstorm warning for the weekend and you have to stay at the Lee house overnight

Word Count: 3K.

Author's note: Praying for Felix 🥺 I'm so so glad he was showered with love at the last fanmeeting, but it still makes me so sad. Hopefully all the love he's received overcomes the pain.

In honor of the heavy 40cm snowstorm that has been happening this weekend (I live in Canada, what else is new?) I had this little one shot in my head.

Additional note: Pretty fluffy :) Your typical babysitter/ single-dad trope but it doesn't go that far! This is only a oneshot, I don't really see a part 2. 2nd POV ('you' format, you get the drill)

Oh! I also didn't really know how to end it, but didn't want this to reach 4K words, so the ending's kind of abrupt? I apologize 😔

Thank you for reading! I'm working on a longer one shot so this is just something to hold on to for the time being <3

We love you Felix, get well soon 🤍

The sound of an alert rang through your phone. With one eye on the 5 year old twins you babysat, you slowly got up from the carpeted floor and walked over to where your phone was placed on the living room table. You looked down on the notification.

'Severe Winter Storm warning in effect this weekend. Total snowfall accumulations of 25 to 40cm beginning this afternoon Saturday and ending Sunday evening. The heaviest snow is expected Sunday morning'.

You paused, reading that your city would be affected with the snow storm as well. It wasn't like you weren't used to snow storms, where you lived, it certainly was a snowy blissful area. However, you were still at work and wondered what this sudden alert meant for you.

"Hey, that's mine! Give it back!"

The voice of the Lee twins made you snap out of your daydream. Aera, cute with freckles and pigtails had her eyebrows furrowed with instant anger as she pulled at her stuffed teddy bear. Kuho, her brother, equally cute with boba eyes pouted as his eyes started to water.

"I want it!"

"Hey, hey, hey," You intervened, going back to the floor to sit with them. "What did we talk about with sharing?"

"I was playing with Peanut Butter and Kuho took it from me!" Aera cried out.

"But she..." Kuho took a breath. "She doesn't want to share with me!" He wailed.

"Now Kuho....you can't just take what you want. If you want to play with Peanut Butter, you have to ask, okay?"

You reached over and wiped Kuho's tears and then turned to Aera.

"Did you want to share with Kuho?"

Aera paused, her bottom lip sticking out in thought. "Okay..."

You smiled as you saw Aera timidly hand the stuffed bear. The moment was soft when she saw the exchange, their faces suddenly changing as they collaborated on making Peanut Butter dance and jump. You adored these two, it was more than just a job for you. The little family were content and you were grateful you were a part of it somehow.

Your phone now rang and you made a mental note to change the settings from ring to vibrate at least for disturbing the moment. But your heart picked up once you saw the caller ID.

Felix Lee.

Felix Lee was a well-known successful man. He worked as a creation designer for Louis Vuitton. At 25, which was your age as well, he managed to successfully mind the biggest of fashion corporations while balancing being an ambassador as well. But taking away all that, he was a good man. Sweet, humble, measured, and family-oriented.

His kids were not planned, but he never regretted that night at 20, when his then girlfriend told him she was pregnant. He always wanted a family, even if things were rushed. The years leading up to where he was now, was never easy. There were struggles and questioning, relationships between his immediate family that broke (as well as the mother of his children not wanting custody at all), but he remained true to his loyalty for his twins.

You never viewed him with judgment, as you were his age and knew that it could happen to anyone. You also admired Felix because all that you've seen was testaments to how great of a father he was and how he managed to design the life he wanted. They had a great house, he was loved all around and successful.

In the process, you didn't want to become a baby-sitting cliché, but you had to be careful around him. There were feelings you had, and despite being the same age, he was still your boss. You didn't want to jeopardize anything.

You took a deep breath, and then picked up the phone. "Hello?"

Felix said your name, his deep voice content over the line. "Hey, how are you?"

"I'm good, and you?"

"Doing just fine, thank you. The kiddos are good?" Felix asked.

You smiled. "Couldn't be cuter if they tried."

Felix chuckled softly. "As long as they're not causing you that much of a headache."

You glanced over at the two, completely immersed in a dress up game with Peanut Butter. You smiled at their little minds planning how to design. They definitely watched their father from time to time, and it was endearing to you.

"Nope. They're currently designing for a client. Peanut Butter, to be exact."

"Oh-" Felix burst into laughter which made you laugh along with him.

"That's cute. Sounds like I might just hire them, huh? Anyways...I wanted to call you about the snowstorm. It's already starting to snow where I am, so the office is letting us go for the day. I should be back at home in about an hour or so. "

You nodded, your heart skipping when realizing Felix was coming home sooner than later. You looked over at the window, your eyes seeing the blizzard already starting to form.

"Yeah, it's starting to snow hard over here as well. The drive back home will be intense." You said with a dry chuckle, trying to imagine the level of patience and safety you would need to manage it.

"Well...that's partially why I called. The roads are so bad already. was wondering if you wanted to stay for the night for safety measures."

"Pick anything from my closet to wear tonight."

You blinked, a rush of nerves coursing through your body. You were hesitant. That would be mean stepping into THE Felix Lee's room (an action you haven't done at all) and picking something from him (again, something you've never done before).

"Are you sure?" You asked.

"Of course. It'll be uncomfortable sleeping in jeans. I'll make the guest bed and everything for you once I arrive." Felix sounded sure, and you knew that there was no other option.

The two of talked about more, confirming details before he hung up. You played with the twins once more, gathering more stuffed animals to create a fashion show.

When an hour and a few minutes past, you heard the door click open.

"Who's there?" Kuho asked, his big eyes darting from you to the door. You smiled. Of course, the twins didn't expect for Felix to come back so soon, as it was only 4:30pm and he would usually come back at 7:30.

"I don't know, who is that?" You asked, feigning shock.

The twins stayed by your side, holding on to you as they eyed the person now coming in.

Dressed in a long black coat over black jeans and a black turtle neck, Felix looked elegant, just as he usually did when returning from work. He always appeared majestic or expensive, his presence resembling that of a nightly prince. You tried not to gaze in such awe or reduce the redness in your face you felt when you saw him suddenly gasp and fall on his knees, his arms outstretched.

"Appa!"

Aera and Kuho's tiny frames ran over to Felix, nearly toppling over and tackling him in a bear hug. Your heart swelled at the sight, and you started to clean up the little play area as much as you could, now aware that by Felix being here, the twins' attention wouldn't be on the toys lying about.

Felix closed his eyes as he squeezed them both. "I missed you, did you think of me today?"

"Yes!" The twins chorused in unison.

"You have snow on your hair." Aera said, running her hand through Felix's black hair. Felix smiled at her adoringly.

"Ah, I have snow?"

"Yes, I'll take it out for you."

Felix gasped, his mouth widening in a smile.

"You'll take it out for me? Aww thank you, baby."

You smiled, wishing to document the moment. You never knew how Felix did it, after long and hard hours at his job, he still managed to maintain and match the same energy that his 5 year-olds carried.

After a bit, Felix was trying to walk forward with Kuho and Aera hugging his legs like koala bears to a tree. The sound of the kids youthful laughter meshed with Felix's laughter was music to your ears.

"Aera, Kuho, let Appa take his shoes off!" You said, though you knew it wouldn't do anything. Once the twins saw their father, they were too attached.

The twins were unmoved, glued to Felix and he giggled in response. He squatted down somehow, and said something to them in Korean which cause them to suddenly dash away, running across the hallway to meet you in the kitchen. You didn't know what he said exactly, but they were they helping you clean up. You cast a smile over at Felix who flashed a smile as he took off his coat.

"How was work?" You called.

Felix paused, opening the closet to hang up his coat. "It was good, yeah. A bit of an overload at the start, but overall, it was good." He smiled.

"It's really snowing out there." Felix chuckled.

You scowled at the window. "I know. Are you sure about me staying here for the night?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Felix smiled, closing the closet. "I'm just going to get changed and then I'll get started on dinner?"

"You don't have to do that, I can make dinner." You tried to impose.

"This is my way of thanking you for staying here overtime." Felix shot you such a beautiful smile that warmed your heart before headed to the staircase. Kuho followed him, but it was normal of him to never let Felix be by his side. Felix stopped by the end of the stairs, laughed and picked Kuho up before they both went upstairs, leaving you with Aera.

Her little eyes looked alarmed at the sudden change and she looked at the staircase.

"Appa...?"

"He just went to change. He'll be back so soon, okay?" You said, and then took the last of the toys that were on the carpet. "Thank you so much for helping me clean up Aera, you're my big helper." You shared your gratitude.

Aera wanted to watch Bluey and so you turned on the TV, getting it all set up. It didn't take long for little steps to run down the stairs and you heard Kuho scream in excitement. The kids loved Bluey and you even found it refreshing as you were able to organize and sort through the toys cabinet. Though it didn't really matter, the Lee twins would go through it again, but you wanted to help out somehow.

Felix did come down a little later, his change from a the earlier darkened attire to a more reserved white crewneck over black fleece pants. His glasses that were on beforehand was off and hair messy like he ran fingers through it. He looked beautiful, you thought. Effortlessly relaxed but still carrying poise.

He went straight to the kitchen. Though you wanted to help him, he didn't allow you to. You enjoyed the scene, however, though it caused your mind a panic when you had a delusional flash of what marrying Felix would look like. A calm afternoon like this, where Felix was cooking in the kitchen, and you sat on the living room carpet with the twins in your lap, engrossed in the TV.

You needed to focus. You watched Felix's kids, you didn't have kids with him.

Later on, the four of you had dinner. Over the table, you watched as Felix sat immersed as Aera and Kuho went on about their favorite Bluey characters. There was so much adoration and love from his eyes, and pride in his smile. The two of you bounced questions to Aera and Kuho back and forth and snuck smiles at each other whenever their voices rose to talk about the climax of the episode.

The sky grew dark but the snow kept on falling. It was now 7, the time when you would finish and go home, but the snow and wind were harsh. As you cleaned the dishes, you shook your head. There was no way you would be going back in this weather. Absolutely no way.

"Okay, we're gonna change into our pajamas, and we can play one more game, and then we'll get ready for bed, right?" You heard Felix's voice from the living room.

"Can we build a blanket fort?" Kuho's little voice piped out.

"If there's time, little man. Let's go upstairs." Felix said. He repeated it this time in Korean and you smiled at their response. You liked seeing how he would speak both English and Korean to his kids. He once told you that he wished he had more of that encouragement to speak Korean growing up, instead of just answering in English all the time, and had wanted for his kids to follow in the same.

The living room was silent as you heard the voices fade upstairs. With all the dishes done, you sat in the living room, your eyes averted to the window. The snow was beautiful and pure. But the wind was picking up so much, as you heard its howl from indoors. It caused you to worry.

After a few minutes Aera and Kuho came running back downstairs wearing their pajamas. Aera wore red pajamas with kittens on it, and Kuho wore blue pajamas with puppies on them. Aera ran over to you, wrapping her hands around her legs.

"Look at my jammies!"

"Those are beautiful jammies, Aera." You smiled.

"Where are your jammies? Appa told us that you're staying with us until tomorrow." Kuho said.

You paused, turning to look over at Felix who stood by the end of the staircase. He laughed, clapping his hands as the shade of red colored his face.

"Well...I have some jammies..." Your voice trailed off in hesitance, your face suddenly hot too.

Felix nodded. "Just go to my closet. Pick anything you want, okay? It's the first door to your left." He said, walking over to the couch.

You nodded. "Okay. I'll just...grab something...um..thank you." You said shyly.

You went up the stairs, your heart pounding. You were going to Felix's room. Of course, you weren't going to snoop or anything like that, but it was still intimidating. When you stepped in, it was like you expected. Simple, but a huge room. The walls were a deep blue, curtains grey. The closet to your right seemed endless and you slowly walked over. As soon as you opened the doors, your heart skipped a beat. Your eyes scanned the articles that Felix would design, pieces you've seen on magazines or fashion shows, and clothing you've witnessed Felix wear around the house.

You walked over to the left side. Felix had seemed to organize his closet so that all of his home clothes were on the left, and work and outing clothes were to the right. You didn't care for anything fashionable, as these would be clothes you would sleep in. But that sentence alone was something.

In what universe did sleeping in Felix's clothes happen?

You stared at the inside of the closet for a long time before you took a step forward, pulling out an arm sleeve of an oversized soft pastel pink hoodie before pulling it out. Then you found a pair of black sweatpants neatly folded in the drawer. You went to the washroom, half-terrified, half-intrigued.

You changed, folding your own clothes and then looked at yourself in the mirror. The clothes were a bit oversized for you, but the cotton material was comfortable. Plus, the scent of Felix was on your skin. You tried to will yourself to calm down seeing you in the reflection, but it was more of a challenge.

But you had to calm down. He was downstairs.

You took a deep breath and then walked down the stairs, hand on the railing. You could hear Felix giving instructions and could hear the giggles of the twins. They were making the fort no doubt.

But when you reached the end of the stairs, the noise died down doubling to nothing.

"Oooh! You're wearing Appa's clothes!" Aera shrieked.

You had to chuckle at the outburst, your eyes now averting to Felix. He carried a soft smile, but his eyes were on you staring gazing with a certain look you wished to depict.

"I..." You looked down at the outfit, now feeling self-conscious you were wearing it in front of the owner.

"Is this okay? I didn't want to-"

Felix shook his head, smiling. "Of course. You look-"

"You look comfy! Like a snow princess!" Aera interrupted.

Felix smiled. "Come on, snow princess. We're building a fort." His eyes twinkled and your heart did a flip at the pet name.

You went over to the family and joined them, sharing laughter over the night. These certain activities felt domestic, and you willed your heart to calm down. It was just hard because in another life you could see this happening. Everything about this night was so sweet.

"Okay..." Felix muttered as he secured the pole. "Aera, Kuhi-ah, can you help me with the blanket?"

You grinned, excitement bubbling over you. You were happy that they were letting you in on this family tradition of theirs. For the first time ever, staying overnight at a job never felt this nice.

"And we're done!" Felix declared, putting the blanket on top.

"Yay! Let's go in! Let's go in!" Aera cheered.

"Let's go in! Let's go in!" Kuho echoed.

Felix looked over at you, pointing to the fort. "Can you get the candles?"

You nodded. "Of course!" You said with a smile. You rushed over to the kitchen. You knew that Felix loved candles and had some stashed by the cabinets. You debated scents, but finally grabbed one that you thought was appropriate for the setting you were in: Winter Falls.

When you came back, you saw the lights closed and you went back to the fort, joining Felix, Aera and Kuho under the tarp.

"Okay, we're going to light this candle..." You said excitedly.

"Can I do it?" Aera asked.

Felix chuckled, pulling her into his lap before she waddled over to you. "No, not now, baby. You can just watch, okay?" He said, kissing her forehead.

"And then we're going to read the book?" Aera asked, leaning back on Felix. You shot a curious look in their direction, just as Felix took out a book from the floor next to him. He showed you and you smiled at the book. It was a bedtime story they loved hearing you read before they went to sleep.

You smiled, making sure you were away from the twins and then lit the candle. You set it down carefully on the coffee table in front of you all and then sat next to Felix, Kuho now sitting on your lap. You tried not to melt thinking of how intimate this sight looked for a person on the outside looking in.

"Okay, let's read." Felix said. He then looked at you. "Did you want to read?"

You smiled. "You can read if you want." You passed the privilege to him.

"I want both of you to read!" Kuho suddenly exclaimed, tilting his head to look at you.

You paused. "Oh. Well-"

Yet Felix just chuckled as he placed the book over Aera so he could hold it properly. "We'll read it together. I take one page you take another."

You smiled, your heart fluttering as you looked at the pages. "Okay."

"Alright. This is called 'A Great Big Cuddle Before You Say..." Felix's voice trailed off as he looked at Aera and Kuho, waiting for them to yell out the end of the title.

"GOODNIGHT!"

You laughed along with Felix.

"Good job!" You cheered.

Felix cleared his throat. "My parents want me to go to bed, close my eyes and rest my head. But before they get to see the sight, here's a great big cuddle before you say..."

"GOODNIGHT!"

You and Felix laughed again at the participation, and he scooted closer to you, moving the book across Aera's lap to Kuho's so that you could read the next page.

"They tell me to go brush my teeth, to clean up my toys nice and neat. But before they get to see the sight, here's a great big cuddle before you say..."

"GOODNIGHT!"

You and Felix laughed together, finding amusement in the yells of Aera and Kuho. At one point as you kept reading, you could feel Felix from the corner of your eye just looking at you. And when you looked over at him once more, how he looked at you with the awe that reflected how you felt.

Because truly, as the snow fell outside, the wind harsh and cold, you didn't want to be anywhere else, here where warm hearts filled the room with laughter and love. And you hoped that one day, this life would no longer become a faraway dream, but a reality where they would be your true family.

[epwritten]

It's so so weird. I was thinking about Felix HEAVILY when I woke up. I think about him and the members always of course, but this morning was different...so for most of the morning I was just praying for him, praying that he was kept safe and protected and strengthened.

Then seeing the announcement....wow. I'm glad it was a minor accident, but it was still an accident nonetheless. It's scary. But he needs to rest as much as he can. I pray so much for Felix, I'm thankful that angels were watching over him. 🤍

[epwritten]

could've been ~ l.m

"People change, it's up to them"

Description: In which you and Minho have an awkward conversation after the two of you broke up.

Word Count: 2K

Author's note: I was going to originally write this for Felix, but Lee Know kept coming in my head. So I said screw it, we're making this a Minho one shot. I hope you like it!

Additional note: college au, ex's, memories, 2nd pov ('you' format). Minho's a bit mean if that counts as a warning? Not necessarily a happy ending, but still content enough.

Hope you enjoy reading! <3

People changed all the time. It was a part of life.

This was the reminder you played over and over in your head as you made your bed that morning. Everyday was feeling numb and the same. You woke up at around 7 to the sound of your alarm. You took a shower and brushed your teeth. You got dressed. If you had an appetite you would usually make toast and have orange slices on the side. If it was like a day like today where you felt more numb that usual, you grabbed a protein shake and left the kitchen. You'd be out the house before your parents were awake, on your way to work, which you had to be in by 8:30.

You put music in your ears. Nothing like classic R&B or sad songs you loved, but something upbeat like pop or rap that would try to distract you from how you were truly feeling. Because if you were to listen to what you were really feeling there'd be problems and you couldn't afford that. Not when you were at least trying to get better and move on.

But the music choice would be good, you concluded as you turned up the volume. You also worked at the front counter at the campus gym. The place was upbeat anyway.

It wasn't until you arrived at the gym did you feel a harsh cold wind. Your hands flew to your arms as you hugged yourself, looking around in confusion. It was the start of spring, a chill day in April and yet you felt like you were trapped in a freezer.

You spotted Rob, one of your co-workers. He was nice, about a decade older than you, and the one that first helped you during your first few days at work.

"The air condition can't turn off. It's been on overnight at high." Rob told you. You noticed fog escaped his breath.

"Did you call someone?" You asked.

"Yeah, the HVAC technician should be here in an hour. The gym itself is not as cold, but I'm heading to a meeting upstairs and someone needs to stay at front desk while I'm out." Rob said. He shot an apologetic look, but you shook your head.

"It's fine, I can stay here I'll just-"

You stopped talking as a lightbulb went over your head. Your dad was a professor at the same college you attended and worked at, and he would be teaching a morning class. His class didn't start until 9, and you knew he was probably getting ready to go by now. So you had an idea.

You looked at Rob as you got out your phone. "I'll be fine. I'm going to ask my dad if he can drop off a hoodie for me." You said.

Rob nodded. "Okay, thanks a bunch." He gave a final smile before he left and headed up the stairs.

You let out a shaky breath, your fingers cold as you typed. It was ridiculously cold and you absolutely needed to feel warmth immediately. The worse part of the whole thing was that you had a weak immune system. Anytime there were weather changes you had to be extra careful and take precaution so that you wouldn't be sick. And it would happen. You would always get the flu or something, but you didn't want to get it this time.

You varied between pacing behind the desk, putting your hands in your jean pockets, and hugging yourself. You felt goosebumps on your forearms and your teeth were slightly chartering.

Who in their right mind turned the air conditioner to the highest level anyway? It wasn't even a scorching day in August yet?

The usual Monday crowd strolled in. They signed in, made little small talk, and then headed straight to the weights. You tried to be as professional as you could, remaining focused on your work as you signed each person in. Maybe the cold helped with that for a bit, but it wasn't until a guy who came in with iced coffee or headphones around his ears did it make you think of someone.

When you were by yourself, you looked ahead, trying not to think about what would cloud your mind but you knew it would come eventually. Everything reminded you of him, but this place was a literal gym, if not THE gym he used to go to.

Now you weren't even sure where he'd go.

You took a deep breath, drumming the table as you closed your eyes and tilted your head just enough for your neck to crack. Satisfied, you did it on the other side too. There was no better feeling than to release unwanted stress and tension.

The door suddenly opened, and the warm air made you open your eyes. You smiled when you saw your dad in his classic suit and suitcase come in. You checked the time on your computer screen.

"You're here early." You commented. He would usually come about an hour later.

"I know, but when you say there's a broken air conditioning and they left you here to freeze in a t-shirt? That's not happening on my watch." He said, walking over to give you a side hug.

He felt your arm. "You're a block of ice!" He said shocked. You had to giggle at his concern.

"I grabbed the biggest hoodie I could find. It was in your closet." He said, handing you a grey hoodie that was slung over his shoulder.

You blinked, staring at it for a second as you slowly took it from his hands.

"Alright, I'm going to go over my lecture. You're all good now, right?" Your dad asked.

You nodded. "Yes. Thanks, dad."

He left the gym, shuddering as he opened the door. He turned and pointed to you on his way out. "Wear the hoodie immediately!" He yelled.

"Okay!" You said, shooting a thumbs up.

When the door closed, you sighed. You could feel the fabric, or check the design, or even smell the piece of clothing. But you didn't have to.

Because you still, even after all this time of distance, knew it wasn't your hoodie. It was Minho's.

You ran fingers through your hair as you sighed, looking at the grey oversized hoodie that was placed on the counter. How could have still had this? You thought you gave everything back.

But it had been months. Two months and seven days exactly (though who's counting?). Couldn't Minho have noticed on of his hoodies missing and asked for it back?

You sat in the stool now, still staring at what was once your blanket of memories. It wasn't your dad's fault, he didn't realized what he grabbed. The poor man probably read your text and ran without a second thought. He knew the breakup was hard, he would have never took Minho's hoodie for you to wear intentionally.

But here you were, now faced with this reality. You still had this one hoodie in your closet. And now you were freezing. You considered the options. You could wait until the technician guy came in, and just freeze for one more hour. By that point your fingers would go completely numb. But would it be worth it? What would be the point of that? If you were freezing, and there was a hoodie that was right in front of you, no one in their good mind would reject that.

But would they reject it if it was from their ex?

You let out a sigh but knew what you had to do. It was either your health, or nothing. It wasn't worth it to get sick just because you didn't use what would help you right there in the moment, even it was Minho's.

You took the hoodie that was starting to be chilly itself and then brought it over you to wear. An action you've done so many times, but you never thought there'd be a day when it caused you pain.

Once it was worn you suddenly remembered that it was a custom made hoodie that one of his friends got for his birthday. In small but still visible cursive print on the left side read the letters L. M.

You were now after breaking up with him, wearing his initials again.

This. Was. Torturous.

You put the hood of the hoodie over your head and pulled down the sleeves just slightly so you could continue working with sweater paws. You were grateful now that you were shivering anymore, and whatever feeling of soreness that wanted to start in your throat was now coming down. You knew it was way better to save your health. The technician would be here soon and you could take the hoodie off.

The busyness of the job came in shifts. One moment it would be slow, then out of nowhere, a while wave of people would come in. Each of the conversations were similar. They asked about the cold, you told them about the problem, they asked if the gym was closed, you told them they could still work out and the gym itself was fine. After the current wave you just passed (which dealt with way too much energy for a 9am) you finally had a chance to sit down. You mindlessly rested your head against the desk, wanting to be still for a moment. But after a few seconds your head jolted up.

The hoodie still smelled like him.

It was ridiculous. Maybe you were paranoid. You had washed this hoodie several times, how could you have smelled his scent?

You missed it. The natural one. You liked his cologne as well of course, but it was the snug moments where if you cuddled on the couch, and if you were wearing his clothes and he wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly, you would be surrounded by a fresh dove springtime smell. It immediately gave you the memories and you tried to now look at the computer, then down to the view of the gym, anything to get your kind off of it.

You weren't struggling as much as you once were, when the breakup was still a few days old. You weren't necessarily going to lie and say you were happy and all better, but you were just numb now. Numb to the feelings, and also numb to the memories. But now, as you sat in your ex boyfriend's hoodie, it was playing a bunch of tricks on your brain. Suddenly you were back there in the cold days. Suddenly you were back to falling asleep in his arms. Suddenly you were back to library dates with coffee. Suddenly you were back to watching his morning runs.

You shook your head and glanced at the clock. Just one more hour. Then you could take the stupid thing off.

Long minutes passed by but you were getting through your morning until the door chimed and opened once again. You looked up and instantly felt your heart drop.

Minho's friends from his dance club came through the door, and it wasn't long until you saw him in a black hoodie on top of cargo pants. His brown hair long and styled in a way that made you hate how good you thought he looked. He always looked good, but he wasn't yours to tell that anymore.

He was laughing, an iced coffee in his hand. Though you were confused. He had a class at this time. Why was he at the gym?

You kept your eyes down, trying to avert your gaze. They were headed in your direction. You weren't sure what Minho would do. Since the breakup you didn't see him much, but if you paths were to cross for whatever reason, you would pass by each other like strangers. Minho wouldn't glance in your direction and so you learned how to do the same thing.

But now for the first time in a while you were spotted, and making matters worse, in his hoodie. What would his friends think? What would he think? You hoped Minho wouldn't notice.

As the guys walked over to the counter, Minho was last in line. He had his phone with him scrolling away in disinterest as his straw was in mouth. You tried not to pay attention as you plastered a while.

It was semi awkward since most of the guys knew who you were. But you were all adults so you weren't about to make a scene. You signed them in and they smiled and said their thanks.

"Have a good workout." You wished, just as you did with everyone who's stepped in since the gym opened.

Now that Minho's friends left, you turned to the computer screen, typing his name. You could do this whole thing in silence, and as you see in the corner of your eye that Minho looked around the place and not at you, you expected that he would do the same.

That was until he placed his hand on the desk, leaning in.

"What are you doing?" He asked. His voice sounded slightly irritated.

Your hands typed fast and you willed yourself to be strong and not timid. You were bound to talk to him eventually.

"I'm working Minho, what does it look like I'm doing?" You finally looked up at his handsome face. "I need your card."

Minho's gaze fell at the hoodie. "Why are you wearing my hoodie? What do you think you're doing?"

You breathed deeply and slowly. "I don't know if you noticed this, but this air conditioning is on the highest level and I needed something to warm me up-"

"So you walk around wearing my freaking initials on your chest."

Minho took a step back and glanced at you. Was it disgust? Anger? Resentment? You couldn't even tell.

You blinked. "It's not like that. I didn't know about the air conditioner until I got here. I asked my dad to grab a hoodie on his way here and he found this one. That's all."

Minho rolled his eyes as he got out his wallet. "Sure."

"It's the truth." You said.

Minho didn't look like he believed. His eyes were elsewhere as he handed you his card and you swiped it on the machine. When you handed back his card, he looked at you once more.

"We broke up. And you're out here wearing my hoodie, that's not fair." He said, his voice low.

You scoffed, holding the hem of his hoodie. "Do you think I want to wear this? You think it's fun for me to go around wearing something from someone I'd rather have no business with? I don't like this. It's awkward, okay? But it was either this or freeze." You told him.

Minho shook his head. There was a look in his eye, though you couldn't tell what exactly he felt. You knew this was awkward for him. You placed yourself in his shoes. He, just like you, had a right to move on. But when you were wearing something of his, it was awkward. You knew that.

You just didn't like how he made it seem like it was your choice in the matter.

"Well, is someone coming to fix the air conditioner?" Minho asked.

You nodded. "In about an hour."

Minho gave a weird look. "You couldn't have waited until then?"

That was what made you ticked off. You shook your head, letting out a huff.

"Look, do you want me to take this off and give it to you? Because-"

"Calm down. You're already wearing it, I'm not gonna ask you to take it off, I'm not that vile. It's whatever. You can keep it. Or burn it later. Do whatever you want with it. I don't care." Minho said, taking his wallet and his coffee.

He walked away from the desk, leaving you staring at his retreating figure as he went on his phone. You sighed, covering your face in your hands.

You weren't the type that hated anybody, but you didn't understand him. And that caused an anger to build up. How could he stand there so disgusted, so bratty, so nonchalant, like he never once told you he loved you? As if you weren't the one he once shared everything with? Why was he so cold, when once all you felt was the warmth of being cradled in his arms? How could he interact with you like he never knew you when he once kissed every part of you? Was it not hurting him to stand there and pretend he didn't think of all the moments shared? Did he not miss it? Did he not miss you...like you missed him?

Minho once told you, during that times where you both were fighting a lot, that it wasn't over between you. There was still something, whether fate, force, or faith, that was keeping you both together by a thread. That even through the differences you both had, you would stay together because you were meant to be.

It wasn't until after everything that happened in the breakup did you realize in the learning curve was that the only thing meant for the two of you was to break up. You weren't the same. Not even close. He was different, you were different.

People changed all the time. It was a part of life. And soon you would get to the point of gratitude that he was no longer in your life anymore.

[epwritten]

T a s t e ~ l.f

"Just look at me baby, day and night"

Description: You want what you're afraid of getting. You both play this game of want and desires, temptations, and limitations, secrecy, and need.

Word count: 8K. Hehehe. 😬

Author's note: I got into Stray Kids late summer last year, so there's a lot of performances I'm still getting into. But a week ago I saw Taste for the first time and...wow. When I first watched the Taste performance, everything was running through my mind at once. It was the perfect showcasing of temptation, where me -a usually by-the-rules person - had thoughts that were uncontrollable. I've never seen anything quite like that before, where in the moment I was so captivated. This concept came immediately after watching the video late hours into the night.

Additional notes: AU kind of...even though they're Danceracha, they're not members of Stray Kids. They're three college friends trying to make it by, making music.

Another note! This can be a little toxic, but the whole gist of this one shot is to showcase what temptations between people really look like, especially if you have one who grew up under strict conditions and now goes through inner conflict of whether or not they should throw away their restrictions for a chance. I don't want there to be anything that upsets anyone as they read this. It wasn't my intention honestly!

AND MOST IMPORTANT!

There's no smut in this. I'm not comfortable writing it. I know this one shot more ofc focuses on temptation and what that feels like, but I'm just not comfortable so please don't expect it and then get mad when you've reached the ending and there's nothing aha <3

Okay that's it! Happy reading! Hope you will enjoy <3

To lay it out in simple terms, you were drowning.

No, not literally. But it felt so much like it.The place had a way of heightening all of your five senses in one setting. You always found yourself playing the senses game with your dad when you were young. He may have forgotten about it, but you carried the habit with you, even if it was subconsciously. You always observed the five senses in a place and how that made you feel. Sometimes it was for safety measures, identifying what in an unknown room could be your shelter. Other times it was a reflection of happiness, if you were at the beach or somewhere that you could not count all your senses aligning in the best way.

But sometimes, on a night like tonight for instance, it was out of nerves.

Smell: The scent of expensive perfumes from those in the room lingering in the air.

Hear: The noises of conversations in and out of your ear through everybody else who was in the room.

Touch: Your pulse, right under your neck, a signal of nervousness when things got too overwhelming.

See: The lights dimmed in perfect blue, everything dark and rich in color that you may as well have been drowning with the wave of shade plastered and flashing shadows where the lights loomed.

Everything about this atmosphere was tempting, inviting, alluring. You could feel the vibration of the bass, on the floor right where your foot was planted, but also buzzing in your chest. You knew needed to breathe. But nothing was working with your senses anymore, almost as if they were too far gone, lost in this place of entrapment.

Why did you decide to come?

You were definitely out of place, you considered, as you craned your neck trying to look for something and nothing at the same time. People were chatting and laughing and you wondered if being social was a game of pretend that everyone aced at, or an actual skill. Nobody even looked bored before an event would start. It amazed you so. You on the other hand, always hated to be so early to places where you had no other choice but to socialize before the main events arrived. Yet for this specific night, you didn't dare arrive late. You didn't want to admit it out loud, but you didn't want to miss...him.

Great. Your mind was doing it again. Thinking about what you vowed not to think of. But there it was, a delicate subject you didn't want to tempt with thought and imagery, but it pulling you in.

Him, with his dark eyes, a stare that captivated you, and seemed to control all of you- your mind, your body, your soul. He was dangerous to what you thought held your convictions for so long, the definition of what you couldn't cross and somehow you did. Though not really. But still. The whole thing was rather...complicated.

Because it started with you, that night, three months ago. You didn't even know why you were there. Life was tough and you needed somewhere to escape to. Your friends always suggested a high scene that could make your feelings go numb for the evening, how the dopamine release would maybe even be good for you. You never considered it those days of your youth, but a few months back, you found yourself at a high scene of a nightclub under blaring lights.

~ 3 months ago ~

Even though you were in your early 20s, it was your first time, so of course you felt out of place. Did people actually enjoy this?

That night was a night of many firsts. A stranger sauntered over to you and asked to buy you a drink. You didn't realize that what happened in the movies you saw could actually take place in real life. People were making out in the back corner- full on, not caring if anyone else was looking, and not getting a room anytime soon. The music was loud. There were so many people, so many stories. But, you all were strangers to each other, and that was the pep talk you told yourself.

You were a stranger. Whether you were actually shy and timid or confident and sexy, no one would know the difference. It was one night in this nightclub. You could be anyone you wanted to.

You could also meet anyone you wanted. And that's what you did.

He was on the top floor when you first saw him, manspread on the purple lounge couch. There were two other guys with him, one with brown hair and the other with blue hair but you barely noticed. Even when they stopped talking to each other and eyed you as you got to the top of the staircase, searching for a place to sit, your eyes only zeroed in on one.

See: Jet black hair, dark eyes, pale skin, wearing all black. He was the most beautiful person you could ever see. His features were pretty, but his stance was dominant and you couldn't help but let your mind run with thoughts that normally didn't cloud your vision. But this night was meant to be different anyway, at least, that's what you were trying to tell yourself.

You swallowed before you spoke out. "Am I allowed to sit here?" You asked, because for some strange reason no one else was up in the balcony seats, just those three men.

The man in the middle of the couch smiled before he shifted in his seat, moving to the other side of the couch.

"Of course you are. Come sit."

Hear: His voice was lower than expected, a velvety tone with a certain accent, though he didn't say enough words for you to realize which one it was. Your heart churned deep in your chest as you slowly walked towards them. You sat down right where the middle man patted and immediately you were hit with the scent of his cologne.

Smell: A hint of springtime but spice of power.

When you sat by him, the two other guys that were there wandered off, leaving you and the middle man alone. They made no excuses and walked out like it was no big deal. You didn't want to disturb any of them, but they were out of your hair by the time you sat.

You couldn't help but sneak a glance at who was sitting right by you on the couch. The music was blaring, lights were dimmed but luminescent enough so you could see the sparkles around his eyeliner and the color tint on his lips. He looked incredibly unreal, just sitting there.

And then he looked at you.

It was strange. You would be the person who would look away instantly, blush constantly and find something to fidget with, causing so much of a distraction to reduce the heat on your cheeks and color on your face. But right there in that moment, you didn't look away, you stared right back.

You didn't know anything about him, but you remembered how when you first walked into the club you said to yourself that you wanted a change. That you could be whoever you wanted, and no one would know anything different. He wouldn't know anything of your shy nature, the innocent image that so many mocked you about, he wouldn't know.

"Can I get you a drink?" The man asked finally, his pupils looking so intensely at your soul you thought he was genuinely lost in them. He was attentive, that was noted.

You shook your head. You've never drank before. Even though tonight would be the night of promises to live young and not overthink everything, you were still nervous for the substances.

"I'm good. Thank you though." You answered.

He nodded understandably as he sat up straighter. "Ah, that's okay." He said.

"I've never seen you here before. Are you new to the city?" He continued.

It was when he said that your heart started beating a bit more. Australian, that's what it was. He was definitely Australian.

He angled his body on the couch so he could face you properly. Though you were shy among his gaze, and had trouble fully looking at him.

"I've been here, I just..." You paused. You didn't want to seem like such a fool if you were to say that you've never been in a nightclub before. The man looked around your age and it would be somewhat embarrassing.

So you lifted your eyes and looked at him.

"I just never got to actually talk to you before." You said.

The man blinked before he leaned forward, a hand brought his chin as he gazed at you. "You've seen me here, but you never talked to me?"

You swallowed but wanting to keep going with the act. You told yourself in your mind not to care. So what if you flirted a little bit? Anything that would comment for this man would be truthful anyway.

So you scanned him with your eyes, taking everything in before you spoke out.

"Well...you're the sexiest person I've ever laid eyes on, so it'd be difficult..." Your voice trailed off.

Oh goodness. Did you really just say that out loud?

The man raised an eyebrow, but his smirk said otherwise. "Sexy, yeah? That's what you think of me as?"

When he repeated your words back, it made you suddenly shy, looking away. How did people at clubs do this? Were they always that forward?

He looked like he was okay with it, but you couldn't keep this front and confident act much longer. But you wanted to. You so wanted to just forget about your worries and let the night take its course.

"Hey," He chuckled warmly. "Don't go shy on me now." He said, eyes never leaving your face.

So you didn't. You took a deep breath and looked back at him. "Yes, that's what I think of you. You're sexy."

Being forward left a weird taste in your mouth, but the way he looked at you said so much at the same time. It fed you, fed your emotions. Because you could see that your words were the ones to cause him to smile, despite the shyness wanting to creep up on you.

"Thank you." His voice was a low decibel of temptation. He let his eyes travel down past your eyes for a split second before centering back on your face again.

You blinked and took a shallow breath, trying to ease the thundering beat in your chest.

The man then smiled genuinely and you swore you never saw anything more unreal. He looked kissable. You wondered what kissing him would feel like.

Where did that thought come from?

"You're a little shy, aren't you?" He guessed, reading your like a book.

Touch: You crossed one leg over the other, accidentally brushing his leg with yours and you quickly drew it back. You were failing your confidence but the way he looked at you...there was really no chance.

He chuckled when you didn't respond. "Don't be, get comfortable. What's your name?" He asked.

You said it and he repeated your name to himself before he nodded. "It compliments you. You're just as beautiful if not more."

And there came the butterflies once more.

You turned to him, trying to come back to look into his brown eyes. "What's your name?" You threw the question back to him.

"Felix." He answered, giving you his hand to shake.

It wasn't the most unexpected name for this midnight prince of a man. If anything, it was pretty attractive.

Around you both the music still blared and you started to feel your mind drifting back to the scene around you with your senses. But you wanted to be present and looked back at Felix with a question in mind.

"So...why are you here tonight?" You asked, trying to attempt conversation.

Felix looked up at the ceiling and then around. "Honestly...I'm performing on that stage in a minute." He said, looking behind him.

You did a double take when you saw the stage. "On...the pole?"

Felix shook his head and laughed. "No, no. A couple of friends and I we dance and make music, and then we perform at clubs."

Your face flushed. "Oh."

That was it. You were done. Embarrassed. You would try to take a cab and leave and never return. Possibly leave the country. Never be seen again. Burried in a hole. Whatever worked.

You didn't realize you were actually spacing out and planning a disappearing act until you felt a strong but soft touch on your arm. You averted your gaze and saw Felix shooting a soft smile.

"Why are you here tonight?" He asked.

It was very much of a good question. You wanted to know yourself. Life was being a lot. You needed a change of scene. You wanted to check out the club. You wanted to not let your worries cloud your mind. You were a rigid person and you imagined what it would be like to, for one moment, live more freely.

But you weren't about to go into the details of it all. You still were assigned one task, and that was let go.

"Because...I want to see you perform." You answered softly.

Felix blinked in surprise before he smirked, his hand patting your leg.

"Good girl." He muttered.

Hear: The words "good girl", over and over in your head from now until morning. You didn't know what to do with yourself.

Felix suddenly stood up and you looked at him, your heart beat picking up in haste."Wait, where are you going?" You asked, confused.

Felix glanced at the stage and then back at you, his eyes daring. "Going to be the reason why you came here tonight, of course. You should watch the stage." He winked and then walked away, going down the stairs, not looking back once.

He was so mysteriously sexy, so captivating, that you didn't know if your mind was held straight. You were thinking a million thoughts, imagining instances that past you would never do. On and on were piles of debating in your head between the two. The familiar innocence you vowed to protect, or the risking image that didn't care who you were, allowing you to dive deep into someone else. Maybe someone you were all along.

You couldn't think much because soon the music died down and you walked to the rail of the balcony, looking down. You technically could've gone down, but there were so many people. You liked having the space to yourself. It made you observe.

And when Felix and his two friends were finally on stage and danced, you were absolutely stunned. The other two were passionate, of course. The one with the blue hair was like blazing fire and then other with brown hair like sharp ice. Yet Felix had a power to him, an aura that was unshaken. He moved effectively and gracefully at the same time.

Their small set ended, only a couple of songs before the three went back upstairs and joined you as the stage was getting ready for exotic dancers. You stood up, wanting to pull Felix aside. When Felix saw you, he smiled, sauntering over to you.

"What did you think?" He asked in a low tone, reaching you.

You looked at him, truly. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead and his hair was slightly messier from the dancing. He was breathing hard, staring at you. It made you feel vulnerable of the true thoughts in your mind. You wondered just this once, how he would react if you were direct.

"I think you're a dangerous temptation." You finally answered bluntly, stepping into his space.

Felix raised an eyebrow. "Really? I'm a dangerous temptation, how so?" He asked, though his voice was smug.

He was taller than you but he crouched down, leaning forward so he could be at eye level with you.

You took a deep breath. "Because..." Your voice trailed off as you noticed a strand of hair covering his eye. You wanted to see his eyes. Without thinking you moved his escaping strand away, brushing it behind his ear. But it wasn't until you felt your fingertips reach the side of his face and saw him staring at you, not backing away either, gave you a weird longing.

What if tonight nothing mattered?

What if you could just be?

Felix stepped closer to your space, looking down at you. When he watched your hand slowly run through his hair, you caught him biting his lip subtly, but to you it was so hot.

He said your name then, eyes on you. When you looked at him, as the blue lights shone on his face, you could see a dark look in his eyes, it was calling you.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" You asked lowly.

A night of first experiences. It started with the drink offering, it continued with the flirtatious comments, and now it came to this point. You may have imagined the possibility of 'what if', but now it was your reality.

You just asked the hottest man in this whole club if he wanted to leave with you. That was something you never imagined yourself to do.

You looked to the side for a second, but the moment that you would want to second guess, a gaze of his would send darts to your heatt, causing it to beat rapidly in response to how he was looking at you. A wave of intensity and suddenly fear of regret if the night didn't happen, rushed through your soul.

"My place or yours?" Felix asked. His voice was even deeper if that made sense, filled with need.

"Yours." You said immediately.

~Present Day ~

You glanced on the watch on your arm, and then looked back to the stage. It was empty, the smoke machine clouding your vision. The playlist in the background was loud, the stero basically right in front of you. But what did you expect, you were front row.

You wondered where he was, maybe backstage with Hyunjin and Lee Know. You recalled when you first formally met the two, a few days after the first night you met Felix. It was a hang out, he called it, where a bunch of his friends and him were grabbing drinks and he wanted to see you again. He also wanted to talk to you. You didn't know why you said yes. He was supposed to be a stranger you'd know for one night, and then you both would leave each other and never see each other again. But of course, knowing your luck, it could never happen.

That night, the first one where after his set, you both left the venue not looking back, nothing actually happened. You were a virgin, you were raised strictly under rigid parental rules, you never drank or did drugs, you haven't had a first real kiss, you've never had any guy talk to you let alone bring you to their place, and you were scared regardless. But you wanted him. You didn't know why, but you wanted Felix so much.

~3 months ago~

Your foreheads pressed against each other. You felt his hands grab your face but you let your head stay around his. You could feel him all around, inhaling his scent. You were in his room, in his bed and yet...nothing. Sure there were touches here and there, kisses peppered down your neck, but you were so nervous. In the heat of the moment, being in the club with the blaring lights, electrifying music and sensual atmosphere it was easy to not think and let go. But right there in Felix's house, things were more difficult to navigate.

"I...don't know." You admitted softly.

Felix sighed, planting a kiss on your forehead once more. When he departed, he looked at you, and then ran his hands down your arm.

"If you don't want to do this, we don't have to." He said.

You glanced at the bed. It was soft, inviting, right there. And that was Felix was well. He was right there.

You looked down at your lap. "I want to, but...i- I don't know."

Felix remained quiet, nodding. When you saw his understanding you rested your arms around his neck, giving him some physical consolement. He breathed in deeply, eyes closed for a second before he leaned in once more and kissed the side of your chin. You hitched out a gasp.

"You want to but you don't know." Felix repeated your words against your skin.

He had a tendency of doing that, of throwing back the words you said so that you could hear echo in his voice. It was a shot of questioning if you were really sure. But it was so attractive coming from him.

Without even realizing it, you slightly tilted your head to the side, allowing him the access. His hands traveled down to your waist and as the kisses went deeper he found grip in your hips. A slow hand creeped, under your shirt to touch your bare skin. But as you felt his touch your eyes opened and you moved in your seat.

"Felix...I..."

You didn't want Felix to get annoyed. Every time you initiated something, he would respond to it, then you chickened out. You were sure that back in the club there were a lot of people who would want to spend the night with Felix.

You were the one that asked him, and now that it was happening you're nervous and indecisive?

You shook your head, feeling stressed out. It shouldn't be this stressful. Either you wanted it or not.

"I'm sorry." You apologized in a whisper.

Felix stared at you a little more. "What do you want from me, baby? What do you want me to do for you?"

~Present Day~

Two months and 13 days. It had been two months and 13 days since you've seen him. You were nervous as you craned your neck trying to look for something. You eyed the exit sign. You felt ridiculous. Surely you wanted to see this performance, but you were right up front, meaning Felix would see you.

He sent you an invitation, letting you know that he was going to be performing at an event. It wasn't even a bar or a club, it was an arts venue where people got the chance to display their talents and get scouted if they had the chance. You were proud of Felix, and Hyunjin and Lee Know. You knew that they were talented and worked hard.

You were curious for their song choice. Felix didn't say much when you asked him, just that it was written by the three of them inspired by true events. Then he told you it'd be special if you could make it, since it was inspired by you.

You never had a song inspired by you before.

You were going to go regardless. It wouldn't matter if they sang about bowling, whatever it was, you knew they would put on a show. But the fact that it was inspired by you...what part of you?

Would it be very direct and knowing? Did it include your name? Or was it slightly subtle, using certain words and symbolism that only made sense from the person that wrote it, and the muse.

Your heart beat at the thought. There was an anticipation growing in the air as the smoke machine from the stage traveled just about where you were. You breathed in deeply and closed your eyes. You were ready for whatever was to come.

~3 months ago~

It became on and off, like a tennis match.

Another night the guys performed at a bar. When their set was done, a lady with long brown hair and a sparkly black dress walked over to Felix and was talking to him across the room. She was smiling, using wild gestures and you're stomach flipped when you saw her hold on to his arm while laughing. Felix gave a smile and talked with her for a bit, nodding along to what she was saying.

You felt pathetic. Why did you think that you and Felix had something? There were rules and natures to the club scene. People weren't to be in contact with each other after a nightly exchange. So if you were the one Felix talked to that first night, that meant someone else would be the one the next time.

You got up from your seat abruptly, and Felix's eyes averted to you but you turned, picking up your purse, and then weaved your way through the crowd. You were done with the night. You needed to go back to your place and relax.

You left the bar and stood by the crossroad, waiting for the light to turn green so you could walk. As you looked up into the night sky, your eyes trying to adjust to the orange street lights in comparison to the darker theme shades in the bar, you heard footsteps behind you.

"She just wanted to say she liked our set. She works in the music industry."

It was Felix no doubt.

You shook your head and then shrugged. "Okay...? That's great."

"You don't have to be jealous about it, I'm not interested in her."

You weren't facing Felix, but you could hear the undertones of his voice and recognized the smug. He was enjoying this.

"I'm not jealous." You said.

Felix hummed. "You're not jealous, huh?" You could feel him walking closer to you.

"You must think so lowly of me." Felix's hand snaked around your waist and then pulled you closer with no effort.

"You left a whole bar, took all your stuff, just because I was talking to someone of the opposite sex. You don't think I know what's going through your brain right now, do you?"

You breathed in deeply, inhaling his scent once more. The close contact was driving you crazy but you kept your eyes to the signs, waiting for the signal for you to walk.

And then a kiss planted on the back of your neck. And another. And another.

"The way you look mirrors how I look at you. The way you think of me is what I think of you. How your body yearns for me is how my body yearns for you. You don't think I would know?" Felix's voiced out in a low purr in your ears, his breath fanning your skin.

Slow kisses peppered lightly on your neck and then traveled down to your shoulder.

"You're sexy when you get jealous. So innocent yet so possessive? It turns me on." Felix narrated, holding you up as you could feel tingles throughout the course of your body.

It should have been weird thinking that you were in the position outside for all the public to see as you waited at the crossroads, but you didn't mind. In a weird way it was almost thrilling? You wished that you could go home with him then and there.

But you couldn't. And just as Felix's left hand slid down your thigh, you took a step forwards moving away.

"Felix," You took a deep breath, and then faced him. "You know I can't." You said.

For the first time, he got quiet. There was a slight look on his face, a flash of something you couldn't depict before he looked at you.

"What do you want from me then?" Felix asked, once more, saying your name calmly.

"You undress me with your eyes but get all shy whenever I touch you. What are you leaving me with?" He asked.

You looked down. You figured you owed Felix the truth.

"I've never done...anything with anyone before." You admitted.

Felix nodded. "That's fine, I have no intention of taking something away from you if that's not what you want. But you've told me you wanted it. And you seduce me. You ask me to take you to my apartment. I can't think straight when I'm with you. And yet the moment we try, you're gone." Felix said, running fingers through his hair.

"You're confused." He added.

I blinked and then shook my head. "You're the one confusing me. I don't know what I want to do with you. I don't know what I want you to do to me. I imagine things and I want to experience it with you..." You let your voice trail off.

Felix brushed hair out of your eyes. "I want to do everything to you. But you're not helping me. And this innocent self of yours isn't innocent at all. You're a temptress." Felix kissed you once more right by your jaw, just where you felt your knees went weak.

But he left go before anything escalated. His eyes looked over your head and then he pointed. "If you really want to go, it's your walk now."

You turned and looked seeing that there was indeed the countdown for the street. Cars waited for you to cross, their gazes impatient. You looked back at Felix and then the light once more.

You may have been a 'temptress' but Felix was nothing more than a 'tempter' himself.

~Present Time ~

They were last. Of course they were last.

The event night had gone on, with amazing debuting artists and groups. You liked the music and enjoyed the varied dances. There were traditional styles, ballads sung, hip-hop numbers, rock...etc. It was a little bit of everything.

You almost forgot the main reason why you were here. You were enjoying the night way more than you had initially expected, but as the MC came on stage thanking everyone for coming, it was then you realized they were the showstoppers.

"We have one more group for you guys, they're performing an original never performed before, ladies and gentleman! You're the first to hear this so let's make sure it's extra special to them. Give it up for Danceracha!"

The audience cheered and your heart thundered as the room went dark, lights out for a second. You sat up straighter, your eyes never leaving the stage as you prepared for anything though you weren't sure for what to expect.

See: Blue lights. It was a deep hue, and with the visuals of bubbles on the screens surrounded the room as though the place was underwater. Three spotlights in light blue lines centered towards the three that move as soon as the song starts. Hyunjin to the left, Lee Know in the middle, and Felix on the right side. There were dancers around the stage in black, in a startup runners position but not moving.

Hear: The music started. F# minor. It sounded mysterious, alluring, matching the colors of the lights around. It's own kind of sexy but captivating in a way that would make anyone wonder what was to come.

The three danced with grace and flow, synchronizing with the beat. The intro played, your eyes looking to where he was.

And how could you not? He looked incredible in a deep indigo unbuttoned silk blazer atop a black tank top over black dress pants, accessorized in silver index rings for both his right and left hand, and a lock necklace over his chest. His black hair slightly growing a bit longer in the back, and fluffy front covering the sides of his face. He moved seriously, passionately, elegantly, and dangerously.

The backup dancers with them got up and the three starting walking to the center of the stage. Just as they started their formation, you heard the voice you unknowingly missed, the voice you craved.

Fake eyes open

또 속아버린 아픔

이참에 날 또

가지고 놀아줘

You took a deep breath. Even within the first lines you knew. You knew exactly what he was saying.

Lee know started singing next and you heard the softness of his tone.

Fake eyes open

또 속아버린 아픔

이참에 날 더

망가지게 놀아줘

Hyunjin came in third with the power of the song building up.

It's like bad red roses

향기에 미쳐 호흡이 가빠짐

아름다움에 가려진 짙고 두꺼운 가시

Don't care about it 알고 있잖아

베일에 싸인 눈동자

헷갈린다면 지금 이 순간을

Lee Know sang once more in a falsetto.

즐겨 baby baby don't test me oh no

Baby baby don't get me wrong

The next sequence had Lee Know and the dancers lower themselves, immediately drawing the spotlight now to Felix as he sang the next part. People around you cheered.

거짓은 안 해 감히

의미 부여한 이 밤의

정답은 you can get me

오로지 you can get me

The music played then, no words excepted Lee Know vocalizing and the smoothness of their dance. Almost like they were swimming. Almost like you were drowning.

They all got up, Felix singing once more.

Yeah make you feel my love la la la

지금 너 come and taste me now

Yeah you better watch out

You're gonna like ah

그래 난 속삭여 la la la la

Hyunjin came back to the center, carrying the last of the pre-chorus as the beat was building.

너와 나 둘 사이의 거릴 좁혀

잠깐의 호흡과 맞닿아 true up

이 스윗한 공간에 빨라진 ah

이 스윗한 공간에 달궈진

The music came to a sudden stop, only the faint sound of a chimy instrument playing as Felix graced the center of the stage, eyes turning to you as he pointed.

Just look....at...me

The beat of the chorus came back strong as the room erupted with cheers. The dance had intensified, filled with electrifying motion that made your heart soar. They were so in sync with each other and yet knowing that what they were saying was inspired by you...it made you sit up straighter and clear your throat.

And then your breath was held when you saw them in hypnotic rhythm going down to the floor.

Just look at me baby, day and night

A single touch. Even though part of the choreography, you weren't ready for Felix's hand that drifted up his leg as his back arched slightly, head rolled back as he sang that line.

What on earth was he doing to you and why was it working so much?

Lee Know started singing the next part again as the ground work was now on their knees.

Don't make me bad make me bad

I'm addicted to you

Hyunjin sang the next part in a beautiful falsetto.

이미 길들여진 내 맘을 자극해

They spun, getting out of the position and were now standing along with the dancers as Lee Know sang the same line again, the beat dropping.

Don't make me bad

Bad

Addicted to you

In synchronized movement, all the guys on stage leaned to the side. It was when looking at Felix and seeing his hand go up to his face did you realize it was him singing the same way Hyunjin just did in a heavenly falsetto, as if he wasn't the one with a low sultry voice for the duration of the song.

시작해 버린 이상 내 게 아님 안 돼

The music started to quiet down, back to the soft purr of seduction like the intro of the song. All of the guys' movements flowed like water, breathing heavily but graceful and poised in a swimming-like manner. It was just the keyboard pad and the chimed-like instrument playing as each person took a step back, and then another. And as the dancers dispersed to the sides of the stage, Felix, Lee Know and Hyunjin held their ending pose as the music came to an end, centered on the stage.

The lights went to black and everyone throughout the room cheered. You could see people around you giving standing ovations yet you stayed unmoved trying to still your beating heart and finding a way to process everything that just happened in the span of two minutes.

Desire. Need. Yearning. Passion. Sensual images and thoughts running in your head. Throughout the performance, though still professional, Felix managed to make a way of giving you his personal show. No one in the building would ever think anything of it, but the words, the dance, the eye contact, everything was what you understood.

It was something the two of you danced with yourselves. Wanting to give in, but being afraid. Yet so separately wanting to find out what would happen...if...

You sat back for a long time, an aftermath of conversations were playing as your background music even though the song was still in your head. Felix was engraved there. The way he looked, the way he sounded, the way he moved...it was everything to you.

The MC came back saying that the night was still young and there would be the chance for everyone to start partying and dancing the night away. The groups that would be scouted would be announced the following few days, but to throw all the worries aside the MC invited people go the dance floor.

You stayed for a little bit, and then got up. You needed to wash your face. You didn't know necessarily what that would do but you needed something to help you feel loose? You were feeling courageously needy, but for the first time, you didn't want the feeling to shoot down once activated.

When you took a minute to yourself- even though it didn't help much- rinsing cold water on your face, you looked at your reflection in the bathroom window. Replays of the performance ran once more through your head. You couldn't help but feel a bit of pride, considering the fact that there were many young and pretty people who had eyes and could definitely see Felix as attractive, and yet...you were the one he was singing to.

You had to find him.

You stayed in the bathroom for about a minute more and wiped at the cold droplets on the sides of your face before you took a deep breath and walked out, going back to the main room. You stopped right at the entrance of the door, scanning the crowd. Felix could be anywhere. Perhaps backstage, maybe talking to people, or maybe....

Wait.

It was timely how you recognized him. Insane, really, because all down the far side he was basically a shadow. But you saw him. You saw at the far corner someone sitting by the back corner. Drink in hand, manspread on the wooden chair. His blazer was off, revealing his black tank top.

He was ruining you without even doing anything.

Surrounding him was a couple of other guys. They had black T-shirts on so you figured it was the some of the backup dancers.

You took a deep breath and then started walking. You awkwardly weaved your way through the dancing train of people before you got to the back of the room. When you reached the table, everyone turned. You felt nervous seeing that you were looking right at Felix after all this time of no contact.

"Um...we're gonna go to the floor. I'm sure you two have some catching up to do." One of the dancers said. He gave a knowing look at you and you wondered if he knew who you were.

Felix shot a smile, giving him a crisp dap and then a salut. "Okay, have fun." He wished.

His voice. How you missed the sound of his voice.

Felix waited a few extra seconds to see each of them leave you both before he averted his eyes to you. There was a story twisted with an airing confidence in his eyes.

"Didn't think you'd show." He said, now planting his elbow on the table. He leaned back, shamelessly staring down your low v-neck shirt. But you were shamelessly staring at his arms, playing at this game as well.

You shrugged. "I had to. I know how much this night is important to you."

Felix nodded, taking a sip of his drink before setting the glass down. "So..." He pushed his hair back, combing his fingers through it before he leaned forward.

"Did you like what you saw?" He asked.

You didn't want to sugarcoat it. You couldn't anyway.

"You were incredible. And the song...it was...it made me think of things..." You answered shyly.

Felix didn't say anything for a few seconds but you saw the corner of his lip lift in a small smirk.

"Yeah? What kind of things?"

You looked down, feeling the heat on your cheeks as your mind went wild. Imagining having Felix touch you, to whisper sweet nothings in your ear with his deep voice, to be the one you could experiment with. He sold that image during the performance, and you wanted nothing more than for him to carry that persona with you, behind closed doors, no one watching.

"Talk to me, baby. What's on your mind? I wanna know." Felix said, his eyes looking up at you in a strange innocent doe way, as if he wasn't the one in charge for setting your soul on passionate fire.

You breathed deeply, taking slow steps towards him. He was right in front of you now, though he didn't stand up and you didn't sit. You were looking down at him and Felix was looking up at you.

"It made me think of...you doing whatever you want to me..." You said.

Felix didn't make any quick movements but somehow he sat closer. He reached forward and hooked his finger to your belt loops, slowly reeling you closer.

"Is that so?" He asked, looking up at you.

You took a sharp intake of air, trying to hold it together. It wasn't even much but this gesture made you feel in need, like a glimpse of what could happen tonight with his control.

But suddenly Felix let go of his grip, his hands in the air in a surrendering position.

You looked at him confusingly. Why would he stop right there? Right when you began to feel once more like pottery clay molding into his hands.

Felix looked at you dead in the eye. "I'm not going to touch you at all, if you don't want this. Okay?"

You nodded.

"No, love, I need words. You got it?" His voice was firm and clear. It seemed to you he was done with mixed signals. And you understood him, because you were done too.

"Yes." You answered in a small voice.

Felix nodded once, licking his lips as he took in all of you. But just as he said, he stuck to the rules, folding his arms instead. You knew in this moment you had to be the one to take the first leap.

So you did something you've seen in movies a couple of times. You stepped closest to Felix and then brought your hand down to his chest, slowly. Felix took in a sharp breath, but still looked at you, challenging a continuation by your command. When you felt confident in doing so, you withdrew your hand from his chest slowly. Locking eyes with his, you nodded.

"I do want this. I'm not going to be like a light switch and annoy you, I truly want this more than ever. I want you." You said.

Felix looked at you and then looked around the room, and back at you. "You're sure?"

"Yes." You repeated, your voice louder.

Felix flashed a smile as he stood up, towering over you. He wrapped an arm around your waist and just when you were right in front of him you could feel his kisses finding their way across your neck, a familiar feeling you didn't know how much you missed.

But you didn't want your first time to be in a crowd as loud as this, barely hearing as the pop and EDM fill your eardrums.

As though sensing that, Felix pulled away, but lifted your chin so you were at eye level with him.

"I'm going to take you to my place, okay? Do you have your stuff?" He asked lowly.

You were so caught up staring at him, so close to your face, that you almost forgot what he asked. But you nodded, looking down at your purse. "Yeah, it's all here."

Felix nodded and then smiled at you in such an endearing way you could almost kiss him first at the sight.

You were breathing heavily, heart beating. The moment would soon be yours and you wanted to savor everything, remembering the exact feelings you had to look back on.

Felix didn't waste time placing a hand on your knee as he drove, caressing you ever so softly but enough to make you shiver in your seat. It was a reminder that you very much so were in his car and was going back to the place you hadn't been in months. Only, there would be a different ending with this time.

And when you arrived, you let out a small noise when he didn't even bother warning you, didn't even bother opening the lights, but he led you through the dark, entering his room. You faced the bed, knowing that tonight would be when it all would happen.

"You haven't changed your mind, no?" Felix asked, leaning against the drawer as he eyed you.

Why was he so effortlessly hot?

You shook your head and looked at Felix. "No." You said.

When you thought back to the performance, the words Felix said, how he sang, the daunting look in his eyes, you would be a fool to not take this opportunity and truly let go for the first time. And you wanted it to be Felix who would have his way with you, however he wanted it. You couldn't see it any other way.

"You're shaking."

"Oh am I? I didn't notice." You replied sarcastically, which made Felix chuckle.

"I missed you." He admitted, which made your heart flip.

"I missed you too." You repeated.

Felix slowly walked over, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind.

"Close your eyes and relax for me?" He whispered in your ear.

Hear: His low voice penetrated your being. Sultry and soothing but charming and the very thing that made you at his service and obey.

You closed your eyes immediately and felt his lips nuzzle your ear. But you let out a small giggle, squirming a little. You could hear Felix laugh behind you.

"It tickles?"

You just giggled in reply. You still keep your eyes closed. For a few seconds there's nothing, but right after you felt his arms wrap around your chest, holding you tightly as he presses his sweet kisses on the back of your neck once again.

Smell: The scent of his cologne was intoxicating, beckoning and surrounded you at the same time. You wanted to bathe in it.

You sighed deeply.

"Remember to breathe, yeah?" Felix advised, his lips moving on your skin.

"Yeah." Your heart fluttered and you exhaled.

Felix hummed, his hand grazing down your chest. "You're so..." His voice trailed off.

You waited, hesitant but curious as to what Felix thought of you. But after long seconds of nothing as Felix started to kiss down your shoulder, you turned your neck slightly, opening your eyes.

"I'm so...? What? What am I?" You asked.

Felix took your waist, and gently moved you so that you were now turned around and facing him. Strands of hair fell in your face in the process of sudden movement, and Felix smiled, pushing the strands back behind your ear.

"When there's a better word than tempting I'll use it, but until then, that's all I'll say." He whispered.

"You're tempting me." You let out in a small voice.

"I'm tempting you." Felix repeated. You now concluded that when he repeated your words, it was the hottest thing ever.

Felix tilted his head upwards, looking at you with daring eyes. "Do something about it?" He dared.

Oh. My. Soul.

You took a deep breath, looking down. You were still scared, even though there was something that enveloped you. A feeling of want and need mixted together, as though the aftermath wouldn't even matter as long as Felix was right in front of you, staring with the same look of desire.

Touch: Your hands slowly grazed his chest, slowly and tentatively pulling the hem of his tank top.

Felix eyed you as he licked his lips, as though blinking would make him miss something.

Your heart beat continuously, mind pressing with thoughts as you, once more, noticed the scene heighten your five senses.

See: No other eyes but his, looking at no one else but you. The glow after dancing on stage, the beauty that was present with his dark features. The intoxicating look of thirst in his gaze.

Hear: Breathing. Faint but heavy. You couldn't even tell if it was coming from you or him, but you could hear the tension.

Smell: His cologne. The scent of springtime with a spice of power.

Touch: The fabric of the tank top. Cotton, perhaps? You didn't know. You didn't care. You suddenly wanted it off.

There was once more sense, but the intensity of the moment was making you experience a sort of amnesia. It made you frustrated, those leading up moments where they were careful and with care, but also dropped with tension that would wanted to cut. It was like a dam just moments before it would burst. But now this was driving you crazy because....

What was that last sense?

Felix's beautiful lips parted when you felt his abs through the shirt. He held your head with his hands, his eyes solely fixated on your lips.

"Kiss me or leave me." He whispered, the words powerful enough to send a wave through your core.

And that was when it clicked. His song. The last sense.

Taste.

The taste of his lips on yours, crashing, furiously enough let your head fall back. He groaned against your mouth, holding the back of your hair with the palm of his hand. He tasted like cinnamon but also a hint of peppermint as well. He fueled you in a way that was better than any of your imaginations.

So like tonight, and 3 months ago when you both first met, you were drowning in alluring waters under the surface of where you temptations washed over you. But unlike the game of tug-of-war to your body and heart where you would win, tonight you let the rope go with no regrets. You knew that this night was where finally, all of your senses aligned gloriously, and that there was no other person who could give it all to you but Felix.

[epwritten]

Quill Pen - h.h

"Why is it that your love is like loneliness?"

Description: Hyunjin is distressed after a breakup, and you're there for him.

Word count: 2K.

Author's Note: I love Quill Pen so very much. This came to me after a dinner party I went to, and when I was rewatching Hyunjin's Instagram live and suddenly this whole one shot just came in my head. I hope you enjoy!!!

Additional notes: college!hyunjin, hyunjin x you (2nd POV format), but there's no further romance that happens honestly. Just a small slice of comfort :)

He was absolutely breathtaking, you thought to yourself.

Seated across from you at the far left of the table, you couldn't help but sneak glances at the man with the dark princely features. It was like you had come face to face with a real life painting. Waves of black hair aloft and falling ever so gently on the sides of his face whenever he would look down at the table. Small eyes in contrast to pink and plump lips. He wore a black t-shirt dipped in an exaggerated V neck that matched the long black coat over his chair. He had a silver necklace on, one that he would absentmindedly play with as he sat still in thought.

As everyone talked, you wondered what he thought about. He was introverted, and at this birthday party you were in celebrating a mutual friend at the local college bar, you thought to yourself that maybe it was courtesy to say something to him. He wasn't saying anything. Every once in a while, he'd look up and flash a small friendly smile over the table, to let someone know he was still present. Though you could see the social flame was dying down. It was a look well recognized, one that you knew for sure mirrored your own feelings.

You didn't know if it was like this for Hyunjin, but for you, you definitely weren't planning on going to the restaurant. You were a homebody. Fridays were the stay-at-home days where a good bath, dinner, and a classic Disney film would keep you occupied. People knew better than to bother you. But, this dinner was special because it was Nina, a friend you knew. She was always kind to you, never asked for much so you figured you'd be there.

You let her know that you wouldn't stay long, and she was more than okay and understanding. But as the night continued and you too felt out of place, you kept your eyes subtly on the man at the left corner.

As food arrived and the tables was talking and laughing, the sound of silverware clanging on plates, you watched as Hyunjin set his phone on the table next to him. He reached out to take his fork and then silently ate his salad. There was someone next to him, a guy you shared some classes with, who would talk to Hyunjin every so often but when he would try to crack a joke, Hyunjin barely returned the laughter. If he did laugh it sounded forced and filled with a deeper layer of something else. Was it sadness maybe? Or fatigue? You didn't really know.

And then when most finished their food and were now up for a sudden game of 'We're Not Really Strangers', Hyunjin politely declined participating, saying that he would only watch instead. He rested his elbow on the table and watched with a gaze that was lost, almost as though he was anywhere but at the restaurant table.

After a few rounds, you glanced at the time on your phone. You knew that the game would make for deep conversations and that would enable a night longer than what you intended, so after a few minutes of a mental on-and-off debating to decide what your next move was, you finally got up, telling everyone that you were going to head home.

Nina, the ever radiant birthday girl, hugged you and thanked you for coming, joining the chorus of others who wished you a good night. But as you turned to take your winter jacket, you heard the scraping of a chair being pushed back and saw in the corner of your eye that Hyunjin was standing up as well.

Oh.

You guessed that he needed someone to make the first step in leaving early before he would as well. And that first step was you. As interesting as it looked, you suddenly were nervous as you took your jacket, flashed a smile when you noticed Hyunjin was indeed taking his jacket and wishing everyone a good night. To the other college students, it almost looked like you both were leaving together. But prior to this night, you and Hyunjin were never even in the same place.

So maybe it did make your heart skip a beat when you heard Nina ask you how you were going to go home. Your car was currently sitting in the tow and getting fixed, as there was something wrong with the engine. By coming here, you just took an Uber, but the restaurant was pretty far and the destination made the trip quite costly. You thought it would be wise to just take the bus instead.

You shrugged. "I'm just going to take the bus." You said.

Nina shook her head. "No, I couldn't let you do that, you came all this way. Plus, it's snowing now." She said, looking over your shoulder to the windows and you followed her gaze.

Of course it's snowing now.

Your mind flickered to a possibility of a thought as you looked at Hyunjin, surveying the situation in front of him. He had his coat carried in his hand, and something about the way his muscles curled, something about the way his little earrings sparkled under the dim orange lights, something about the way he looked at you once and then back to Nina, made you take a deep breath. You couldn't imagine being in this fine man's car. It couldn't be.

"Let Hyunjin take you home. You guys live closer to each other, east of here, right?." Nina said in an it's-so-obvious tone.

"I..." Your voice trailed as you looked at him some more. You didn't want to impose of course, but you also knew that if this was the perfect opportunity of...well...saying something to him, you could take the chance.

Hyunjin didn't look too disturbed at the fact that his now isolated car ride home in solitude was about to be in company. He nodded once to Nina and then offered you a small smile.

"Okay, that's fine." He said.

You nodded as well, seeming to settle it. It was pretty normal, you were just now overthinking it. Your heart beat and you tried calming down as Hyunjin waited for you to say a few more goodbyes before he followed you out of the table, through the restaurant, and to the doors.

You could see that it was snowing hard, and that there was a bit of wind. You were definitely gracious that you were going with Hyunjin.

He stopped by the door, and put on his coat. You turned to the door but then saw that he got out his bag and took out a small folded up clear dome umbrella. As you both stepped outside, he opened the umbrella and wordlessly handed it to you, the umbrella over your head like a shield.

"Oh! Did you not want-" you stopped yourself when Hyunjin shook his head, smiling faintly.

"It's okay." He simply said. You didn't want to press the matter further.

Hyunjin was parked on the far side of the restaurant, so the walk in the snow was enough time for his head of hair to receive a few dazzling snowflakes. As he walked a bit further than you, you took time to look at him. It was unreal to look this magical, this in-tuned with the beauties of nature that even his hair was crowned in white delicacies. The perfect long coat added to the addition of mystery and now, as he fished in the pocket for his set of keys, you thought to yourself it shouldn't be that attractive to swing them around his finger, but there he was, doing so probably without thinking about it. He was so effortlessly graceful it was sort of a challenge to believe someone like him existed.

And now the car door opened and you shyly got in the passenger seat. When you both sat inside and closed your doors, you turned to face him.

"Thank you so much." You said.

Hyunjin nodded, a ghost of a smile on his face as he took his phone out. "It's no problem."

When he took his phone, the screen spring to life showing his lockscreen of painted flowers. You couldn't help but notice and comment.

"I like this painting." You said.

Hyunjin looked over at you. "Do you actually?" He blinked.

You nodded. "It's pretty."

That made Hyunjin give another smile as he pressed the phone password and went to GPS. "I wasn't trying, I was really sleepy when I made that." He muttered to himself.

You did a double take. "You...made that?"

Hyunjin nodded. "Mmhm." He hummed.

Your jaw dropped as you stared at Hyunjin. The dots connected. Of course he could paint. He looked like the epitome of art, and just this one painting you saw gave proof of the beauty he exuberated.

"You can put your address in." Hyunjin told you, as he handed you his phone. You took his phone in your hands and typed in your house and Hyunjin then put his phone in the phone holder.

"Oh, you're about two minutes away from me." He commented, looking at the address. Hyunjin then went to Spotify, restarted the last song he was playing before, Romantic Homicide by dv4d.

Dang. Such a sad one.

Hyunjin turned up the heat system. He pointed and turned to you. "If it gets too hot, you can just adjust it." He said.

You nodded. "Okay, thank you."

You liked Hyunjin's voice. It was soft spoken, like a warm cocoa on a wintery night. Almost like a hint of a whisper.

The car ride was mainly silent, except for the music playing in the background. As you looked out the window, the snow was falling fast, easily covering the world in white. Streets and sidewalks disappeared. You were surprised at how fast it was all happening.

Hyunjin turned the wipers on. When he did so your attention was focused on the front of the car where a dangling air freshener caught your eye.

"Is that a quill pen?" You asked.

"Huh?" Hyunjin's head snapped, looking at you. It was sudden, him looking at you with eyes that were poignant, as though you struck a nerve in saying so.

You blinked, a bit confused at what you said and timidly pointed. "The air freshener over there. I just saw..."

Hyunjin looked at the front and then gave a faint smile, his eyes back on the road.

"Oh. Yeah, my- a person I once knew liked it, so I bought it for them." He said. But his voice was coated with depths of sadness, a deep pain.

He probably was going through a breakup. He was gentle but in a fragile way. You didn't want to say the wrong thing or do anything to upset him, so you didn't say anything after that. There was a few minutes of silence until Hyunjin looked at you.

"If you have any music recommendations, or anything-"

You shook your head. "No, this is actually a good song. Sad, but I like it." You said.

That made Hyunjin smile genuinely. "I know. It's been a sad couple of days, dv4d's playing a lot." He said with a cute little chuckle.

You liked that, seeing Hyunjin smile for a second. It was like seeing the crack of the moonlight passing through the trees in the dark night. It was only for a second, but if there was a chance of letting it happen a couple more times in the car ride, you would consider it worth it.

You wanted to keep talking to Hyunjin, feeling a drawing regardless.

"What other artists do you listen to?" You asked.

Hyunjin hummed in thought, his hand toying his bottom lip. "I really like Wave to Earth. I was listening to Seasons right before this song actually. This is my 'letting go' playlist, I guess." He laughed and it was one of the most heavenly sounds you've ever heard.

You gave a sympathetic smile. "Are you still letting go or have you already done it?"

"I did it physically, but I'm still holding on mentally. So I have to wait a little bit longer and learn how to heal." Hyunjin ran fingers through his hair, eyes on the road.

"I just broke up last weekend. So...it's still fresh. But I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and one night at a time. I'm forcing myself to go out, I'm forcing myself to eat, but I'm also letting myself know it's okay to be sad for a little bit? I don't know....I've been painting the trueness of my heart without holding back, I've been listening to really sad music, and I was writing a song as well." Hyunjin smiled sadly.

He glanced at you for a second and your eyes met.

"I'm so sorry you're going through that right now." You said.

Hyunjin just nodded, resting his hand in his hair. He was scratching it gently, but his eyes were continuosly on the road, absent to it all.

"You're doing everything right, you know. The perfect balance of looking out for yourself in healthy ways, but also acknowledging your feelings." You spoke gently.

Hyunjin took a deep breath. "It's hard, but there's nothing else to do. I don't know what else is there to help me get through this."

The song ended, and I Love You by Billie Eilish started to play. You turned to the window, letting your eyes absorb the snowy bliss. In the beginning of the night, when you didn't know any better, sure you thought of Hyunjin. He was beautiful, he is beautiful and you understood that. But the intent of talking to him and getting to know him was purely out of an attraction, maybe even nearing a new founded crush.

But something ached your heart when you actually did now have the chance in talking to him. It was a lot different than what you anticipated. You felt sorry for Hyunjin, and you told yourself that in this moment of vulnerability you would not abuse it.

He didn't need someone new, he needed time to let go first.

It was around 10pm when the streets were starting to look familiar. The snow had stopped by the time you had arrived home. Hyunjin dropped you off, the last house of the block and when he was right in front of your door, he unlocked the car.

"Thank you so much for driving me." You turned to Hyunjin, expressing your gratitude.

Hyunjin smiled. "Of course. Thank you for allowing me to... just talk, I guess? I'm sorry I got a little carried away." He apologized, an embarrassed hue of pink now painted on his cheeks.

You shook your head. You truly weren't offended. If anything you were grateful that even though you had never talked prior to this night, Hyunjin somehow saw in you someone he could talk to.

"If you need anyone to talk to...I'm here." You let him know. But you left it at that. There was no build up to number exchanges or planning the next day and time you both could see each other again. His break up was still fresh and you knew and respected his limits.

Hyunjin shot another smile. "The song I was writing...it's called Quill Pen." He said, his gaze darting back to the front.

"Oh." You understood now, why he looked so shocked by your words. There was an emotional attachment to this object.

"I'm sorry I brought it up-"

"No, it's okay. You didn't know. Besides, I..." Hyunjin shook his head. "I won't even do anything with the song. I just like writing words that I feel."

You nodded. "Any way of getting your feelings out, it's okay to do." You said.

There was a comfortable silence over the air. But finally, you knew that it was getting late and you had to be back home, and let Hyunjin work on himself.

"Have a good night, okay?" You wished.

Hyunjin looked up at you. "You too." He said your name and closed his eyes and smiled. In a cute way, he gave what seemed to be a wholesome look of gratitude and you gave one back.

You didn't know when would be the next time you would see Hyunjin again, but when you got out of the car and walked to your door, you saw the car in the driveway was still present until you actually stepped inside your house. The little chivalry on his part made a peace stem in your soul. And from there you prayed that Hyunjin's days and nights would get a little easier each time.