erindatesla - Tumblr blog

[erindatesla]

about me

My self summary  

Hi, I'm Erin! I moved to L.A. in December 2012 from near-Long Beach. I'm a publicist at an agency in downtown, and on the weekends I like to explore some of my greatest passions: pizza and dessert. I live with Dracula, a long-haired chihuahua with a taste for blood (just like his namesake). I'm looking to meet someone with a good sense of humor who values family, works hard and can keep up with me.

What I'm doing with my blog

I'm dating the city as a means of meeting guys.

I'm dating guys as a means of exploring the city.

I'm really good at

starting blogs and not finishing them, dating guys but being chronically single.

The first things people usually notice about me

are my red hair and growling Chihuahua.

My favorite books, movies, shows, music and food

Blog, Inc. by Joy Cho. Rom-coms, because duh. HIMYM and New Girl and Girls. Anything except country because I love cliches. Dessert.

The six things I could never do without (on a good date)

something to talk about

laughter

beer

chemistry

pizza

dessert

I spend a lot of time thinking about

how my life is or isn't like a rom-com.

On a typical Friday night I am

out with friends, on a date or writing a post here.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit

I have a crush on Woody Allen.

You should message me if

you have a date suggestion or want to set me up on a blind date that involves dessert.

[erindatesla]

(20)16 Dating Milestones

December 21, 2016

We all know the traditional "milestones" of dating a new person, whether you've 'achieved' them... or not. There's meeting the friends, meeting the fam (OMG - have you ever?!), spending the holidays together, having a song or inside jokes, and of course there are all the firsts, like first kiss, first trip, first 'I love you.'

But 2016 presents a very different relationship landscape thanks to technology, commitment issues (just me?) and hookup culture. It used to mean something to be "in a relationship" on Facebook, but things are so much more complex these days.

These are some of the (20)16 Dating Milestones I've been thinking about lately:

Telling each other your last names: in the Age of Google, if you're anything like me, this is like giving someone your resume, family tree, scrapbooks, diary and embarrassing college spring break photos all rolled into one.

Not being nervous to text - first or at all: you like them and they like you and at this point it'd be hard to freak each other out. You get excited when they text and you reply with an inside joke or stupid picture that they'll appreciate. You can be honest and vulnerable with each other and you both respond in a timely and respective manner. No games.

Making plans..: this isn't new to 2016, but it's a bigger deal in light of the 'state of the date'. No one makes plans anymore, or if they do it's just to "grab drinks around 9ish" and then you pick a spot like 20 minutes before. When someone makes plans with specifics - in advance - with times and locations, it feels romantic and refreshing and meaningful.

...And sticking to them: everyone's a flake! It's ca-ca-crazy to meet someone who doesn't cancel the day - or hour - before.

Hanging out sober: in a dating world of "grabbing drinks," NOT grabbing drinks and enjoying each other's company sober is landmark.

Hanging out when the sun is shining (not just because you woke up together): in today's hookup culture, spending an 'innocent' morning or afternoon together is a sweet little milestone!

Two dates in one week: not just booty calls, but like actual dates in public. Side note: the dating world is so chaotic that in the past I used to see multiple guys in one week, making my dates with each guy a more weekly basis, instead of multiple dates in one week with one guy. When you're casually dating, there's this sense of "don't waste any time! on to the next!" versus when you like someone and it's more like "don't waste any time MUST SEE U HI WHEN R U FREE AGAIN"

Three dates in one week: OMG wut lolz

Spending an entire weekend together, on accident: suddenly it's Monday and you're like wait we only had plans for Friday night and we've been together every second since, what is actually happening but also I don't hate this and I'm not tired of you??

Binge watching a show together: no, not "Netflix and Chill" but like actually watching a season or two of show together from beginning to end within a day or two.

Spending a "random holiday" together: traditional holidays are a known milestone, but choosing to spend a day off together like LABOR DAY or something more misc. than the obvious Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's is an intentional choice about how you each want to spend your time, and that speaks volumes.

First Snapchat together: whether or not the crush snaps, blasting your followers with a selfie together in flower crowns means something in this day and age. It tells all the crushes that follow you, "you snooze, you lose."

Introducing them to your friends... on social media: beyond Facebook's "in a relationship," and after the fleeting Snap selfie, these days it's really all about the Insta pic. There's the first pic. Will you tag them? What do you caption it even?? Then there's the frequency. Are you the person who posts every other day about how much you LUV UR NEW BOY? Or are you chill and mysterious??? So many decisions.

NOT stalking them on social media: because you tell each other things about your past and show each other old pictures in your phone or on your Facebooks laying next to each other on the couch. **Stalking not required.**

Ending things with flings: and not just ghosting them when you like one guy more than the other. Actually saying, "hey, I've had so much fun but I'm seeing someone, thanks for understanding and best of luck!!!" In a world full of serial daters all looking for the next best person, this is HUGE.

Deleting your dating profiles: not just the apps (to re-download when you think you'll break up), but like the actual profiles. It's the promise ring of the modern day, really.

[erindatesla]

Why I Stopped Writing

August 14, 2016

At risk of sounding full of myself (spoiler: I am only a little full of myself, delicately balanced with wild insecurities!!), a lot of people ask me why I don't blog anymore. My answer to them is usually "I got jaded, it wasn't fun anymore" and they kindly reply, "but it was so funny!" or "My co-workers and I used to read them aloud to each other!" or "My mom has been asking when you're going to post again!" You guys stopppp my head's not going to fit through my front door!!!!!

That's all very sweet and does a lot for my already inflated yet delicate ego. But like, let's dig a little deeper.

Each fun post about a date that went awry was based on a real thing that happened to me, a real human with anxiety and depression and aforementioned insecurities. Each post was written after I was let down, insulted, stood up or disrespected, or a combination of sorts. I always stood up for myself or turned lemons into lemonade (hey Bey), which led to "blogtent." (Blog content, for those of us who are just joining or don't remember in 2013 when I thought I was hysterical for inventing that word.) Before posting, I had time to process, reflect and turn a sour experience into something that sounded funny, something rooted in confidence, bravery and perseverance.

We had a good go, Erin Dates LA and I, in our prime from 2013-2014.

But in all of 2015 I was so fucking sad. 2014 was brutal and I spent 2015 recovering. In 2014, LA had chewed me up and spit me out, physically emotionally literally and physically. "Literally" sounds like a stretch but I literally moved out of LA proper into my parents home. In 2014 I was mugged, fired, stood up, ghosted, the other woman, perpetually single and by December 31st, 2014, I was a shell of a human, with an acne breakout like a pre-pubescent teen that looked like she was also maybe a meth addict. It's astounding and inconvenient how stress presents itself, physically.

I thought I'd spend 2015 rebranding - and I say that with a straight face and not in the "this is so on brand for me" Instagram caption way that I so often mock IRL. I had a new job, new place, new life. First I took a healthy and much needed break from dating, which of course still involved drama where I was once again accidentally the other woman. More on that in a later post, maybe. I took writing classes and dabbled in freelancing and took a stab at storytellng (like standup, without the punchline, a la The Moth). But each post was a test - "will I go this direction?? I don't fucking know. I'm sad." - I think if you know this and read the 2015 posts with that lens, you can tell. Maybe without that tidbit, it wasn't obvious, but I felt like everything I wrote in 2015 was garbage.

I wanted to go back to the root of my blog: exploring LA to meet guys, meeting guys to explore LA or whatever my "slogan" was. When I wrote those posts though, it felt ungenuine, forced. My goal wasn't to be "a blogger." I didn't know what my goal was when I "launched," but in retrospect I loved that I'd built community and connected with other young ambitious females who were also struggling in the dating world. Writing was therapeutic. Sharing was healing. Connecting was rewarding.

I don't know what my goal is now, other than some more of that and to figure out my goal.

So, I think I'm back, but maybe in a different way. I have no idea. It could be more of the same, with a different cast because the good news is I've been dating again and it's going GREAT.

Thanks guys, I've been dying to get that off my chest.

xoxo

[erindatesla]

Catfished by a prof pic

I know better than to start crushing on a Tindate before the actual date. In fact, if you've been following along for the past three years, YOU know that I know better. For starters, the likelihood of a date actually happening is slim to none, since there are a zillion other fish in the swipeable sea. We lose interest quick and easy. But let's say you actually set a date: you're going off of someones 5-picture, 500-character self-curated profile. You take these 5 pictures and few sentences and some banter (WHO DOESN'T LOVE SOME GOOD BANTER) and if you're me, you get a crush before you can meet them in the flesh.

Then you meet and your mind is blown at  how little they resemble their pictures or online persona, and it feels like you've lost a friend. Like they actually died, because they never lived. Because they were always just an idea you constructed through 5 pictures, a cocky bio and BANTER.

I went out with "Tinder Tommy" because his photos were cute-ish, although he kind of looked different from photo to photo (*important later*) and we had great banter. He was dark and sardonic, a type I know better than to date. But when he referenced The Road and kept up with my quips and actually asked me out, I ignored my better judgement and agreed to meet him.

We made plans to meet at a comedy show in Long Beach and I loved that he picked something with entertainment built in instead of "grabbing drinks," but I had low expectations for the actual show because I'm admittedly an underqualified comedy snob. I ubered because I hate to lose a good parking spot at my apartment, and although I've come to have no emotion about first dates, I was an odd mix of nervous and confident, which I amplified with a little taste of whiskey on my way out the door. Oh, how my drinking habits have evolved over the course of this blog.

I waited out front of the bar since we agreed to meet and then go in, and I texted him, "I'm standing out front, only slightly awkward looking."

A guy approached me who I had never seen before and said, "You don't look too awkward at all."

I was like, HOW does this stranger know I felt awkward?

Then it hit me, OH BECAUSE IT'S MY DATE WHO I DON'T RECOGNIZE AT ALL FROM HIS FIVE PICTURES.

The actual wind was knocked out of me when he got close enough for a hug as my eyes took in all 5'4 of my date for the evening. I searched for words as quickly as possible to cover my shock and horror, and I tried with all my might not to check out.

After an awkward greeting with the host and bar manager in which Tinder Tommy tried to schmooze with people who didn't remember his as a regular, we made our way to the bar. Years of dating and subsequently analyzing it with a fine-toothed comb to write about it have molded me into a more open-minded, accepting date, and this night was no exception. After being totally caught off guard by his appearance (not bad, just different than expected!) and height (no discrimination here, just surprised!), I was nothing but kind and engaged. Maybe even kinder and more engaged than his cynical lil self could handle.

We placed our drink orders with the bartender - a beer for me and a tonic with grenadine and lime for him, but the bartender didn't hear grenadine and he was too embarrassed to ask again, it seemed. I wondered if he was sober or just not in the mood to drink, and as he reached for his drink, I noticed his hands, which were the size of my 3-year-old nephews' hands. This was the moment in life when I realized that I'm kind of freaked out by tiny man hands.

As I tried to focus on his positive qualities, like his cool Members Only jacket and baby face that slightly resembled a young Topher Grace, I attempted to learn more about him, to find more positive, less shallow qualities. I learned that he worked at what he described as "Promises for tweens and teens," a recovery house for adolescent addicts. I found this fascinating and endearing, and I wanted to know everything. Isn't that the dream, to find a guy who has a heart and helps people?

I asked, "How do you like that, it must be challenging?"

"I find joy in taking things away from these kids, not because it's helping them but because they're assholes," he replied.

CURVE BALL!

He continued to make an ass of himself, even going so far as to use the work "fucktard."

The few times he did ask about me, I could actually see him suppress laughter when I was hilarious and stifle facial expressions, like he couldn't give me the satisfaction of a reaction. It was so bizarre.

The comedy show was terrible, full of hacks who made jokes about "crazy" women, rape, race and politics in the worst way, and he laughed at all the worst times.

[erindatesla]

Hi, I'm Erin, and I'm a Love Addict

April 07, 2016

I don't know if you've noticed this about me, but I'm obsessed with love and like and crushes and dating and the state of the date and you know what? It's exhausting.

I'm currently swiping on Bumble and Tinder, plus managing a brand new shiny OKCupid account that I made on the drive home from a bachelorette weekend during a new low of hopelessness. Not to mention my old OKCupid, which is somewhere out there on the internet. I'm disappointed daily by the prospects who reach out to me and the interests who don't reply when I reach out. I literally recognize people from OKCupid when I signed up like six years ago, and I've been messaged by two guys who I've had long dialogues with in the past.

Meanwhile, I just binge watched the show Love on Netflix, and 90% of Modern Love,  the WBUR podcast based on The New York Times column of the same name. Love made me want to move to the East side and meet a guy at a 7-11 (a la the premise) and hang out with artsy types and meet new people and be vulnerable. Modern Love makes me laugh and cry and feel things.

You guys, I'm losing my mind. I think my obsession with LOVE and media and apps is stopping me from finding LOVE.

So, I'm going cold turkey today. I'm "off love" in a big way for the rest of April. No more apps or profiles (I deleted them before I opened this page to write), and I'm censoring my media intake. No more podcasts or internet articles about love (those are the two worst media culprits for me, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH), and no more TV shows or movies where the main topic is love (i.e. I'm still here for you Broad City).

I'm going to use all of my new time to catch up here. (Just because I was kind of MIA in 2015 doesn't mean I haven't been on some horrific dates!!)

Wish me luck!

[erindatesla]

We're all messed up: How do you say "heartbreak" in French?

April 01, 2016

Remember your first love? I remember mine. He could do no wrong until he did. I don't remember one thing he did "wrong" per say, but that relationship did a number on me for years to come: insecurities, trust issues, doubt, fear, bad habits. My first love told me that it looked like I was balding and that I had droopy breasts, and it became my truth until my girlfriends helped me realize that was HIS story about my appearance and that I was not only fine, but like, foiiiiiine. Isn't that twisted?

Two weeks ago I went out dancing (shocker!) in Long Beach (actual shocker), and the second I walked into the one "dance bar" in town, I spotted a handsome tall guy with an insanely curly mop of hair. We locked eyes, his were crazy, like he was determined to fall in love, so I tried to steer clear. I mean, is there ANYTHING worse than falling in love before you get to do a lap around the bar to check out your options? NOPE. Well, before I could take my lap, he pounced on me. He opened his mouth to speak and out came his French accent.

CONFESSION: I am not your typical girl who falls for an accent. Sure, I went through the phase of loving accents, but I'm not weak-in-the-knees gaga for them like many girls are. In fact, I told my friend "he's got an accent, let's move on" because in my experience Euro guys in SoCal are usually just "on holiday" and looking for a "tour guide" aka The American Girl Fantasy.

I tried to resist him, but he was super cute and kept saying nice things and smart things and interesting things and I was suddenly like, WHO ARE YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING, ARE WE IN LOVE? He got me water when I needed it and danced with me like a fool and was respectful when I said, "NO!! You can't just kiss me we met 2 seconds ago!" But then he had the slyest, sweetest smile, so we spent the entire night in the bar together and when we parted ways it was with much sadness in our hearts! The kind where I was like, "NO!! You can't come home with me you little puppy dog!" To which he replied, "I just want to hold you! I don't want to sleep with you (lol comforting), I don't know what Americans do but I just want to be with you!"

Are you joking me?

So the next day he actually followed up and we set up a date, like a real one with a meal involved, not just "drinks" at 9pm or "hanging out."

I'm going to spare you the details of the actual date, which was PERFECT for a few reasons like the fact that he first went to the wrong restaurant, and then I went on a diatribe about being vegetarian only to accidentally order MEAT pizza, followed by him saying, "it's okay we will both remember our first date for these silly reasons."

The next morning he texted me "bonjour" and I was ready to learn the language and have a green card marriage in the name of love and move to Paris for a year. We had tentative plans to hang out this week and then...

He texted me that, SPOILER: He just got out of a 10 year relationship and he thought it would be good to date but he's not ready for a relationship.

For starters, what a COMPLIMENT that he thought of me and the concept of a "relationship" in the same sentence! This is progress you guys! (Caveat: In France if you kiss you're boyfriend/girlfriend, so it's a cultural thing. Whatevs, I'll take it.)

But real talk: I had to process this which such a high level of maturity. I had a serious downward spiral that went from 1) reacting to seeing his name on my screen (YAY!) to 2) opening the text (ANTICIPATION!) to 3) the reaction, "of course, typical!!" to 4) am I going to cry? to 5) of course not, we are ALL MESSED UP!

He was 18 when he got in a relationship, and he has a lot of shit to get through. It's a real blessing that I found out now instead of being ghosted or duped.

You guys, our first loves were treasures and fond memories and whimsical for a reason: we were still innocent little hearts that had not yet been crushed and obliterated! But since then, we have all experienced heartbreak, whether you dumped them or got dumped, it hurt! So now we have guards and walls and boundaries and seemingly asinine rules that trace back to the relationship that screwed you over or broke your heart worst or burned you best.

And here we are, just progressing alongside each other because we are scarred and scared.

THIS, my friends, is one of dating's biggest challenges.

[erindatesla]

From the Tinder Trenches: Jon the Flake

February 21, 2016

I'm baaaack! (on Tinder).

The past year has been a game of hot potato with dating apps. One day I'm on Bumble, until I get all self-righteous like "THE MEN SHOULD COME TO ME!" Delete. Fast forward and I'm on Hinge, but I lose interest after I message five guys and get zero responses. JERKS! Delete. Tonight I went with Tinder. Mind you, I actually get so anti-each app that I delete them, which meant that I had to reinstall Tinder tonight. This isn't casual, it takes effort and opening the app store and stuff.

I started swiping and I was like, "Am I back? Is this my best life? Am I about to find love/get attention??" And BAM. I matched with Jon.

Jon is in town for work and has a hotel and wants someone to watch movies with, according to his bio. He is also self-described "a great guy, can hold a conversation, down to earth and has a good sense of humor." So I let this win over the hotel comment in his bio when he messaged me and we started to chat.

He really did seem normal and we were both free and I was bored out of my mind. Wait, can I tell you why? It's because I had the BEST day and went for a walk and did yoga on the bluffs and went to lunch and then came home and filed my taxes and made soup so I was LITERALLY  OUT OF THINGS TO DO ON SUNDAY NIGHT. So, when he asked me to hang out (NOT at his hotel), I was like, DOOOOOPE. Let's do this. READY TO FLIRT OVER COFFEE ON THIS FINE SUNDAY EVENING.

We were going to meet at a coffeehouse at 7:45PM. Oh by the way, I was in bed in a robe when we matched on Tinder around 5:30PM, so I had to drag my vile self out of the comfort of my sheets and down comforter to do my hair and put on my face. As I finished dabbing my lips with a neutral gloss that said "I tried but not TOO hard," I got the flake text:

Jon's client asked to meet early tomorrow morning, so he should probably stay in, can we reschedule?

I called him out on 7:45 being an early meeting time and told him I'd be traveling for work this week (half-true). That was it.

I'M SO TIRED OF FLAKEY PEOPLE I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. "Hi, I'm Erin, can I get it written in blood that you won't cancel 20 minutes before we meet?"

Anyways I looked freaking fantastic with a full face on, eating a breakfast burrito and watching Broad City alone on my couch.

Is it cute or pathetic how little has changed?

[erindatesla]

We Planned Our Wedding Before We Met

October 07, 2015

Back in April I got the above message: "I'm sending out wedding invitations tomorrow." A couple things about this stand out.

For starters, it's so forward. Normally I'd write it off like EW. But this guy had long flowy hair and a sweet smile and pictures in the woods and in an old bookstore and I was like, you're lovely.

Secondly, I was leaving orientation for my wedding planner's assistant position which like, IRONY right?? (To clarify: sometime's I assist a lovely wedding planner on the weekends. If you're getting married, contact me, I'd love to refer you to her.)

Third. I wasn't really using OKCupid at the time. I was just like, existing on it because it's easier than deleting it and at times like this, amusing.

Well as you can see nearly a MONTH later I was like hey boy yes. And I replied. We continued our banter about this absolutely psycho wedding for a couple days until I didn't see one of his messages and just never replied by accident! A month later he said

RE: VIKING RAID, HE WANTED TO HAVE MINIATURES IN OUR BEER FOUNTAIN THAT RECREATED WHEN VIKINGS RAIDED LANDISFARNE. OBVS.

We reconnected and by June we were planning NOT our wedding, but some dates!

We first met in Fullerton for really complicated reasons and the idea was that we'd find some dessert: the real story is that we wanted to go to a diner and get milkshakes, but he suggested Denny's and I was APPALLED. Like, seriously? DENNY'S FOR A FIRST DATE? NEEEW LOOOW.

But then I found out he wanted to go to Denny's because they use real chocolate ice cream in their shakes instead of chocolate syrup, and it made my heart flutter than he knew that and cared about that.

So, we walked around Fullerton for TWO HOURS before we ended up at Denny's.

Our first moment together was, like his smile, sweet. He said "gah it's so cool to hear your voice. I wanted to call you but didn't want to ruin the surprise of what you sounded like." NO PRESSURE ON NOTHAVING A GROSS VOICE. Anyways, he cut to it with the who what where when why stuff and we got it out of the way pretty quick. Him: into black metal, in a band, works at a music store, went to community college and is 29 and not sure what he's doing with his life but wants to be happy and live a simple life. Me: Well, you know.

After all that jazz, we talked about ghosts and death and psychics and religion and Kubrick and anxiety and death again. We both have cars from the 1960s and a really big sweet tooth and most importantly, we both love the show Full House in a non-sarcastic, non-gimmicky way (family values, people).

We both wanted to go out again, and time and distance made it a challenge but one night I was working a wedding in Hollywood and shot him a little texty text. He was working down the street and we tip toed around the idea of meeting up; he joked we could drink beers in an alley and I sensed part of him was serious. He got off work a bit after my wedding shift was up so in true Erin form I browsed Target while I waited for him. We decided to meet at his work in Hollywood and go from there, plans TBD.

Upon arrival I suggested we swing by a bar I frequent, forgetting that it was Saturday night AKA LINES. After 10 minutes in line I was like, "Are you over this? I am!" And he suggested we get beers and drink them in an alley... JK! IN THE CAR. Much better? A little.

We sat and drank and talked for thirty minutes about the origins and purposes of dogs. It was riveting. I loved him. Well, I at least loved him in a way that someone who has been single for six years knows how to love someone she finally connects with on a second date.

He got silly on me all of a sudden and he said, practically giggling, "Erin. Hi, how are you, what are you doing?" And then he leaned in close AND THEN HE KISSED ME and that song rang true in my head. (Please note: that song, at it's core, is about kissing and then getting married.)

I don't want to sound dramatic or like I jump to conclusions easily, but I was pretty sure we were gonna get married.

And then, at one point,

He casually mentioned,

He was maybe, possibly,

Moving to Texas.

Just to start a new life.

Because he could.

Not that soon, but like, maybe,

In a few months.

This set the tone for our third date, where I went to his house to watch The Shining. It's his favorite movie and I'd never seen it. How cute to watch a scary movie with a cute boy! DREAMS COMING TRUE HERE. BOYFRIEND BELLS ARE RINGIN'.

When I arrived, his dad, who was his roommate, was asleep and we had to be quiet. We went to the store to pick up beers and pie and I was no longer myself, but rather a bottled up version of her - shy, reserved, cautious. I hate being out of my element, and I'd driven far to his house to watch a scary movie in an unfamiliar environment. I was off.

I don't know if it was this or the fact he was probably moving to Texas subconsciously causing me to lose interest, but everything I'd liked about this guy was suddenly a non-thing.

I was over it. It was probably self preservation.

He texted me a few times, referencing stuff from our dates to keep the conversation up, and last week he texted me to let me know he was moving to Texas in a month.

And that he had his house to himself for a week.

If I wanted to come over...

I decided any further heartbreak wasn't worth the drive.

[erindatesla]

A Good Date + Misfortune

October 04, 2015

I went on a good date, but this isn't a story about my next boyfriend. Rather, it's another tale of bad timing and misfortune.

We connected on Tinder when, after matching, he asked if Dracula was really my dog's name. I confirmed, appreciative of the fact that he started a real, personalized conversation and not a "sup" or "nice legs" non-versation. We chatted within the app and shockingly, it was a normal yet not boring get-to-know-you conversation, where we exchanged the typical location/job/hobbies basics, and the age-old question of are you a dog or cat person?? He doesn't mind cats, but he's slightly allergic (ME TOO).

I told him I was going offline but he could text me, which he did within a reasonable amount of time, but not too soon. He had great follow up switching from Tinder to text, and conversation carried naturally with minimal pressure (WHAT SHOULD I SAY NEXT is my least favorite dating game).

The next day I found myself laying on the beach on my day off, wavering between "I'm not going to initiate texting because he's from Tinder and I ain't got no time to waste" and ... "I hope he texts me again." This time, I wasn't just hoping to fill a void with someone, anyone, to text. I was enjoying our banter. It helped he was cute in his pictures. He did in fact initiate, and I was pleasantly surprised when he said: "Since you're the local expert, why don't you pick a cool spot for us to grab a drink sometime. You pick the place, I'll buy the drinks :)"

GUYS TAKE NOTE THIS IS A CHILL MOVE because

Not only did he text as I had hoped, but we'd get to banter in real life!

I appreciated that he asked within a couple days of texting, because there's nothing worse than hitting it off via text for a while only to be bummed when you finally meet up.

We made plans, and though I don't normally get excited for first dates, I kind of felt optimistic for no particular reason.

On my drive over as I sat in the back of an Uber, he texted me that he was sitting by the window at our meeting spot and we'd have to have our first awkward conversation in front of a big group of people. I knew exactly what he meant, since the place I picked has communal seating. OOPS.

I replied: Let's pretend we know each other

He waved at me through the glass as I approached and I got butterflies at first glance: he was even cuter than I'd remembered from his pictures.  

"Long time no see!"  

HE TOOK MY SUGGESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I know, it's been forever! How was your day? "

And from there, we fell into a natural ebb and flow. I felt like myself, and we both said things like  "I'm about to say too much" or  "why am I telling you this?" throughout the night, but never actually stopped ourselves from divulging weird quirks about ourselves like strange eating habits and "lame" Friday night plans we secretly love. We switched between light topics like Disneyland and travel, and heavier topics like politics and war. We talked about how fun it is to use commas in new and exciting ways; I taught him how to use a semicolon.

As we wrapped up he said, "this actually wasn't awkward at all" and I agreed, adding that I even had a good time. He asked how it compared to other Tinder dates, and I (over)shared that it was my best, briefly comparing it to the time a guy showed up in a cut off tank top with BO.

We had gone out on a Thursday night, and he texted me Saturday to say he had a good time and would like to see me again soon. He seemed like my next boyfriend in a very non-delusional way. It all felt very foreign and exciting.

This sounds dreamy right? Well, don't forget about the misfortune.

Because then his car died and he was working from home (which is far from me...he commutes to my hood for work) and he needed a new ENGINE.

We kept talking, both patient and optimistic that we'd make plans soon.

Then he got sick.

I know, you're like, "Erin, he's just not that into you."

BUT YOU GUYS HE WAS AND I WAS INTO HIM AND OUR DATE WAS GREAT AND I'M NOT BEING A PSYCHOPATH AND LIFE JUST HAPPENS AND PEOPLE GET SCARED AND LIFE IS HARD AND PEOPLE NEED EACH OTHER BUT IT'S NOT EASY TO BE VULNERABLE AND LET PEOPLE IN ESPECIALLY DURING A ROUGH PATCH.

He apologized that he was a downer and I told him he was talking to someone who had laryngitis for six weeks and then got mugged and fired and I get it when life hits you, and that I had fun and when he feels better, I'd love to hang out again.

We talked about how bizarre it is when a bunch of stuff hits you all at once but you know what I'm realizing? That's all the time.

Would I got out with him again despite all of this? Absolutely.

But for now, I'm movin' on.

[erindatesla]

alone

I moved into a studio and am living alone one again, and I'm accutely aware of a new feeling I didn't have the last time I lived alone: loneliness.

I've sorted through this new emotion to determine that yes, it is in fact lonelieness and not unhappiness or hunger or distaste for my new apartment. I'm happy, I love my apartment, but it, and my life, are devoid of something very specific.

I'm not asking you to text me or call me or invite me to hang out. I'm not lacking in friends or plans. I'm craving a real connection with another human. The kind where you are so content sitting in silence that you wonder why you two ever bother talking, until you talk and dread the times you'll have to be apart because you have so much to say to each other.

You don't care what you do together as long as you are together. And sometimes they tick you off or won't stop talking about something so insanely mundane you want to rip out your hair, and then you're overwhelmed with love for them and want to hug them and apologize for even having that thought, asking them questions about this mundane topic they're rambling about to compensate for your momentary lack of interest.  

[erindatesla]

STATUS UPDATE: I'm still single

August 07, 2015

Hey guys and gals!

Since I haven't been writing much, a couple quick updates:

1. My first ever boyfriend's wife is pregnant. (We were 16. We date for one month. I wrote about him here.)

2. The last guy I dated for real (read: more than one month / didn't have a girlfriend / met each other's parents) is engaged. Congrats to the happy couple.

3. The guy before that (I've never written about him) just got in a public relationship. What I mean by that is they're Instagram-happy, which is the new "Facebook official."

4. My first REAL boyfriend and I are still chill and he still lives out of state which is healthy for my dating life, which is...

5. Non-existent.

To be hon, I went on three dates with a guy (RING OUT THE BELLS). I was infatuated over the course of date 1-2, until date 3, when I lost interest. I'll write more later. I have a lot to say!

Anyways, I'm living alone again - yay! - which means more time and space and energy to date again and drink wine and pour my heart out. JUST KIDDING I'M NOT GOING TO REPEAT OLD BAD HABITS.

I just lied to you. I am.

[erindatesla]

Singleism: "I Found You A Boyfriend"

August 06, 2015

To the women in my family, every male they encounter is my potential next boyfriend.

Exhibit A:

For the record I was joking, nay, humoring her. But then she replied six texts in a row:

"I'll keep an eye out for him" (she included a photo of her eye) "Okay I found him do you really want me to say something to him? "Well I talked to him and oh my god he's such a nice young man I want you to marry him" "I have his name and phone number" (she got his full name, middle included) "He likes to hike and he's from San DIego he likes to surf and he goes to BYU" "And he is really cute. He's tall and thin and has kind of light brown hair and blue eyes I think"

I wrote back with LOLOLOL thinking she's so funny! But when I got home I realized she wasn't joking. When she saw him walking by the house again she flagged him down and chatted him up. She said, "I'm going to ask you a few weird questions, do you own this company or work for it? Are you single? How old are you?" No, yes, 24.

I asked her if she showed him my picture and she said, "no, but if he had asked I had one ready, and 8x10 glossy."

She has our life imagined, for example, he likes to surf so he'll get along with my surfer cousin at family gatherings.

I told her I'd text him (for the record, I found his Facebook and he is pretty darn cute) and she said, "even if you just become friends, I want him in my life." Thanks Ma, good lookin' out.

Yes I texted him.

Yes he was very nice.

Yes we talked about hiking.

Yes he told me his Instagram and asked to see mine.

No he never texted me back after I replied with "My Instagram is @erindatesla."

[erindatesla]

Dreams, Crushed: Why Pole Dancing Is No Longer My Plan B

August 05, 2015

BAD NEWS YOU GUYS. I'm not going to be a pole dancer when I grow up. I know you're thinking, "ummm was that ever part of your plan?" but you know what? Maybe it was, and now it will never be. Have you ever really watched a pole dancer? It's a beautiful art form, one I'd love to personally recreate. But as it turns out, I can't freaking let go of my inhibitions and get my damn feet of the ground. I'm speaking in literal terms: I couldn't pick up my feet and spin around said pole. HOW do I know this? I tried.

EXPECTATION V. REALITY (PLEASE NOTE THE CLIP ART PAINTED ON THE WALL BEHIND ME)

To celebrate my friend's 'last thriller' as an unmarried gal, we took trip a little drive to San Diego for some gool ol' fashioned bachelorette shenanigans. We ate, drank and danced our little hearts out, including a lap dancing/pole dancing class.

We started with lap dancing, prioritizing it over the pole because it was the part we "could take home with us," since most of us don't poles installed in our homes. There were a lot of us and the instructor didn't have a chair for each of us to practice on, so she asked if we'd mind splitting into two groups, "Sex Kittens" and " Sex Panthers" - very original, I know - and DANCE ON EACH OTHER. You are so welcome for that lovely visual. And dance on each other WE DID! I didn't know a few of the other bridesmaids well, but let's just say, I do now.

The routine was easy enough and pretty sexy (to watch other girls do - looking in the mirror myself was horrifying). You can imagine that all the girls were like, "can't wait to do this for my boo (wink wink kiss kiss)," while I was going through my mental Rolodex of men thinking instead I may end up like, "Mom, Dad, look what I learned this weekend!"

After we learned the routine we moved on to the pole portion of class. I was really excited, and my imagination ran wild as I daydreamed about what color platform heels I would buy myself as a reward for nailing some spins. Clear would go with everything and have that legit pole dancer vibe, but were black edgier, pink more flirty? How I would match them to particular lingerie? Should I install a silver or gold pole into my future home? Can you get a pole in rose gold, or would is that trend on its way out?

The heels were easy enough to walk in (I am a former pageant girl, after all) but as soon as the instructor demonstrated the first spin I decided maybe I should learn sans shoes. I watched my friend spin with ease, impressed (turned on?) by her grace and elegance. Once it was my turn, something weird happened to me, physically.

All I had to do was 1) hold onto the pole, arm gripping it overhead, 2) walk sexily in a circle to build momentum and 3) pick up my feet in an arabesque-style spin.

I got to part 1) hold onto the pole, arm overhead and then part 2) walk...in a circle, shockingly un-sexy in my execution, but come part 3) I COULDN'T PICK UP MY FEET. Were there bricks at the end of my gams suddenly?? I grew concerned.

My sexy friend assured me you just have to "let go" a bit. I tried again, but alas, my feet stayed on the floor. I tried a few more times before the teacher moved on to "inversions." That's where you use your core strength to pull your legs up and over your head (LOL) to grip the pole until you're upside down. It was no surprise to me that I don't have the ab strength required to invert my body (although I do have a stomach of steel...when it comes to eating fried food).

At this point I ... "gave up" (such a strong word) ... and enjoyed watching the other girls play on the pole.

So, I won't be a pole dancer any time soon, maybe in my next life. Until then, I'll work on my lap dance routine alone in my room until I have an audience (read: boyfriend). And, if you know me personally, you know that I've already found a Groupon for pole dancing lessons and WILL EFFING FIGURE IT OUT.

[erindatesla]

FF: Let's Not Rule Out Lipo

June 05, 2015

When I first moved to LA proper 2+ years ago I found a Groupon for vitamin B12 injections. This is something I'd always dreamed of getting because I heard Madonna and Justin Timberlake got them and who doesn't want their energy levels?

I bought the Groupon and with no real doctor's orders, headed to get my first shot. Granted they were administered by a "doctor," she was more into Los Angeles-style "wellness," a.k.a. cosmetic procedtures. The "doctor" told me I'd get one a week for four weeks, then one a month after that. After a big ol' shot of B12 in the buttocks, we scheduled my next few appointments and I was on my way.

That first night after my shot I went for a run, and though my cheek was a little sore, I ran the most distance I'd ever run in my life. While the B12 had not yet pulsed its way through my system and it was all mental, I was high on possibility!

Around my third or fourth appointment my "doctor" noticed I had lost a few pounds and asked if I wanted to buy a round of shots that would enhance the weight loss effect that the B12 injections were already producing because of my increased energy levels. They were only 25 bucks so I said sure, poke away!

The next week when my "doctor" weighed me I had gained .03 lbs, much to her dismay! She grimaced and asked in a somber voice, "what's going on?" eyebrows furrowed, frown pronounced. I shrugged and told her "nothin' much, it's Girl Scout season so I ate a sleeve of Thin Mints over the weekend."

"A SLEEVE?" I confirmed that yes, I ate a half box of Thin Mints in one weekend and she asked if I had a problem with binge eating. She said, "I can see a cookie and eat just one, is that something you can do?" I told her yes but that it wasn't my preferred method of cookie consumption and she said, "You know, .03 pounds turns into 3 pounds turns into 30, you need to be careful" and then she recommended I see a hypnotherapist to address my "problem."  

I reminded her I was 24 years old and she said, "I know, let's not rule out liposuction."

Around shot number six, which was also week number six because we never transitioned to monthly shots instead of weekly (probalby because she thought i was a fat slob), I started getting super anxious, which can be a side effect of too much B12. Plus she was trying to sell me on a procedure that involved drawing blood from my arm to inject into my scalp for thicker hair and another procedure to prevent bags under my eyes. Seriously, she showed me "confidential" before and after photos of other clients that were supposedly my age.

I stopped going two sessions short of the full set, and I'm now 26 sans B12 injections, blood transfusions and eyeball shots and DOING GREAT!

But if you ever wondered how everyone in Hollywood is so beautiful... the secret's out.  

[erindatesla]

Singles Mixers 101

June 04, 2015

I went to my first singles mixer last month and although the phrase "singles mixer" sounds totally lame, it wasn't! I felt a lot of things including a familiar tightness in my chest and this awkward feeling I get in my throat when I feel socially awkward, but I pushed through and learned a few things.

Introduce yourself to people, that's the point. It feels very intrusive to go up to stranger and introduce yourself, but the point of a singles mixer is to do just that! When I arrived and because I was flying solo, I first introduced myself to a group of girls to take the edge off in the beginning. They were all very nice and welcoming and eventually guys approached us and the mixing and mingling began. Later in the the night I said "hey, how's it going" to every guy and gal who was standing alone and had many a great interactions.

Remember it's not rejection, it's mingling. Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, and you're not going to be everyone's, either. I had a twenty minute engaging and meaningful conversation about the state of dating with a guy who I didn't want to pursue, and it was clear he didn't pursue me either when he kindly wrapped up the conversation.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. I was talking to a guy (who I'm actually going on a date with tonight) and after about 15 minutes he was like, "can I be really honest?" (of course I was like duh) and he said, "I met a girl at one of these things once and she was the only girl I talked to, we went on a date and that was it - I'd put all my eggs in one basket. I'm really enjoying talking to you and would like to ask you out, but I think we should also both continue to mingle." He had such a good point!

Good luck out there party people!

[erindatesla]

Singleism: "Is that him?"

June 02, 2015

It's wedding season!

Weddings are so fun. Especially when you're single and you attend with your 84-year old grandmother who is hellbent on finding you a husband. Notice how I didn't say boyfriend. She means business.

For this particular wedding the grandma shenanigans began the week before the main event. She stopped by the house and she was so excited - it was her best friend's granddaughter's wedding, which made it especially thrilling (although I imagine in solitude she's like THIS SHOULD BE ME!). Anyways, she was telling me about her outfit and how fancy the wedding was going to be and how much fun we were going to have and as she was leaving she peeped her head through the door and said with a HUGE smile on her face, "I just know this is going to be the day you meet HIM" and then she closed the door and disappeared like she was my fairy grandmother or something.

The day of the wedding the husband hunting began as soon as the ceremony concluded, as she looked around at all of the young men in attendance (more on this later). We were standing around casually snacking on charcuterie delights, I had my eye on more coconut shrimp while grandma her eye on every guy that passed by. I stalked the 18-year old waiter in charge of shrimp (at one point meeting him at the door of the kitchen to get more), while grandma whispered in my ear "Is that Him?" about anyone in a suit. We each had our priorities.

LITERALLY SAYING, "IS THAT HIM?"

We found our way to our table and the seating arrangements were brilliant. I was placed next to another single girl whose mother was hellbent on finding her a boyfriend! Power in numbers, baby! But we kept spotting attractive men, only for them to have a girlfriend! During the garter toss, it became QUITE CLEAR that there were only TWO single men at this event, and neither of them were guys we'd been eyeing.

THIS IS THE HARDEST I'VE EVER TRIED TO CAPTURE A BOUQUET AND IT WAS ALL FOR GRANDMA, AND ALL FOR NOTHING.

Post bouquet and garter toss and after some dancing, we went back to eating donuts (there was a donut bar!!!) and cake, and as I was shoving sugar down my pie hole to fill the void in my heart, a young man tapped me on the shoulder. "Are you Rose's granddaughter?" Mmhmm, I mumbled as I tried to swallow the half-donut that was in my mouth, feeling my face flush red. "She asked me to introduce myself and ask you to dance." I said, "I'm sorry, I know she's aggressive, and I appreciate you humoring her." He rescinded his offer to dance with a "haha just kidding anyways nice to meet you" and by the end o the night I saw him kissing a girl on the dance floor.

Sorry Grandma, still single!

[erindatesla]